The Dark Side of the Moon
by GracelesslyFalling
Summary: This takes place after the Cullens have moved away from Forks and then moved back. The main character is Alyssa who is a foster child of the Cullens and also a fairy, but she doesn't know it. It's a romance...
1. Premonition

Prologue

My breath faltered as the music started, Cannon in D. I fought back the tears as I stared down the long, stone pathway. I always knew it would somehow come to this. It was the only way to save my family. It was the least I could do for the burden I had been. This was the hardest decision I had ever had to make, and I had to remind myself that sometimes what's right and what's hard are the same. I took my first shaky step, hoping that if I began moving, getting the inevitable over with, the deed would be more bearable. Yet with every step closer I took towards my new fate, the more I wanted to run in the opposite direction and fight it tooth and nail.

I heard the ticking of the clock, acting as a metronome for the music, as I slowly picked my way across the stone path in my heels. I snuck a glance at it and quickened my pace, stumbling over a few loose stones. It was only a matter time before Alice would see my decision and where I was, and then a few more minutes until they caught up to me. I had been able to hide my intentions for a while, though it took deep concentration, but now my mind was solely on what I was about to do. There was no doubt in my mind that they would try to stop me. And I couldn't risk that, I couldn't risk them fighting for me, possibly revealing themselves for me. I wasn't worth it.

Chapter 1

_Premonition_

For some unknown reason I was surrounded by forest on all sides of me, landlocked, deep within the depths of trees as tall as sycamores. I was not in Forks. No, these trees were not covered in the squishy green moss that I had come to love and connect with home. They were covered in dry brown bark that was rough to the touch. Turning around in a circle I took in my strange surroundings, unable to comprehend where I was. Suddenly a twig snapped from behind me. My heartbeat quickened as I twisted around, ready to make a run through the unfamiliar woods if escape was needed. But fleeing was the last thought on my mind as I took in the newcomer. He was beautiful, tall, naturally tanned with hair the golden color of the sun and eyes the very blue of a summer sky.

A smile grew on his face as he stepped ever closer to me. I stood my ground and my heartbeat thudded even faster, though not in fear. The angelic stranger stretched out his hand, offering me his open palm. I didn't even hesitate as I laid my hand in his. Keeping his eyes on mine he lifted my hands to his lips and very gently touched them to my skin which tingled at the contact.

"You have kept me waiting for seventeen long years." He murmured.

"I'm sorry" I whispered back, afraid to speak any louder.

I found I meant the apology. Even though I was confused at why this beautiful person was waiting for me I suddenly felt guilty at denying him anything. His smile grew wry at my apology, as if he found my words ironic.

"It is not your fault, such a sacrifice was _my_ penance."

His words confused me further, but before I had a chance to ask him what he meant I was distracted by a small sigh, an impatient sound that didn't fit the scenario. I scanned the area for another person but found no one and when I turned back to the mystery man, he was gone. I closed my eyes, squeezing them tight in hopes that he would reappear in front of me when I re-opened them.

Opening my eyes I found myself in my room again, the lightness outside my window showing it to be the beginning of another cloudy day. I felt my heart sink in disappointment, the dream had been so vivid, and I had wanted so badly for that beautiful boy to be real. Sighing I rolled over, digging my face into my pillow in the hopes of falling back into the best dream my subconscious had ever created.

"Oh no you don't, I've been waiting too long!" A voice like wind chimes filled my ears as my blankets were tugged off.

"C'mon Alice, five more minutes? I was having a great dream." I pleaded.

"But I want to give you your present." Alice pouted as she sat next to me.

This got me to wake up. I jumped out of bed in panic. I was still muddled after my dream; I couldn't remember what day it was. Why had Alice gotten me a present? Was I supposed to have one for her? No, we only exchanged presents during Christmas. It couldn't be Christmas, I would have remembered that. I raced to my desk to check the month on the calendar and relaxed as it showed it was only October.

"What are you doing silly?"

"Just checking what day it is." I didn't actually note the day, just the month. That was all that mattered. Instead I moved to my closet to prepare for yet another school day.

"How could you forget what today, of all days is?" Alice looked at me truly stunned.

"What do you mean?" I grabbed a pair of jeans and started fighting to get them on.

"It's your seventeenth birthday today." She smiled widely, her teeth pearly white and her golden eyes shining with excitement.

I froze with one foot halfway through my pants leg as her words struck me. _You have kept me waiting for seventeen long years. _Eerie, it was like my dream was semi prophetic. I almost lost my balance before I snapped out of my reverie, but I regained my balance in time to finish pulling on my pants.

"Oh, I completely forgot."

"Only you could forget your own birthday." Alice rolled her eyes at my reaction as she skipped to my closet. "Now my first gift to you is to save you from the dangerous fashion mistake you are about to make."

Before I could protest she was in front of me with a flowing ruby red blouse, my last pair of jeans without holes in them and gold flats.

"Alice, isn't a makeover more of a present for you?"

"Just hush, you will thank me for this later." And with that she went to work.

I didn't fight her; it was no use fighting Alice on fashion. Instead I sat idly by as she busied herself around me fixing my hair and makeup in minutes when it would have taken any human hours. I couldn't help but admire the end result.

"Pretty." I murmured as I stared at my reflection in the mirror, stroking my silky chestnut brown hair.

"You are nothing short of Gorgeous." Alice beamed.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

Alice just looked at me confused.

"It's not like you to leave out the bling." Her smile was secretive.

"Oh, I didn't forget anything."

I squinted at her suspiciously but she was already prancing towards the door.

"Come on, I might be more blatant than the others, but it doesn't make them any less eager to see the birthday girl."

I was slower than Alice, naturally, especially when she was excited. So I walked down the flight of stairs to the kitchen alone. I was halfway down the stairs when I smelled eggs and pancakes. It was amazing the lengths the Cullen's took to make every one of my birthdays' special, ever since my first birthday when I came to live with them as a foster child. I never knew my real family, and I didn't really care to know about my birth parents who had given me up when I was so happy where I was. Why question a miracle?

Turning the corner I noticed the big "Happy Birthday Alyssa" sign that adorned the doorway every year on this day. As tradition called for I snuck into the kitchen, treading as softly as I could, all the while knowing that they would hear me coming. They always did. I was surprised when I entered the kitchen to find Carlisle still deeply focused on the paper, while Esme, Bella and Rosalie were finishing up the home cooked feast that could feed an army yet only I would eat. Edward and Emmett were busy setting up the table full of presents. I didn't need to count to know there would be seventeen of them. Jasper was tuning his guitar as Alice sat beside him humming a random tune while waiting for him to finish.

I felt slightly disappointed when I noticed Renesmee wasn't there, I had wanted to share this day with her, when I would finally be the same age as her. Well technically she was seventeen years older than me, but whatever, she still looked seventeen. Unfortunately she was spending some time with Jacob and his second cousins from the Makah tribe. My disappointment faded quickly, however, as the excitement of finally catching the Cullen's off guard sunk in. Their graceful ways of moving must be rubbing off on me.

"Good morning." I smiled at their startled expressions.

They quickly regained composure. A chorus of "Happy birthday Alyssa" echoed around the room as Esme came to embrace me, kissing me lightly on the head.

"Happy birthday dear one." I smiled as I hugged her back. "How did you sleep?"

"Wonderful, I had the most amazing dream," Esme was intrigued.

"Oh, what about?"

I blushed slightly at the memory and decided it was best not to tell them about my fantasy man. Esme would just be even more determined that I felt left out at being the only one without a soul mate.

"I don't really remember, only that it was very good, until Alice woke me up."

Esme gave Alice a reproachful look. "I told you not to wake her."

"Oh I couldn't wait; she spends too much time sleeping."

"Humans are known to do that you know." Everyone laughed at my sarcastic comment, but I saw Edward catch Carlisle's eyes.

Before I could ask what Carlisle was telling Edward, food was placed before me as Japer began playing the familiar tune. Alice began singing but shortly after everyone else joined in singing me a happy birthday. I blushed, never having liked the attention, and started digging into my breakfast.

"Do you have to do that every year?" I asked when they were done.

"It wouldn't be a birthday without singing," Alice commented.

"Besides, it's worth it just to see you blush." Emmett snickered as I blushed harder.

Eager to hide my red face I bent to pick up my bag making sure I had everything I needed. With a quick goodbye, as Esme called out another happy birthday, I slipped the bag over my shoulder and we all filed out to the cars. There was too many of us to fit into one car, even with Renesmee gone. Usually I drove my Chevy tracker, less conspicuous than any of the other Cullen cars, with Alice, Japer, Bella and Edward while Rosalie and Emmett took Edward's Volvo. But today as I sidled up to my sixteenth birthday present Alice stood barring me from the door.

"You're not driving today. Not on your birthday. I'll drive."

I didn't mind not driving. It would give me time to think over my dream. So I relinquished my keys, holding them out to Alice.

"Oh no, we're not taking your car. I've been dying to drive the Porsche for forever."

"Alice, don't you think the Porsche is a _little_ too noticeable. We need to be less ostentatious _today_ of all days." My eyebrows furrowed as I looked from Alice to Edward, trying to decipher the secret conversation they were having with their eyes.

Alice quickly gave up, probably foreseeing that Edward would win, and took my keys as we loaded into my car. It felt odd to be in the passenger seat of my own car, I saw things from a whole new perspective. Like the broken air vent on this side of the car. I had never noticed it before. Nor had I noticed the paint worn off of the power button on the radio.

I was still staring at the button when Alice turned the radio on and the car was filled with classical music. Leaning my head against the window, I watched the trees pass by at an unnatural rate, caught up in remembering my dream; going through every aspect of it. What could it mean? Was it just coincidence that I dreamed it on the eve of my seventeenth birthday? Was my subconscious just reminding me about my birthday?

My recollection paused on the angelic face, studying it closely, but I knew I had never seen him before. I couldn't forget a face like that. I sighed, recalling the feel of his touch, when I felt Edward stiffen in his seat behind me. I had forgotten where I was for a moment, and I had also forgotten who I was with. Of course Edward would be paying close attention to my thoughts today: my birthday. He always liked to know peoples' reactions and compare them to how he thought they should react.

"It was just a dream Edward." I blushed, imagining why he reacted that way.

I glanced at him in the rearview, and saw him relax slightly. But just as quickly as it had been subdued, his stiff manner returned as he gave a low hiss. I was utterly confused at this until Jasper reached from behind Alice to grab the wheel. Apparently we were steering off course, which was odd. Alice was an exceptional driver. I tore my eyes from the scene in the mirror. Just one glance at Alice was all it took to understand.

Alice's eyes were glossed over, she was here in body, but in mind she was in another time. A few minutes later she was all smiles as she snapped out of it, taking control of the wheel again as Jasper sat back. I would have been fooled by Alice's cheery charade had Edward's reaction not tipped me off that she wasn't seeing anything pleasant.

"What did you see Alice?" I demanded.

"Hmm, oh nothing much, it was just the weather forecast. We won't be at school for the next few days."

I didn't buy it for a minute. There was something they weren't telling me. First the look Edward gave Carlisle at breakfast, then his reaction to my dream and Alice's vision. Something was up, and I was going to find out.

"You're friends are waiting for you." Edward whispered from behind me, cutting off my thoughts.

I looked up as Alice parked in my usual spot and it was true. There stood Megan and Kendra with big grins on their faces, holding gift bags. I got out of the car, silently cursing my friends for arriving unnaturally early. I paused while getting my stuff from the trunk, waiting for Edward to join me.

"This isn't over. I'll talk to you later." I gave him a meaningful look as I trudged off towards my friends who met me half way, too excited to wait any longer.

"There's the Birthday Girl. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" They yelled in unison.

Before I knew it they had a crown on my head, one of those cheep plastic ones from the general store in town that said _birthday girl_ on it. I couldn't help but laugh at their overzealous attitude as we walked off towards our first class, Calculus. I wasn't particularly fond of the course, but having my two best friends in class with me made the monotonous class more bearable.

I spent half of first period describing my dream to Megan and Kendra, going into detail over the mystery man's looks. There was no shame in telling them, like me they were single, so they would understand. We would have continued annotating my dream further, but our badly suppressed giggles earned us a stern look from Mr. Goff.

I turned to my blank page of notes and started doodling on it as Mr. Goff continued lecturing about derivatives. I was in the middle of shading in a flower when a folded piece of paper was flung onto my desk. I didn't miss a beat, opening it stealthily and reading it quickly.

_You never mentioned the party! Is it still on for this Friday?? KC_

I smiled at the urgency in Kendra's writing. She loved a good party, and looked forward to my yearly birthday bashes like a kid waited for Christmas. She must have really been interested in my dream if she was only just now remembering the party.

_Yes, of course. Alice wouldn't let me bail._

I didn't sign my initials. She would know my handwriting. Besides, what could I write? I didn't know my birthright and I wasn't really a Cullen. Writing just _A_ looked stupid. Instead I just flicked it on her desk, keeping my eyes on my doodles so as not to draw attention to the exchange. I saw Kendra bend her head over the note, writing a reply, but I didn't find out what it said until after lunch in double period Chemistry, our next class together. Mr. Goff had intercepted the note before it could make it to my desk.

"Please save your love notes until break Miss Connor."

"Yes sir." Kendra looked down at her desk, blushing.

"Now I want you to see me after class."

"Yes sir" she repeated.

I didn't wait for Kendra after class. There was no reason to, as neither Kendra nor Megan took French. Instead I walked the sodden trail to building four with Evan, part of our small group of friends. Evan was taller than me, but then again it was rare for me to find anyone that wasn't. I stood at 5'4" and the only person I knew shorter than me was Alice. Evan was a talker, rarely stopping for a breath between wishing me a happy birthday and launching into some story about basketball practice. He was going on about a three pointer he had made when we hung up our coats. I nodded enthusiastically as if I cared and escaped making any promises of attending his next game as I slid into my seat across from Rosalie and Jasper.

French was my only class with any of my siblings. Rose wasn't really into it; she only took it because it was a romance language. I guess it makes sense, a beautiful person speaking one of the most beautiful languages. I didn't really know why Jasper was taking it, I assumed he got tired of taking Spanish and decided to switch it up.

Today we were practicing dialogues and naturally Jasper didn't stick to his script.

"Ce qui étaient vous pensant dans les maths? Vous conduisiez Edward fou." Jasper asked me.

Crap, I hadn't thought about Edward listening in. But I still wasn't completely sure why my dream frustrated him so much.

"mon rêve" I answered simply.

Jasper seemed confused by my answer. Obviously Edward hadn't shared the reasons behind his feelings about my dream.

"What Dream?" Jasper slipped back into English.

Okay, apparently Edward hadn't told him about my dream at all.

"En Français, monsieur Jasper, en Français." Madame scolded him.

"Il n'est rien. Edward réagit en exagération." I hissed at Jasper while Madame stood watch over us.

"Bâton au manuscrit si vous plais" Madame cut in.

Jasper didn't get another chance to ask me questions about my dream. Madame kept a close eye on us to make sure we weren't straying from the class work. She knew we were well beyond the level of French that the rest of the class was on. Jasper was already better than her, and I knew she resented that. We displayed nothing but good behavior for the remainder of the class, which made us bored out of our minds. It was a relief when the bell finally sounded.

I sprung from my seat, too eager to make my escape to English, a class with more promise for stimulation, to return Madame's _au revoir_. We were starting Shakespeare's _A_ _Midsummer's Night Dream, _one of my favorite's of Shakespeare. I enjoyed the magic and mayhem caused by the fairy, it was all good fun. The prospect of the class re-enacting the play kept my spirits lifted all the way through history till lunch.

Evan, who was also in my history class before lunch, followed me out talking animatedly. He dried up though as soon as we exited the room. I couldn't blame him. Emmett, who stood ominously by the door waiting for me, looked incredibly intimidating.

"You don't mind if Alyssa eats with us today, do you." Emmett's question came out as a demand.

"Uhh" Evan looked at me to see if that's what I wanted, as if he would have objected for me. "No I don't mind. I'll see you later Lyss Happy Birthday."

I waved goodbye as he started out in the rain towards the cafeteria. After a moment Emmett and I followed and I could tell Emmet ached to move faster than my slow human pace. It made me wonder why he even bothered; no one was around so he could have gone on ahead. But instead he kept pace with me looking around the school grounds and not troubling himself to make small talk. My family was acting really strange today, even for my birthday.

Emmett held the door for me, again not looking at me but scanning the room. The others were already at their table with their food. I started towards the food counter, taking my time deciding between adding an apple or an orange to my tray. Emmet sighed, choosing for me as he picked up an orange and urged me forward, hastily shoving bills at the cashier so we could leave.

As we passed my usual table I saw Kendra wave at me to join her. I just shook my head, glancing at Emmett, who was unnaturally serious beside me, and that was all it took for her to understand. Today was a family day. Emmett wasn't the only one who was acting out of character. As I sat down at the table Rosalie was actually giving me an apprehensive look instead of admiring her reflection in the silverware.

"How was your morning?" Bella inquired looking honestly interested in the answer.

As if Edward hadn't told her everything he had heard. I sometimes envied Bella for being able to block her thoughts from Edward. There are a lot of thoughts I didn't want him to hear.

"Good, the usual. Mr. Goff caught Kendra passing a note to me."

I expected Edward to interrupt with his little crooked smile and a statement like _did you learn __**anything**__ in math today _to imply that he was listening in. But he was silent and his mouth stayed in a concentrated frown. None of them were really paying attention, they all seemed on edge and I was tired of being left out. It was annoying to always be the last to know.

"Will someone _please_ tell me _what_ is going on?"

It drove me even crazier when they all looked at each other and then didn't say a single word. They acted as if they hadn't even heard me. What a way to treat a girl on her birthday.

"Alice, you wouldn't really ignore the birthday girl would you? It's my special day." I tried to give those wide, innocent eyes that were her trademark.

I picked Alice because she was the one most likely to give in and give me what I wanted. Bella was also usually one to cave in to a guilt trip, but she wouldn't want to upset Edward. Alice didn't care about upsetting Edward so she was my best bet at the moment.

She squirmed under my gaze and finally opened her mouth to give in.

"How about we skip the rest of the day?" Emmett cut in.

"What?" I snapped, frustrated at his interruption.

"You know, we'll all go to our cars and go out somewhere instead of going to class." He smiled as if he was really getting into the idea.

"As tempting as that sounds, I have to go to Chemistry today. I promised Kendra I wouldn't desert her and she was going to tell me what was on the note Goff intercepted."

"She'll get over it. And I could just tell you what the note said."

Edward was agreeing with Emmett about ditching. What was up with that? He had never actually supported the few times Kendra and I had ditched before. In fact, he was blatantly against it.

"No." I said simply.

"Aw come on, don't be a spoil sport." Emmett pleaded.

"If you guys want to ditch so bad, no one's stopping you. But I'm actually going to class today."

Edward muttered something under his breath at an incredible rate, but somehow I caught it.

"I am not just being stubborn Edward, I really do want to go to Chem today, we're getting new lab partners and the only way Kendra and I will be together is if I'm actually in the class."

Edward seemed speechless that I had understood him: speechless and unhappy. However the bell rang to end lunch and before he could argue any further, Kendra had sidled over to our table to meet me.

"You ready to go?"

"Yep, I'll meet you guys by the car after school." I called to my sullen family. They looked as if the world was about to end.

"What's up with your family today?" Kendra whispered when she thought we were out of earshot.

What she didn't know was that they could always hear us. No matter how quiet we whispered.

"I don't know, they're being very cryptic today. They wanted me to ditch chemistry." Let them make what they could of that.

"I would have understood you know. It is your birthday." Kendra tried to lie, noticing the creases on my forehead as I thought of my family's odd behavior.

"Let's forget about it." I smiled at her and she smiled back at my improved mood as we entered the Chemistry building, neither of us looking forward to the class.

It was always freezing in this room, and with only thirteen students taking the course there was not a substantial amount of body heat to warm the room. Kendra always joked that Mr. Gerard always kept the room at such a low temperature so we wouldn't fall asleep on him. While I argued that he was so cold-blooded he wasn't really affected by the temperature and never noticed that the rest of us were freezing.

Unfortunately for us we were one of the first few students to arrive and the bell wasn't due to ring for several minutes. Avoiding Mr. G we hurried past his desk to the lab station at the back of the room and dropped our bags on the table.

"So what did the note say?" I asked her while pulling out my notebook of doodles.

"Oh" she blushed. "I was wondering if only the junior class was invited to the party. You know I've had my eye on Stephen and I was wondering if you could invite some seniors so it wouldn't seem obvious, you know?"

I laughed at how trivial this must have sounded to Edward.

"Sure, anything to help you get your dream guy."

Kendra beamed.

"Thanks Alyssa, and don't worry I will totally find someone to hook you up with. Just leave it to me. In fact, I already have someone in mind." This surprised me. I wasn't aware of anyone who was interested in me. Maybe that's why Edward was upset today; his baby sister's got an admirer.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Kendra lowered her voice as two girls sat down at the lab table across from ours. "This new guy who sat with us at lunch today, I don't know his name, but he asked about you, and he kept sneaking glances at you during lunch." She sighed. "He was completely dreamy, but he is way out of my league."

"Kendra" I objected, sometimes she underestimated how pretty she was.

"But he's perfect for you." She continued on ignoring me.

"If you're not good enough for him I doubt I am." Mr. Gerard had started talking to the class about something, but the bell hadn't rung yet so I continued our conversation shamelessly.

"Well, my heart's already taken by Stephen so you can have this one." She winked at me. "Besides he's exactly like the guy you described."

I rolled my eyes at her but smiled back. My description of the perfect guy changed so often I doubt she could remember any of them.

"I'm perfectly happy with being single, thank you very much. I don't need a boyfriend."

Kendra scoffed. "Right, you need a boyfriend like Forks needs sun."

I just shook my head at her. That's when I heard Mr. G say my name.

"Here." I called automatically, assuming he must be taking attendance.

"No Alyssa, he said you're partners with the new guy." Kendra whispered.

I looked up at Mr. Gerard blankly.

"But Mr. G, you said we got to choose our partners this quarter."

"I changed my mind, now move please." He had already started calling the next group so I grabbed my notebook and bag.

"I'm telling you he hates us." I whispered as I moved past Kendra to my new seat.

"He must only hate me; he gave you the good partner." She smiled mischievously at me. "Have fun with your future boyfriend."

I kicked her stool as I passed her and then headed towards the empty seat beside a blonde boy two rows up. Sliding into my new seat I grabbed a pen from my bag before laying it beside my chair.

"Hello." A soft voice greeted from beside me.

Not completely happy with the partner circumstances I turned to glare at him, but it melted away into astonishment as I took in the angel beside me. Those blue eyes, the blonde hair, that face, it was the man from my dream. My mouth opened into a small o as my breath caught in my throat and my eyes became wide. This was too unreal, things like this don't happen. Dreams do not become reality.

"My name is Desmond." He continued with a hint of a smile at my reaction, extending his hand out to mine, palm up.

It was _**the**_ smile, the one from my dream; a smile that dazzled. I shook my head in denial, this could not be. Yet there he sat before me, the very breathtaking picture I had wanted so hard to keep, to be real. I guess my wish came true. God must really listen to birthday wishes after all. As I pondered over this revelation, the figment of my dream still waited with his hand held out.

"Alyssa." I answered his unasked question and took his hand, half expecting him to raise it to his lips like he had before in my dream. He looked as if he wanted to do so, raising it slowly closer to his face, but in the end he just shook it.

He held on to my hand afterwards, looking as if he wanted to say something else. But Mr. Gerard interrupted, finally finished pairing up partners, he called the class to attention. Sliding my hand out from his I turned to my notebook and pen, settling in for the hour and a half long lecture that would carry us, without interruption, to the bell. I began taking notes at a fast rate, using cursive because it was faster. Just as I turned a page in my notebook, there laid a piece of paper with a simple sentence in elegant script.

_**I hope you're having a Happy Birthday.**_

I just stared at the paper for a moment before writing back.

_How did you know?_

I thought back to my dream.

_**Your Crown.**_

_Oh_

Duh! I'm such an idiot. How could I have forgotten about the embarrassing crown Kendra and Megan had presented me with this morning? My dream had nothing to do with him. He had not been waiting for me, he didn't even know me. He was just a new student, and I was just another girl to him.

_**So are you?**_

_Am I what?_

I had been trying to decide how I felt about that: the fact that I was probably so plain and boring to him. It bothered me a little and I didn't know why. It's not like I liked him, I didn't even know him.

I heard him sigh at my lack of understanding. He must think I'm a complete dunce.

_**Are you having a good Birthday?**_

_Oh, right, that. Yeah it's been fine so far._

I didn't bother mentioning the numerous disappointments that it had brought. Like the fact that Renesmee and Jacob were out of town which meant Jacob's pack was out of town, which meant neither Renesmee nor my best friend Seth would be present for my birthday.

_**Just fine?**_

_Well, it's not like it's a milestone birthday or anything, it's only my seventeenth. But still, I guess it just isn't everything I expected._

_**I wouldn't say that. Where I come from seventeen is a very important birthday.**_

My brow furrowed as I read his note. I wonder where in the world he came from where turning seventeen is important. He didn't have any special accent that I had noticed that could help place him with a nationality. The pen was in my hand, burning to write that one question, but before I could touch it to the paper, the note was gone. I blinked, confused by its sudden disappearance, then looked up to see Mr. Gerard heading towards our desk.

I quickly turned the page to showcase what little notes I had taken in an attempt to pacify Mr. Gerard into believing I was paying attention. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Desmond tearing a piece of paper into minute pieces and dropping them on the floor just as Mr. G reached us. It was then that I understood that he had grabbed the note to prevent me from getting in trouble.

Mr. Gerard looked over our shoulders to see our class notes and walked away without saying anything, seeming a little disappointed at our evidence of paying attention. He had actually believed my pitiful notes. I glanced over at Desmond's notes to see they were twice the length of mine. How had he taken down all those notes? I had to stop writing them as soon as he passed that first note. He must not have been as interested in our conversation as me. This realization weighed me down.

I tuned back into Mr. Gerard for the rest of the period, taking notes on everything he said and trying to act like I didn't notice the blonde haired dream beside me. After all, he was just being polite when he asked about my birthday, and I had fulfilled any necessary niceties by answering his question.

I had packed up before the bell, earning me a dark look from Mr. Gerard, so when it did ring I was ready to go. Kendra quickly caught up to me as I headed for the door without a goodbye to Desmond, not that he would care.

"So….what happened?" Kendra asked eager for information.

"Nothing."

"But you were passing notes! I saw, I just couldn't read them because Jimmy's fat head was in the way."

I laughed humorlessly.

"He was just being polite, asking about my birthday. Then when Mr. Gerard came up to us he had a full notebook of notes. So obviously he wasn't that interested in the conversation."

"But what happened to the note?" Kendra seemed as down heartened as I felt at Desmond's lack of interest.

"Desmond took it and tore it up." I shrugged.

"Aw, he didn't want you to get in trouble, how sweet." Kendra cooed.

"Or he didn't want to get in trouble himself." I pointed out the more practical reason.

"You're just so pessimistic sometimes. You didn't see how he looked at you when you first sat down. Or his body language when he talked to you."

"What are you talking about?" She smiled smugly then left me standing in the rain as she went to her last period of the day without answering my question.

"It's not nice to keep secrets from the birthday girl!" I yelled after her.

I quickly regretted that decision as it drew a couple critical stares from my peers. I turned away from the gazes and saw my family across the way walking to their last classes. Bella was looking at me worriedly as she held tight to Edwards's hand, a restraining hold. Looking at Edward he seemed stiff angered by something. I quickly turned to Alice to see if she was having another vision, but she just smiled at me and waved, looking completely unbothered by anything.

Just as I turned towards my classroom I heard her musical whisper like a sigh carried upon the wind.

"Don't worry Edward, at the moment he's not part of her decision."

I paused with my hand on the door. Judging by the fact that no one around me was staring at Alice like she was crazy I assumed she hadn't shouted the words, in fact she probably spoke in less than a whisper. And if that was true it made no sense that I could hear her. But I had, which was strange. Almost as infuriating as being able to hear her was what I had heard. Alice was watching me.


	2. Surprises

Chapter two

Surprises

My car was gone. I was standing in front of an empty space in the rain loaded down with books and gift bags. I tried to shelter the gifts from the damaging drops with my coat. However, my hair on the other hand was a lost cause. My bangs already clung to my forehead, making it difficult to see. Maybe that's why I missed the shiny silver car following me as I turned to walk home. Luckily Edward didn't make me walk farther than the end of the parking lot until he gave the horn a small honk to grab my attention.

I grumbled at him as I got in the car, taking care to shake a few drops from my soaked hair on both him and his black leather seats. My resentment was subdued, however, as the heated seat he had waiting for me warmed my numb body.

"You could have told me I was riding home in your car." I tried to keep some of my quickly dying anger in my tone. I didn't want to let him off easy.

"It wasn't something that was planned." Edward replied casually as he turned out of the parking lot onto the main road.

It took a minute of silent brooding, looking out the window, until I realized how I could actually count the trees as they passed by. I removed my forehead from the cool glass window and glanced at the speedometer. Edward was actually going the speed limit. He _never_ followed the speed limit. My eyes narrowed.

"Why are you stalling?"

He kept his eyes on the road, even though he didn't have to, especially not at the rate we were going.

"I'm not stalling." It was delivered perfectly so that I would have believed the words if I hadn't noticed the tiniest upward movement of the corner of his mouth.

I opened my mouth to contradict his statement when he interrupted me. He probably sensed my thoughts and was trying to distract me.

"What unanswered expectations does your birthday have?"

So he had been listening.

"Didn't you hear what I was thinking?" I spat out, not having to try very hard to make my voice angry this time.

"No, I wasn't listening to _you_" he answered gruffly.

His anger confused me, who _had_ he been listening to then?

"Then who…?"

"It's not important, just answer the question." He replied just as curtly as before.

"Nothing much, it's been great, I just wish Seth could be here." I answered truthfully. If he had been listening to _me_ earlier he would have known that.

He was struck speechless, obviously not receiving the answer he expected. Although once the shock wore off a wide smile lit up his face. Since he was suddenly in such a good mood I decided to try my luck at getting an answer for my own question.

"So _now_ will you tell me why you are driving sanely slow?"

"To give Alice a few extra minutes."

"For what?"

"To acquire one of your birthday presents." I frowned.

"You know that does me no good."

He smiled at my confusion.

"I know, but I promised I wouldn't give any hints, although it looks like she's left a pretty big one herself."

We had been winding up the long driveway, and were just turning the corner that would make the house and the garage come into view. I didn't understand Edwards's cryptic response until he turned towards the garage. There, in the spot that belonged to Edward's Volvo, sat three shiny motorcycles, one in particularly sent my heart flying. It was cherry red and I knew from the many times spent on the back of it that it had a lot of horsepower.

Before Edward had come to a complete stop I was out of the car and flying up the porch steps. I didn't care about the rain, I barely felt it now, and I was already soaked anyhow so a few more gallons wouldn't hurt. My wet hand slipped on the knob, causing a few seconds delay as I fumbled with it, but I finally wrenched it open and ran across the hardwood floor dripping water as I went.

My wet flats squeaked against the floor as I slid to a stop in front of all six foot seven of my best friend. I threw my arms around his waist in a welcoming hug just as I started losing my balance. He returned the gesture and his warm arms prevented me from falling on my butt.

"Happy Birthday" He whispered softly in his husky voice.

His warm skin felt good against mine so icy cold and wet, I didn't want to let go. But I felt a shiver ripple through him at the contact. So I stepped back, dropping my arms to hug my body in an attempt to replace the heat of Seth's skin with friction. It wasn't as effective.

"Surprise" Alice called from behind me.

I turned to see her perched on the coach looking completely satisfied with herself.

"Thanks, it's the best present so far." I smiled in appreciation, but it was somewhat ruined by my chattering teeth.

"Why are you so wet?" Seth asked as he nonchalantly sidled up to me and draped his arm around my shoulder to try and warm me.

"That was one of Edward's gifts." I replied darkly as the devil himself entered the room.

Seth couldn't hold back his laugh. His chuckle seemed to burst out despite his attempt to stifle it. I turned my accusing eyes on him as I stepped out from under his arm. I didn't appreciate my supposed best friend laughing at my discomfort.

"That wasn't very nice Edward." Esme softly chided as she entered the room.

Edward had the good grace enough to duck his head in shame, but I saw the edge of his mouth turn up.

"Sorry Alyssa." He handed me my bags as he said this. I hadn't realized I had left them in the car in my haste to see Seth.

"S'okay." I mumbled. "I'll just put these in my room."

"Take a warm shower while you're at it." Esme called after me as I started up the stairs.

My room was on the second floor, at the very end of the hallway. It was fairly big. Big enough to fit a four poster queen bed, a dresser with a vanity, a loveseat and my stereo system that was a thirteenth birthday present from Edward. Not to mention it had a fully stocked walk in closet (courtesy of Alice) and a personal bathroom off of it.

I dropped my bags on the loveseat before making my way into the bathroom. I inspected myself in the mirror for the first time, trying to see any sign of aging, but the only changes I saw were artificial. The bright lights made my skin actually look pale, which was a great feat, and my hair looked black from the rain.

Turning away from the mirror, I stripped out of my wet clothes and stepped into the warm shower. I took my time, actually following the wash, rinse, and repeat directions on the back of the shampoo bottle. By the time I gave in and turned the shower off the mirror was fogged up from the steam. I cleared a spot on the mirror with my hand then rushed to dry my hair to stop it from dripping on me, taking no care to dry it straight.

That meant that I ended up with wavy hair that was semi-messy, but I didn't care. I wasn't going anywhere tonight. No, I had plans to spend the rest of the afternoon curled up in sweats, finishing my homework. My plans where altered however as I entered my room to find Alice had once again picked out my outfit. She never got tired of treating me like an oversized doll.

I wasn't going to actually wear Alice's outfit, but I conveniently couldn't find any sweats in my overstocked closet. So in the end I put on her stylish, pay-no-attention-to-comfort get up and set to work on what little homework I had been assigned. It didn't take long; I had already translated the dialogues from French to English in class, English was just reading which I would do later in bed, and Goff had actually given us a night off. Labeling the states of the world didn't take very long with help from my atlas. The only real struggle I had was when it came to Chemistry.

I swear Gerard really had it in for me. He had loaded on the homework tonight: twenty problems on hybridizing molecules, a unit which I was completely lost in. I got through half of the assignment by looking up the answers to the odd problems in the back of the book and soon gave up on ever understanding. I slammed my book shut in frustration.

"Knock knock, can I come in?" I jumped at the sound of Seth's voice. I had been so engrossed in looking up the answers to my impossible Chemistry problems that I hadn't heard him approaching.

"Sure."

"So what's the deal, you hiding out in here or what?" He came to sit on the loveseat by my desk.

"No, I just wanted to get this work done so it wouldn't be hanging over my shoulder throughout the evening." I motioned to the pile of books in front of me.

"Anything I can help with?" He rose to stand behind me, flipping through my book covers.

"Not unless you're any good with molecular orbital's and can explain how to tell the difference between a diamagnetic and paramagnetic molecule."

"Uhhh, not so much" He dropped the cover of my Chemistry book and slowly backed away. "I was just sent up here to fetch you for the birthday festivities."

"Seth I can't. I desperately need to improve my Chemistry grade. It's not looking too great so far."

"I'm sorry but I was told I wasn't to leave without you. So no isn't an option." He crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows as if daring me to refuse again.

"Then you might want to sit down and get more comfortable." I turned back to my desk, reopening my Chemistry book.

Seth moved closer to where I sat, and when he stopped behind me his shadow fell across my desk, making the book unreadable. I tapped my pencil against my pad of paper, hoping he'd get the hint and move. He didn't.

"Seth would you please move so I can see?" I swiveled around in my chair to confront him.

"Sure I'll move," he smiled impishly. "But you're coming with me."

I had no time to object before he lifted me out of the chair and flung me over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Seth put me down right this instant!" I protested as we started moving towards the door.

"I'll put you down once we get downstairs."

"I am perfectly capable of walking on my own." I sighed exasperatedly. "Now _put me down_" I emphasized each word with a punch to his back: _thump, thump, thump_.

"Alright if you really want down…" I could hear the smile in his voice and squinted in suspicion.

Then suddenly the floor got a hell of a lot closer to my face as he let me slip. I flung my arms around his waist, grabbing a hold of his shirt as an extra measure in an attempt to prevent my face from crashing into the hard wood. It was an unnecessary action as he grabbed a hold of my knees which prevented my blood staining the lovely oak floorboards.

"I've got you, you can let go now." He reassured me.

My arms were still locked around his torso. I was in too much shock to function.

"But if you really don't want to, I don't mind." He laughed.

"It has nothing to do with a preference. I don't particularly trust you right now." I snipped at him.

"Aw, don't be that way. I was just having some fun. I caught you didn't I?"

I didn't answer, giving him the silent treatment as we continued down the stairs. My lip jutted out in a defiant pout as we came into view of the living room and Emmett busted out in loud guffaws.

"Well that's one way to get her down here." Emmett chuckled.

I huffed loudly as Seth set me upright on my feet again. Looking around the room I noticed that everyone found Seth's stunt funny. Carlisle couldn't even hide his.

"It's not funny." I insisted glaring at my foster family.

"Of course it wasn't" Esme tried appeasing me, hiding her smile as well as Carlisle had as she wiped her hands on her apron. "Now shall we move to the dining room? Dinner is ready."

Everyone rose and I started to follow Emmett when I heard my name.

"Alyssa" Seth called.

I reluctantly turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry." His big brown eyes looked so pitiful I couldn't help but forgive him. I would forgive those eyes anything.

"You're forgiven" I mumbled, still clinging to my stubbornness. I didn't want him to know my weakness.

Turning back towards the dining room I saw Edward and Carlisle share a small smile. They obviously had an idea as to why I was forgiving Seth. _Don't tell him. _I pleaded with Edward through my thoughts. He just nodded his head slightly, his smile widening.

Dinner was delicious, with all my favorite dishes: a garden salad, French Onion soup, then garden burgers all around. I was impressed at how well Seth and Jacob responded to the vegetarian menu. Usually Jacob would tease me about my dietary habits, but tonight the meal actually went without complaint, well almost. Emmett made a derogatory comment about how disgusting the whole thing looked, but then again no solid food ever appealed to him or the rest of my foster family.

After the last plates had been cleared Bella and Alice slipped out to the kitchen, flipping the lights off on their way out. When they returned I only saw the faint flicker of candlelight before my vision was obscured by Carlisle's cool hand. I welcomed the heat from the candles as the cake was set in front of me, relishing the contrast between fire and ice. However I was even more eager to see the masterpiece that had Alice busy planning and perfecting for several weeks so I was soon pulling on Carlisle's hand.

"Hold on a moment, Esme and Rosalie are getting the cameras ready." He laughed at my excitement.

I sighed, dropping my hands to fold them patiently in my lap.

"Alright, we're ready." Rosalie called with the excitement evident in her voice.

I gasped as Carlisle dropped his hand to reveal an artistic creation that belonged in a museum not on our dining room table. The color scheme was springtime pastel: yellow roses, pink butterflies and blue icing lavishly outlining the rectangular cake. It was a garden scene and in the middle of the garden, in intricate scripture, were the lavender words: _Happy Seventeenth Birthday Alyssa. _Around the writing were seventeen white and pink rose candles that were the only illumination in the room.

Esme wasted no time. As soon as Carlisle had removed his hand she started snapping pictures at a mile a minute, the flash going crazy, trying hard to keep up. Rosalie, who had the video camera, zoomed in on my awed expression, while Emmett was adding his own commentary.

"The birthday girl seems to be speechless at such a grandiose display of affection. Is that a tear on her cheek? Zoom in Rose. I believe it is. The birthday girl is crying, but are they tears of happiness or grief?"

I laughed at his statement, touching my hand to my cheek to find that I was indeed crying tears of happiness.

"Alice, you've outdone yourself." I exclaimed gripping my foster-sister's hand as it rested on my shoulder. I glanced up at her to see her gleaming with pleasure.

That's when the singing began, again. Seth started it, his deep tenor voice reverberating against the walls. I quickly turned tomato red, and buried my head in my hands. The singing got louder as everyone joined in and I was forced to be caught on tape, red faced in all my embarrassed glory, as Alice pried my hands away from my face.

"Make a wish." She whispered in my ear as the song came to an end.

Closing my eyes I thought long and hard before settling on just one wish. _Please let me remember every aspect of every day spent with my family for as long as I live. _Taking a deep breath I managed to extinguish all seventeen candles in one breath.

As tradition called for I got the first piece of cake, Alice actually took the trouble to cut and serve me the piece with my name and a rose on it from the center. Not a memory was missed by Esme who was still snapping photos and managed to get one of me with icing on my nose, courtesy of Seth. I hadn't laughed so much in a while, especially with my family being so tense the past few weeks. It felt nice. The excitement only escalated as the night wore on, as we moved from the dining room to the living room where I was placed on the couch to open my presents.

"Go on and open it already!" Seth prodded as I was admiring the wrapping of his present to me.

It had self drawn cartoons all over the brown paper and I was taking my time trying to read them all. He sighed in frustration as I delicately opened each end, trying not to rip the paper. Finally I pulled out the box, placing the wrapping in the neat pile I had started a half hour ago.

I had already opened the perfume Alice had bought me (and then proceeded to drown me in) as well as three new outfits while Rosalie had presented me with several CD's I had been wanting. Emmett and Jasper had sprung for a plasma screen for my room, Bella and Edward gave me tickets to a concert of one of my favorite bands for the next weekend and Renesmee and Jacob got me some new earrings.

Seth had wanted to go last, but Esme and Carlisle had already claimed that place. I could tell Seth was eager to see my expression when I opened the box, so I toyed with him. Holding the box to my ear I shook it lightly in case it was fragile. Seth was bouncing up and down in his seat on the floor in front of me, looking like he was ready to just open the lid himself, so I finally lowered the box and lifted the lid.

A slow smile crept over my face as I realized what I was looking at. I quickly lifted the leather book from the box and opened it to see the same exuberant brown eyes that were boring into me from the floor. Beside him was a younger version of me, sleeping, curled up on a couch, with her head leaning against his shoulder. Flipping further through the book I stopped on a picture of Seth and me in mid-air, my first experience Cliff Diving. It was an album of our time together.

"I love it Seth. It's perfect."

He squeezed my hand and smiled at me. "I'm glad."

"Our turn." Carlisle called, as he entered the room with Esme on his arm, carrying a small box wrapped in red with a gold bow on top. I hadn't even noticed them leaving.

"Happy Birthday." Esme whispered as they presented me with the box.

I noticed Edward focusing the camera on me, prepared to snap a photo of my expression. I managed to ignore him as I carefully untied the bow, and then slid my finger under the taped ends to open it with the least amount of damage. The paper fell away and I was staring at a plain white box. I carefully pulled the lid off and pushed away the tissue paper to discover a delicate silver necklace with an oval pendant, slightly bigger than a quarter, on the end. I lifted it to get a closer look and gasped as I saw what was adorning the pendant. It was the Cullen crest.

"But…" I was confused at the gesture. I wasn't technically a Cullen. I couldn't wear a family crest.

I was about to place the gift back in the box and return it to Carlisle, when I noticed a white slip of paper sticking out of the box. I opened it and studied it for a few minutes before I could make any rhyme or reason of it. I gasped again when I realized what the paper meant.

"It's only if you want to that is." Esme said, uncertain of whether the tears streaming down my face were happy or sad.

"Of course I want it; it's all I've ever wanted." I sobbed.

Esme carefully pried the necklace from my hands. She delicately hooked it around my neck as I searched the paper with my eyes, trying to find the part that I wanted to see again. And then I found it, the words I had always dreamed of putting together slightly blurred by my tears: _Alyssa Cullen._ I was adopted.


	3. Preparations

Chapter Three

Preparations

The cafeteria was noisy the next day, more than usual as the student body planned their afternoon activities. It was one of those rare sunny days that Forks didn't often see. I followed Kendra to get my food, returning to my usual routine of eating with her. My family wasn't present today. The story was they were out hiking, and that I wasn't with them because I wasn't particularly fond of nature, which was the farthest thing from the truth.

I actually loved the beauty of nature: the tall trees that had been growing for centuries, containing secrets we would never know, the shrubs, so delicate and green, which sheltered wildlife, and most of all the flowers, whose petals were as bright as the colors of the rainbow. Nature couldn't cease to amaze me.

However I stuck to the story begrudgingly. It was the only way I could be at school during fair weather days like today. I almost didn't make it to school today as it was. Alice tried to convince me to stay home and help her plan for the party, and when that didn't work Emmett tried bribing me with a day at the movies in Port Angeles. I vigorously refused their offers, slightly confused as to why they were so desperately trying to keep me away from school. I ended up escaping them and hitching a ride to school on the back of Seth's bike.

Kendra had been disapproving when I met her in the courtyard before school. She had seen who I had arrived with and wasn't very happy about it. Kendra didn't particularly like Seth, or trust him, and she made no attempt to hide her feelings. She was convinced that there was something more between us than friendship no matter how vigorously I denied the accusation. She had been pestering me about Seth all morning, only pausing during class.

"You shouldn't hang out with him." Kendra continued her earlier argument.

"And why is that?" I asked while I added tomatoes to my salad.

"He's not good for you. He's unpredictable when he'll be around and you know how those Quileute boys are. They're in love with one person then the next minute they claim someone else is their soul mate." She insisted.

Kendra was referring to the whole Sam, Leah and Emily tragedy that happened years before. Imprinting, I had asked Seth about it once, but he was vehement that I would always be his number one girl. He was a true friend, but I couldn't help wonder what would happen to our friendship whenever he did imprint.

"We're just friends Kendra." I reminded her while handing my money to the cashier.

"I just don't want to see you heartbroken." She followed beside me.

"I won't because Seth and I aren't like that." I insisted.

"Whatever. If you want my opinion you should ditch Seth and go for Desmond." She smiled devilishly at me.

I nudged her to get her to shut up. We were fast approaching our table where our other friends along with Desmond were sitting. I didn't want Desmond to hear her. We sat in the last two empty seats, across from Desmond and Evan and before I could begin eating I was bombarded with questions about my birthday. I patiently answered the questions, which seemed never ending.

"Was that one of your presents? I don't remember ever seeing you wear it." Kendra pointed to my chest where my Cullen crest pendant laid.

"Yes, actually it is." I smiled excitedly as I rushed to tell her the good news. "It's the family crest." I hinted to see if she could guess.

Kendra looked confused for a moment before her eyes grew wide.

"Shut Up! No way!" She squealed.

"Yes." I laughed as she gripped my hand, shaking it in excitement.

"Aw, I'm so happy for you. You're finally a Cullen! Alyssa Cullen, doesn't it just roll off the tongue?"

"Uh, did I miss something?" Evan looked between us utterly confused by Kendra's explosion.

"She's adopted!" Kendra practically screamed at him.

"Oh" his face brightened in understanding. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." I smiled at him.

I snuck a glance at Desmond to see his eyebrows slightly creased together. He looked unhappy. Evan noticed this too and mistook the look as confusion.

"She was a foster child, living with the Cullen's since she was a baby, and they've finally adopted her, making her a permanent member of the family." He explained.

"It's something I've wanted my whole life." I added to try and justify Kendra's and my reaction.

"Well then, I guess it is a good thing then." He smiled at me, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"So Alyssa, how does it feel to be seventeen now that you've slept on it?" Megan interrupted, causing my attention to drift from Desmond to her.

"Truthfully, it's not much different than sixteen. Nothing much has changed except my name." I couldn't keep the smile off my face as I thought of my new status.

"No, I think I see a wrinkle right, there." Kendra poked the corner of my eye laughing.

I flicked her finger away laughing with her. Our laughter died when the bell rang. Neither one of us looked forward to Chemistry, me especially seeing as I hadn't finished the assignment due today. I grabbed my bag in one hand and my tray in the other and made my way to the door with Kendra and our lunch crowd following. Once outside the group separated, going their own way. Megan and Evan headed towards English, while Sarah, Henry and Matt headed towards fifth hour gym. Kendra, Desmond and I ambled across the lawn to the Chemistry building where Desmond held the door for us.

"What a gentleman." Kendra exclaimed, sending me a pointed look as we continued on to our seats.

I ignored her, heading towards my chair and getting out what I had done of the homework.

"I am so done for." I muttered staring at my half finished problems.

"And why is that?" Desmond asked as he settled in his seat beside me.

I motioned towards my paper with my hand without saying a word. One glance and he would understand. As soon as he realized my dilemma he had his book out and my paper beside it.

"What are you doing?" I hissed at him as I checked to make sure Mr. Gerard hadn't noticed anything. He was still standing at the chalkboard, his back towards us.

Desmond didn't answer me, he just kept writing at an impossibly fast rate. Just as the bell rang he slipped my paper back in front of me, getting out his own homework. I glanced down at it, and noticed it was now completed, I could only assume, correctly. A minute later Gerard came around to collect the work he had assigned, looking skeptical at my fully completed work. He eventually took it and continued on down the aisle to the next lab table where I heard a girl named Amber try to talk her way out of an incomplete.

"Thanks, I owe you one." I whispered so Gerard wouldn't hear me.

"I'll hold you to that." He smiled at me.

My returning smile was somewhat delayed as I realized he was completely serious behind that smile. Unsure of what an acceptable response would be, I turned back towards the front of the room and copied the night's assignment in my planner, determined to complete it myself tonight.

"So what's your full story?" My eyes flicked back to Desmond, caught off guard by his question.

"What do you mean?"

"Evan said you were a foster child of the Cullen's your whole life. There must be more to the story. Have you lived here in Forks the whole time?" He pressed, leaning towards me, waiting for my answer.

"No, we umm, we moved a lot, when I was younger. I'd say every four years or so."

"That must have been hard on you." He commented.

"Not really, as long as I was with the Cullen's I didn't much care where we lived. I never really laid roots anywhere by making friends with my classmates until we moved to Forks. Somehow it feels like we might stay here longer than any of the other places." I looked at him when I came to a stop; afraid my babbling was boring him, but he seemed even more intrigued than before.

"And you've never wondered who your real parents are, where you came from?"

"Of course I did. Every kid in foster care dreams about her real family and I was no different. That phase was around year eight, but I got over it quickly. I don't even think it lasted a year. I decided it didn't matter." I was amazed at how I still had his attention. Kendra couldn't even hear the story without zoning out when I had told her two years before.

"It doesn't matter?" Desmond asked incredulously.

"No, my family obviously didn't want me. I was left at the hospital with Dr. Cullen when I was barely a year old. I haven't ever been contacted by my birthparents, never in my seventeen years. Why would I want to know about a family who abandoned me when I had a loving one already?" This triggered something in Desmond.

"You don't know the story behind your abandonment; you can't know you weren't loved. " He stared at me with bleak eyes, and if I didn't know any better I would say he was angry.

"No, I guess you're right." I ended the conversation uncomfortably, turning to pay attention to the slides Gerard was showing on the overhead.

We didn't talk for the rest of the hour. I stole a few glances at him during the period, curiosity getting the better of me, and found him staring right back at me. It was disconcerting, and I was quick to look away. I was so caught up in my little game of stealing glances at Desmond when I thought he wasn't looking that I wasn't ready when the bell rang. Desmond hesitated by the edge of our table but decided on leaving without me when I didn't acknowledge him. Kendra sent me a funny look before we parted for our last classes, it might have been disappointment, but I didn't stop to analyze it on my way to gym.

The sun was shining full force as I exited the gym. It was almost blindingly bright. It felt wonderful on my skin, warm and welcoming. I closed my eyes and sighed. I loved fair weather days like today, even though it inconvenienced my family. My spirits seemed to soar whenever I saw the sun, which wasn't very often. But I couldn't complain, I loved Forks too, it had become my home, where my family and friends resided.

I was half-way to the parking lot, still caught up in enjoying the sun, when I realized I wasn't completely sure that Seth was picking me up. He hadn't mentioned anything when he dropped me off, but I didn't expect him to drop everything he was doing to pick me up. My footsteps faltered as this thought occurred to me and that was when Desmond caught up to me.

"It's beautiful out today." He commented after a moment of silence.

"mhmm." I responded distracted by searching the parking lot for either the shiny red motorcycle or one of my family's many cars, the warm sun to the back of my mind now.

"Do you need a ride?" He asked as we came to stop in front of a sliver Chevrolet Camaro.

"umm" I continued searching the lot, making sure Seth wasn't waiting for me. I saw Kendra watching from her old Saturn egging me with her eyes to accept the invitation. Turning back to Desmond I responded. "I guess I…"

My answer was interrupted by the sound of a revving engine as Seth came barreling into the lot on his bike. Both Desmond and I looked up as the bike came to a stop in the spot next to Desmond's. Seth flipped his visor open to call out to me.

"Sorry I'm late."

"Never mind, it looks like my ride is here." I turned back to Desmond, declining his offer.

"I suppose I will see you tomorrow then." He spoke politely, detached, as if it didn't matter who I rode with.

"Yeah, tomorrow." I waved good bye before I approached Seth.

As I accepted the helmet he offered me I caught a glance of Kendra glaring daggers at me. She wasn't the only one. When I turned around to get one more look at Desmond I found him staring after us with cool, dark eyes that made me shiver. Instinctively I tightened my grip around Seth's waste. I didn't ease my hold on Seth until we came to a stop in front of my home. As soon as he cut the engine I spoke.

"Why were you late?"

"I was helping Alice plan." He replied, taking my helmet from me and placing it in the storage compartment.

"Alice let _you_ help? She really must be desperate." I smiled at the thought of Alice ever listening to any of Seth's suggestions.

"You should be more thankful, it was a painful experience, but I did it out of love for you. I know you, I know what you would and wouldn't want for your party and I kept Alice in check." This caused me to burst out laughing.

"No one can keep Alice in check."

"Well, I made her rethink some decisions. I think we really had a breakthrough."

I just shook my head at Seth's enthusiastic tone as we made our way up the porch steps. Before we could even reach the top step Alice was before us, barring our entrance.

"Oh no you don't. I'm not ready for you. I'm still planning so you need to turn around and find something outside to occupy your attention while I finish."

I turned around without an argumentative word and hopped down the last three steps. I didn't mind being outside on days like today. Seth followed me around the back of the house as I headed for the stream that ran through our property. I plopped down beside the stream, unloading my books and set to work on my homework. Seth sat a few feet away under a tree, just watching me.

I began with my English homework, which wasn't very taxing. I lay on my back with the sun on my face, reading out of my battered copy of _A Midsummer's Night Dream_. I was a fast reader, and into my reading material, so it didn't take long at all. When i was finished I sat my book aside and moved to start another subject.

"You know, I never noticed before, but the sun brings out golden brown tints in your hair." Seth murmured softly.

"Really?" I grabbed a couple strands of hair and studied them. "Huh your right."

I let my hair fall back into place as I refocused on my work. Seth sat patiently as I went through French, Calculus and History. I, once again, saved Chemistry for last, not wanting to spoil my relaxation time in the sun. By some miracle Gerard had decided to only assign odd problems. This was good because even though I didn't know how the Hell to do the problems, I would still get a perfect for the homework for looking up the answers in the back. Seth noticed this.

"What are you going to do come final exams when you won't have the answers right next to you?"

"Fail." I stated simply.

"Maybe you should get a tutor." He suggested.

I just shrugged. I didn't particularly want to spend extra time on Chemistry. I wanted a better grade but not that badly.

Alice had everything cleaned up by the time we returned. I don't know where she put everything, but it wasn't visible. The only thing remotely party oriented was a box chuck full of CDs in the middle of the living room floor.

"Am I actually allowed to pick the playlist this year?" I wondered aloud as I knelt to dig through the selection.

"It was Seth's idea." Alice mumbled, clearly unhappy. Obviously that was one of the 'breakthroughs' Seth had mentioned earlier.

"Cool, thanks Seth."

I continued sifting through the box, picking out certain albums that I loved. Alice sat watching with intense, critical eyes, making her opinion on each one I picked out clear. Yet no matter how much she objected to my choices she never interfered. I think that was mostly due to Seth who also sat watching, keeping Alice in check. Something I thought only Jasper would ever be able to do. I wonder what he had said to have that affect on her.

It took me about an hour and a half to get through the box, partly because halfway through I was interrupted by a phone call from Kendra chewing me out for my choice today.

"Why the Hell didn't you ride home with him?" her voice buzzed in my ear.

"Kendra, can we talk about this later?" I wasn't very comfortable with the fact that both Alice and Seth not to mention Jasper, who had brought me the phone, were listening intently.

"No, you'll just avoid the subject like you're doing now." She raised her voice, as if she wanted my whole family to hear our conversation.

"I promise I will tell you everything when I'm alone." Kendra was great but sometimes she couldn't take a hint.

"Oh," Kendra's tone abruptly changed. "_He's_ there isn't he?"

"Uh-huh." I snuck a glance at Seth who had a scowl on his face. Kendra and Seth shared a mutual feeling of dislike.

"What, does he, like, live there now?"

"He's helping me pick out music for my party." I avoided answering her question. Sometimes his pack did crash at the Cullen's but I couldn't explain that to Kendra.

"No way, since when does Alice let you pick the playlist?"

"Since Seth talked to her." I sent a grateful smile at Seth, which lightened his scowl.

"Ugh, does everything have to come back _him_? So he got Alice to let you pick music to _your_ party, big deal. Desmond is much more of a gentleman."

I might have imagined it but I believe all three of my eavesdroppers expressions darkened.

"Oh yeah Kendra, cause holding the door is _so_ chivalrous."

"Give him a chance." Kendra pleaded.

"I've got to go finish making my playlist. I'll talk to you later." I hung up and handed the phone back to Jasper.

Alice was silent after that conversation. She still watched me, but never spoke a word of complaint. I couldn't even get a rise out of her when I purposely placed a techno CD in the stack. I removed it later, when she wasn't looking. Although I'm sure she knew why I had singled it out. When I was done I handed the box of rejects to Alice, who looked longingly at some of them.

"This is a big step for you Alice. I'm proud."

"It was more tolerable than I had imagined." She admitted.

"Does that mean you're ready to let me pick out my own party outfit?" I asked hopefully.

"Don't push it." She muttered.


	4. Party

**Chapter Four**

**Party**

"Would you stop fidgeting?" Alice sighed exasperatedly.

"But you're taking _so_ long." I complained.

We had been in my room for hours. I was sitting in front of my vanity with a mess of hair products and suspicious looking electrical appliances strewn out around us. Alice had been experimenting with my hair, trying to discover the cure to tame my unruly bed head. She had been through a number of up-do's that didn't seem to cut it. And after pulling out half my hair and successfully receding my hair line several inches she resolved to start from scratch and sent me, armed with a towel and robe, into the bathroom.

"If you would sit still, I'd finish sooner." She insisted. "Here read this and be quiet."

She shoved a recent magazine into my hands and I began flipping aimlessly through it.

"That's better." She murmured as she continued her work.

After several more tries and restarts Alice finally seemed to be getting a result that she liked. I could smell the curlers she had settled into my hair along with the curling iron she had heating up. Alice got bored of waiting for my hair to be done. With nothing to occupy her hands she moved onto a different aspect of the makeover and I felt the rush of wind as she quickly left me to attend to my wardrobe.

"Stand up, put this on." She ordered. I followed her instruction. Setting down my magazine I took the garment bag she held out to me.

"Be careful of the curlers." She called after me as I closed the bathroom door.

Once alone, I eyed the bag warily. Alice was known to gravitate toward the more extravagant items in life. Especially when it came to clothes. She also tended to take bold fashion risks, like last year's ensemble which consisted of a black leather corset and bright red jeans along with five inch pumps. The theme had been based off the James Bond movies, I was a Bond girl.

I hoped this year's theme would inspire a more comfortable costume. The corset had made breathing a little difficult and the heels made walking a real pain in the ass.

I slowly un-wrapped my garment, a little afraid of what surprises Alice had in store for me. I just got a glance of the fabric before the bag fell to the floor and revealed the package completely. It was silk, a deep olive green silk. Once completely revealed I noticed the burgundy pattern, almost vine like, twisting along the dress and the wide burgundy sash around the waist complete with a bow in the front. It was absolutely beautiful. A strapless number that was also short, which would mean no tripping over any train.

I couldn't help but admire it for a moment. I didn't want to touch it; it looked too delicate, like it might disintegrate at my touch.

"Are you dressed yet?" Alice rapped on the door.

"Not yet." I called, stumbling into action. I was running out of time.

Seven useful hours had been wasted on school, as Alice had pointed out sporadically throughout the day: on the way to school, at lunch, in passing between a few classes, and on the way home. She had quarantined me to my room as soon as we were through the door, rushing me up the stairs and ordering me to finish my homework in no more than an hour. By that time she'd be finished decorating and would be ready to start to work on her 'masterpiece.'

Luckily Bella stayed to keep me company. She was quiet, not always buzzing about chattering, and she was very smart. She helped me with most of my work, although chemistry left her at a lost as well, she was more of a biology girl she had told me with a small smile.

Finishing my work early, I grew tired of being kept a hostage in my own room. I was becoming testy and Bella could sense that. Eventually she made her escape, slipping out to freedom while I stayed trapped by the four walls surrounding me. She had evidently forewarned Alice of my mood, as Alice came bearing gifts, a tray of fruit, in hopes to make amends. It had sort of worked too, until the primping had started.

"Hurry up." Alice prompted, I could tell she was pressed up against the door, waiting.

There was no need for her comment. She could hear me fumbling to slip the dress on. I managed to get the zipper half way up, but my arm wouldn't bend the right way to allow me to finish. Sighing, I opened the door and turned my back to Alice.

"A little help please?" Her agile fingers swiftly zipped me up.

I spun around to face her, a little disappointed I wouldn't be able to see myself first and decide if I looked too ridiculous in such a beautiful dress.

Alice studied me a moment quietly, a very anxious moment for me.

"It looks absolutely stunning on you." She beamed.

I studied her skeptically. That's what she had said last year and I definitely didn't think that outfit had been suited for me.

"Can I have a look?"

"No you most certainly cannot! Your hair and make-up aren't done, you don't have your jewelry on and you haven't even put on the shoes yet." She looked scandalized.

I sighed. Alice was all for admiring the whole picture. You'd think someone with as little patience as her would understand my impatience now.

I had to wait another half-hour later until I was finished. Perfect was actually the word Alice had used. She had decided to keep my hair down after releasing it from the curlers. She had also attacked me with a spritzer bottle, dampening my bangs and blow drying them neatly.

I could feel my dangling earrings bob with every slight movement of my head as I tried to sneak a look at myself. I hadn't gotten to see my reflection yet; Alice had me facing away from the mirror as she had fixed me up with her finishing touches. However my revealing time was drawing near as I stood up, a little stiff, from the chair. Alice disappeared for a second and returned with a shoebox in her outstretched hands.

"Go ahead and put them on, Cinderella." She giggled excitedly.

I gingerly lifted the lid to reveal a pair of silver, strappy high heels. They were delicate and beautiful and would go wonderfully with the dress. My momentary disappointment at not having flats was overshadowed by my immense delight that, once on, they made my legs look so long. Not to mention they were surprisingly comfortable.

I seemed to glow when I looked in the mirror, surprised and joyful at my magnificent transformation. I did look pretty; I could barely believe it was me. The olive color complemented my tan complexion and brought out the subtle green tints in my otherwise brown eyes, and as I said my legs looked incredibly long with the illusion of height the heels gave me. I especially loved the silver pendant that rested above my chest: Alice had cleaned the Crest so that it shined and I couldn't keep my fingers off of it, fingering it as I took in the rest of my image.

The only objection I would have made was the small, delicate tiara that rested upon my head, tucked into my soft curls. It was too much, the ivy shaped ornament that was the same green as my dress, too regal for me.

"Was the crown really necessary?"

"Oh stop being such a pessimist. Don't you have anything positive to say?" She huffed.

"I'm sorry, the dress is gorgeous, and you did a wonderful job. " I amended. "It's perfect, but…" My eyes drifted up towards the crown and Alice could see their direction in the mirror.

"You're the birthday princess, you need a crown." She defended herself.

We still had an hour or so to go before the big event, but I refused to be held captive in my room any longer. Alice tried to keep me there, but gave in when I paid my ransom, promising to go on a shopping spree one weekend with her.

My heels clacked against the floor as I carefully made my way down the stairs. Alice had sprinted down them before me, to see the others expressions no doubt. I was apprehensive at revealing myself to the others and was anything but graceful as I crawled down the stairs, grasping the handrail with a firm grip. But as I came to a stop on the landing I felt every bit the part of a beautiful princess at the looks my family gave me.

I continued down the last few steps marginally more gracefully, but ended up tripping down the last one when Emmett wolf-whistled loudly. I blushed as I righted myself, my embarrassment stemming from Emmett's actions and deepening at my display of clumsiness.

"And that's why I don't normally wear heels." I muttered. Although truthfully I really did like the added height, I was no longer a whole foot shorter than Emmett.

After my entrance everyone returned to their previous preparations for the party. Esme exited to the kitchen with her troops: Bella, Alice and Rosalie and Jasper retreated to the corner that was transformed into a DJ's booth. Feeling more comfortable with the attention off of me, I took in the rooms decorations to try and discover the theme.

The dominating detail that demanded my attention first was the black and white photos that lined the walls, there seemed to be millions of them. Stepping closer to them I realized they all had one thing in common: me, I was their subject. They seemed to be ordered chronologically from the time I was a year old and Carlisle had brought me home from the hospital to pictures as recent as two nights ago when I was blowing out the candles of my seventeenth birthday cake.

It was captivating, to study the pictures. I had forgotten some of the things that were captured on film. I paused at a picture of Carlisle and me dancing when I was around seven. I was perched on his feet. I think we were at Rosalie's and Emmett's wedding, one of many.

I sensed someone come to stand behind me and felt self conscious. Turning around I discovered it was Carlisle, who seemed to be studying the same photo. His eyes focused on me after a moment.

"Would you care to dance?" He asked.

"But there's no music."

"That didn't used to stop you." He nodded towards the wall of photos, smiling.

"You're right. In that case, I would love to."

He pulled me towards him, lifting me onto his feet.

"I can dance now Carlisle."

"For old times' sake?"

I sighed but placed my hand in his as we started spinning around the room, now cleared of all furniture. We played 'remember when' while dancing. Carlisle had me laughing out loud at some of the stories he told about me when I was younger.

I was so caught up in retelling one of my own memories, triggered by one of Carlisle's that I didn't hear the door open. I ended the story abruptly in the middle when I heard a soft voice behind me.

"May I cut in?"

"Certainly," Carlisle replied amiably. "You'll have to finish that story later Alyssa, it was interesting hearing it from your point of view."

I nodded, as I stepped off Carlisle's feet and turned to face Seth who froze when he saw me.

"You look absolutely stunning." He breathed, brushing a curl away from my face.

"Thank you." I mumbled, blushing again as he wrapped his warm hands around my waist

I twisted my arms around his neck and, instead of the waltz Carlisle had been executing, Seth and I just swayed back and forth in place. We didn't talk, just danced as Seth hummed some soft, vaguely familiar tune in my ear. I was content at trying to identify the song, until I heard Carlisle's voice.

"Thank you for coming. I appreciate your help." It sounded as if he was in the room with us, but when I turned my head I found we were alone, besides Jasper who was sorting through music.

It was strange. Carlisle was obviously out of normal earshot, I shouldn't be able to hear him. It was like the other day with Alice at school, when I heard her perfectly from clear across the schoolyard. It confused me, but my curiosity was stronger than confusion. I tilted my head a little, trying to hear the rest of the conversation, trying to discover who Carlisle was thanking.

"What's wrong?" Seth asked, drawing my attention back to him for a moment.

"Nothing," I went back to trying to eavesdropping.

A flicker of irritation ran through me as Jasper began playing music, the same song Seth was humming to me. I tried to block it out, throwing all of my concentration into listening for the voices, if the conversation wasn't already over. I had been distracted long enough that it could very well be. Still I strained my ears trying to hear.

"Don't worry about it. We'll be patrolling the area thoroughly tonight." Sam. I was sure it was Sam.

But why would he be here? And who is the '_we'_ he was referring to? It must be his pack. But his pack never came on Cullen territory. He said he was patrolling, but for what? Damn Seth and Jasper for distracting me. I missed some crucial information. But the conversation still wasn't over, there was I chance I might be able to be caught up.

"Do you have—"

I almost threw something at Jasper as he turned the volume up, drowning out Sam's question. I glared at him over Seth's shoulder, although he could already feel my anger emanating from me. Seth also noticed my tension. Pulling me closer he began singing in my ear. His husky voice drowned out both the singer's voice and my anger. I slowly began to regain control of my emotions.

My mind was still on Carlisle and Sam, but I tried to put them to the back of it until the dance ended. I didn't want to hurt Seth's feelings. So for the next three minutes I focused on Seth, and the lyrics he sang to me. It wasn't too hard, he was an easy distraction. The sound of his voice so close to my ear and the brush of his breath on my cheek demanded my immediate attention. Finally the song came to an end and I gently pulled away, part of me reluctantly doing so.

"I'll be back. There's something I have to do before the party." I started heading towards the back door, where I had heard Carlisle, but Jasper's cool, calming voice interrupted.

"You don't have time. The first guests are arriving now." I didn't want to believe it, but I heard the crunch of wheels against gravel confirming his statement.

I would have to confront Carlisle later. Right now I'd be expected to be the perfect host. My anger and confusion were replaced by anxiety. I always got anxious over these parties. Truth be told, I really only threw them to make Alice and Kendra happy. I would have preferred to nip the bud in the butt years ago and replace the party with a movie night in with my friends. But that would have devastated Kendra and downright killed Alice.

I quickly altered my direction and entered the kitchen, eager to keep myself busy. I didn't really want to answer the door and officially start the party. In the kitchen I found my perfect distraction. It was bustling as Rosalie filled trays and bowls with snacks and Esme and Bella were busy whipping up some more homemade hors d'oeuvres. Grabbing a couple platters I began transferring them to the tables around the perimeter of the living room.

I groaned out loud when the doorbell rang. Alice swiftly took my trays and prodded me towards the door. I took a deep breath, thoroughly unnerved, but as I answered the door my anxiousness was suddenly suppressed. Jasper might annoy me on most occasions when he manipulated my emotions, but this time I welcomed it. It would help me get through the next couple of hours.

I was expecting Megan or Kendra to be the first arrivals, but when I opened the door it was for a group of girls in my class who I never really talked to, much. They immediately gushed over my dress and I cursed Kendra and Megan to the fiery pits of Hell for leaving me to face arrivals on my own. Seth hadn't even stayed for support, although I didn't much blame him. He didn't really get along with many of my school friends. Well, more like my school friends didn't get along well with him, they were more or less either scared or jealous of him.

"Is that a Stella McCartney?" One of the girls asked, fingering my dress lightly. I nonchalantly stepped back, out of her reach.

"Umm…I'm not sure. Alice picked it out." I never paid much attention to designer names, but, knowing Alice, I wouldn't be surprised if this _was_ designer.

"Oh, well where should we put the presents?" She asked, all of them holding up small gift bags.

"Over there" I pointed across the room at an empty table, grateful for an excuse to get rid of them.

My moment of relief faded quickly as the doorbell screamed to life again.

"Don't worry, I'll get it." Seth called softly from behind me. I jumped in surprise. I thought he had left.

"What you didn't think I deserted you did you?" He cocked his head, smiling slightly.

"Of course not," I averted his eyes, unable to look at them when I lied.

"Right," he chuckled as he answered the door.

After a while the stem of people flowing through the door was constant enough that we just left the door open, and the table was full enough of presents no one had to ask where to put theirs. I tried to concentrate on making small talk with people, to act like I was enjoying myself, but it was hard. Especially since neither Megan nor Kendra had arrived yet. Seth was graciously taking their place at my side, following me from group to group and giving me an out of a conversation when he sensed I was ready to move on.

I finally made my rounds, talking some with each group there, so that I could relax and enjoy the party. With the unpleasant business taken care of I no longer needed Jaspers interference to feel at ease. I enjoyed dancing immensely, and with Jasper playing _my_ playlist this year dancing should be all the more fun.

Thinking of the party playlist made me think about Alice. I quickly found her on the edge of the crowd by the kitchen, where Rosalie and Esme were keeping the food supply up, surveying her work with a pleased expression. I surveyed the room also, trying to find the rest of my family. I found all of them, Carlisle, Bella, Edward, Reneesme, and even Jacob, standing around the perimeter of the room, spread out. Something was odd about their position, and it took me a minute to put my finger on it. They looked like bodyguards, like they were watching, waiting for trouble.

I shook the thought from my mind, it was nothing. I was being paranoid. However I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. That's when I first realized Emmett was missing. I did a double take to see if he was with the rest of my family, but he wasn't in the room. I began feeling anxious as I headed to check the kitchen. Emmett never missed a good party. I was hoping he was just in the kitchen with Rosalie.

He wasn't there. Esme was there, pulling a tray out of the oven and Rosalie was restocking the fridge with soda, but there was no Emmett. My anxiety leapt to a whole new level.

"Where's Emmett?" My shaky voice startled them. For the second time they hadn't heard me approach.

"Outside." Esme answered, placing the tray on the counter.

"Outside?"

"He's playing bouncer." Rosalie clarified, rolling her eyes at the idea.

I let out a deep breath and was leaving the kitchen just as Seth was entering.

"There you are." Seth looked relieved at finding me. Which was odd, it's not like I would ditch my own party. Alice wouldn't let me.

"Yeah, and where were _you_?" Rosalie's accusing tone surprised me. She had always gotten along fine with Seth; it was Jacob she had problems with.

"I was just getting some food. When I turned around she was gone." He sounded defensive.

"Just don't let it happen again." She threatened.

I looked between them, confused by their tense bickering. Shaking my head I left the kitchen, Seth hot on my heals. I was about to ask him what was going on when Evan grabbed a hold of my arm.

"Alyssa, you better come with me, it's your brother. He won't let him in."

"Emmett won't let who in?" I asked, following him to the door.

"Desmond." I froze in shock, causing Seth to run into me. I hadn't even thought about Desmond coming.

I regained control of my body quickly and continued on my way to the door, which was still hanging ajar. All I could see was Emmett's thick back, but I could tell his arms were crossed in an unyielding gesture.

"Is there a problem Emmett?" I asked. He turned to me in surprise, allowing me to see Megan, Kendra and Desmond standing on the porch before him.

"Kendra, Megan, there you are! I was wondering if you were ever going to make it." I had expected them hours ago, now I see why they hadn't arrived early, they had been collecting a guest.

"I know. Emmett's not letting us in." Kendra scowled at my big brother.

"Emmett?"

"Kendra and Megan can go, but this one stays." He gestured toward Desmond.

"He's with us!" Kendra complained.

"No invitation, no entry." Emmett shook his head.

Emmett seemed to be taking his bouncer job a little too seriously. I mean, it wasn't like my party was _that_ exclusive. I didn't mind in the least that Kendra had brought a guest. What was one more person?

"It's alright Emmett, I can vouch for him. He's in my chemistry class."

Emmett seemed un-halting, so I reached around him, grabbing a hold of Desmond and dragged him into the house. Kendra followed, immaturely sticking her tongue out at Emmett. Once he was past Emmett I let go of Desmond, much to Kendra's disappointment.

I was actually planning on retreating. There were too many people crowded around me: Kendra, Megan, Desmond, Evan, Seth and Emmett, who had followed us inside, abandoning his bouncer position.

"Why don't you go help Rosalie in the kitchen Emmett?" I sent him a pointed look. I didn't want any fights and Emmett looked close to busting up someone. Desmond would be my first guess, but why that was I didn't know.

Emmett reluctantly obliged, sending Desmond one last threatening glower before leaving. Megan, Kendra and Evan quickly followed suit, leaving Desmond, Seth and me to go join our other friends on the dance floor. Even though it was less crowded, I felt all the more claustrophobic. Seth and Desmond seemed to be having a stare down, and I was in the middle of it.

"Umm, Seth this is Desmond, Desmond Seth." I made introductions, hoping to ease the tension that was gradually increasing.

Desmond held out his hand. Seth studied it a moment before accepting the offer. Somehow they managed to make a civil gesture look curt and cold. Assessing their attitudes, I decided right then and there it would probably be best to separate them.

"So, Desmond, would you like something to eat?" Desmond's eyes turned to me and instantly lost their coldness.

"Yes, please."

I led the way to the food table across the room, leaving Seth to track our movement with his eyes. I filled a cup with soda, not really hungry at the moment. Desmond grabbed a plate, but didn't move to fill it. He was staring at the pictures on the wall, ones of me when I was little.

"That's you." It wasn't really a question, but I felt the urge to acknowledge him.

"Yeah."

"You were cute." He murmured.

"Well, thanks." He caught the sarcasm in my voice.

"I didn't mean it that way. You misread into my use of the past tense." He smiled at me. "Cute is a relative term for describing you in youth, elegant or beautiful is a more appropriate term to describe your present state."

I looked away and felt a slight blush creep up my cheeks at his compliment. I only hoped the dim lighting would make it unnoticeable.

"Where's this one taken?" He changed the subject, easing my embarrassment.

I look to see which one he's talking about.

"That's from when we lived in Alaska."

It was a good memory. I was sitting on the front end of a sled; Tanya was on the back, holding me on. The look on my face was pure excitement. I loved the tickling sensation produced as the sled picked up speed.

"You lived in Alaska?"

"Yeah, when I was about five." I was secretly happy we had moved from Alaska after three years instead of four. I didn't like how little the sun seemed to shine there. I never admitted this to Carlisle or anyone, I didn't want to hurt Tanya or her family.

Desmond didn't spend very long on that picture before moving on to another. Desmond had a lot of questions for each photo, and I patiently answered them all. As we got into my teens there were a great amount of pictures whose main subjects were Seth and me. Desmond skipped over these, paying them no mind.

It was the first time I could remember actually enjoying one of my parties. Desmond was very easy to talk to, and seemed genuinely interested in my stories from my past. My good mood was only dampened a few times when I felt eyes on me and, turning to look, I found some member of my family's eyes watching me, disapproval written all over their face.

I was in the middle of telling some story that a picture had brought on when a familiar tune began playing. I stopped talking immediately in order to listen to it.

"I love this song." I sighed swaying back and forth to the music.

"A lady as beautiful as you shall not dance alone. Would you care to dance?" I giggled as he gave a polite bow of his head and offered me his hand.

"Why, thank you sir, you are too kind." I took his hand and he led me out onto the dance floor.

We were not the only dancing couple on the floor, but looking into Desmond's deep blue eyes it felt like we were the only two there. And I don't mean in the old romantic movie kind of way where the girl and guy only have eyes for one another. No, it was like he was actually trapping me with his eyes, I was physically unable to look away.

It became uncomfortable, I wanted to break eye contact, but couldn't. Desmond seemed to notice my difficulty for he lifted his eyes from mine to rest them on my head. I breathed a sigh of relief at being released from the prison of his eyes.

"You're wearing a crown, again?" He smiled at me, but his eyes no longer sucked me in. It's like he had turned them off. But that's crazy; his eyes couldn't hold any power.

"Yeah, Alice made me." I wrinkled my nose. I had forgotten about the tiara before Desmond had mentioned it. I hadn't wanted to wear it, I didn't like it.

"It suits you." He whispered; his eyes doing _it_ again.

Bella had mentioned how Edwards's eyes had smoldered her, but I'm sure this couldn't be what she meant. She said it was like she had to tell the truth when his eyes did that. This was different. I didn't feel compelled to tell Desmond anything, to say anything. Instead I found myself agreeing with him. I _liked_ the crown.

I shook my head to try and clear it, and found I was actually able to break eye contact that time. I had a feeling it was only because he let me though because right after I broke contact, I saw Desmond looking over my shoulder, towards the front window. He acted as if someone was sending him some signal, though I saw nothing when I turned to look.

"I think it's time I go." He slowly pulled away from me, seeming reluctant to let me go. "But, Happy Birthday."

He pulled a small, gold box from his pocket and placed it in my palm. Why hadn't he just placed it on the table?

"I wanted you to know it was from me." He answered my unspoken question. "Goodnight."

I watched him make his way gracefully across the dance floor, but lost track of him once he made it through the crowd. However, I knew the exact moment he had left. It was the exact moment Edward descended on me, with the pretense of bringing me something to eat.

I didn't taste what Edward had brought as I chewed it. Instead I was testing my newfound hearing for the slamming of a car door, or the revving of an engine, or even the crunch of gravel under wheels to indicate Desmond had gotten a ride home. That it had been his ride he had seen through the window. But I heard nothing but the wind, and, way off in the distance towards the back of the house where the river was, a wolf howling.

The howling triggered the memory of Carlisle and Sam's earlier conversation. I looked around for Carlisle, but he was no longer in the room.

"Where's Carlisle?" I asked Edward as I took the soda he offered me.

"He went out on a soda run. We're running low." Good, then he'd be back soon. And when he did I would corner him in the kitchen and ask him about—

I caught myself before I revealed how much I knew to Edward. My thoughts weren't safe around him; he tended to use them against me. However Edward seemed preoccupied with some thoughts of his own. He was looking at me, but not really seeing me. It reminded me of how Alice looked when she got her visions.

"Alyssa?" Edward addressed me, sifting through his thoughts. Well, I assumed it was his own thoughts he was sifting through.

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking, when you were dancing with Desmond?"

I didn't expect his question. I figured with the intensity he—along with the rest of my family—was watching me tonight, he would have caught every word of my thoughts.

"Weren't you paying attention?" I teased him.

"I couldn't hear you." He whispered, as if he couldn't believe such a thing was possible. I know it was hard for me to wrap my head around.

He couldn't hear me. For once my thoughts were hidden from Edward. I wondered how I accomplished it. Would I be able to keep him out again?

I thought back to what I had been doing when I was dancing with Desmond. Then it hit me. How Desmond had trapped me with his eyes and held me prisoner. I had agreed with what he had thought. But what if that wasn't it? What if, instead of agreeing with his thoughts, I had shared them? What if he had replaced my thoughts with his? Was that even possible?

Suddenly Edward didn't really care what I had been thinking. What I was thinking at the moment seemed to be more important to him. He actually hissed when he heard it. I guess _he_ thought it was possible.

"Seth." Edward whispered his name, but it didn't matter Seth would hear it.

Sure enough Seth appeared by our sides.

"What is it?"

"Keep Alyssa company, will you? I need to talk to Carlisle." I was confused and starting to get angry. I didn't like being left out of the loop, or lied to. Edward had said Carlisle was out.

"I wasn't lying, he just got back." I _hated_ when he did that.

"I want to talk to him!" I demanded.

"Later." Edward tried to pacify me before he disappeared.

But I didn't get to talk to Carlisle later. Not that night at least. Seth did a good job at keeping me out of the dining room, where the rest of my family besides Jasper and Reneesme were discussing God knows what. He brought in some reinforcements to aid him in his mission. Evan and the rest of our group did a good job of keeping me dancing in the center of the party. I couldn't escape from them.

My only choice was to wait until everyone cleared out, and then confront Carlisle and Edward to find out what was going on. Too bad it didn't go down like that. The last person to leave was Kendra, of course. Everyone else had gone home, but there she was, sitting on the steps with me, talking about the party and Desmond. By the time she left I was too tired to move, my feet hurt too much from wearing heels all night not to mention dancing in them. I was working up the energy to interrogate Carlisle, but somewhere along the way laying my head against the wall and resting my eyes turned into falling asleep.

I became semi-conscious when I felt the stairs begin to move. They rocked me back and forth, almost back into my dreamless sleep, but they were so cold that sleep was impossible. Then the stairs stopped moving, and suddenly became very soft. It was very nice. I was on the verge of sleep when I heard movement and realized I wasn't alone. I fought against unconsciousness and managed to evade it for several minutes. Not long, but enough to distinguish who was with me.

"I don't want to lose her. I _can't_ lose her." It was Carlisle. He sounded so frustrated, so helpless. I wanted to tell him everything would be fine, but I couldn't find the energy to move my lips.

"Everything's going to be fine Carlisle." Alice voiced what I couldn't. "She's not leaving us. I can see that. She's safe for now."

"For now," Carlisle murmured unhappily.

The last bit was a little garbled. Sleep had come for me and was carrying me off, demanding my attention. I vaguely sensed something cold and gentle on my forehead, but it was gone before I could try to make sense of it. Sleep had slowed down my mind, already taking over.


	5. Secrets

Chapter five

Secrets

I was dreaming. There was a small part of my mind that was vaguely aware of that notion, but just as before it felt abnormally real. It was the same clearing, surrounded by the same tall sycamore like trees. The time of day was different. It was the moon's pale light that shone through the leaves overhead rather than the sun. It acted as a spotlight, shining on Desmond and me.

We were sitting on the soft, dry grass. Desmond was studying me. His eyes were eerie, glowing silver as the moon reflected off of them. The silence between us was so extreme I could hear crickets singing in the distance.

I didn't like this dream as much. It was on the verge of creepy. I wanted to wake up, but I couldn't. I tried closing my eyes then opening them, it had worked last time, but when I opened them Desmond was still there, staring.

"Why don't you remember?" He sounded angry, frustrated. Those silver eyes bore into me, willing me to remember.

I turned my attention to the stars to avoid his gaze. My eyebrows creased. I had no idea what he was going on about.

"Remember what?"

"Me." He growled.

His tone rebuked me. I turned my eyes back on him to find he had closed his. His features were tense and he was inhaling deeply as if trying to calm himself. It reminded me of Emmett after he lost a wrestling match. I wanted to comfort him badly. But I honestly didn't know what he was talking about. How could I remember someone I had just met?

"Should I?"

The broken look in his eyes when he opened them shattered my heart. He looked hopeless and wounded.

"Yes." He whispered.

I stared at him, helpless. He was just the new kid, the boy who sat next to me in chemistry. I slowly shook my head.

"I'm sorry, I can't remember."

"You will. You have to." He reached out to grip my hand in both of his, looking desperate. "You just have to think."

He squeezed my hand tighter.

"Think." He urged.

I wanted to scream at him that I _was_ thinking. And that there was _nothing_ to think of. But when I blinked my dream disappeared. I was sitting straight up in my bed, the moon shining through the clear window wall adjacent to me.

I felt a little groggy and disoriented. Seeing as it was two in the morning I guess it was understandable. Rubbing my eyes helped ease the grogginess a little, but I was still unsettled about my dream.

I needed to escape the confines of my room: to be outside, to see the night sky. Pulling on a hoody I headed towards my door, but stopped halfway there, listening. I didn't think any of the Cullen's would go for me taking a stroll, alone, at two in the morning. _There are things more dangerous out there then us._ That's what they had always told me.

But I needed fresh air. So I closed my eyes and created a mental picture of the house. Carlisle was easy; he would be in his study, six doors down, on the other side of the stairs. I could make it. But then there was the whole getting out of the house thing. Rosalie and Emmett wouldn't be a problem. They'd be in their room. Esme could be in the kitchen straightening up or in her room. That would leave the back door fair game. But there were still four more left. God there were way too many people in this house. Edward and Bella… most likely in their cottage, not a problem. And Jasper was probably with Alice.

Crap Alice. She'd see me in a heartbeat. Probably the only thing stopping her from barging in here is the fact that I was skipping from one idea to the next. Or maybe, just maybe she still thought I was sleeping and wasn't watching me. I decided to go with my second theory. But just in case I was going to avoid my previous plans and go with the window.

The ground was farther than I thought. However, I managed to work my way down slowly via a tree. The process was made more difficult due to the fact that I was still in my party dress. Trying to climb down a two story tree in a short dress that most likely cost more than my flat screen was no easy feat. Especially when trying hard not to rip said dress or make any suspicious noises. It was hard, but not impossible. I managed to do it.

My bare feet sunk a little in the moist earth as I ran across the back yard to the stream. I went farther than I had the other day with Seth, wanting to put as much distance between me and the house. I soon came across the tree with the unfinished tree-house that Emmett had started for me, but had gotten distracted and never finished. He got as far as constructing the floor before stopping.

Climbing up, I lay on the floorboards, staring up at the stars. _Think_. I ordered myself. _Remember_. Nothing came to mind. I did try. I tried real hard, but I was just straining my brain for nothing. Nothing about Desmond triggered any memories. Well, only recent memories were triggered. Like the first time I dreamt about him, and then that first day in chemistry, and the party, other than that, nothing.

_It was just a dream. It doesn't mean anything._ But I couldn't shake the feeling deep in my gut that it did. Just like my first dream had some substance to it, this one did too. I just had to figure it out.

If only my bizarre dream was the only mystery that was driving me insane. But there was still the unsolved puzzle of my family's actions: their over defensive behavior and their acceptance of the presence of Sam and his pack on our land—breaking an unspoken agreement. All these cryptic signs were taking their toll on me.

There were so many changes and I couldn't help but notice how they all seemed to fall around my birthday. How confusing things have gotten since I turned seventeen. Life was a lot simpler when I was younger. Sometimes I wished I could go back to when I was five years old, when the only thing that I worried about was what game I should play.

Although at five I wasn't living in Forks. I hadn't met Seth. I couldn't imagine going through life not knowing him. It's like I would be incomplete. So I banished the thought of freezing time at the age of five. Really, who would want to spend her life without ever knowing, ever meeting her best friend? No one, that's who.

I laid there for a while, giving up on thinking and just studying the sky, trying to see some constellations through the clouds covering the sky. I managed to find the vague outline of the big dipper before my eyes started feeling heavy again. I tried to fight off sleep. I didn't want to dream again. I didn't want another hidden message sent to me in my unconsciousness. I was afraid I would never figure my dreams out, afraid that I would and wouldn't like what was revealed. I was afraid that one of these times I wouldn't be able to wake up. The second dream had been harder to break than the first, what if I went to sleep this time, and couldn't escape?

My fear sparked determination, and that determination bought me a good five minutes more of consciousness. During those limited five minutes I thought, with all my power, of my family—every memory I had of them and of Seth. Maybe if I thought enough about them while awake I would dream meaningless dreams about them instead of stressful ones about Desmond. In one way it sort of worked, I didn't dream of Desmond. I didn't dream at all.

When I awoke again the faint light that was the sun was just visible through the haze of clouds on the eastern horizon. It was so cold. My toes were numb, as were the rest of my extremities. I could feel my body trembling, trying to keep warm. My hoody seemed a pitiful attempt for cover from the cold. I should have added more layers or at least put on shoes.

I lay there, lacking the energy to get up, to move. My body's shaking increased until I'm sure to anyone else it would have looked as if I was having a seizure. I tried falling to sleep again, welcoming unconsciousness now, but I wasn't granted that easy escape. My only choice was to move, however painful that might be. If I didn't, I was surely going to die of hypothermia.

I managed to roll onto my back, bringing my blind spot to the west into view. That's when I noticed I wasn't alone. An ominous dark figure stood no more than three feet away from me. I hate to admit that I omitted a loud, bloodcurdling scream, just like those annoying pansies in horror movies. But in my defense I'd like to point out that I also jumped up, no longer immobile from the cold, preparing to either fight or run.

Taking in the stature of the mystery shadow I decided running seemed the smarter idea. The only problem was the silhouette was blocking the side with the ladder. That would mean jumping down from the tree, which could result in a few bruises and maybe even some broken bones. Comparing that with the possible result of fighting the man I didn't give it more than a second's thought before taking off towards the nearest edge.

I didn't get very far. I had taken all of three steps before the figure was before me again, moving faster than any normal person could. My heart slowly decelerated as my eyes adjusted to the light and I realized it was Edward who stood in front of me. Nevertheless one look at his eyes was enough to send my heart into spasms of anxiety again. They were cold as steel, filled with badly suppressed anger.

"Would you care to tell me why you are outside, alone, sleeping in this dilapidated, half finished tree-house?" He seemed to be trying very hard to control his voice.

"Well, I…I needed some fresh air, to think, and I sort of fell asleep by accident." I opted not to tell him about my dream, seeing the way he reacted before.

"Did you even _think_ of the consequences of going out alone, at _night_?"

"No" I whispered, although it was a little distorted as my teeth started chattering and my body started shaking again.

Edward noticed this, and his expression softened slightly. Being careful not to touch me with his cool skin he began herding me towards the ladder.

"C'mon let's get you inside before you turn into an ice cube."

I could only nod my head as I stiffly climbed down. I flinched at the contact of the cool morning dew on my bare feet when I reached the ground. As quickly as I could I began moving in the direction of the house, looking for the driest patches of earth possible. Edward ambled along beside me, looking conflicted. I suppose he wished he could carry me so I wouldn't have to walk on the cool ground, but felt his cold skin was the worst of the two evils.

"Were you really going to jump?" He was still looking ahead, a neutral look on his face.

"Yes, I had weighed my options, and it seemed the most rational action to take."

"It would have been stupid. It was stupid of you to even leave the house without telling anyone. You worried everyone sick." His voice held both anger and the concern he had spoken of.

"Maybe. For all about five minutes. It mustn't have been too hard for you to find me." I couldn't keep the resentment out of my voice.

Edward shook his head, looking all the more unhappy.

"You're getting harder to track." He whispered, almost too low for me to hear.

I didn't know what he meant, and I was pretty sure he was talking more to himself than to me, so I let it go without comment. We continued walking in silence toward the house, which didn't come into view until we were about five yards away thanks to the light fog that covered the ground. The only reason I knew we were headed in the right direction was because I could see a light on downstairs through the fog.

I expected to find Alice and maybe Carlisle and Esme waiting for us, but as we got closer to the house I could see the outlines of a bigger grouping through the windows. There were so many of them I lost track a couple times when trying to count.

I stopped outside the house when we were close enough I could clearly see through the window to the lighted room. The whole family was there, waiting, each in their own state of impatience. I couldn't help but notice Seth first. He was pacing a trench into the floor, his back muscles very tense. I only got to take in two others before Edward urged me forward. Alice, who actually looked more annoyed than anxious, and the most shocking of all, Sam who stood in the corner, looking stone faced.

"Wh-what's Sam d-doing he-here?" I forced the question out between my chattering teeth.

Edward didn't answer; instead he silently helped me hobble my way up the stairs. My feet were so cold that I was beginning to lose feeling in them.

"E-Edward?"

"Everyone's waiting for you." He avoided the question, opening the door for me.

The gush of warm air flowing invitingly towards me, taunting me, made me drop the subject. Warmth, just a few steps away. It was too much of a temptation. I heard the door close behind us, and although the cold air was barred from me, I still wasn't warm. I stood there, shivering from head to toe, observing the commotion caused by my return like an out of body experience.

Everyone started moving and talking at once. It was chaotic and a little too much for my brain to process while the blood flow to it was slowed by my body's numbness. The one thing I remember from that moment was that Seth got to me first, wrapping me in his arms, pulling me as close as possible to him, and defrosting me with his body heat.

"Don't _ever_ do that to me again." He whispered into my hair.

"Sorry." I mumbled, barely audible as my face was pressed tightly to his chest.

We stood like that for a few minutes, until my body stopped shaking. Then Seth led me to the couch, keeping a protective arm around my shoulder. We sat down, Seth on my right, Jacob on my left. The heat radiating from them both was enough to keep me warm without direct contact, but Seth still kept his arm around my shoulder.

I was expecting to be bombarded with questions, but it seemed Edward saved me from that interrogation. He was off to the side, whispering with Carlisle, the rest of my family close by listening intently to his every word. I presumed he was explaining everything; however I only caught a few words of the conversation. I was a little distracted by Seth who was playing with the end of my hair.

My attention flickered away from Seth's fingers twisting my hair when I felt someone's eyes boring into me. Glancing around the room I located Sam, still in the corner, still staring with blank, dark eyes. His attention seemed to be more on Seth's hand than on me, but he must have felt my stare like I had his, because he looked up to meet my eyes.

He seemed baffled at something. I could see the confusion in his eyes as he took in both Seth's actions and me. It made me uneasy to have him trying to analyze me. That's how it felt, like he was trying to figure me out. I squirmed uncomfortably in my seat, which caused Seth to stop mid-twist. Sam's questioning eyes turned to him and I felt Seth's hand fall to place on my shoulder. Turning my head I saw that Seth's attention was on Sam, his eyes warning.

Before I got a chance to question what was going on, Carlisle was walking towards Sam with his hand extended.

"Thanks again Sam for, well for everything."

Sam turned his gaze on Carlisle but didn't take his hand.

"I did it for Seth. The Clearwater's are still a part of our tribe if not a part of my pack."

"Well, I really appreciate it regardless of the reason."

Sam finally took Carlisle's hand briefly and shook it.

"It's no problem. Let me know if there's anything else we can do."And with those parting words, he left, but not without sending another questioning look in my direction.

I was vaguely aware that as soon as Sam was gone Seth began playing with my hair again. The majority of my attention was on my approaching family. I had a feeling that, though Edward had answered the basic questions they had, I was still going to be chewed into for what I had done.

"How are you feeling?" Esme was the first to speak, concern emanating from her.

"Warm, now." I answered timidly.

"Then would you mind telling us why you snuck out?" She asked cautiously.

"I needed to think, alone."

"You were alone in your room." Rosalie pointed out.

"It felt too confined. I'm really sorry if I worried you, but what's the big deal?"

"We didn't know where you were, that's the big deal." Alice spoke up, still looking irritated. "I couldn't see you. The last I saw, you were climbing out the window, and that was only after the fact. I didn't know where you went, because I don't think you really had a set destination in mind."

Thinking back, I guess I didn't make any real decisions after climbing out of the tree. I kind of wondered aimlessly. I hadn't even really thought about climbing up the tree, I just did it without making a conscious decision. I could understand Alice's frustration now. She wasn't used to being blind; it must have really upset her that she couldn't see me.

Shaking off Seth's arm I stood up and went to Alice, wrapping my arms around her in a tight hug. After a moment of stiffness, she gave in and we held each other.

"I'm sorry Alice. From now on I will always think very, very hard about whatever I might do, okay?"

"You better." She pulled away, taking in my appearance. "Now let's get you upstairs and out of this dress before something happens to it."

After having a go round with Alice, I finally left my room in a pair of my old sweats. I was on my way back downstairs when I noticed Carlisle's study door slightly ajar. Backtracking, I eased the door open to find him leaning over a book, intently reading. He looked up when I entered.

"Something I can help you with Alyssa?"

I took that as permission to stay, so I entered deeper into the room, closing the door behind me.

"I was just wondering." I paused to give the old globe a spin, giving my eyes an excuse not to look at Carlisle. "Why was Sam here?"

"He was going to help us look for you." His voice was even, he was telling the truth, but he hadn't answered my real question.

"I mean, why was Sam here last night? At the party? I heard you talking to him. Why did he need to patrol the area?" I finally looked at Carlisle to find he was actually having difficulty finding an answer.

"Because I asked him to. I was expecting some, trouble, but it turned out we didn't really require his services. Nothing happened."

"What kind of trouble? Something to do with the party? Or is something else coming?" I looked into his eyes, leaning over his desk.

"The party was part of it. We were also expecting some trouble from others. Alice couldn't see when they were coming. It depends on another's decision, someone who hasn't decided yet."

I shook my head. He was speaking in carefully constricted truths. There was something he wasn't telling me, he was leaving out a lot of details.

"Carlisle, can't you start from the beginning and tell me everything?" I pleaded.

"You don't need to be concerned about it, not just yet."

" I don't like being left in the dark about things."

"I know, just trust me." I made a face at the idea of remaining unknowledgeable. "For now?" He amended, seeing my reaction.

I was about to put up a fight, but taking a look at Carlisle stopped me. He seemed tired, completely drained of energy, weak. The purple bruises under his eyes were deeper than I had ever remembered seeing them. How long had it been since he had hunted?

"For now," I allowed.

"Good, now I'm sorry, but if you don't mind." He motioned towards the book lying open in front of him.

"Of course, continue on with your reading." I glanced at the title of the book. "Grimm's Fairytales?" I raised my eyebrows at him.

"I'm just doing a little research." He responded, casually covering the page with his arm.

"Researching fairytales?" I studied him skeptically. Why would anyone study fairytales?

"You can learn a lot about real life from fiction. Aren't Seth and I prime examples of that?"

I smiled at him, he had a point. To many people werewolves and vampires only exist in science-fiction novels and horror films. However most of the myths about such fictional characters were just that, myths. But maybe that didn't matter for what Carlisle was researching for.

"Well, if you want more material, you can always borrow my Disney movies."

"I'll keep that in mind. Goodbye Alyssa." He chuckled

I waved before heading for the door.

"Have fun." I called before I left.

Grimm's Fairytales, I couldn't fathom why Carlisle would waste time brushing up on fairytales. And why had he tried to keep which story he was reading up on a secret? He had definitely been trying to block the book from me. I didn't know why, but I was going to. He may have hidden the title of the story, but I managed to get a good look at the page number. I would find out what he was reading, maybe it would hold some answers as to why everyone was acting so weird.


	6. Distractions

Chapter Six

Distractions

I found out something about my family: whenever I don't want them around, there they are. I tried multiple times to sneak into Carlisle's office with no success. The first couple times Carlisle was still holed up in there. Then Emmett drafted me into watching him until he beat Jasper in a wrestling match. That one took a while. Emmett was stronger, but Jasper was quicker and a more experienced fighter. I felt like screaming at Jasper to just let him win. I think Jasper sensed my frustration which is why Emmett finally tackled him, ending my torture.

I finally realized that to be able to get in, everyone else would have to be out. That left me two choices: go when the Cullen's were hunting, or when Carlisle was at work and my siblings at school. I didn't know when the next time an extended hunting trip would come up, but it couldn't be too long. Carlisle was in need of a more substantial meal. I decided to try my patience and wait for the hunting trip. Ditching a class was too risky. One of them would quickly notice I was gone, either Alice or Edward, and would catch me before I even got home.

Still, even with my plan resolved, I grew impatient. It took more than a week of waiting. A week filled of classes where I didn't learn anything and of conversations that I didn't pay attention to. My teachers barely noticed my intellectual absence, but my peers, they noticed. Well some of them did. Kendra made a note to point out how it went against logic that I didn't know the answer to Mr. Goff's question in math when _she_ had.

Desmond noticed my lack in focus too, which was saying something, since I wasn't the most intelligent when it came to chemistry anyway. So there really wasn't much difference when I was paying attention and when I wasn't. Granted it was a lab day, and I _was_ making a few more mistakes than usual.

"No Alyssa, we're supposed to add sodium chloride not ammonium sulfate." Desmond grabbed my hand as I was about to pour the contents of a beaker into the Erlenmeyer flask.

"Oh, right, sorry." I muttered grabbing the beaker he was pointing to.

"What's up with you this week? You've been acting kind of out of it." He said, checking the thermometer in the solution then adjusting the flame accordingly.

"It's nothing. I've had a lot on my mind that's all."

"Oh," he sounded politely interested. "Well, you know what would help that?"

"I have something in mind, but that's part of the problem, so let's hear your remedy."

"Get out and have some fun. Like how about tonight? Would you care to go to dinner with me?"

His eyes were on my face, but I carefully avoided them. I remembered too well what they had done at my party. Instead I caught his hand as he was about to add another substance to our solution.

"Make sure you don't add too much."

"That's not an answer." He replied softly.

I looked up at him, caving in, in order to see his facial expression. That's when his eyes worked their magic. I was trapped, and found myself really wanting to say yes, to go out and have some fun like he suggested. But there was some piece of logic nagging at me from the back of my mind. I couldn't go out tonight, why couldn't I go out tonight? I thought hard, fighting past the power his eyes had on me.

Chemistry. I had to study for chemistry. We had a huge test coming up and I wasn't remotely prepared. And my family, they probably wouldn't like me going out with someone they barely knew. They'd want to meet him first, old fashioned as they were.

"I can't." I managed to get out.

"Why? Don't you want to?" He urged in a sweet voice.

"I have to study for Chemistry. If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of doomed to fail right now."

"Then why don't I help you study?" He offered.

"Really? You would spend a perfectly good Friday night, studying chemistry?" I asked skeptical. Who would blow off a could-be-fun Friday night for chemistry? I'm sure he could find a replacement for his date. He wasn't exactly lacking in the looks department.

"Yes, I wanted to spend the evening with you, and if that's the only way, then I'll do it."

"Why?" I asked blankly.

"Because I'm you're lab partner and I see it as my civic duty to help you pass." He answered lightly.

"No, I mean, why do you want to spend time with _me_?"

He seemed surprised, and his eyes finally stopped their little game they were playing.

"You can't be serious? Because you're nice, friendly—"

"I ignored you that first day." I interrupted, reminding him.

"Witty and beautiful," he continued on, as if I hadn't said a thing, smiling.

"I wouldn't say beautiful." I rolled my eyes.

"I would" his eyes went serious. "So tonight?"

"We'd have to meet at my house, Carlisle's kind of strict."

"It's a date." His smile returned as the bell rang.

I wrote my address on a slip of scrap paper and handed it to him as we walked out of class together. We parted at the door as he went towards math and I went towards gym. Kendra soon caught up to me, going the opposite direction of her class. She just giggled as she walked beside me.

"It is _not_ a date." I hissed at her.

"Oh contraire, I believe that is exactly the word Desmond used." She stated excitedly.

"It's not a date." I repeated, shaking my head. "We're just studying."

"At your house?"

"Yes."

"So, he'll be meeting your family?" She clarified.

"I suppose so."

"And you'll probably eat something when you get hungry." She added.

"Maybe."

"Hmm…taking him home, to meet your family, and then eating, sounds like a date to me." She smiled evilly at me.

"Kendra" I sighed.

"Oh, don't worry, I won't tell your burly boyfriend anything, you naughty girl." She winked at me as she left me at the gym doors.

"Seth is not my boyfriend." I called after her as quietly as I could while still being audible to her.

I think she heard me, but I can't be sure because she didn't acknowledge me. Even though I knew she was just poking fun at me whenever she mentioned Seth and boyfriend in the same sentence, I couldn't help but get defensive. I had never needed to depend on another person. I didn't need a boyfriend to take care of me.

And I did not have a date with Desmond. If him and Kendra wanted to delude themselves into thinking so that was one thing, but to have the whole school think we were dating. I didn't want that. And as much as I loved Kendra, she was known for her big mouth. Meaning by the end of last period half the school would think Desmond and I were madly in love.

I braced myself as I walked across the school yard to my car, waiting for the whispering and pointing to start. There were a few stares, but mostly just from our own personal group of friends. Maybe Kendra hadn't announced it to the world. I was feeling a little guilty for even thinking about her blabbing something so personal about me until I saw the look on Edward and Alice's face as they waited for me outside the car and realized that Kendra had 7th hour with them.

"Hey guys, ready to go?" I brushed past them, getting in the driver's side.

They got in without a word, Alice crawling into the back with Bella and Jasper, leaving Edward to take the front passenger seat. Wonderful, I might actually speed this ride. I started the car and eased out of the space, taking extra care to look around me before backing up, avoiding Edwards gaze.

"You might want to ask Carlisle before inviting friends over." Edward cut to the chase, no small talk to ease into the conversation.

"It's not a social engagement; it's purely in the thirst for knowledge." I assured him, turning onto the main stretch of road and cranking the speed up to forty.

"What kind of knowledge." He was looking at me suspiciously.

"He's helping me study for chemistry. I'm sure Carlisle won't object to that."

Edward had nothing to say to that. He knew I was right, Carlisle cared deeply about my education and he was game for anything that would help me bring up my chemistry grade, the only one that was truly suffering this semester.

When we got home Edward went off to his piano, playing an ominous tune, until Desmond arrived. When the doorbell rang at five I heard the piano abruptly stop emitting sound as I answered the door. Desmond looked dashing in a long-sleeved maroon shirt, that complimented his tan, and jeans that were of a faded denim wash. I felt a little self conscious as I was wearing my favorite pair of worn in jeans with a hole in the knee and an old tee-shirt with paint splatters on it from when I was on my artistic streak. Alice hadn't offered to dress me tonight.

"Hey." I greeted him shyly.

"Hey."

"Why don't you come on in?" I opened the door further and stepped aside to allow him entrance.

I shut the door behind him and as I turned around there stood my whole family: Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, Alice, Edward, Bella, and even Renesmee and Jacob. It created a semi-awkward moment as we all stood there, eyeing one another. I jumped into introductions as I was eager to escape.

"Desmond, meet my family. This is my father Carlisle and my mother Esme." Carlisle nodded politely at him.

"I see you've found the place alright." Carlisle spoke evenly, reserved.

"Yes, thank you."

"I assume you know my siblings, from school, and this is Jacob, a good family friend." I continued on with the introductions.

Jacob eyed Desmond threateningly.

"Nice to meet all of you," Desmond looked away from Jacob first, smiling at my family.

There was another moment of awkward silence before I once again took charge.

"Well, Desmond and I will be in the dining room if you need anything." I took hold of Desmond's wrist and started towing him towards the designated study room. "C'mon Desmond let's get to it."

"I don't get it." I moaned an hour later.

"It's okay. Here, look at it this way. When you have a limiting reactant it's like the amount of money you have shopping. Once you run out of money you can no longer buy any more outfits right?"

I smiled. Alice would love this analogy.

"Right, so if Hydrogen gas is the limiting reactant, when it runs out, the product can no longer be produced?"

"Yes, you've got it."

Caught up in excitement I started jumping up and down, and then I flung myself at Desmond, hugging him. He seemed caught by surprise but he quickly wrapped his arms around me to return the embrace.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I finally understand and it's all thanks to you."

The sound of someone clearing his throat caused me to break my grip on Desmond, and turn to face the interrupter. It was Emmett, looking darkly at Desmond.

"Sorry to interrupt, but Esme says it's time for you to get something to eat."

I couldn't help but blush slightly as I put slightly more distance between Desmond and me.

"You weren't interrupting anything. I was just thanking Desmond for helping me."

"A simple thank you would suffice don't you think?" Edward entered the room behind Emmett. "Seth's here, he's waiting for you until he eats."

"Oh, okay," I was a little flustered, and Edward wasn't helping matters being so abrupt and rude. "Umm…are you hungry Desmond?" I turned to him, remembering my manners unlike Edward.

"Sorry, but I don't think we have enough food for another guest." Edward cut into my invitation.

"Edward, I'm sure we can make room. Seth and Jake don't have to eat a whole family's worth of food."

"It's fine. I should be getting home anyway." Desmond said, placing his books back in his bag.

I sent a dirty look at Edward before I walked Desmond to the door, Edward and Emmett following at a distance. Seth was sitting on the coach watching a game as we passed through the family room. He hit the mute button as we walked by, watching us closely. Seeing as I had already introduced them at the party and how strained that introduction was, I hurried Desmond to the door.

"Thanks again, I owe you…again."

"I'll just put it on your tab." He smiled down at me. "Goodnight."

"Night." I watched him as he walked to the car, and then closed the door.

I made my way back to the couch. Seth sat there, the television still on mute. He looked troubled about something. Reaching down I took his hand in mind and squeezed it.

"Hey, you ready to eat?"

He didn't make a move to get up but glanced up at me.

"What was he doing here?" He was worried about something, but I didn't know what and the best I could do was just answer his question.

"He was helping me with chemistry. You yourself said I needed a tutor remember?"

"He wasn't exactly what I thought of when I mentioned it." He muttered.

"Well, he helped. I finally understand what we were learning." I smiled at him, trying to ease the creases in his forehead.

He tried to return my smile, without very convincing results. Whatever it was, was still bothering him, he was just trying to hide it. He kept his false smile in place as he pushed himself up, keeping hold of my hand.

"Yeah, and that makes it worth it." He led me towards the kitchen, entwining our fingers as we went.

Esme and Carlisle were busy finishing up dinner when we entered the kitchen. Esme was working on my vegetarian meal, while Carlisle was whipping up some kind of chicken stir fry for Seth. I untangled my fingers from Seth's as I grabbed the place settings from the counter and began setting the table.

I brought mine and Seth's plates over to the island where Seth's was filled with the meat concoction Carlisle had created and mine was filled with veggies and some kind of pasta. We ate in silence, both too hungry to bother with conversation. I felt Seth watching me carefully while I ate, and he wasn't ashamed about it as I stared right back at him.

"Is there something you wanted to say?" I asked as I took a sip of water.

"No."

He transferred his gaze to his plate as he picked at his food with his fork. He never played with his food. It was all he could do most of the time to hold back and eat at the same pace as me. What was bothering him? And why didn't he want to talk about it? He was acting the same as at the party, once Desmond arrived.

Oh. I'm so stupid.

"You don't like him do you?"

"No." He didn't have to ask who I was talking about, we both knew.

"Why?" I was curious. He didn't like Kendra, but he had at least bothered to get to know her before he made his decision.

"I just don't think he's trustworthy. He's not good for you." He looked me in the eyes, afraid I might scold him.

"He only helped me with chemistry. It was nothing Seth. We aren't anything but lab partners." He still looked doubtful. "Aren't _I_ trustworthy?" I added.

"Most definitely," he gave me the smile I knew and loved.

I knew he was satisfied with my assurances when, in no more than a minute, his plate was clean. I was slower, taking my time and actually tasting my food. When my I was finished I took both Seth's and my plate to the sink, planning on cleaning up for Esme, but Jasper came to announce that we were having a family meeting and for me to leave the dishes for later.

I followed Jasper to the dining room, Seth beside me. There were extra chairs pulled up to the table, meaning we were expecting more than the family at the _family_ meeting. I took my usually chair between Alice and Renesmee. Seth sat in one of the extra chairs, but there were still quite a few empty ones left. Judging by how Carlisle didn't start the meeting yet, we were waiting for those chairs to be filled.

It didn't take very long. Soon enough Jacob entered the room followed by the rest of his pack: Leah, Quil and Embry. Leah sat next to her brother and the rest filed in, Jacob ending up on the other side of Renesmee.

"What's up Carlisle?" Jacob asked once he was settled, holding hands with Renesmee.

I noticed how they were always touching in one way or another. They were always together. I couldn't help but to wonder if that's how it would be when Seth imprinted. Would he not have enough time to hang with me anymore? I looked at Seth who was seated across the table from me, next to Emmett. His mind seemed to be somewhere else also. His eyes were locked on Jacob's hand, which was stroking Renesmee's now, with what seemed to be a look of jealousy. Did he want to imprint? Was he jealous because Jacob had already found his soul mate?

I felt a pang of empathy as I realized Seth probably hadn't had much chance to find his soul mate. He always seemed to be hanging around our house. It was probably because Jacob was always here with Renesmee, most of Jacob's pack stayed close around. Still, Jacob should be more considerate to those who hadn't found their 'true love' yet, let them have some time to at least try to find them.

Carlisle was talking but I was still feeling bad for Seth so I wasn't really paying attention until I heard Carlisle mention the word hunt.

"—it's about time we all got a good meal. I'd prefer for us to go in two separate groups on different days, but we are going to have an extended weekend on our hands thanks to the weather which is a perfect time for us to hit the trails." Carlisle finished up.

"So I'll have the house to myself?" I couldn't keep the excitement out of my voice.

"Carlisle, do you really think that's the best idea?" Rosalie questioned him in a cutting voice.

"No," Carlisle soothed her. "That's why the wolves are here. How would you guys mind house sitting?"

He turned to the pack with appealing eyes. I was struck dumb at first by what he was implying, but I quickly caught on and my excitement was replaced by anger.

"I do not need babysitters!"

"They're not babysitters, think of them as a security system. I don't like the thought of you here alone." Carlisle tried to reason with me. But I wasn't having any of it.

I didn't want the guys hanging around for the one weekend all of the Cullen's would be gone. They'd follow me everywhere. How was I supposed to go poking around Carlisle's office if they were there, watching?

"Please." Esme implored, seeing my resistance.

"Fine," I relented. "But I get the same privacy I would normally get."

"Of course," Carlisle assured me. "Just, no friends over, no matter what the reason."

I had a feeling he wasn't referring to Kendra or my usual crowd. It was the way he said friends, like he had changed it to the plural at the last minute. However, it didn't really matter. I hadn't made any plans to meet Kendra, Megan, or anyone else later this weekend, including Desmond.

"Not a problem, I wasn't planning on it."

Carlisle seemed content with my answer, and called the meeting to an end. I was one of the first people out of her chair, and ended up following Jacob, who now had his arm wrapped around Renesmee's waist, out of the room. I didn't particularly want to see them all lovey-dovey so I paused to let whoever was behind me to pass and act as a physical barrier.

"Is there something wrong?" Seth asked as he came to stand beside me.

Of course it would have been _him_ behind me.

"No." I answered quickly, walking again.

I saw him look at me, then at Renesmee and Jacob, out of the corner of my eye.

"So, are you ready to have a fun weekend of bonding?" Embry came up behind us, throwing an arm over each of our shoulders.

"Uh…sure," I tried slipping away from him, but Quil came up on my other side, blocking my escape.

I eyed Seth, who was still studying Jacob and Renesmee across the room. I felt bad that he was forced to spend another weekend holed up in Forks, when he could be out, having fun, finding the _one_.

"You don't have to stay if you don't want to Seth. Go out and have some fun, I'll have plenty of babysitters to watch over me."

Seth turned to me with a look on his face that suggested I was insane.

"What could be more fun than hanging out with my best friend?"

I glanced over at Jacob and Renesmee, but let the subject go. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But I vowed right then and there that I would not hog Seth's attention. He deserved a fulfilled life. Not that that's the only reason I was trying to let him off the hook for guard duty. I wasn't completely selfless. With him gone I would be given more space, allowing me more of a chance to get into Carlisle's office and more time to sift through everything and find what he was hiding.

Because he was hiding something from me, something important. And I would find out what that was. I had the whole weekend, an extended weekend. Three whole days of snooping opportunities.


	7. Revelation

Chapter Seven

Revelation

I hate board games. After five hours of playing Monopoly, Trivial Pursuit and Life I never wanted to play another game in my life. When Carlisle and the rest of them left early that morning I thought I'd be home free, but no. Embry had raided the game cabinet, clearing the family room for his escapade.

Thankfully I convinced him to take a lunch break. I got to regroup my thoughts and come up with a plan to get them out of my way without them realizing I was trying to get them out of my way. Unfortunately I still had to finish the meal if I wanted them not to worry or suspect anything.

It was actually weird to eat at a full table, it was usually just Seth and me at the most, and with the size of the boys who were situated around me I began to feel claustrophobic. It didn't help that all of them were eating meat: ham, turkey, or chicken lunchmeat and hotdogs. It was making me a little queasy. I pulled from that inspiration and excused myself from the room.

"Are you going to be okay?" Seth asked looking worried. He had already started to rise and follow me.

"Yeah, I'm fine, finish eating. I have to umm study anyways." I pushed down on his shoulder to get him to sit back down.

"If you're sure," he yielded to my efforts and sat back down.

"Yes, eat, entertain yourselves."

I stayed long enough to ensure they did as I said, then I was out of there. I tried not to run up the steps, afraid to attract attention to my eagerness. Everyone knew I wouldn't be that excited to buckle down and study.

I took a deep breath as I stood outside Carlisle's office, this was it. Pushing the door open I was surprised to find the desk a complete mess of books and papers. Carlisle was always neat and orderly. It looked like something had exploded, like he had been spending every night for the last week in here, researching.

Closing the door behind me to ensure I wasn't interrupted I sat down in Carlisle's leather desk chair and got comfortable. By the looks of things, I was going to be there for a while. Just staring at the mess of papers was giving me a headache and I hadn't even read anything yet. I had no idea where in the bedlam before me I should start, but I finally decided to dig through the pile until I discovered the Grimm's fairytale book.

I found it hidden underneath several layers of papers. Scanning through the table of contents I found the page number I was looking for, 130. I glanced at the story title and did a double take. _The Nix of the Mill-Pond_ not a very popular story of theirs. It was a story about some kind of water fairy who wanted something from a farmer, but I couldn't quite remember what or what for. I quickly flipped through to the page and set in to refresh my memory.

I was prepared to spend hours reading between the lines and trying to find a hidden meaning but Carlisle saved me the trouble. Certain parts of the text were highlighted in bright yellow with neat handwritten notes crammed into the margins. There wasn't nearly as much highlighted as there were notes, only a few words really: sweet voice and a sentence where the nix made the miller promise to give up the 'young thing that has just been born in his house' which just so happened to be his son.

I didn't understand why Carlisle had chosen this story, or why he had highlighted only this part. Not even after I read his notes. Next to the highlighted parts were his thoughts, scattered in incomplete sentences.

_Sweet voice, intoxicating to humans. Evasive, conniving, tricky. Expect the unexpected._

I stopped reading partway down the page. His notes were making little sense to me. They still didn't explain why he had chosen _that_ story. Closing the book and setting it to the side I dug back into the pile of papers and found two other books: Hans Christian Henderson's Thumbelina and J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. Those two had notes and highlighter all over the pages just as the first did. I tried to look for connections between the three, but the only one I could come up with was they were all stories with fairies.

Certain notes popped out at me. Again, they were fragmented sentences, as if he was trying to get every thought that was running through his head out before he forgot them or got distracted. His main thoughts about Thumbelina were about the appearance of the fairy: the size of the fairy prince and the girl he saved, and of course the wings.

The notes on the Peter Pan pages were more interesting. Talking about the possibility of the existence of another world, another dimension where fairies take lost children. It moved on to the idea of pixie dust for flying and whether it could do other things, like make one feel or think a certain way. Then there was the part about each fairy having a separate talent or power, like the fairies of enlightenment mentioned by Barrie.

The way he was writing made it seem as if he really believed in fairies. I knew that I should be more optimistic due to the circumstances of those I lived with, but I couldn't help but wonder if Carlisle had lost his mind. What would be the point in discovering they were real be anyways?

Scanning the page I found an interesting tidbit on flying. Carlisle hadn't written any notes by it, which was part of the reason the sentence drew my attention. 'The moment you doubt you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it.' Why hadn't he felt the need to right notes beside it? Why hadn't it at least created a question like all the other highlighted parts had? Was it an answer to one of his questions?

The further I got into Peter Pan the less the story focused on fairies and the less notes filled the page. Eventually they stopped altogether and I set the book by Grimm's and dove headfirst into the notes on stray paper, hoping they too had to do with this theme of fairies that Carlisle seemed to be obsessed with lately.

The notes _were_ about fairies, but they were all out of order. I finally found the first page, and began picking my way through the pile, finding the rest of them. It was a tedious job. There must have been over a hundred papers. I had neatly stacked the first twenty on the corner of the desk while I continued to try and find the twenty-first. That's when I found my baby book hidden at the bottom of the mess. What was it doing here?

It had been years since I'd seen the book. Momentarily forgetting my search I flipped the cover open and strolled down memory lane. I got to my third year when my cell rang loudly from my pocket. Dropping the book I quickly answered the phone before it attracted the attention of the guys.

"Hello?" I whispered.

"Alyssa? Are you there? It's Kendra." I cringed as she shouted into the phone.

"Yes, I'm here. Please talk quietly." I hissed back at her.

"Oh, sorry, I guess you're not alone. Anyway I called to ask if you wanted to go to the movies with me tomorrow. Sort of like a girl's night out."

"I don't know Kendra. The fam's gone this weekend and I was told no friends." I paused to make sure no one could hear me talking. I had thought I heard footsteps.

"What exactly did Carlisle say?"

"I'm not allowed to have any friends over while they're gone." I sighed.

I decided the conversation wasn't going to require my complete focus, so I began digging through the paper on Carlisle's desk.

"Well that settles it. I won't be coming over. You'll be coming out."

I found the next couple sheets of notes and added them to the stack.

"I can only promise I'll try my best to go."

"Great, I'll see you tomorrow." She squealed before hanging up on me.

I flipped the phone shut and stuffed it back into my pocket shaking my head. Kendra was really something else. I wouldn't have done half the stuff I did if it wasn't for her. She had spunk. She was me best girl pal, whom I told everything to. Well, almost everything.

I bent down to retrieve the baby book from the floor, not really thinking about how long I had been 'studying' until I heard footsteps on the stairs. Crap, I couldn't be found in here. I was supposed to be in my room, studying. I quickly tried to return the desk to somewhat the way it was before. Grabbing up the baby book I tossed it on the bottom of the pile, but not before a folded piece of paper slipped out of it. That was strange. I've been through the book a thousand times and nothing was ever stuck in there before.

I quickly covered up the baby book with the papers and other books, trying to make it like it was before. Once everything was settled I picked up the paper that had fallen out of the book and slid it into my pocket. I was halfway across the room before the door opened and Quil burst in.

"There you are. What are you doing in here?"

"I was…" I glanced around the room for inspiration."Returning a book I had borrowed from Carlisle."

Quil seemed to buy the lie. After all, what else would I be doing in there? Besides, I read a lot. It was very believable.

"Oh, well c'mon. Embry found Twister and he wants to play." I groaned. The last thing I wanted to do was play another game.

"Fine, I'll be right down."

Quil left me and I waited until I heard him clomping down the stairs before I left Carlisle's office in the direction of my room. I slipped in, removing the letter from my pocket and placing it in my desk drawer. I'd have to wait to read it. Thanks to Embry and his stupid quest to play every game Milton Bradley had ever manufactured.

A half hour later I was reaching for the blue circle with my right hand. I had to wriggle my way under Seth and twist my arm around Embry's to get there, but I didn't fall. It was Seth's turn next. Quil, the designated spinner, spun for him. Left elbow yellow. He tried twisting his body so his elbow could reach, but he just wasn't as flexible as me. He lost his balance and fell on top of me.

For a moment the breath was knocked out of me, but he jumped off of me soon enough, allowing oxygen to flow through my body once more. Embry let out a howl as he had won, being the last one to stay up.

I sat out the next round, switching places with Quil. It was actually extremely entertaining to watch the three of them play. They were all over six foot, muscular and inflexible. Watching them flounder around got me to laugh and forget about the paper in my drawer that I desperately wanted to read.

Regardless of how clumsily they played the game, it took a long time for any of them to fall. Finally Embry's hand slipped as he was going to red when Seth's phone rang. Embry bumped into Quil, who tumbled down with him, making Seth the winner. He didn't have much time to celebrate though as he stood to answer the phone.

"Hello?" Seth breathed into the phone.

"Yeah, everything's going great, we're playing Twister." It was Carlisle. Even if I could only hear one side of the conversation, only Carlisle would call and ask how everyone was.

"Can I talk to him for a minute?" I asked stretching up on my toes with my hand extended towards the phone. Seth just held up a finger.

"No, nothing unusual, uh huh. Hey Alyssa wants to talk with you okay?" He waited for Carlisle's answer before handing me the phone.

"Hey Carlisle, how's everything going? Having fun?" I wanted to judge his mood before asking him any favors.

"Everything's fine. Emmett is having some real fun with the bears. He claims they're the only ones who don't let him win." He chuckled in my ear. Excellent he was in a good mood.

"That's not true. He's beaten Jasper fair and square plenty of times. Anyways, I wanted to ask you a favor."

There was a long pause on his end of the line.

"Carlisle, are you still there?"

"Yes, I'm waiting for your favor."

"Oh, right. Well Kendra really, really wants me to go to the movies with her tomorrow night in Port Angeles. Sort of like a girls night out. And I was wondering if I could go." I used my sweetest, most persuasive voice, hoping to soften him up.

"Is it only the two of you?"

"Yes."

"Who's driving?"

"I'm not sure. I told her I'd have to ask before I said yes." That must earn me some brownie points, waiting for permission before agreeing.

"Alright, if she drives and you're back no later than ten it's fine with me."

"Thank you Carlisle! I would hug you right now, but you're too far away."

"Have fun, and call me when you get in." He added, laughing at my enthusiasm.

"I will, don't worry. Bye!" I hung up and handed the phone back to Seth who was in the process of putting the game away.

"So you're going to the movies tomorrow." Seth mentioned casually as he folded the tarp up.

"Yeah," I handed him the spinner.

"What movie are you going to see?"

"I'm not sure. Kendra didn't say."

"Mind if I come along?" He asked.

"Seth, you and Kendra don't particularly get along. Besides, it's our girl time."

"Right," was all he said as he returned the box to the cabinet.

After all those games the afternoon was pretty much spent. I wanted badly to excuse myself to my room so I could find out what exactly had fallen out of the book. But seeing as the guys thought I had spent the last two hours in there studying, they would think I was insane to go back there now.

I kept my mind busy by transforming the living room into a guest room for the guys. After an intense three rounds of rock, paper, scissors, Seth got the couch and Quil and Embry got sleeping bags on the floor. We ended the night with an Indiana Jones movie marathon with popcorn, candy, and soda as our three course dinner.

Quil and Embry were snoring by the ending credits of the final film. Finally, I could excuse myself and go to bed. Saying goodnight to Seth I skipped up the steps, tripping on the last one.

"I'm okay!" I shouted down to Seth so he wouldn't come to check on me.

Jumping up I ran to my room and shut the door behind me. I managed to force myself to brush my teeth and change into boxers and a t-shirt before settling into bed with the folded paper in hand. I had no idea what it was, but I was convinced it was important. I could feel it.

I unfolded the paper carefully, smoothing out the creases. It was some sort of letter. A letter dated sixteen years ago and addressed to Carlisle. A letter about—_me_.

My hands dropped the letter half way through reading it. No. Freaking. Way. It wasn't true, it couldn't be true.

Grabbing my phone from my bedside table I fumbled with the keys until I finally dialed the right number. It rang several times before the machine picked up. Damn it.

"Carlisle, we need to talk. I found some things and I have some questions that you _will_ answer. Call me when you get this, and don't even _try_ to talk your way out of it. I _know_ what you're hiding." I hung up on that note. I would have slammed the phone if I was on the land line and my phone had a cradle.

I knew something was going on. I just _knew_ they were hiding something from me. But no more lies, and no more hiding, they were going to fill me in. They were going to explain _everything_.


	8. Truth

Chapter Eight

Truth

It had been a while since I had seen a movie with Kendra. I had forgotten how she spent most of the movie making commentary about the actors, the wardrobe and what she would change about each. The movie had been a cheesy chick flick, an easy prey to critique. It was actually highly amusing to listen to Kendra, until the people around us started sending us dirty looks.

Like always we waited until the credits had finished rolling before leaving. It was still pretty early when we got out so we decided to grab a bite to eat at a diner down the block. I kept my purse on my shoulder throughout the night, except for when I paid for dinner. It contained the letter from last night, my one piece of proof. There was no way I was letting it at home for someone to hide again. Carlisle was not going to be able to talk his way out of this. He would have to tell the truth.

I had hoped he would have called me back the previous night. In fact I had stayed up half the night waiting for his call. But it never came. He either left his phone in the car and hadn't checked his messages yet or he was ignoring my call. I was hoping for the first so I kept checking my phone throughout the night. I thought I had been inconspicuous about it, but Kendra seemed to notice.

"Expecting a call?" She asked as I flipped the phone closed for the fifteenth time.

"Sort of," I admitted turning the phone over in my hands.

"From Desmond?" She smiled at me.

"No," I shook my head emphatically.

"Oh, come on and just admit that you like him. You two would be the perfect couple."

"Kendra, drop it."

"Not until you admit it. You like Desmond." She said in a sing-song voice.

My phone vibrated in my hand. I had it open and to my ear before Kendra could tease me anymore.

"Carlisle."

"Where are you?" He sounded tense.

"I'm having dinner with Kendra."

"I thought you said a movie."

"I did, we decided to get a bite to eat after. Did you get my message?" I turned away from Kendra's disappointed face to get some privacy.

"Yes. I did." He sounded uncomfortable.

"Then we're on the same page. I need some answers Carlisle."

"Come home." He ordered.

I became suspicious. Come home, why should I come home? How was that going to help my situation any?

"Carlisle, where are you?"

"Ten minutes from the house."

"Carlisle you didn't have to end your trip early for this." I sighed exasperatedly.

I noticed Kendra sliding closer, trying to hear Carlisle's side of the conversation.

"Listen. Just get Kendra to drive you home. It's better if we talk about this face to face, away from prying ears."

Kendra seemed to hear that for she slid back to the other side of the booth.

"Fine, I'll see you in a half hour."

"Don't speed." He warned.

"That's rich, coming from you. Forty-five minutes then." I hung up after he said goodbye, chucking my phone back in my purse.

I finished eating in silence while Kendra stared at me, a million questions burning in her eyes. She was being good, not asking me a single one. When we were both done I paid the bill with exact change and left the tip lying on the table. Kendra rushed to put her sweater on and followed me out.

I was silent on the ride home, staring out the window. Kendra's driving seemed all the slower with the answers to my questions as the destination. I had to restrain myself from scolding her when she slowed to a stop at a yellow light that she clearly could have made. The Cullen's driving must be rubbing off on me.

Kendra didn't break the silence until we were back in Forks. She slowed down even more, if that was even possible and snuck glances at me.

"So what's the emergency?"

"Huh?" I drug my attention from the speedometer to her.

"What's the damage that's brought your family home early and made you have to come home an hour before curfew?"

"It's nothing, just a small family dilemma."

She showed some restraint by not asking any further questions. I was really proud of her.

When we pulled up to my house fifteen minutes later I noticed a shadow pass by the front window. Someone was impatient wasn't he? I waved goodbye before shutting my car door, thanking her for the ride and a good time. I heard the automatic window whiz down before I reached the porch.

"Call me later." Kendra called, and then drove off once I threw my hand up to acknowledge that I would.

I hurried up the porch steps, eager to get some answers, and a little peeved at Carlisle for hiding something of this magnitude from me. The door opened before I could get to it. Carlisle stood there along with Jasper who was sending calming thought waves towards me.

"Stop it Jasper." I tried to sound firm, but it was hard with Jasper working his magic.

Carlisle closed the door behind me and without a word led me towards the dining room where the rest of the family was waiting. I was going to remain standing but my resolve crumbled as Jasper took his seat next to me.

Carlisle cleared his throat, and all eyes were on him.

"Now Alyssa, what specifically did you want to ask me about?" He folded his hands on the table and stared at me a little too calmly.

"I was wondering when you were planning on telling me about this?" I pulled out the letter from my bag and flashed it at Carlisle while keeping a tight grip on it.

"Where did you get that?" He asked shocked.

"The better question is where did _you_ get it?"

"It was with you at the hospital."

"But it was addressed to you." I practically pointed a hole in the paper. "You must have planned on receiving me."

""No, I didn't. You were the best surprise ever. But you were exactly that, a surprise." His voice softened a little so I knew he was telling the truth.

"Okay, then why didn't you ever tell me about it? Did you think I would never find out I was, I don't know, a freaking fairy!" My voice was sharp.

"Didn't you read the whole letter?" Carlisle appraised me.

"No, I stopped at the part where it said I was a fairy. That was some pretty big news to swallow." I defended myself.

"There's more to it than just that." Edward broke in.

Carlisle sent him a meaningful look. I had no need for mindreading skills to know what he was thinking. His face said it all. _Don't say anything._

"You know I could just finish the letter and find out what you seem to not want to tell me." I turned my attention to the letter, scanning for the part where I had left off.

Carlisle sighed.

"No interrupting." He warned.

I nodded my head, pretending to lock up my lips.

"I didn't just find you in my office. You were given to me in person. The man said I was the only one who could protect you. He begged me to take you in, he said he was desperate. It was the first major decision I made without discussing it with the family. But the moment I looked at you I knew you were meant to be a part of this family. And I've never regretted that decision.

He gave me the letter once I agreed to take you home. Told me to read it, that it would explain everything. And then he was gone. I pushed the letter to the back of my mind, putting it in my bag for later. My main priority was to introduce our new little member to the family. You should have seen the look on Esme and Rosalie's faces. Even Emmett was excited."

Emmett grumbled something at this, but Rosalie elbowed him in the ribs and Carlisle continued with a smile.

"It took a week to get you settled in. A week until I read the letter. I was surprised to find out what you were. You hadn't shown any signs of being anything more than human. Reading on I learned that if I was to follow the promise I had made, you would be returned to where you came from, to the person who brought you into our world, on your seventeenth birthday. When you would begin the full transformation. I couldn't fathom my life without you. And I knew Esme would be just heartbroken. I dreaded your seventeenth birthday ever since that day. It seemed unfair, we were already so attached, and in seventeen short years you'd be removed from our lives."

The room was quiet, signaling he was finished.

"That's it? That's everything you know? I'm seventeen now, and I'm still here, I'm still human."

Esme shook her head sadly.

"But you're not. Sweetie, you've become more graceful, harder to hear when you approach."

"I'm not graceful. I fell the other day going up the steps, ask Seth." I protested.

I didn't want it to be true. Because if it was true, it would mean not only would I be leaving behind everyone and everything I loved, but those very people I loved would have lied to me my whole life.

"It's not only that, you're hearing has improved. And your scent is getting harder to track." Edward interrupted, pointing out more changes, more proof.

I recalled being able to hear Carlisle and Alice clearly when they were nowhere near me. And the night after the party when Edward had trouble finding me.

"Well, so what if I'm changing. No one's come to whisk me away. Maybe they've forgotten about me."

"They haven't." Carlisle whispered helplessly.

"Carlisle I think I would realize if someone was trying to shove me in a van and drive off with me. That hasn't happened lately."

"Look at the signature."

Flipping the paper over I searched for the author's mark. With the initial shock of the whole fairy thing suppressed I realized the handwriting itself looked vaguely familiar. I had seen it somewhere before. But not in that context, I had never seen the letter before. I finally tore my eyes from the mystery that was the familiar script and discovered the elegant flourish of a signature at the bottom.

_Desmond Cunningham._ Desmond: as in the Desmond who sat less than a foot away from me in chemistry every day, Desmond who wrote those notes in class that were in the same handwriting, Desmond who had starred in my dreams more than once The same Desmond who just moved here on my seventeenth birthday.

"I think he's trying a slightly different tactic." Edward stated dryly.

"It can't be him. He would be older by now. He definitely wouldn't be the same age as me now if I was a baby when he left me."

"Not necessarily, fairies could be immortal." Carlisle explained.

"Then explain _me_. He _knew_ me, and not just as a baby. He expected me to remember him. A baby couldn't remember him. We have some connection." I could feel a bubble of hysteria building up inside of me, waiting to burst.

"What are you talking about? When did he tell you to remember?" Carlisle spoke with urgency.

"A week ago, he was begging for me to remember, I can't remember Carlisle. How can I have a whole other life and not even remember it?"

"Calm down Alyssa. You need to calm down and start from the beginning." Jasper spoke in a soft voice that seeped through me. Why had I been so worried, so anxious?

"It came to me in a dream, in two dreams, each within a week from each other. They were so real. You remember the first one don't you Edward."

Edward nodded his head and began filling everyone in at a rapid speed. No one was very much surprised by my first dream. It was basically what the letter had forewarned them about. It was the second dream that worried them. I could tell by their faces. The way Carlisle's eyes grew bleak and Esme grasped his hand when I described how realistic it felt, how I couldn't seem to escape from it, and Desmond's reaction to me not remembering. How he was adamant that I had to remember.

I knew I should have felt all the more anxious at their responses. That some flicker of worry should arouse in me. But I was incapable of feeling anything but an annoying calm, a false emotion. I needed to be alone. I had to escape this room, where my emotions were being kept prisoner, held under the surface. After the load of information that had been heaped on my shoulders, it was too much. I needed to feel _my_ emotions, not what Jasper wanted me to feel.

"Carlisle, may I be excused to my room?"

"Of course. Jasper?" To my horror Jasper rose with me.

"I don't think I need Jasper to get to sleep. I'm practically drained anyways."

I pleaded with my eyes. With a slight nod from Carlisle, Jasper sat back down, sending me an extra wave of serenity as I made my way to the door. I slipped out quietly and gasped a deep breath when the solid door shunned me from him. I could feel again.

Sharp stabs of fear began attacking me at once. I think I was having an anxiety attack. Or a mental break down. Either way it was painful, breathing was getting harder. It was like my air tubes were closing and my lungs had to work double time. I heard someone call my name, and then I was being crushed against someone's chest. Seth's voice echoed in my ear and slowly my airways began to reopen.

"Alyssa, can you hear me."

I nodded my head against his chest.

"Listen, I know this is hard for you, finding out you're a, well, you know. But I want you to know I'm here for you. I won't let anything happen to you."

"What did you just say?" My head snapped up.

"I won't let anything happen to you" He repeated.

"No, about me being a fairy. You knew. You knew all along and you never told me?" I pushed away from him, my anxiety replaced by anger.

I could not believe I was the only one who hadn't known all along. And that Seth had known, for God knew how long, and hadn't spoken a word to me. I told him everything, and there he was hiding a big ass secret like that from me.

"Um, yes?" He answered, uncertain.

"I thought you were my best friend." I accused.

"I am," He looked hurt.

"No, you're not my best friend. You're not even a friend. A friend wouldn't hide something this important from me." I shouted at him.

My shouting must have caused some alarm among my family, for they came bursting into the room. I could already feel Jasper trying to control me, but I fought it. I didn't want to be told how to feel. I was angry and having my feelings suppressed was only making me more irritated. So I turned and made a run for the stairs.

Slamming my door shut I made certain to lock it. I knew it was useless against everyone I was trying to keep out, but I also knew they would respect my wishes and leave me alone. Lying on my bed I could still hear the others clearly as if they were outside the door rather than downstairs. Just another reminder of why my life sucked right now.

I tried stuffing a pillow over my head, but that did little good. I could still hear their voices. I could also hear the approaching footsteps, but I ignored them.

"Alyssa, can we talk?" Seth knocked lightly on my door.

"No."

"There's something I want to tell you."

"If it's I'm sorry I don't want to hear it." I mumbled.

"No, it's something else. Can I please come in?"

"Just leave me alone."

He waited, sitting outside my door. I knew he was still there because I could hear his breathing. I fell asleep as I listened to him. It was a light sleep, not deep enough to block out all sounds. Sometime later I was awakened by the sound of footsteps. I thought maybe Seth had finally given up, but then I heard Embry speak.

"Is she still mad at you?"

"Yeah," Seth muttered dejected.

"Then somehow I _don't_ think now's the best time to tell her."

"Shut up Embry." Seth snapped at him.

He sounded angry, but I knew that he was probably more hurt than mad, as he should be. Give him a little taste of how I felt. He had really hurt me by lying. I could understand Carlisle and Edward and the rest of them keeping it from me, they have kept plenty of things from me. But Seth, he had never lied to me before. That I knew of. Now I was beginning to doubt that.

There was too much going on. Finding out I wasn't human as I had thought, and Seth Lying. Not to mention I had no idea how I was going to deal with seeing Desmond in school now that I knew. And then there was Kendra. What was I going to tell her? She had already called me twice since I locked myself in my room. I couldn't go on ignoring her calls forever. I had to tell her something, but I had no idea what. I had better hurry up soon though, because I had promised her I would call her later. And I kept my promises.

Unlike some people I didn't lie to my friends.


	9. Memory

_Sorry this took so long. School has been annoyingly busy and I wanted to make this a good one rather than rush it. I'm still not completely satisfied with it, but I thought I made you all wait long enough._

_Rachel_

Chapter Nine

Memory

It was two am and I still couldn't get to sleep. I kept dreading facing both Kendra and Desmond. I hated Mondays. In five short hours I would be on my way to school: alone. I had spent all yesterday locked in my room, denying entrance to everyone. Seth had waited the whole day sitting on the other side of my door, not moving once. I was almost positive he hadn't moved since his conversation with Embry.

Jacob had brought him food at the appropriate times. He also stayed with Seth until he was finished, making one way conversations. I could tell he was trying to cheer Seth up. Eventually Jake gave up on getting Seth to talk until the next mealtime. Alice had also come knocking at appropriate intervals, trying to bring me food, but I wouldn't allow her to enter. I knew if I opened the door Seth would try to talk to me. And I didn't want to talk. I had nothing to say to him.

It was bad enough that he had heard my entire blunder of a conversation with Kendra, where I had made up what must have been the dumbest excuse ever for my behavior that night. He had caught me lying to a friend when I had chewed him out for doing exactly that. Not that I could have told Kendra the truth about my world if I had wanted to. That was the difference between my situation and Seth's. Seth didn't have to lie.

Sitting up, I flicked my bedside lamp on. If I couldn't sleep I might as well entertain myself until it was time for school. I grabbed the first book my hand touched on my night table and flipped it open to a random page. The only writing on the page was a caption. I had ironically picked the photo album Seth had given me for my birthday. I was looking at a picture from one of Seth's birthdays, when I had burnt the cake and set off the smoke detectors. Seth had his arms around me, trying to stifle a laugh while I looked teary eyed.

I remembered how he had eaten a piece anyway, just because I had baked it. He had said it tasted fine, that it was just the way he liked it. I wonder if that was when the lying had started. Slamming the cover down, I chucked the book roughly across the room. It landed with a loud thud on the floor. Stupid memories, I didn't want to be reminded of Seth's sweet side.

At the moment, as far as I was concerned, Seth was a two-faced liar. And right then that two-faced liar grunted in his sleep, but the noise didn't wake him. He was still outside, still leaning against the wall, using it as a bed. If I wasn't angry with him I'd be worried he might get a stiff neck.

But I _didn't_ care. I didn't care that Seth sporadically let out a piteous moan here or there as I spent the remainder of the early hours preparing for the day: packing up my school bag, picking out my clothes and getting a shower.

Around five, when I had nothing else left to do, I went to sit in front of my window to watch the sunrise. That's when I noticed a shadow resting beneath the tree by my window. Squinting to see better I realized it was a wolf with russet fur: Jacob. I should have known that since my nighttime adventure they would post a guard at my window.

I became irritated the more I thought of how my family was treating me like a traitor. As if I would want to leave them and go with Desmond. That's probably why they hadn't told me about how I came to live with them. They were probably afraid I'd run off to find out my true identity. That's how little trust they put in me. I wonder if they would even let me go to school alone on days like today, on account of me knowing and all.

Maybe it would just be best if I left for school early. I was already up and ready, and that way I wouldn't have to deal with getting around Seth or facing my family. Placing my bag on my shoulder I eased my door open to find Seth sprawled out on the floor in front of me. He looked troubled in his sleep, his forehead was creased. I carefully stepped over him and made my way down the stairs. I arrived in the foyer without alarming anyone. That was a good sign. I was almost home free.

I picked my way across the room to the front door in the dark, bending to retrieve my keys from the table beside the door. My hands fumbled over the smooth surface, but I couldn't find them. I could have sworn that was where I had laid them last.

"Looking for these?"

I whipped around to find Renesmee sitting on the couch, holding up my keys.

I was speechless. I hadn't expected any of the family to be down here. I thought they would all be in their rooms entertaining themselves in various ways. Some of which I really didn't want to think about. Then again Jacob was on guard duty. Maybe she was too.

I was afraid she wouldn't let me leave, but surprisingly she tossed me my keys. I caught them easily in my right palm and turned for the door when she stopped me.

"Alyssa, one thing before you go."

I turned to see her studying me pityingly.

"Don't give Seth too hard of a time. He really does care about you. More than you know." My face hardened.

Seth cared about me huh? Well obviously he didn't care enough to tell me the truth.

"Goodbye Renesmee."

I shut the door carefully, making sure to omit as little sound as possible. The sun was already showing over the tops of the trees, making me squint against the unnaturally bright light as I made my way across the yard to the garage. When I got to my car it was to find Jacob in wolf form, sitting by the driver's door.

"Relax Jake I'm just going to school." I held up my bag for him to see.

He just stared at me with his intelligent black eyes. I figured that was all the response I was going to get, so I threw my bag into the car and followed suit. I checked the rearview mirror as I drove away and found Jake watching me. He was staring right at me, and it felt like he was disappointed in me or something as our eyes met in the mirror. I cast away the guilt his look had brought on and adjusted the mirror until I could no longer see his face. Much better.

When I arrived at school there were only a few cars in the lot. I parked in the usual spot, even though there were still some plenty closer to choose from. Call it a force of habit, or a need to control some part of my life. Whichever it was, it made me feel slightly better.

I was sitting at a picnic table in the courtyard by the cafeteria when people started arriving. There was a huge test today in chemistry and I was going to do everything in my power to pass it. I was just checking one of my answers in the back of the book when someone plopped down on the bench across from me.

"No body guards today?" Desmond asked.

I stiffened. I hadn't expected to see him until after lunch, in chemistry, where I would be too busy taking the test to acknowledge him. How was I supposed to be around him, knowing what I was, what he was? I couldn't let him know that I knew. That, I was sure, would be bad. But I couldn't ignore him. That would be even more awkward. I just had to try and pretend like nothing was wrong. I could do that.

"I gave them the day off." I tried to joke lightly.

"How nice of you. Need any help?

"No, I actually got it right." I looked up, my smile a little too tight. "I think I finally understand what I'm doing."

"Congrats."

I nodded in acknowledgment and went back to my chemistry problems.

"So how was the rest of your weekend?" Desmond interrupted.

"It was great," I lied. "Yours?"

"It was alright."

Thankfully the warning bell rang before I was expected to continue the conversation. I was feeling uncomfortable being around Desmond. It was weird, him knowing more about me than I did. And I was positive the only reason he was being friendly towards me was because he wanted to win me over so I'd go with him willingly.

"I'll see you in chemistry." I waved a goodbye then hurried off to my first class.

We had a partner quiz in math, which kept my mind from straying to any of the many revelations that had unraveled themselves during the weekend. Especially since Megan was my partner this time. She wasn't as nosey when it came to my personal life. She had her opinions, and made them known when the situation called for it, but she never pried. She could tell when I didn't want to talk, and unlike Kendra, respected that.

French was tedious as ever, but I found myself dreading English instead of yearning for it. Now that I knew what I was, _A_ _Midsummer's Night Dream_ kind of lost its high rank amongst other Shakespearean plays with me. I didn't want to read of all the rotten, mischievous tricks the fairies played on the humans. I didn't want to entertain the idea that that was how fairies really were, how I was going to be.

I tried not to think about my circumstances as we read aloud from the book, but I kept picturing myself as the fairy. It was one of the first times I had ever passed on volunteering to read a part aloud and it didn't go unnoticed. Ms. Liu stopped me after class to ask how things were going with me, if everything was all right at home. I didn't really feel like having a hallmark moment with her so I covered up my mood as lack of sleep. She seemed to buy that and told me to try and get some more rest tonight.

The rest of the morning went smoothly, and all too soon it was mid-day. I avoided the main courtyard during lunch. More specifically I was avoiding Desmond. He was sitting with Kendra, Evan and Megan at the same picnic table we had occupied earlier. Instead of joining them I ducked into the cafeteria when they weren't looking. It was practically empty so I had no problem grabbing a window seat. If I couldn't be outside on a day like today, I would at least be able to feel the sun's warmth as it filtered through the window.

While I nibbled on my lunch I watched the goings on in the courtyard, keeping an eye on Kendra's table. Evan was busy animatedly describing something to Megan, who looked like her attention was straying. Desmond was trying to act like he was interested in Evan's story, but I saw his eyes periodically scan his surroundings. I sunk slightly lower in my chair as his eyes flashed towards the cafeteria. Once he wasn't looking I straightened up to find Kendra wasn't even trying to pay attention to anyone around her. She had her phone in hand. I wonder if she was texting Stephen. I never asked her how it went with him at the party.

A second later my phone vibrated in my pocket. I flipped it open to find Kendra's name lit up on my screen.

_Where r u?!_

_Studying. _

_Nerd._

_:P hey I never asked you how things went with Stephen at the party._

I transferred the topic of conversation to her before she could ask any more questions about my odd behavior.

_We danced a few times. He txtd me last night, we're going to the movies this Fri w/some of his friends. :D_

I was a horrible friend. How could I have been so wrapped up in myself that I didn't realize this great thing that happened to my best friend? She was so excited and happy. I should have detected that.

_Aww I'm so happy for you! I can't believe I didn't notice anything at the party. :/_

_It's all good. U were 2 busy making goo-goo eyes Desmond lol. _

_Was not._

_Suurrree. Anyways wat'd he end up giving u 4 ur bday?_

_Umm….idk, I haven't opened it yet… :( _

I had completely forgotten about the small box Desmond had given me that night. I must have kept it with me throughout the party without realizing it. I hadn't remembered setting it down anywhere. So where was it now? The last I remember I had fallen asleep on the stairs and awoke from my bad dream in my bed.

_Wat do u mean u haven't opened it yet!? Wat r u waiting 4?_

The bell rang before I could answer her. Not that I had an answer. What was I supposed to tell her, I forgot about it? She would read too much into that. She read too much into everything. Like why I had agreed to Desmond helping me in chemistry. She also had a theory for as to why I wasn't at lunch today. According to her I was playing hard to get.

Ten minutes later I sat down in my seat, pushing Kendra, Desmond and everything else out of my mind as Mr. G began passing out the tests. Taking a deep breath I opened the test and began reading: bubbling in my answers and marking the ones I wasn't sure about.

I triple checked the multiple choice section before moving onto the free response questions. Luckily the first one was exactly like the problem I had done that morning and the other one was on the same material Desmond and I had gone over.

An hour and a half later I was the last one to turn in my test. But it was the first time I'd ever felt like I passed one. I felt so light and free, and confident. Not only had I survived one of Gerard's tests, but the bell rang before we were assigned homework. What a beautiful day it was turning out to be.

My mood improved as the school day came to a close. The sun was shining, I felt good about my test, there was no homework in chemistry, and I had managed to avoid Desmond and Kendra after school by waiting a little longer than usual in the locker room.

I rode home with the sun roof open and the radio blasting, singing at the top of my lungs. I hadn't felt so carefree for a long while. Lately there had been too many complications. I missed being sixteen, sweet sixteen. Life was so much easier when I was oblivious. But I just had to go and dig that hole and there was no burying what I had found. I could only dig deeper, until I found something. But what if I didn't want to find anything? I didn't like what I had already found.

Esme was waiting by the door when I got home, but I brushed past her, making my way upstairs. I could tell she wanted to talk, but she didn't pursue me. I had expected to see Seth waiting in the same spot outside my room, wanting to talk also, and was surprised to see Jacob in his place. A wave of disappointment shot through me, but I ignored it. It was better that way, not having to fight my way past someone just to get to my door or be expected to hold a conversation.

Locking the door, I put on some classical music and went to work on an English essay that was due Wednesday. Unfortunately we picked our characters we were to analyze before I had found out about my background so I was stuck analyzing Robin Goodfellow, the mischievous fairy who causes most of the drama in the play. I had rushed to acquire him, but now I wished I had chosen Hippolyta or Theseus.

I forced myself through the introduction and two of the supporting paragraphs before taking a break. The whole time I was writing I couldn't help thinking about Desmond. What if he was like Goodfellow? He certainly was doing the whole eye thing which was strange. It kind of reminded me of how Goodfellow blew the love juice in mortals' eyes to make them fall in love with each other. Desmond seemed to have some power with his eyes. Or maybe I was just a sucker for blue eyes. But seeing as Desmond was a fairy I was more apt to believe there was some sort of magic behind him.

Maybe all these annoying coincidences weren't really coincidences at all. Maybe it was destiny that brought Desmond here, to Forks, and that made me discover I was a fairy when I obviously wasn't going to be told anytime soon. How else could Desmond have found me? It's not like we've lived in one place forever and I'm pretty sure we were never in the yellow pages.

If I was fighting destiny by not leaving with Desmond then maybe I should start learning more about my past. To try and get a glimpse at what exactly I was avoiding and what the best possible way to cheat destiny would be. A clue to that might be whatever was in the box Desmond gave me for my birthday. All I had to do was find it.

That might take a while. I honestly couldn't remember what I did with it. But it had to be somewhere around here, and my best bet was probably my bed. It was a pretty good hiding spot for anything lost. The sheets were all tangled up with the bedspread, easily concealing anything and everything that might be in there.

After ten minutes of wrestling with the bedcovers I decided stripping the bed might be an easier way to tackle my problem. I grabbed the nearest pillow and chucked it on the floor and when that didn't reveal anything I pulled the other one from its place. After throwing off the comforter I discovered a small bump under the sheets. Diving for it I successfully pulled out the pains of my labor.

Abandoning my wreckage I sat on the loveseat, staring at the box with the crumpled bow. Now that I had found it, I wasn't sure if I wanted to open it. I mean, the idea of learning about my past seemed good when I didn't have any means of doing so, but now I had a gift from some guy that was obviously a big part of my past. I wasn't sure if I could handle that. It's not fair. I couldn't just forget the past and move on to my future like every other person on the planet because apparently my past _was_ my future, unfortunately.

I finally forced myself into action, slowly tearing the paper off and revealing a small oak box with a sunburst carved on the top. The lack of familiarity at seeing the package sent a mix of disappointment and relief through me. I was still curious to find out who I was, yet a part of me wanted to cling to the life I was living. I was comfortable where I was, with who I was. Did I really want to start all over? Did I want to ruin what I had by awakening memories that had been buried so deep they needed nudging to show themselves?

My hands hesitated over the lid as I caught sight of another one of my birthday gifts that lay opened on the floor. Setting the box aside I picked up the leather bound photo album I had thrust away earlier. After staring at the pictures on the page it had been opened to I closed it. I had already begun ruining what I had. Why not go all the way? What did I have to lose?

Setting the book aside I picked the box up again. I opened the lid to reveal a simple pendant made of antique looking brassy metal. Four reddish orange gems shaped like petals surrounded three small black onyx gems that were settled in a vertical row. I studied it for a moment, but nothing happened. It was beautiful, but it triggered nothing inside me.

Maybe it was for the better. Now I could enjoy the gift without having the weight of its meaning pulling me down. Very carefully, I removed the necklace with its long chain from the box. As soon as my fingers brushed over the gem my surroundings faded as my brain took over my sight. It was like a virtual reality game; a movie in my head.

Instead of the bright sun that was filtering through my windows, I saw the flickering light of what seemed to be a million candles. I could hear a string quartet playing music softly in the background. Music I couldn't name to save my life, but some part of the back of my mind was acknowledging it was one of my favorites. There were people, more like blurs, around me. Some were dancing, some mingling, and quite a few had their hazy faces turned towards me.

I looked down at my hands to see I was holding the same antique pendant, the chain still wrapped around my hand. Suddenly two strong, tan hands appeared to take the necklace. I looked up to find they belonged to perfectly familiar blue eyes.

"May I?" Desmond asked permission.

I eased my grip, allowing him to take it in his hands. Stepping behind me he gathered my hair and draped it over my one shoulder. I could feel his breath on the back of my neck as he hooked the necklace.

"Happy Birthday," he whispered into my ear.

I lifted the pendent in my hand to study it upside down and suddenly the brightness returned, causing me to squint as I stared down at the trinket I grasped. The chain was still coiled around my hand. I was too stunned to move. It was like I had been looking through someone else's eyes, seeing someone else's memory. But I knew in my subconscious that the image belonged to me, whether I wanted it to or not.

It still didn't explain anything; it felt more like a dream. My life was feeling more and more like a dream lately: spiraling out of control, spinning faster and faster towards becoming a nightmare. And nightmares couldn't be avoided. I would just have to ride this one out.


	10. Apologies

_Once Again I'm so sorry this took so long. Senior year second semester is the pits and I didn't want my quality of writing to suffer because of it. This is mostly a chapter that reveals background info on Alyssa and Seth. Hope you like it! Let me know if I'm losing your interest :(_

_Rachel_

Chapter Ten

Apologies

Before I could fully wrap my head around my memory I was interrupted. The only warning that was given to me was the click of someone picking the lock before Jake came bursting through. I quickly shoved the necklace under one of the cushions as he made his way across the room. He paused halfway across the floor, distracted by the state of my bed.

"What happened in here?" He picked up a pillow from the floor and tossed it on the hazard zone that was my bed.

I rose from the loveseat and started putting my bed back together.

"What do you want Jacob?" I yanked the covers up so there were no wrinkles.

"Listen I know you're angry." He handed me a pillow. "But don't you think you're taking this whole not talking to Seth thing a little too far?"

"No," I smacked the pillow into shape then moved to attack the other one.

"Okay then, why exactly are you mad at him?"

Sitting down in the middle of my freshly made bed I crossed my legs and inhaled deeply, thinking of the simplest explanation I could give.

"He lied to me Jake."

"And you've never lied to him?"

My shoulders hunched in shame as I rushed to defend myself.

"Not about anything that big."

"Aren't you setting double standards here?"

I shrugged, tracing patterns in the bedspread. Jacob might have a point, but that wouldn't let Seth off the hook. He knew how much I wanted to know what was going on. But that didn't matter enough to him to tell me what he knew. I looked up when I felt the bed sink under Jake's weight.

"He could have told me."

"No, he couldn't." Jacob insisted.

"Of course he—" I started to object.

"He was under direct orders from me not to." Jake sighed.

All objections I was about to voice dried up. Seth hadn't had a choice; he couldn't go against a direct order from an alpha. Even if he had wanted to tell me, he couldn't. I was such an asshole. I had treated him like shit and I hadn't even heard him out.

Springing to my feet I leapt off the bed, sending Jacob bouncing up and down from my momentum. I raced to my desk, sifting through the contents of the main drawer until I found the card I had received from Bella and Edward.

"Alyssa what are you doing?"

"Looking for this," I held up the card.

"And that would be?" He asked standing up.

"A peace offering," I pulled out the two tickets for the concert this weekend.

Hopefully it would be enough for Seth to accept my apology. I wasn't sure if buying his forgiveness would work, but it was worth a try. I couldn't just go empty handed.

"Where is he?"

Jake smiled triumphantly down at me.

"Out back, by the stream."

I wasted no time with thanking Jake. Rushing past him I sprinted down the stairs, almost colliding with Emmett. At the last minute I veered to the left, running into the wall instead. I blacked out for a second, falling to the floor. When I returned to consciousness Emmett was leaning over me, looking worried. After assuring him I was okay he burst out laughing while helping me to my feet. I should have just bulldozed him when I had the chance.

I could feel a bruise forming on my forehead and gently grazed my hand over the tender spot. There was already a lump forming, wonderful. I rearranged my bangs until they covered the emerging mark then started for the back door again.

Jasper and Edward were roughhousing as I crossed the lawn. I veered around their fighting circle, not wanting to acquire any more bruises. As I passed by Jasper stopped to study me for a moment, allowing Edward to tackle him. My mood was calm, my thoughts fully on apologizing so neither one followed me.

They would be listening though. Of that I was certain: Edward mentally, Jasper emotionally and physically. Unless Seth was out of ear shot, and both Edward's and Jasper's abilities' range, which was highly unlikely, they would hear everything. Every word, thought and feeling either or both of us had. Why did my family have to be so abnormal?

I followed the stream north, away from the house, traipsing past my usual studying place and the tree house. It was on the edge of our property that I saw a dark figure sitting by the stream, dangling his feet over the edge. I approached slowly from behind, not making a sound as I sat down beside him. He didn't look up. He only studied me with a shy side-glance for a moment before returning his gaze on the bubbling clear water. My gaze followed his and we sat that way in silence for a while. After realizing that he wasn't going to say anything I decided to speak first.

"I'm sorry." I could feel his gaze on me but I didn't look up. I didn't want to see if he forgave me in a heartbeat because I had more to say. "I'm sorry for all the hurtful things I said to you, I'm sorry I never gave you a chance to explain yourself, and I'm sorry I shut you out."

Finished with my apologies I looked up to find his face full of joy and a little confusion.

"Really? But I lied to you."

"I know, and I also know why." Confusion began to be the dominant emotion showing on his face. "I talked with Jacob today." I clarified.

Comprehension lit up his features.

"So am I forgiven?"

"Hmm…" He stroked his chin with his finger. "I don't know." He joked.

Smiling I pulled one of the tickets out of my jacket pocket. "Will this help make up your mind for you?"

"Hell yes. You're forgiven." He plucked the ticket from my hand and stuffed it in his pocket.

I heard a low chuckle and that's when I knew Edward would no longer be eavesdropping. He had heard what he was listening for, and it seemed to amuse him. I just wondered if it was Seth's thoughts or mine that were awarded such a good review.

Seth and I sat in silence for a while after Edward had left us alone. I knew it was safe to talk but I still didn't say anything. Maybe I shouldn't ruin the moment by inviting the conversation to flow towards the subject that had started the fight. It was a touchy one for me. It would be nice if I could ignore the situation and it would go away. What I wanted more than anything at that moment as I was sitting next to Seth was to forget my memory, and to forget about Desmond.

But no one always gets what she wants. And it was more prudent that I find out everything there is to know about Desmond and my past life, if I wanted to avoid both from dictating my future. So as we watched the sun set behind the forest of trees I started a conversation I didn't wanted to have.

"How long did you know?"

I kept my gaze on the horizon as Seth's fingers curled around my hand.

"Promise you won't get mad?"

I nodded my head, not trusting my voice at the moment. His words weren't very comforting.

"From the moment I first met you."

"I remember. It was the first day we moved here."

---

"And this was my room." Alice concluded her tour of the big glass house that was to be our new home.

She was over excited about this move. Alice had informed me a thousand times in a hundred different ways on the trip here that they had lived here in previous years. Why they would chose to come back was beyond me. Forks was an isolated, one horse town with too much rain and mud and not enough sun. I doubt I would be able to see the constellations at night, if I could even tell the difference between night and day.

At the moment the rain had slowed to a slight drizzle, drying up from the rays of sun that were making their way through the thinning clouds. It looked as if the sun might actually show itself today. That should have brightened my mood, but the fact that the full fifty degree weather outside was about the hottest it was ever going to get here canceled out any cheer.

I hated moving years. They were the worst: a new town, a new school, new nameless faces that I wouldn't even bother getting to know. What was the point when within two to four years we'd be gone? Becoming unnoticeable, that was the goal.

Trudging back down the hall to the room Alice had pointed out as mine I found my taped up boxes already there, strewn across the floor. Emmett and Edward were hard at work re-constructing my bed. Stepping around the massacred parts that belonged to my bed frame I sat down and opened one of the nearest boxes, settling in to begin the long ritual of unpacking.

A box and a half later Edward and Emmet were finished and left me to my peace. They had learned from previous occasions that I preferred to work alone when it came to getting settled in a new place. I would be in my post-transition state of crankiness for at least another twenty-four hours. Bella knew this when she knocked on my door five minutes later, which increased my level of impatience.

"Hey, how's it coming along?"

"Slow," I muttered.

"Why don't you take a break? It's nice outside; you can actually see the sun. Forks doesn't see many days like today. You should go down to the La Push."

I stared at her blankly, not completely understanding what La Push was. It must be a public hangout and if so I was definitely not going. If what Bella said was true about the weather, there was bound to be plenty of people out and about town today. I didn't much feel like socializing.

"What's a 'La Push'?"

"La Push's first beach down on the reservation. It's a nice place to relax." She clarified. Seeing my disinterest she added, "There are even trails to secluded tidal pools."

"I think I'll pass."

"C'mon you are not going to just mope around all day in this room. You are getting out of this house, you are going down to first beach, and you are going to like it."

I had never seen Bella so assertive in my life. The only times she ever came close to being pushy was on certain occasions with Edward. The shock of having shy, quiet Bella snap out an order at me rendered my body defenseless as she tugged me to my feet and towed me toward the door.

In a final act of rebellion I refused to wear my seatbelt as we zoomed down the main road towards the reservation. We were about a mile away when I was dropped off. Bella had briefly explained on the way how she could only drive me so far due to some treaty with the Quileute tribe. This information angered me further. I was not aware I would be left to not only navigate my way to a place I didn't know and didn't even want to go, but that I would be there alone. Stranded with no one I knew.

"You're being overdramatic. I made sure someone will meet you to show you the way. Say hi to Renesmee and Jake for me."

And with those parting words she whipped a u-turn and left. Turning toward the endless stretch of road before me I began walking, becoming lost in thought as one moss covered tree after another passed by. The scenery didn't change one iota until I was about a quarter of a mile away from the reservation. Twenty paces ahead of me stood a tall, russet skinned stranger: my escort.

He was bouncing on the balls of his feet, unable to keep still. It seemed he was excited for some reason unbeknownst to me. All I could think of was that I'd have to deal with an overzealous tour guide when all I wanted to do was hide out in my bedroom until school started on Monday. I stopped at a decent distance in front of the boy, wearing the gloominess I felt on my face. It didn't seem to dampen his mood any.

"Hey I'm Seth." He offered me both his hand and a smile as warm as the sun.

I placed my hand, seeming small by comparison, in his and couldn't help but return his contagious smile. It was as if I was happy just because he was.

"Alyssa."

He didn't return my hand. Instead he started walking and, what with being attached to him, I followed along beside him. I was not the type to put up with such actions. Normally I would pull my hand away, but his was so warm and it just felt so _right_ that I let it be. We didn't talk much. Seth pointed out several landmarks, but that was the extent of the conversation. It wasn't uncomfortable silence, it could easily be broken. We just chose not to.

Something about the salty brine of the sea air when we arrived at the beach and took to pacing the shore made me open up. He asked about where we had come from and if I had left many friends behind and I actually answered his answers truthfully instead of brushing them off. I admitted I had no friends but my foster siblings. With so much moving it was hard to put down roots when in a moment's notice we could uproot and leave everything and everyone behind.

He was a good listener. For the first time in a long time I was at ease just talking about anything and everything with someone other than those I lived with. We never saw Renesmee or Jacob, but it didn't really matter anymore to me. Seth made me laugh and relax which was the whole purpose for the outing.

The sun was setting when we picked our way back down the beach. He waited with me until Bella came to pick me up and before I left he slipped a small pink shell into my palm as his goodbye.

---

"How could you have known then? You hadn't seen Carlisle since before I was dropped off. He couldn't have told you then."

"No, he told me sixteen years ago. That's only the first _you_ remember. Renesmee and Jake went to see you when you were first inducted into the family. The rest of the pack tagged along, including me. You were such a beautiful baby."

I didn't know what to say, I was shocked. I tried to tug my hand away, but Seth held tight.

"You promised." He murmured.

My hand went still.

"Why did Jake forbid you to tell me?"

"Carlisle asked him to. He didn't want you to know, in case he could find a way around it. He had hoped maybe he wouldn't find you. We all had."

I looked at him for the first time since I had spoken, saw the deep sadness in his eyes and chickened out of following my train of thought to the memory. I couldn't tell him if just the fact that Desmond had found me upset him that much. Maybe I shouldn't tell anyone. Why burden those I loved with more unwanted news?

Keeping a secret is a tricky concept. One would think the longer she keeps quiet, the easier it would get. I found it to be quite the opposite. Each time I had to look into Seth's, Esme's or Bella's eyes and tell them everything was fine it killed me all the more. No one wanted to mention Desmond's name or _that_ word, but it was hidden in the concern shining in their eyes. The guilt was building up inside of me, waiting to overflow.

By the time the day of the concert rolled around I was a walking time bomb, ready to explode with the truth at any given notice. It just so happened that the fuse was lit while I was deciding my outfit for the night from the choices Alice presented me with.

Alice was waiting in my room while I narrowed the outfits down slowly one by one. She came busting back in the closet as I was studying the two I had left. Brushing past me she decided for me, grabbing the garments on the left.

"This one is the one! It'll match perfect with this." She held up the necklace I had buried in my settee.

"How did you find that?"

"I sat on it. It was making the cushion lumpy. It must have fallen out of one of the gift bags." She shrugged.

_She_ would feel it and resurrect the damn little nuisance. I grabbed the chain from her hand and stuffed it into a nearby drawer of scarves.

"I'm not going to wear that." I insisted forcefully.

Alice looked confused for the first time in her life. She hadn't seen my reaction coming, it happened too fast. And she couldn't look into the past to see the reason behind it. Her confusion turned to frustration as she demanded to know why I didn't want to wear such a beautiful piece of jewelry. I was able to hold up against her for a few minutes, but as soon as she threatened to get Edward I caved. I would rather tell her than have Edward pick the information from my mind. Plus I'd rather take her reaction than Edward's. He had a bit of a temper, which led to him flying off the handle more often than not. The necklace probably wouldn't survive his tantrum.

Alice stood quietly throughout my story, allowing me to finish when Edward would have listened to half of what I said then sift through my thoughts to get to the point and call a red alert when he was finished. She looked apprehensive about the information. She wanted to notify Carlisle, but I begged her not to, pleading with her to not start another family intervention. I could deal with it for at least the night. I really wanted to go to the concert with Seth, and besides remembering wasn't altogether bad. As long as Desmond didn't find out what I remembered. It could help us be one step ahead, or at the least help us to catch up to where he was.

An hour later I was heading out the door with Seth, dressed in the outfit Alice had at first rejected. She had agreed to hold off on telling anyone until after we were gone, which meant I would be getting grilled when the night was over. But I could live with that.

It was raining so we opted for Carlisle's Mercedes instead of Seth's bike. He had wanted to take the Porsche, but I didn't want to ask Alice for another favor that she would be reluctant to agree to. I had wanted to take my tracker but he claimed it wouldn't make the trip. The Mercedes was our compromise.

We had the radio blasting on the way, and the faster the beat was the faster Seth drove. It was only because my phone was on vibrate that I even noticed someone was calling me. It buzzed in my jeans pocket, causing me to jump at the first ring. I glanced at the caller id, expecting either home or Carlisle's number to show up, Alice might have told them already, but it was an unfamiliar number. I signaled Seth to turn down the tunes and he obliged as I flipped the phone open.

"Hello?"

"Are you avoiding me?" A hypnotic voice echoed in my ear.

"Desmond? How did you get this number?"

The car jerked a little too much to the right while Seth was navigating a curve. His hand shot out to turn off the radio all together and he was all ears trying to hear my conversation.

"Kendra volunteered it readily. I hope that's not a problem."

_Damn._ Of course Kendra wouldn't have a problem handing out my digits to the guy she deemed was my soul mate. Now I'd have to change my number.

"Uh, no."

"No you don't mind, or no you're not avoiding me?"

"Both, I guess, is there a reason behind this phone call or was it just to ease your paranoid mind?"

"What if I just called to say hello?" There was a smile in his voice.

"Then I'm about to say goodbye."

"You should say goodbye anyways." Seth mumbled from beside me. Luckily Desmond didn't hear him.

"Are you sure you're not mad at me for something?" He didn't wait for an answer. "Anyways I called to see if you wanted to hang out tonight. Kendra's going to the movies and sent us an open invitation."

I didn't like the way _us_ sounded from his lips. Or that Kendra was referring to Desmond and me in the plural. I didn't know what he was to me, and I didn't like thinking about it: the connection between us.

"Actually I have plans tonight."

I didn't elaborate and I didn't go out of my way to prolong the conversation. After several minutes of me answering his questions with yes, or no he said goodbye. As soon as I hung up Seth's foot eased off the gas. He turned the radio on, but not as loud as before. I could tell the atmosphere was dampened, so I set my sights on salvaging what I could of the night.

"So I was thinking we should buy a few t-shirts, then try and sneak backstage afterwards."

I got a smile out of Seth. It was a victory, however small. "The usual?"

Parking was almost impossible. We had to comb through the lot twice before Seth cut off another car to park in the absolute last available spot. We received a not so friendly gesture from the driver and I swear he would have smashed into us if Seth hadn't stepped out of the car. He used his bulk to intimidate the driver into submission. I had a feeling if I couldn't flirt our way backstage Seth would be able to get us there one way or another. No bouncer was a match for him.

The entrance was crowded, which came as no surprise when I took into consideration the full lot. Seth wrapped is hand around my wrist and held tight to prevent any separation before we took our seats. They were really good seats too, up front and center. There would be no problem with seeing or hearing although hearing wouldn't have been a problem no matter where we stood. The speakers blasted the music nonstop at maximum volume and it was absolutely impossible to hear anything but the band's instruments and the lead singer's vocals.

I had turned my phone off before entering the arena so I wouldn't feel guilty for screening Carlisle's call. I knew he would try Seth's after mine. I also knew that Seth's was on silent. Feeling slightly guilty for avoiding Carlisle and making Alice try to keep information from Edward until we were well on our way I picked up multiple t-shirts after the concert: one for each member of the family as well as one for Seth and I each.

We couldn't make it backstage, despite both Seth's and my many failed attempts. But I wasn't disappointed, it was fun trying. The walk back out to the car seemed to take forever, especially since I was dead dog tired, the temperature had dropped a good twenty degrees and the wind had picked up. Seth gave me his jacket, incredibly warm from his body heat, which stopped the shivering. Within minutes after we were on the road headed home I was asleep. The quiet purr of the car's engine humming me a lullaby and the homey smell of Seth's jacket easing me to sleep.


	11. Miscommunication

**Chapter Eleven**

**Miscommunication**

I sat on my bed, twisting the pendant Desmond had given me, twice, around in my hand and thinking about what Carlisle had said. Alice had told him and only him about my temporary memory. He had been waiting for me in my room when we arrived home. I expected him to dig into me about not telling him, but he patiently asked me to recount what I had seen. Afterwards he handed me the necklace claiming that if he was in Desmond's place, he wouldn't want to be frozen out without even having a chance to be heard out.

His reaction surprised me. I had thought he would go all protective on me: demanding we move immediately, pump up my surveillance, order me to avoid Desmond at all costs or at least tell the rest of the family. Instead he gave me his trust, loosened my leash, and was allowing me to find out what I could before making judgments.

Laying the pendant down I replaced it with my phone. After flipping it open and shut several times I finally went into my call log and retrieved Desmond's number. I couldn't breathe as the phone rang, desperately hoping I wouldn't regret this and kind of wishing his machine would pick up so I wouldn't have the chance to.

"Hello?" I almost chickened out and hung up at the sound of his voice, but then I realized he had caller ID.

"Hey it's me, Alyssa."

"Oh, hey, what can I do for you?"

He sounded chipper, unlike how someone who had been rejected should sound. I guess I shouldn't waste my breath wishing he would give up.

"What if I just called to say hello?" I could hear his smile at his words spoken from my lips.

"Hello," he replied.

I paused, uncertain how to continue the conversation. I hadn't exactly created a script or even really thought about what exactly I would say when I called. I wasn't even sure why I was calling besides trying to reassure Desmond I wasn't mad at him.

"Did you enjoy the movie?" I pulled at his reason for calling me earlier to supply some semblance of conversation.

"I didn't go."

"Why not?" Please don't say me, please don't say me.

"I only knew Kendra and she had a date to keep her occupied." Okay that was an acceptable answer, I'd take it. "And because I was really only going to go if you went with me."

"Ugh," I groaned. That was exactly the answer I didn't want to hear. I didn't need a reminder that he was here for me and only me. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?" He seemed baffled.

"Talk like I'm the most interesting girl you know. Like I'm the only person you want to hang out with."

"But you a—"

"Don't finish that sentence." I warned.

"I thought girls _liked_ to feel special?" He sounded exasperated.

It was those words that made me start to see Desmond from a different perspective. Most girls _would_ love to be the center of a guy's attention. Especially a guy like Desmond: polite, nice, considerate, and handsome. If I didn't know anything about him and me being fairies, if I never found that letter, would I be flattered by his attention instead of aggravated? If I was truthful with myself the answer was yes. And that scared me.

"I've got to go." I quickly flipped the phone shut, disconnecting the call before Desmond could say anything more.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't act as though Desmond was just another guy. In theory giving him a chance seemed right, but in actuality it felt awkward and wrong. It felt like I was betraying my family.

I stared down at the papers Gerard had just laid in front of me. At the top right corner of the test there was a bright red B. I couldn't help the smile of success from spreading across my face.

"Congratulations," Desmond said tentatively as he took his seat beside me.

"Thanks," I shuffled the papers into a neat stack.

"I don't suppose you feel like going out to celebrate?" I sensed the hopefulness in his voice despite the lack of it in his statement.

His invitation came as no surprise to me; I had already tagged him as the determined type. However my response surprised me as much as him.

"What did you have in mind?"

He blinked blankly for a moment, taken aback. I heard a slight squeal that I knew belonged to Kendra, but I purposefully kept my eyes on my lab partner.

"Well, since I passed it up this last weekend, how about a movie in Port Angeles tonight?"

I imagined him and me alone in a dark theater and repressed a shudder. Wrinkling my nose I shook my head and blamed my family rather than my nerves.

"It's a school night, there's no way Carlisle and Esme will let me go all the way to Port Angeles."

"Alright, somewhere in town then? I heard there was a nice diner on the main street, would that be acceptable?"

Remembering how crowded the diner could get with locals I accepted. It wasn't formal and it wasn't private. It was perfect, especially for two teens who were just hanging out, celebrating a good grade. Maybe Kendra and some other kids from class could come out too.

Two hours later, after school, Kendra shot down my invitation. She wanted to give us some alone time. Lovely. Sitting In front of my vanity, my bathrobe wrapped tightly around my body, and my damp hair hanging limply around my face I tried to make sense of the multiple brushes and tubes of color. Alice was the make-up guru, but she was mad at me at the moment. She refused to help me if it was for Desmond. She wasn't very happy at Carlisle either for his little advice the other night.

I don't know why I even cared what I looked like. It wasn't a date and I didn't want Desmond thinking it was, or that I wanted it to be. And I had no idea what type of make-up conveyed the "we're just friends hanging out" message. Digging through the drawer I found a tinted lip balm at the back. I vaguely remembered picking it out when Alice had insisted I buy something on a shopping trip.

Smearing some on my lips I decided it would do then capped it, and tossed it in the bag I was using that night. The next dilemma was my attire. Nothing formal, I was aiming for comfort. No skirts, or heals, or anything with lace. I would have worn my sweats, but I didn't want him to think I was _that_ comfortable around him. I settled for a maroon pullover sweater, jeans and Uggs.

At the last moment I tucked my Cullen Crest beneath my sweater and slipped Desmond's present over my head. I had to wear it in front of him eventually or else he'd ask about it. Flipping off my light switch on my way out I tugged my door shut then ducked my head into Carlisle's study before heading for the stairs.

"Hey, I'm on my way out. I'll see you when I get home."

Carlisle looked up from his book and smiled.

"Don't stay out too late, it's a school night."

I nodded and closed his door behind me. Glancing at my watch I realized I was running a little late and made a dash for the stairs. Alice stood alone in the dark foyer with the moonlight playing across her face, leaving it half in shadow. Her eyes glowed yellow as the light fell across them and they didn't blink as they bore into me.

"Nice effort Alice, but Edward's better at the whole intimidation thing."

"Yeah, well it seems it is everybody's date night tonight, he and Bella are out so I'm all you have."

"It's not a date." I sighed, tired of everyone insisting it was.

"According to your hair it is."

My hand flew up and I ran my fingers through my hair, combing it.

"How the Hell can my hair determine whether this is a date or not?"

She smiled pityingly at me.

"It's simple really. You're wearing it down, which means you could easily flip it, twist it around your fingers, play with it, or any other means of flirting. A ponytail is strictly friends, wearing hair loose leaves room for something more."

I rolled my eyes at her insane logic, but pulled a spare elastic from my purse and pulled my hair back into a neat ponytail.

"Any other defects to my appearance? Are my shoes traitors too?"

Alice studied my physique for a while before speaking.

"No, you're good to go, if you _insist_ on going. You even used the bare minimum in the make-up department, nice touch."

"Thanks." I mumbled as I shuffled by her and out the door.

It's not like I could navigate the make-up drawer without her. I'm lucky I could locate my keys in the back pocket of my old jeans I had discarded on the floor. I tossed them into my purse when I got to the restaurant. One of the regular locals held the door for me and I smiled brightly at the old man before entering the diner. My smile turned shy when I saw Desmond waiting for me.

He stood to greet me, pulling my chair out for me, and then we sat in an awkward silence waiting for our waitress to bring our menus and take our drink orders. Once I had a glass of water between my hands I felt slightly more at ease, but it still felt uncomfortable, especially when the waitress asked if our order was to go on one check or two.

"Two," I blurted out just as Desmond softly answered one.

Our server just looked between us, slightly confused.

"Two," I insisted.

Desmond didn't say anything else so she jotted down the note and left to give us more time to decide what to order. I averted Desmond's eyes staring at my menu as I felt them on me.

"Why are you nervous?"

"Huh?" I twisted a loose lock of hair back up into my ponytail.

"You're playing with your hair. You play with your hair when you're nervous."

My hand abruptly stopped touching my hair as I remembered what Alice had said about how hair can convey friendship or something more. I hadn't even realized I was doing it. But he was right: it was a nervous habit of mine. And I didn't want to think of the reasons why he would know that.

"I was just thinking, trying to decide what to order."

He smiled a knowing smile, but just went back to studying his menu. I made my eyes focus on the words printed across my own menu, looking for their vegetarian entrées. By the time our orders were taken we still hadn't said a word to each other.

"I'll have the garden burger." Desmond ordered after I had put in mine for vegetarian lasagna.

The server wrote down our orders and reached for our menus. I handed her mine as I kept my eyes on Desmond.

"You're a vegetarian too?" The only other vegetarian I knew of in Forks was Kendra.

"Yes. We have a lot of things in common."

My thoughts traveled to the letter with his signature on it. I knew one thing we had in common.

"Maybe." I consented.

His eyes traveled from my face to my torso.

"You're wearing the necklace I gave you." I reached down to touch the piece instinctively. "You like it then?"

"Yes, it's beautiful. Thank you."

He studied my face, looking for some recognition, but I kept my face blank. I would not show the apprehension I felt when I thought of the connection the small trinket held for him and me. The clattering of our plates being placed in front of us shook me out of my staring match. I thanked the girl and made a note to tip her well for not trying to eavesdrop on us like she normally would have done under such circumstances.

"So you and Kendra are pretty close huh?" I had just taken a bite of lasagna so I just nodded my affirmation.

He smiled widely, seemingly pleased at the fact.

"I figured she must be your best friend."

"Well, she's my best girlfriend." I corrected. It felt disloyal to dismiss Seth so quickly. He was truly my best friend. He knew everything about me there was to know.

His eyebrows rose in question. I knew what they were asking: _who's the best guy-friend?"_

"Seth is my best friend. He was the first friend I ever made when I moved here." I smiled once again at the memory.

"Was this the guy on the motorcycle?" He asked frowning.

"Yeah, that's him."

"Hmm…" He studied my expression thoughtfully, looking unhappy about something.

"I can tell why Kendra and you get along so well. Neither of you care for Seth much."

"I never said I did not like him." He defended.

"You didn't have to; it's written all over your face."

"Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. If Seth means that much to you I will try and understand."

I squirmed and what insinuations he was making. Desmond seemed to sense my discomfort with the conversation for he changed the subject, providing meaningless small talk for the rest of the evening. It was actually quite enjoyable I have to admit. I declined desert; it was getting late and I needed to be getting home soon. After paying my half of the bill, despite Desmond's protests to foot the bill, we walked out together.

He paused when we reached my car, standing by my car door. I saw it coming. I could see it in his eyes, in the slight smile that played on his lips, and in the tilt to his head, but I didn't have time to react before it was too late. His soft lips brushed mine in a chaste kiss. When he pulled away I could only blink up at him. My first thought was what had I done wrong? I had been so careful to not throw out the _available and looking_ vibe.

He whispered goodnight as he stroke my lips lightly with his thumb. It sent chills down my spine, and my lips still tingled slightly at the contact. I hated to admit it, but it was a sweet kiss, and if felt familiar to have his lips on mine. That wasn't the first time he'd ever kissed me.

I slowly climbed into my car, retrieving my keys from my bag before tossing it on the passenger seat. The car purred to life and I eased out of the parking lot. I still wasn't over the shock of Desmond's kiss. Somehow I would have to convey to him that we were just friends, and that that was all I wanted to be. I guess I could always tell him tomorrow at school where I would see him next.

Coming to a stop at a red light I let loose my ponytail and ran a shaky hand through my hair. My fingers got tangled at the ends, right when my phone rang. I fought hard to disentangle them and finally freed them and a few stray hairs in time to check my phone. It was a text from Seth. The light turned green but there was no one behind me so I continued to sit there and open the text.

_Hey meet me at the cliff._

I didn't even think about not going.

_I'm on my way._

I could use the fresh air to clear my head and Seth would help me feel better about the situation. Pulling away from the light I picked up speed, cruising right past the normal turn to go home and instead turned towards the reservation. I would never make curfew, but I didn't really care. The worst they could do was ground me, and I wouldn't mind that. It would give me an excuse not to hang with Desmond outside of school for a while.

I set my phone in the cup holder just as it rang again: once, twice. It was a call from Kendra. As soon as I answered she screamed in my ear. I held the phone an arm's length away until the screaming stopped. That's when I found out that Kendra had heard about the kiss. I knew news traveled fast in this small town, but it had seriously just happened no more than five minutes ago. Somebody we knew must have been there and sped dialed Kendra to tell her the news. If that was the case than half of the school would know before tomorrow. I just hoped for Desmond's sake that Edward or Emmett didn't find out about the kiss. He wouldn't look so pretty after they got a hold of him.

I wasn't supposed to use the phone while driving, but it was no less than impossible to get Kendra off the phone. She wanted all the details, and she wanted them right then. I didn't think I was ready to analyze it, but I had little choice on the matter. If I wanted Kendra off the phone I needed to give her something. So I spent the remainder of the ride describing the night.

First I had to fully describe what I was wearing, and she made that aww sound when I mentioned I was wearing his present. Moving on she wasn't very happy to find out we had arrived separately but her approval was redeemed when Desmond offered me my chair. More awws escaped when the vegetarian and my friends being his friend's part came about. She was disappointed that I hadn't let Desmond pay for both of us, but the kiss shortly followed and it seemed like she was holding her breath.

I wasn't too descriptive on that part, but whatever I said seemed to be enough for Kendra. She only had one question when I was finished. _How had I liked it?_ I decided to tell her the truth: I was still processing the kiss, but I was pretty sure I just wanted to be friends. She didn't like that answer. _So you didn't like it?_ She was persistent as Hell. It wasn't that I didn't like it, it was perfectly sweet, I just didn't know him that well and it wasn't even a date so he really shouldn't have kissed me.

We hung up after a little back and forth bickering. She left me with the parting words: _just give him a chance._ It seemed I was hearing that a lot lately. I was feeling rather uptight after that conversation, after reliving the night before it had even ended. But I started to unwind with ever turn of the road that brought me closer to the reservation and closer to Seth. I recognized the place where Seth had met me as I passed it and then the first few houses came into view. It was pretty late as I rolled through the town. There were still a few lights on in the houses around me, but there wasn't very much foot traffic.

The convenient store was still open, so I pulled off into the parking lot to grab a bottle of water before continuing on to meet Seth. The bell jingled overhead as I entered and the cashier looked up from the magazine he was reading. Walking straight to the back I pulled a water from the fridge and made my way to the cashier who had gone back to reading. The bell jingled again, announcing the two large men's entrance. Glancing up I saw the entertained look on the guy to the rights face as he sauntered over.

"What brings you to our side of the line? It's a little late for a beach day."

"Hello Paul, Jared." I handed my money to the guy behind the counter, opening my bottle while turning to face the two werewolves.

"So what are you doing up here, and past curfew on a school night, tsk tsk?"

"How would you know my curfew Paul? Anyway I'm meeting Seth up at the cliff."

"What for?" I shrugged, Seth never said why and I never thought to ask.

"He just texted me to come, I assume it's to talk or something. Although why he picked the cliff instead of the house I don't know."

"Maybe he wanted the conversation to be private." Paul suggested sarcastically.

It was true that Edward, Jasper and Alice would probably have listened rather closely to the conversation, not leaving me and Seth with much privacy if we had it at home. However I was sure the others would offer us some measure of privacy.

"My family respects my privacy thank you very much." I capped my water, leaving with a flourish.

I could hear Paul laughing as I left.

"Sure they do."

I slammed my car door shut. Paul was so unbearable. I didn't know how Rachel could stand him. He was rude, selfish, and just ugh. He was probably a hypocrite too. No doubt whatever conversation Seth and I had it wouldn't go unheard by his ears, _stupid_ _werewolf_. As soon as I thought it I felt guilty. It wasn't right to pick on Paul's other form, Seth was a werewolf too and he wasn't so annoying. Paul's personality had nothing to do with what he was and everything to do with the way he was born.

I followed the old muddy road up to the cliffs, parking near Seth's bike. It was chilly at that altitude, where there were no barriers from the wind. I gripped my jacket tightly around me and made my way down the well traveled path. At the end of the trail I saw the lone figure sitting on the edge. The moon cast a spotlight on him and shadows on his surroundings, which was part of the reason I almost tripped over a rock on my way over to him. He didn't look up, but I knew he heard me coming. As I sat down and got a good look at his face he seemed deep in thought and slightly nervous.

_A/N Sooo as always I would love to hear what you think! Oh and I have a question for you all. **Team Desmond or Team Seth**?? You know what button to push :)_


	12. Confessions

_A/N SORRY SORRY SORRY this took so long!!! End of a marking period and no internet access is at fault here. Anyways, thanks to those of you who answered my poll on **Team Desmond or Team Seth.** And for those of you who didn't I would still love to hear what you think, or if any of your oppinions change after this chapter. As always feedback is always wonderful! Now, with no further ado, I give you the next chapter. Enjoy! 3 Rachel_

**Chapter 12**

**Confessions**

"So, what's up?" I picked up a nearby rock, the one I almost tripped on, and tossed it over the edge straining to see the splash.

"I um, wanted to talk to you." He played with his hands, not looking at me. "Actually I wanted to tell you something."

I reached over and laid my hand on his, stilling them. "I'm listening."

He took my hand in both of his, covering them in a blanket of fire. It was both unbearably hot and soothingly comfortable.

"Do you remember when you asked me about imprinting?" He finally said, sounding a little hoarse.

"Yeah, you told me about Sam, Emily and Leah. How Sam had loved Leah, but as soon as he saw Emily, he knew she was the one. Like love at first sight right?"

I felt bad for Leah. I had always believed her bitterness was nothing more than an act, a shield for her pain. I would hurt too, if the man I loved all of a sudden loved another. Especially if it was someone I was close to, like she was with Emily.

"Sort of, not completely though, Quil imprinted on Claire when she was only two years old and Jake on Renesmee when she was first born."

"What?! That's just sick Seth, they were only children and" I couldn't finish, it made me squirm inside at the idea of Quil or Jake feeling romantic towards children. It was so pedophile.

"No! It wasn't like that. I was trying to illustrate why imprinting isn't all about love at first sight. For Quil and Jake it was all about being there for the one they imprinted on. They became whatever she needed: an older brother, a best friend, then a lover."

"I'm not following."

"Imprinting is just an intense connection between two people. It's unbreakable."

I shook my head.

"No, I get that. I'm not following this conversation. You texted me to blow off my curfew and meet you all the way up here just to tell me about Quil and Jake and how they imprinted?"

"No, there's more. Just let me have my build up okay?" He seemed so flustered that I agreed.

He never really ever played with words, he just spat out what he wanted to say. The fact that he was having trouble with finding the right words, that he was thinking about what those words might be, meant whatever he wanted to say was important to him and he didn't want to screw it up. So I practiced my patience and waited for him to get to the point.

As I waited I gazed out over the dark water. It looked deeper and more menacing in the shadows of the cliff with the faint glow of the moon reflecting off of it. I could hear the deadly waves crashing against the side of the cliff below us.

"I can't believe you ever convinced me to jump off of here. It's suicidal."

"It's because I made you feel safe."

I thought about that for a moment before agreeing. He did make me feel safe, always. He was my lighthouse, especially in this confusing time. He led me safely through the storm to shore.

"Do you ever wonder why you feel safe, so comfortable around me?" He wondered aloud.

The tone of his voice reminded me of the tone our English teacher used to try and coax a correct answer out of some of the less observant students when analyzing a novel. I had never thought about the why, had never thought to question the feeling. But the answer was simple really.

"You would never let anything hurt me."

Seth was silent. I didn't know what he was waiting for until I finally put everything together. It came with the wind blowing gently on my face, clearing my mind and allowing me to make connections between where the conversation started, where it was, and where it was going.

"Oh" I inhaled.

I so did not need this. Not now, not tonight. Not right after Desmond planted one on me in public that made everyone in a twenty foot radius believe we were an item. Seth's confession couldn't come at a more inopportune time.

I turned to look at Seth, who, realizing I had put two and two together, was about to speak. I saw what he was going to say in his eyes. They said more than any words ever could. So I pulled my hand from his, placing it over his mouth to silence him, and closed my eyes.

"Don't."

He gently kissed my palm before pulling it away, gripping it tightly once again in his own. Opening my eyes I found the raw emotion in his eyes had intensified. He was pleading with the very eyes that were my weakness.

"I can't help how I feel."

"Can't you try?" I whispered.

He smiled slightly at me, the left side rising a little higher than the right. Leaning in he took one side of my face in his hand, his lips inches from mine.

"It doesn't work that way. I've waited sixteen years, I'm only so patient." His lips brushed mine as he spoke.

He looked straight into my eyes. I don't know exactly what he saw there, I was a little overwhelmed by it all. After a moment's hesitation he pulled away. He kept his hand on my cheek a little longer, tracing circles on my skin, before letting it drop to his side. I was immediately aware of its absence. The cool wind hit my face full force, seeming as cold as ice in comparison to Seth's hand.

"I would never want to make you uncomfortable. You know I'd never pressure you into anything." He smiled again—showing his teeth, bright white against his russet skin and with the moonlight falling on his face—though his eyes conveyed the seriousness of his promise.

He was too good for me. I didn't deserve him. He was so sweet and considerate, and he just made my life ten times more confusing.

"I know." I sighed.

After one last glance at the ocean I slowly got to my feet, brushing my hands off on my pants. It was getting late, a good hour or so past when I was due home. Seth walked me to the edge of the path where we parked. He grabbed my hand, spinning me around to look into my eyes. We didn't need to say anything that one look alone was our goodnight. I squeezed his palm before slipping my hand out of his and heading for my tracker.

I expected him to follow me on his bike, but as I glanced in my rearview I saw him heading back towards the path. When I reached the boundary line I could swear I heard a wolf howling in the distance, but I wasn't sure if it was Seth or one of Sam's pack.

The clock kept me from turning around. It glared at me as if it was angry that I was past curfew. Instead of making a u-turn I slammed my foot down on the accelerator and coaxed my car to its limit as I winded down the curvy roads lined with ominous trees.

The porch lights were the first thing I saw shining bright, cutting through the absolute darkness, as I made my way up the long drive. I should have been tenser as I made my way up the steps, but all I could feel was my desire to reach home, curl up in my bed and forget about the world.

The door creaked as I pushed it open, but regardless of the noise, Carlisle's eyes would still have been trained on the door. Not only could he hear me coming from a mile or two away, but he was a father, and fatherly instincts ran deep.

I met his eyes timidly, pleading for him to make it quick so I could move on to my room. He glanced at the clock on the mantel and back at me with calm eyes.

"You're late."

"I know." I sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I forgive you, but you're still grounded. One week, school and back, that's it." I nodded; thankful he wasn't going to launch into a lecture.

Dropping my keys on a nearby table I made a beeline for the stairs. I stripped quickly out of my clothes, carefully laying the antique pendant on a shelf in my closet. Slipping my pajamas over my head I hoped they would make me feel slightly better, but I still felt like crap. I was tired, confused, and overwhelmed. Sleep was the only thing I could think of that could possibly put me at ease: sweet unconsciousness that reality couldn't penetrate. There was only one obstacle preventing me from my refuge: Alice. She was sitting cross legged at the end of my bed looking very cross. Her expression softened when she saw my tired face.

"Alice, I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," she allowed as I slipped under the covers.

She sat there staring off into space as I twisted and turned trying to get comfortable. It was an impossible task; I had too many thoughts running through my mind and too many unidentifiable feelings coursing through me. I gave up, curling up into a tiny ball and settling for discomfort.

"He kissed me." I finally admitted what she probably already saw.

"I know."

"Why?"

"I don't see that part."

I sighed.

"Do you want to _not_ talk about what else is bothering you?" She scooted up to sit beside me on the other side of the bed.

"I met Seth afterwards. He needed to tell me something."

"Oh…"

"Why'd he have to tell me now, tonight?"

"Tell you?" Alice prodded.

I looked up at her from my fetal position.

"You know Alice, everyone knew but me."

Was she really going to make me say the word? I could barely think it. Mostly because I couldn't believe I never saw it. That I didn't pick up on the fact that Seth had _imprinted _on me.

"Do you love Seth?"

_Did I love Seth:_ such a simple question that involved such a complicated answer.

"Of course I'm just not sure if it's in that way."

"Well, do you like Desmond?"

"I don't know that either. Not if he's trying to take me away from you guys."

I groaned, laying my head on Alice's shoulder.

"I'm so confused."

Instinctively she wrapped her hands around me in a comforting way, leaning her head against mine. She didn't say anything, which was best at the time. Instead she stayed with me until I fell asleep. She was gone when I woke, but had only left recently if the arctic temperature of the sheets on her side was any indication.

I could hear the signs of life around the house, like Esme shuffling through one of the kitchen drawers, meaning it was around the time to start getting ready for school. I groaned at the thought of school: the last place I wanted to go. After last night I didn't feel like leaving the house let alone my room for a long while. Ignoring everything seemed more and more attractive.

Pulling the covers up over my head I curled back into a ball. That was how Bella found me ten minutes later when she came to see what was taking me so long. Sitting tentatively on the edge of my bed, she pulled ever so slightly on the covers. I knew she wasn't really trying to pull them off or I would already be exposed to the chilly morning air. No, she was just trying to get my attention.

"I'm not going today. Tell Everyone I'm sick." My voice came out muffled through the blankets, but that didn't matter with Bella's impeccable hearing.

"Alyssa," she patted the blanket where my hunched shoulders were. "You can't hide from it forever."

"Just let me hide while I can." I pleaded.

"Okay, I'll tell Carlisle you're not feeling well enough to go to school today." She slowly rose from my bed, and I heard her silent footsteps cross to the door.

"Thanks."

She paused by the door.

"Just give them both an equal chance or you'll never know what you gave up and you'll constantly wonder if you made the right choice." She sounded as though she had experience with the matter, but she was out the door before I could ask.

No one questioned my inexplicable illness; they knew the truth behind my front. There are no secrets in the Cullen house. Jasper felt the strain I was under, Edward could read my hectic thoughts that raced through all of the information recently presented to me, and Alice could see nothing. My thoughts were so jumbled that I honestly didn't plan far enough ahead for her to have anything to see.

Carlisle came in to check on me before he left for the hospital. He may not have wanted me to know, but I heard the turn of the knob, the slight creak that emanated from the door when it hit that certain spot. I kept still under the covers, trying to fake sleep. I doubt he bought it.

He only stayed for a few moments before leaving, shutting the door gently behind him. And then it was only Esme and me. She let me have my peace for several hours which impressed me immensely. Her nurturing nature must have been egging her to sit with me, to take all the bad away, to comfort me in some way.

When she did come she came bearing food, lots of food. All of my favorites were presented to me on a tray that sat neatly on my lap. She discretely sat beside me, finally able to care for me like she had been longing to all morning. She brushed the hair out of my face before taking my left hand in hers, rubbing the back of it with her thumb. She smiled when I did, thinking she was making me feel better. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was smiling at the irony of the situation: her cold, icy hand tracing circles on the back of my hand just like Seth's fiery ones always did when he was trying to comfort me.

When my hand started feeling numb she pulled away, rising as though she might leave. Instead she moved to fluff my pillows, and then pulled the blankets up to my chin, tucking the hand she had held under the comforter.

"If you need anything, don't hesitate to ask. I'll only be a floor away." She kissed me on the top of my head, and then patted my hair back in place before leaving.

After staring out the window at the dark rolling clouds I picked up my copy of _A Midsummer Nights Dream_ and began the reading for tonight. I didn't want to fall too far behind. I hated playing catch up. It wasn't long before I was interrupted by my phone. Setting the book aside I picked it up to receive a text from Kendra.

_**How could u not be here today?**_

_I'm not feeling well. Why does it matter?_

_**You are supposed to be the one telling everyone about last night, not me. That's why.**_

Shit, why did Kendra have to have such a big mouth? With the way she supported Desmond she would embellish the story so much only a fraction of the truth would remain.

_Maybe I don't want everyone to know._

_**Well, then u should have thought of that before u kissed him in public outside a popular hang out. **_

_HE kissed me. What lies have you been telling everyone?_

_**Don't be so harsh. I'm telling ur side of the story, nothing more & nothing less.**_

_Just don't say anything else about it to anyone. _

_**Fine.**_

_And could you take notes in Chemistry for me?_

_**Sure**_

_Thanks, just give them to Bella after school. _

_**Yeah, yeah, yeah. U just better be here tmrw, that's all I have to say. Oh & Desmond says hello & he hopes u feel better.**_

I almost didn't respond to her last text. I could have put the phone down and ended the conversation there and neither of us would have thought anything of it. But Bella's words that morning edged me forward. So I sent one last message before turning off the phone.

_Tell him I say hi too_

I could see him smiling brightly, too encouraged by my simple acknowledgement, as I closed my eyes.

I hadn't planned on spending the whole day sleeping, but it was dark outside when Bella snuck into my room to drop off my work I missed. The shuffling of papers awoke me. She apologized for waking me, but I just shook my head as I yawned. Throwing the blanket s back I rubbed my eyes to clear my vision.

"What time is it?"

"Six," Bella replied.

Six, already? I had planned to call Seth before he went on guard duty. I would have to hurry if I wanted to catch him now. Fumbling for my phone I groaned when I realized the battery was dead. I followed Bella downstairs to the kitchen in hopes of using the house phone, but as soon as I picked up the receiver Carlisle removed it from my hand.

"What do you think you're doing?" He asked, placing the phone back on the cradle.

"Making a call?" I answered uncertainly.

"You're grounded, remember. No phone."

"But—"

"No buts, however if you would you like anything to eat that is allowed."

"No thanks," I mumbled.

Stalking out of the kitchen I ran into Esme. Quickly regaining my balance I continued on my way back upstairs. I heard her worriedly whispering with Carlisle about my wellbeing, but ignored it as I headed past my room to Jasper's and Alice's. Alice answered the door before I could knock ushering me in.

I sat in an armchair across from the couch that Jasper occupied, whom Alice joined shortly.

"You know I can't give you my phone. I can't go against Carlisle like that." She said before I had opened my mouth.

"I just want to talk to Seth for two minutes." I pleaded.

"You'll have to wait until your week is up. Until then, Seth dropped something off for you earlier."

I started at this news. "Seth was here, when?"

"While you were sleeping he stopped by, he heard you weren't feeling too hot. No pun intended." She added with a flash of her teeth.

My excitement faded as I realized I would not be able to converse with him today.

"I put his gift on your bedside table, although I don't particularly understand why he brought you it. Most people bring Chicken soup to those who are ill, no?"

Alice's confusion was a definite Kodak moment. She was hardly ever stumped, but I could only record it in memory as I stepped out of the room, retreating back to my own to discover Seth's mystery package. I almost laughed when I saw the large jar of Jiff's creamy peanut butter sitting on my bedside table with a spoon beside it. Just seeing it made me feel better. Seth always knew how best to comfort me. I couldn't believe he remembered that I had admitted Peanut Butter to be my comfort food over ice cream or soup.

Curling up on my loveseat I unscrewed the lid and dipped into the jar. Closing my eyes I got lost in the taste and finally, for a little while, forgot about the drama that consumed my life.

_A/N PS. I realized that in the first Chapter I never translated Jasper's and Alyssa's french dialogue into English. If you had trouble with that or wanted to know what they were saying, just message me and I'll give you the rough translations :) _


	13. Freedom

_A/N Alright I'm not feeling the love :( if you read it and like it, leave me a comment. If you read it and hate it, let me know. I need feedback. It's killing me wondering whether people are still liking where this is going or starting to be annoyed!!!_

**Chapter 13**

**Freedom**

That one week seemed to drag on. After that first day of hooky Carlisle made me go to school, which didn't come as very much of I surprise. I was more surprised when he had let me skip. Although anticipated, going back was not easy. It was awkward, seeing Desmond, especially with all eyes on us. I was always second guessing myself: were we sitting too close at our lab table, should we be sitting closer? I made sure to keep my arms full, so he couldn't grab my hand and try to hold it between classes. That one kind of backfired, seeing as how he just kept offering to carry my books and I could only deny those requests so many times without being rude.

Harder yet was that I wasn't allowed so much as a minutes time to talk to Seth. Jasper assured me that Seth knew and understood that I was grounded, but what Jasper couldn't understand was that I had never gone more than a day without talking to Seth since I met him. And he was the only one I could tell anything to without fearing being judged. Kendra was great for the girl stuff, but she just didn't understand some parts of my life. Like Seth, or why I hating going with Alice on those shopping trips she was always taking.

The only good part about being grounded was I didn't have to worry about a second date with Desmond. Although I wasn't even aware we were having the first one until Desmond kissed me. And even though I missed talking with Seth, I would give anything to postpone the conversation that would have to take place. Until my time was served I didn't have to worry about how I was going to give both of them a chance. It seemed cruel to string them both along if in the end I would only choose one. If I even chose one of them. I had no idea what my future held for me. I also wasn't sure if either of them would even be up to dealing with sharing my attention until I unscrambled the unidentifiable feelings that were coursing through me.

My first day of freedom was a momentous occasion that Alice marked with the shopping trip I had planned to take with her weeks ago. It was a Tuesday, a week since the day my world had turned upside down for the second time that year. Desmond seemed to have been marking down the days as I had to decline his offer to do something later. Alice had been waiting anxiously for my pardon also and family came first.

And so after school Alice and I went off in the Porsche to the mall in Seattle, for there was no stopping Alice when she was in the shopping zone. Ten minutes from entering the mall and she already had fifteen outfits picked out for me to try on. The whole time I was being prodded to try new styles and ordered to spin this way and that. It was not my first choice of how to spend my new found freedom, and I was exhausted by the time we pulled back up to the house: the trunk dragging from the weight of enough clothes to outfit a dozen fashion models for several photo shoots.

I dragged my feet up the steps, carrying five bags on each arm up to my room. I hastily dropped the bags on my closet floor, closing the door on them as soon as Alice had set hers down also. I collapsed onto my loveseat by the window as Alice nonchalantly sauntered around my room. I was too busy chewing on my bottom lip, thinking I should probably call Seth but not wanting to at the same time, to notice what exactly Alice was getting into.

"I didn't know you were so upset." Her wind chime voice floated across the room interrupting my indecisive mind.

I glanced up to see her holding the now empty jar of peanut butter. I smiled guiltily. I had hit the peanut butter pretty hard lately. It was one of the few things holding me together. My eyes fell on my phone on my desk, my thoughts back on Seth.

"Oh, just call him already." Alice sighed, setting the jar down and shutting the door behind her as she left.

I stared blankly at the place where she had been for a couple minutes, before plucking the phone from the desk and flipping it open. I stared at the main screen for a moment before flipping it shut again. Pacing back and forth in front of my window I flipped the phone open and closed several more times before finally getting up the gumption to call. He was my best friend, what was I afraid of?

I was just about to hit the send button when a bright light from outside caught my eye. Turning my attention to the backyard I recognized the sign Seth and I had invented a couple years back. Fumbling to shut my phone I grabbed a sweatshirt, flicking my bedroom lights several times to let him know I was coming.

I zipped the sweatshirt up before opening the back door, slipping the hood over my head to shield me partly from the cool night air, partly from Seth and those eyes of his. He wasn't very far from the house, just about twenty paces or so. I stopped when I was at an arm's length from him and stared at his outline that I could vaguely see through the darkness. As my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting I could make out more details, like his hands resting limply by his side, one holding the flashlight which was presently extinguished.

"Hey" I said meekly.

"Hey."

Neither of us pursued a conversation and an unaccustomed awkward silence settled between us.

"I was just about to call you." I finally spoke, trying to restore things to the way they used to be between us: natural and easy, like breathing.

"I guess we both missed each other." A flash of his teeth shone bright against the darkness as he sent me a smile.

My returning smile was natural, a reflexive response to his. "Yeah, I've missed my best friend." It wasn't until after the words had escaped my lips that I realized how harsh they might sound.

His smile slowly faded, but he looked more guilty than sad.

"I'm sorry Seth I just….I don't really know how I feel about anything at the moment. I'm so confused." I ducked my head, letting the hood cover my face.

Raising his free hand up Seth placed two fingers under my chin and gently lifted my face upwards, forcing me to look him in the eyes.

"I will always be your best friend first. " He assured me. "But I can't just sit by and watch him steal my world from me. I am going to fight for you whether you like it or not. I want you for keeps."

I took his hand from my face and held it in mine.

"I _am_ going to give you _both_ a chance." I promised. "No unfair advantages."

"Doesn't he already have one?" He muttered.

I frowned. How could Desmond have an advantage over Seth? If anything Seth had the advantage: he had been my confidant for years, not to mention I actually remembered him.

"What are you talking about?"

"He's a step ahead of me: first date, first kiss." He shrugged, turning away from me to stare out in the darkness.

Sighing I moved in front of him, demanding his attention.

"Would you like to go out with me this Friday?"

His eyes flickered down to mine and his smile lit up his face once more.

"I'll pick you up at seven?"

I shook my head. "Nope, I did the asking so I'm picking _you_ up."

He laughed at that but agreed. "I'll see you at seven then."

"Goodnight," was my answer, and despite the torturous events earlier that day, I found my spirits lifted knowing I had successfully cheered Seth up.

It was also a weight off my shoulders knowing he was willing to go along with my whole testing the water theory. Losing my best friend would have killed me. Now the next task was somehow letting Desmond in on all of this, which I had no idea how to even start that conversation. He didn't even know I knew what he and I were.

Friday seemed to arrive faster than ever before, and I had yet to find a way to tell Desmond about Seth. Kendra suspected something was up when she heard I had turned down Desmond's offer to hang out because I had already made plans. She picked at me throughout the day trying to discover if I was telling the truth then to find out who my plans were with. I didn't break down and tell her though; it would have done nothing to improve her mood.

My family's mood on the other hand was, for once, not impassive but buoyant. Jasper couldn't even keep a smile off his face. Other people seemed to notice this too and by the time Chemistry rolled around Kendra had put two and two together and spent most of the period shooting death glares at my back. She tried to catch me after class and then after school, but Alice beat her to the punch. She was so excited about tonight, more so than me.

I was so nervous because tonight I would be walking a very fine line. Alice made me even more nervous as she brought up aspects I hadn't even planned yet: what was I wearing, where were we going to go, and what were we going to do. I know it was silly, but I don't think my brain had fully grasped that Seth and I were expected to do something other than just hang around either of our houses that night.

Alice was slightly shocked at how little I did know about what was on the agenda but she jumped right in and started planning everything. She suggested several things that Seth and I could do and once I chose inline skating Alice went to work. First she called Renesmee to tell her to tell Jake to tell Seth that the evening was going to be strictly casual. Then, as soon as she got me alone in my room, she went to work on me.

I laid on my bed, flipping through an old book as Alice dug through my closet, matching up several tops with bottoms. Finally she narrowed it down to just one and ushered me into the shower so she could start on my hair. I was expecting her to go overboard, as per usual, but when I looked at her end results I couldn't help but admire her couth in knowing exactly the right clothes to compliment each and every situation. She managed to capture "casual first date" perfectly.

"Drive safe, and mind the time." Carlisle reminded me of my curfew before I left, hinting at another week of grounding should I be late again.

I took his words of warning with a peck on the cheek goodbye. I wasn't really nervous until I pulled up in front of Seth's house and cut the engine off. My hands started to get clammy as I walked the short path up to the front door. The old welcome mat greeted me, silencing my footsteps as I fidgeted before knocking.

I paused as I heard whispered words from inside. Not wanting to get caught eavesdropping I quickly rapped on the door twice, which silenced the secret conversation. A minute later Seth was at the door, using it to shield the room behind him.

"Hey, so you ready to go?" He asked, trying to rush us out of there.

"Uh, yeah I'm all ready. Are you okay?"

"Never better let's go." He stepped out onto the porch, ushering me toward the drive.

I heard several familiar snickers before Seth could shut the door and had to smile as I realized why Seth was in such a rush.

"Goodbye Quil, Embry, Jake." I called.

A chorus of byes echoed in the silence until Seth closed the door, barring their voices from us. If I wasn't mistaken there was a hint of a blush grazing his cheeks. I don't know why having his friends over before a date was embarrassing, but I wasn't going to push the issue and create an awkward moment.

I opened Seth's door for him, playing the part of the guy in hopes that joking about the date would make it less weird. I was afraid of an awkward silence falling between us on the long ride to Port Angeles, but thankfully Seth didn't give silence a chance.

"You look great, by the way." He mentioned as he fastened his seatbelt.

"Thanks."

I glanced over at him before starting the engine.

"You look pretty good yourself." More than good actually, he looked great. Only he could pull off a white t-shirt this time of year. It made his skin seem a richer color and the definition of his muscles was definitely showcased.

I focused my eyes on the road, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks at the traitorous thoughts in my head. Seth mentioned this which only made me blush harder at getting caught.

"It's nothing." I insisted, but he wouldn't let it go.

"C'mon, what?"

I kept my eyes on the road, refusing to look his way.

"It's nothing, really, it's just…I like that shirt." The heat from my face could start a forest fire I was blushing so hard.

He seemed pleased by my observation as I heard his throaty laugh.

"So what are we going to do tonight?" He asked.

"You'll see."

Neither of us had ever gone inline skating before. And truth be told we did a little more falling than skating at first. But we got the hang of it about halfway through. The only problem was when they called for reverse skate. It took us a moment longer to rotate than the other people, meaning there was a stampede of people accelerating towards us. It was a little intimidating, but also one of the most fun dates I'd ever been on. It didn't even feel like a date, more like just hanging out. That was it didn't until Couples Skate at the end of the night.

The lights went down, the music slowed, and the floor cleared of everyone but love struck couples who skated as close as possible and made goo-goo eyes at one another. I was stopped in the middle of the floor, unable to move until Seth grabbed my hand tightly and began pulling me along. I quickly started skating in sync with him and smiled shyly up at him. His returning smile was bright as he squeezed my hand tighter.

"That was fun." Seth said, returning the rental skates to the counter.

"Yeah, it was. But my feet are killing me."

I was sitting on a bench nearby, rubbing my soar feet. I finally eased them back into the sneakers I had worn earlier, wincing slightly as I stood up.

"I think I can help with that," Seth smiled down at me. "Hop on," he called as he turned around.

Was he serious? When he didn't move from that position I decided he was and took him up on his offer.

He didn't even grunt under my weight, seeming as though he didn't even notice it, which he probably didn't. I felt all eyes on us at our flamboyant behavior and was about to ask if he'd put me down. Pain was better than being the center of attention. But just as I was leaning down to whisper the request in his ear he jolted me upwards some, causing the same sensation as a roller coaster. I couldn't help but burst out laughing, it was the best way to limit the tickling sensation in the pit of my stomach.

Laughing only resulted in more stares, but I didn't care anymore. Soon enough we were out the doors and the cool breeze hit me full in the face at my high altitude.

"Where to?" Seth asked.

I glanced around us at the strips of shops nearby. One neon sign caught my attention.

"Do we have time for ice cream?"

He quickly removed his right hand to glance at his watch.

"If I drive home, then yes."

I thought about that for a moment before surrendering my keys.

"Onward noble steed."

He whinnied before heading off for the ice cream parlor across the road. He didn't set me down until we had already gotten our ice cream and were by the car. Slipping inside he started the engine, holding his cone in his free hand.

"You can't eat and drive at the same time!" I exclaimed as he pulled onto the road then took a bite of ice cream.

"Watch me."

"Just _you_ watch that you don't drip on the upholstery." I eyed him warily before turning my attention to my own cone.

I didn't think it was possible, but Seth managed to both eat his ice cream without getting a single drop on the car and drive fast enough to get us back in plenty of time. We sat in the driveway for a couple minutes with the car running before he cut the engine. His porch lights were on and I wondered if his mom was waiting up for him or Maybe Leah. I wondered how they felt about all this mess I've drawn Seth into.

The sound of Seth opening his car door drew me out of my worries. I followed him to the door, even though I was sure that once there, eyes would be studying us through the front windows.

"Listen, I had a really great time tonight," Seth turned towards me instead of going inside.

He said more than that, I could see his lips moving, but I couldn't hear the words. I wasn't paying attention. Instead I was debating with myself on whether to cross the line tonight. I was three-quarters of the way over; I might as well plunge in headfirst.

I caught him by surprise, mid-sentence. He had already been leaning over a little as he was talking so it wasn't very hard. Standing on the very tips of my toes I pressed my lips against his: warm and soft. He exhaled the breath of his last words into my mouth as I pulled away gently. He stood their stunned for a moment and I couldn't help but smile satisfactorily. At least this kiss had been on my terms.

I turned to leave, but Seth, coming to his senses once again, caught my arm, turning me back towards him.

"Wait a minute, I wasn't ready. Can't we try again?"

Smiling I took the keys from his hand. "Goodnight Seth."

I snuck a look at the window before hopping off the porch and found the curtain slightly parted, but didn't have time to register who had been spying. With my last look over my shoulder as I reached the car I saw Seth, still standing on the porch, looking after me. I wondered how long after I was gone he would stay there, but then the door opened and someone from within pulled him inside. God help me, if it was Leah I could be the target of her foul mood tomorrow.


	14. Telepathy

_I FINALLY finished it after like A MONTH! Sooo sorry. anyways here it is, I hope it's good. I am so mad my computer ate the other one. Anyways I have multiple photos that show how I imagine some of my characters so if you want me to post the links to some on my profile let me know!_

Chapter 14

Telepathy

I was waiting for her, holding my legs tightly to my chest, when she came prancing through the door. Even when anxious with excitement she was still effortlessly graceful in her movements. She folded herself on the bed, kneeling before me, her golden eyes glistening with excitement. Biting her lip she tried to wait for me to speak first, but grew too impatient.

"So, how'd it go?" Alice pressed.

"Fine."

She frowned at my response.

"Come on, help me out here, and give me some details."

I could see it in her eyes she was not enjoying being blind to what happened. It was driving her insane. I was impressed she had allowed me as much time as she had before she came looking for me.

"Well, I found out that I'm not that graceful on skates." I recalled, telling her of the time I slipped, losing my balance and pulling Seth down with me resulting in both of us laughing hysterically.

She nodded her head, smiling at my apparent happiness. Her encouragement and silent pressing with her eyes kept me going. I painted a vivid picture of the evening, not leaving out a moment, but I drifted off after mentioning the ice cream parlor encounter. Refocusing on the present I found her enthralled in my story. Her eyes were slightly glazed as if she really was seeing it through her second sight.

"I kissed him." I whispered softly, almost apologetically.

Alice's eyes instantly cleared as she exposed her teeth in a blinding smile. I tried to return it, but I could only manage a half smile that seemed unsure even to me.

"What's wrong didn't you like it?" Alice asked concerned.

"I don't know. I kind of caught him off guard. He didn't really have much time to respond." I admitted, emitting a real smile at the memory. "It was very sweet. I just can't help wondering…"

I hugged my legs tighter to me, biting my lip in frustration. "What if I made a mistake? What if this screws up our whole friendship? What if I end up hurting him?"

I glanced up at Alice, begging for advice, wanting the truth and yet afraid of it. She saw the conflict in my eyes and drew me into her, wrapping her arms around my shoulders.

"You know I can't tell you anything for certain. Your future is very foggy to me right now. I don't particularly like it, but until you make a definite decision I can only speculate." She whispered in my ear.

"Everything just feels so wrong Alice. It's wrong for me to string them both along. They deserve so much more than the mess that I am." It was true. I was a walking disaster who didn't know what she wanted and who could easily destroy everything and everyone in her path. I was only dragging my family and loved ones down with me.

"They couldn't find anyone better than you. You're sweet, caring, and beautiful: a triple threat."

I smiled up at her, rolling my eyes at her exaggeration. She was a good distraction, but I still felt a small sense of guilt in the pit of my stomach. However, after a while of just sitting there with my head resting on her shoulder her intoxicatingly sweet scent lulled me into a peaceful subconscious state.

I hadn't had a dream in a couple weeks, but that night I floated in and out of several random ones. I don't really remember the first two but the third one was of Seth. It wasn't anything big, just snippets of our night together: his bright smile, holding his hand, the piggy back ride. I was just reaching up to kiss him for the second time that night when I felt the dream start to slip away. Seth's face was starting to fade until it disappeared altogether just as I was an inch away.

His front porch had morphed into a clearing in the middle of some woods that were beginning to feel familiar to my subconscious. I knew I couldn't be alone, and proved myself right when I turned to find Desmond standing a few paces away from me.

"Interesting night," He remarked.

I was confused at his statement. It was actually relevant to what I was just dreaming, to what had happened tonight. Dreams weren't supposed to make sense.

"It just keeps getting better." I replied a little dryly. "Are you here to give me another cryptic riddle that will leave me waking up confused and thinking about what it could possibly mean?"

"No," he stated simply. As if the thought had never crossed his mind.

We stood in silence as the wind blew, rustling the leaves on the tree. Desmond just stared at me unabashedly so I found myself studying my surroundings. There wasn't much to look at and pretty soon I had circled the whole clearing with my eyes. This dream was on the verge of boring. It was time to shake things up. Besides, it was only a dream, what bad could come of it.

Looking back up at Desmond I met his blue eyes and lost my gumption for a minute. Something about them was so disarming. They seemed to be seeing right into the depth of my mind. Shaking my head I cleared my mind and reorganized my thoughts. It was only a dream.

"So, if you won't be asking me any questions, mind if I take a shot?" I smiled hesitantly, wondering if I was crazy for trying to converse with a dream.

"What do you want to know?"

"Can you fly?"

He blinked once in surprise, and then studied me as if to decide if I was serious.

"I could, once." He admitted.

I was shocked he had answered my question honestly. I had expected him to brush off the odd question.

"Why can't you anymore?"

"I gave up that power many years ago. I sacrificed it for someone I loved." His blue eyes that had been boring into me turned soft, a slight look of regret shining in them.

"And you regret giving it up." I whispered.

His eyes widened in alarm as he shook his head frantically. "No, I do not regret sacrificing that power. I regret that giving up a life with my love was the only way."

I hadn't realized it, but as he spoke I was moving closer to him, as if pulled magnetically. Reaching out I gently grazed his hand.

"The only way to what?"

His eyes shifted down to our hands, no longer touching, but close enough that it took little effort for him to wrap mine in his. He gave my hand a brief squeeze as he met my eyes again.

"To save her."

The look of pain on his face made me feel the sudden urge to stop his hurt.

"She forgives you."

The sentence slipped out before I thought about what I was saying. It didn't take long at all for Desmond to process it either as his hands flew to my face, cradling it between his hands as he studied my eyes. It was as if he was searching for an answer in them.

"You know." He whispered, excitement shining in his eyes.

I bit my lip and nodded in affirmation.

He crowed with happiness, pulling me into a tight embrace. "I thought I had lost you; that you would never remember."

I tried to push away from him, but his grip was tight. I finally gave up and just settled for whispering it into the dark forest.

"I don't remember."

Desmond pulled away, holding me at arm's length.

"What?"

"I don't remember. I read the letter, that's how I know." I admitted.

"So you don't remember who I am? Who you are?" He looked like a child when his toy was grabbed from him: shocked and disappointed.

"I'm sorry."

His eyes brightened once more, regaining hope.

"You will. I will help you to remember."

Taking my hands again he ordered me to close my eyes. I obeyed, convinced that when I opened them it would be to wake up in my bed with Alice still beside me.

"Alright you can open them now."

Blinking my eyes open I discovered a vaguely familiar room, full of faces I didn't know. The only illumination was provided by candles that littered every stable surface. A string quartet was playing a soothing song as Desmond stood in front of me, holding both of my hands in his. And that's when I remembered why this scenario was so familiar. It was the same as the room I visited in a vision after opening Desmond's present.

I pulled my one hand from Desmond's grasp to bring it up to my neck. It came away with the necklace Desmond had given me, the reddish orange gem glowing in the candlelight.

"What is it?" I asked, turning the pendant this way and that.

"That is a locket passed down through my family from generation to generation."

I looked up at him, confused. "Then why did you give it to me?"

"Think, try to remember." He pressed.

I went back to studying the little mystery. My frustration grew as I tried to bring forth the memory. It was at the very back of my mind, I just couldn't reach it. Taking a calming breath I started again. The only thing I could think of was how pretty the trinket was, especially when it reflected light. That's when it flowed back to me, the first time I had ever seen it: when it still belonged to Desmond's mother, it looked so regal resting against her bare neck.

"Because I liked it, it called to me."

He flashed me a bright smile. "I would have given you the world if you had wanted it."

My heart swelled with happiness as I felt a blush creep up my cheeks. Even in dreams it seemed I couldn't escape that embarrassing tendency. I was drowning in his eyes again, so I did the only that ever proved to stop it: closed mine. The feelings were starting to get a little too intense for me. It was starting to not even feel like a dream anymore. Letting the necklace fall from my hand I took a step back, eyes still closed.

"I think I'm ready to wake-up now." I opened them again, hoping against hope I would be in bed this time.

I wasn't. Dream Desmond still stood in front of me, seeming a little disappointed at my words.

"If that is what you want."

It was different than when my dream morphed from Seth to Desmond. This time everything went black. I didn't dream the rest of the night, which was nice. Dreams were mentally draining and usually provided the same result as a sleepless night, at least when I dreamt of Desmond.

I slept well past noon the next day, bypassing breakfast as well as lunch. When I finally awoke it was to my stomach growling. At least, I thought that was what it was. It turned out to be my cell vibrating like mad against the hardwood. Apparently it had inched its way off the edge of the table as I slept and was currently buzzing angrily from the floor, alerting me that I had two new voicemails, three missed calls, and a text message.

Groggily I sat up, plucking the phone from the floor before it made its way under my bed and flipped it open to silence it. I checked missed calls first. One was from Kendra and two were from Seth. Checking my voicemail next I punched in my four digit key. A minute later Seth's deep voice filled my ear: _hey, Alyssa, it's me….Seth. I just wanted to make sure you got home safe. You usually text me when you get in. Anyways I had a lot of fun tonight. _The beep sounded, ending the message, and I hesitated a little before hitting the save button. It was just so cute of him I couldn't help it. The next message started to play, and once again Seth's voice echoed out of the phone: _Hey it's Seth again, I just realized I didn't say goodbye or anything so, bye. Sleep tight._ I laughed at his simple message and once again hit save, making a mental note to text him back to let him know I had gotten his message and was perfectly fine.

As I navigated to my inbox I expected to see a text from Kendra. Usually if she couldn't reach me by phone she texted me immediately after. To my surprise it was from Desmond instead.

_Good morning. Did you have a peaceful sleep? Any good dreams?_

I almost dropped the phone when I read it. Figuring it was just my tired eyes, I held the phone closer, but it still read the same. My mind instantly flashed back to last night's dreams. But he couldn't possibly know about them. He must just be wondering over my wellbeing, like Seth. There was no way he could ever know that I was dreaming of him.

And yet I found myself blushing at the very idea. It would be too embarrassing if he somehow knew he played a starring role in my dreams. Especially if he was aware that role was reoccurring. And what did I know? I was new to this whole fairy thing. What if I had some sort of freaky power that allowed others to see what I dreamt?

My mind was a random jumble of thoughts. I needed to tell _someone_. I couldn't just keep this to myself; I was already keeping enough secrets from several different people. But who? My first thought was Bella, but she had the opposite problem. Edward couldn't enter her mind at all. Not unless she tried really, really hard to lower her natural barrier. _Renesmee._ She had the power to let everyone see her thoughts. Maybe she could tell me if I was accidently letting others into my mind, namely Desmond.

I found her on the couch, watching the game with Jake. She didn't appear as intrigued as he was and seemed happy at a distraction from the game.

"Hey Alyssa." She called happily as I stood in my PJs beside the TV.

Jacob looked up from the game and took in my rumpled appearance.

"Good morning sleeping beauty. Man Seth really must have worn you out, it's past one."

Renesmee elbowed him, but I ignored his insinuations. Any other time I would have turned scarlet and thrown a snide comeback at him, but at the moment I was on a mission not to mention slightly too tired.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked Renesmee quietly.

"Of course, let's go in the kitchen. You can get a bite to eat while we talk." She jumped off the couch eagerly leading the way.

I stirred my hot chocolate as I brought Renesmee up to speed on last night's occurrences. Most she had heard from Jake, but the dreams were new. She cooed over my dream of Seth, and seemed disappointed when I didn't get to kiss him again. I eventually got her to focus on the important part: my dream conversation with Desmond and then the text he had sent me earlier that morning.

"How can I tell if I'm subconsciously letting him into my mind?" I asked, eating a spoonful of whip cream before it melted into the chocolate.

"I don't know. I require direct physical contact with a person before they can see anything. But that doesn't mean it isn't possible." She frowned in concentration. "Do you feel drained after these dreams of Desmond, like you can barely function?"

I nodded vigorously. "Yes, that's why I slept so late today."

"Then there's a pretty good chance that he is seeing your thoughts." She sounded apologetic.

I groaned. The last thing I needed was Desmond inside my head. There were just some places that were meant to be private and the mind is one of those places. But apparently my mind never got that memo.

"How do we stop it?"

"I'm not sure. I'm aware when I'm doing it so I usually just tone down the power." She answered hesitantly.

"Great." I muttered. "So there's no hope?"

"Well, since you seem to be letting him into your dreams and your dreams have to do with your feelings you could try writing all your thoughts and feelings in a journal before bed. Maybe then your dreams won't be interesting and they won't call to him?" She suggested.

"It's worth a try. Thanks Nessie." Draining my hot cocoa I went to set it by the sink, trying to remember where I had put my journal from fifth grade.

"So," Renesmee came to lean on the counter in front of me. "Let's get back to Seth."

"What about Seth?" I asked innocently.

"Can you see you two as an item?"

I was about to blurt out 'we're just friends' as a default, but then I paused to think about it. Seth and me walking, holding hands, him wrapping his arm around me when I got cold. It was a nice thought.

"Yeah, I could see it." I smiled.

Just then my smile faltered as other thoughts filled my head. Desmond holding his car door open for me, offering me his jacket to keep warm, putting his arm around my shoulder as we sit on a bench.

Renesmee didn't notice my smile's waver. She was too excited at the aspect of Seth and me. It was a good thing. I didn't want her to know that I could see Desmond and me together as well, because that path led to my family and I being separated, and neither of us really wanted that. No, I was definitely all the more grateful she hadn't inherited her daddy's ability to read minds. It narrowed down the number to only two people who could see my innermost thoughts. Hopefully that number was going to be cut back further to only one soon.

_PS if I post the pictures and none of them are how you picture them please feel free to let me know of someone else who you think fits the profile better :)_


	15. Therapy

_I am posting links to pictures of the characters on my profile. Check them out and let me know what you think!_

**Chapter 15**

**Therapy **

It took some digging through my closet before I found an old diary of mine. It was on the third shelf in a box filled with personal items from my elementary school days. I had to use my desk chair to reach it, and at one point I ended up hanging by the shelf to keep from falling off the swivel chair as it started spinning. Once I was able to make my way safely back to the ground I shoved the journal as well as a pencil into a bag. On a second thought I also grabbed an old blanket from a pile in the back corner of the closet before heading out to my car.

"I'm going to the meadow," was my explanation as Renesmee eyed me curiously from her seat on the couch.

I didn't touch the radio as per usual when I was alone in the car. Even though it was a long drive, I didn't feel like having the loud beat of the bass or the crooning of a singer's voice penetrate my thoughts. Instead I rolled my side window down, allowing the cool air to play with my loose hair, whipping it around almost violently due to my speed. I didn't mind when it cut across my eyes every once in a while, there were no other cars on the road and it only briefly obscured my vision.

I navigated the twists and turns of the road smoothly, and soon enough the sparse lawns belonging to houses dissolved into tall moss covered trees that towered above me. Taking a right on the one-ten I drove until I hit a dead end and parked my narrow car on the shoulder. I left my phone in the cup holder, only having brought it as reassurance to Carlisle. He insisted I always keep my phone on me in case of an emergency. Locking my doors, I shouldered my bag and started off towards the trees.

The air was moist and water dripped down off of overlying branches from the previous night's rain. The smell of damp earth and plant life acted like aroma therapy, easing my troubled soul. Breaking through the trees into the circular clearing I had been searching for I was met with a splash of purple and yellow flowers that grew wild there, haphazardly.

I spread my blanket across the wet grass before falling back onto it and closing my eyes. I suddenly felt very grateful that Bella had chosen to share this place with me. It had been her and Edwards's special place before. Now only the three of us really knew about it. Renesmee knew of it, but not its exact location. It proved to be a great escape. It was like its own separate world. I relished in the seclusion I felt with the tall trees surrounding me, barring me from civilization. I could stay just like this all my life: just lying here, listening to the wind rustling the leaves softly as the intoxicating aroma of earth, grass, flora and tree bark filled my nose and clouded my senses.

I laid there like that for a long while before rolling over onto my stomach and reaching into my bag to retrieve my journal. Flipping through the pages I stopped at a blank one, chewing at the end of my pencil. _This is going to work_ I kept telling myself. But I felt so stupid writing as though I was talking to someone who didn't exist. _Just let go and write what you feel._

Finally I touched the tip of the pencil to the page and began writing whatever came to mind. It didn't have much flow and wouldn't have won me a Nobel Prize or anything, but it was semi therapeutic getting all of my emotions down on paper. I could slowly start to feel the tangled mess inside me starting to unravel.

There were a million contradictions in the words on the paper. I went on about how wonderful Desmond was with his gentlemanly manners, and of course his dreamy blue eyes just to move into a rant of how he annoyed me with his intensity and the hypnotic hold his eyes held over me. I filled a page and a half on Desmond before moving onto Seth and his bright smile that warmed my heart, his loyalty, thoughtfulness and those warm brown eyes that could see right through me.

It felt weird to slam my best friend but I managed to pick out my negative feelings towards him as well. Like his eagerness and how he never seemed able to give me space. At the thought of personal space my mind drifted toward my family. I never realized how overprotective and territorial they were of me until that moment when I let go and wrote without thinking. I was going on about Edward crowding my head when the pencil tip broke from applying too much pressure.

I sighed deeply, tossing the useless writing utensil aside. Reading over what I just wrote I almost tore the page out. All I could think of was: what would I do if someone else read this? But I didn't. If I had, all the therapeutic results of the exercise would have been destroyed also. So instead I flipped back to the beginning and started reading my seven year old self's thoughts.

I was a very articulate child. My attention to detail and descriptions of those around me were astonishing. It was as if I had the mind of a teenager rather than an adolescent and had only just grown into that mind the past several years.

I usually prided myself on my impeccable memory, but I came upon an entry that reminded me of one memory I had completely forgotten about. It was from the time we spent at Tanya's in Denali.

_January 14_

_We're leaving tomorrow. Carlisle and Eleazar had a huge fight so Esme's back at the house, running around trying to get all of our things together. I have never seen Carlisle so angry, he is usually the calm and level-headed one. There was no yelling. Only the harshly whispered words and the dangerous look in his eye showed just how heated the argument was. I saw it first hand from behind the sofa in the sitting room._

_Carlisle and Eleazar stood together in the middle of the room as the sun reflecting off the snow shone vaguely through the trappings on the windows. "You don't know what you have here Carlisle. That girl is destined for great things. Alyssa has immense power, I can sense that. It's just hidden beneath the surface." Eleazar spoke urgently, excited. I found myself excited also. I am special, like my family. I have extra powers like Alice or Edward. I felt hope, that maybe my family will see I really do fit in with them, until I noticed the pained look on Carlisle's face._

"_Not again Eleazar." Apparently that wasn't the first time Eleazar had mentioned my power to Carlisle."Come on Carlisle you can't tell me you've never thought about changing her when she gets older? Think of what she could be, what trouble she'd be for Aro." Aro and the Volturi, I have only ever heard those names once and that too was unbeknownst to Carlisle. I know enough that the name spent shivers down my spine. I have goose bumps now just thinking about it. "Never. I would never subject her to the Volturi." Carlisle growled. "It's best they don't know of her at all." They exchanged heated words and finally Carlisle left the room to announce that we would be leaving. _

_I shouldn't have been eavesdropping, but I did, and now I am afraid this will be the last time we will ever see Aunt Tanya and her family. And it's all my fault. They were fighting over me and some ability I apparently unknowingly possess. At first I was happy. I thought that now my family knew that I was more like them they might adopt me. Then I was frightened at the mention of the Italian Vampire coven. _

_I retreated from the room before I was noticed, but I am still in a state of shock. I was sent to outside to play while everyone got ready. That's where I am now, out sitting in the cold snow, waiting for someone to call me in for dinner. I don't know what to do. On one hand, I am happy to move. It is always cold here, and the sun rarely shines. But on the other hand I don't want to be the reason for a family feud. I also want to learn more about my supposed powers. But Carlisle won't let me anywhere near Eleazar alone. I don't know if he's afraid he'll turn me, or that he'll tell me more than Carlisle wants me to know. I am so confused and frustrated. I can't stand not knowing. Maybe I'll just confront Carlisle about it…_

Flashes of that day flowed back to me. How could I have forgotten it? We had left a year earlier than usual and I hadn't remembered why. Not even when that conversation had consumed my thoughts for years after. I was desperate to learn what Eleazer had felt, what powers he had seen inside me. My imagination ran wild with scenarios, especially if my ability could rival Aro's.

Carlisle avoided answering my questions effectively and even though relations were smoothed between him and Eleazar, Eleazar carefully monitored his word choice when talking with me. I had eventually given up and pushed it to the back of my mind. I had felt no different than before so I assumed Eleazar had misread me. But now, with all these new revelations occurring, I couldn't help but think that Eleazar really had seen something.

What if he had seen my ability to allow others to enter my dreams? Then again, that couldn't be the great power he had described. What could that do against Aro's mind reading ability? Absolutely nothing. If anything it was a weakness on my part. Aro wouldn't have to touch me to see my thoughts, he could see every thought _and_ feeling through my dreams.

No, Eleazar had made it seem as if I could be used as a weapon against Aro. But just thinking about the Volturi sent a cold chill through my heart. They were old, experienced, strong, and had a vast variety of powers. How could little, unobtrusive me be any threat to them?

The better question was why was my past deciding to jump up and bite me in the butt all at once? Couldn't it have happened over a span of several years, or at least several months? Now the therapeutic out letting of my thoughts and feelings earlier was useless with this new information presented to me. Flipping back to where I had left off writing I reached for the pencil only to remember it was broken. Fantastic, I had so much to let out.

I turned to taking my emotions out on the vegetation. I picked the flowers around me until I was sitting in the middle of my self-made crop circle. When the sun began setting beneath the trees I started the hike back to the car, not even checking my phone before making a u-turn and heading back towards the one-oh-one. The clouds were already rolling in as I was driving, but I beat the storm home.

As I coasted along the highway on the way home I came to terms with the fact that I needed to talk to Desmond. Really talk to him. I needed to let him know what I knew. Maybe he could enlighten me about the things I didn't know about myself. Things not even my family knew.

The lightening started as I was walking up the porch steps, closely followed by the thunder. Surprisingly it wasn't raining. It was perfect conditions for a baseball game, but the family was still at home. I entered the house to find Bella stuffing her long hair up into a baseball cap, already in full uniform.

I slipped past her up the stairs. I wasn't in the mood to watch tonight. Slinking into my room I let my bag drop from my shoulder and land with a soft thud on my bed. I sat beside it on the edge while I riffled through my bedside table until I plucked the letter from Desmond from between two books.

"Don't do it." Edward's voice startled me so that I dropped the letter.

"You need to stop doing that." I mumbled irritated as I bent to retrieve the slip of paper.

"I'm sorry I should have knocked." He apologized.

"That's not what I was talking about. I meant reading my mind."

"It's not something I can control." He pointed out.

"You at least try with Rose and the others. Why don't you show me the same respect?" I glared at him accusingly.

"Me knowing your thoughts is key to your safety. And right now what you're thinking of doing is stupid, irresponsible, and potentially dangerous." He paced back and forth, scolding me. As if he had any right. He wasn't my father, or father figure. He was my brother, my adoptive brother. I was getting really pissed off with all of Edward's overprotective shit.

"My thoughts are my concern and only my concern." I spat out. "Now _get out of my head!_"

My anger took over my thoughts and all I could think of was how much I wanted Edward to stop butting into my personal thoughts. I roughly stuffed the letter into my bag for tomorrow, turning back to face Edward, fully meaning to kick him out of the room. The stricken look on his face stopped me. He seemed baffled, confused, and a bit concerned. I felt a wave of traitorous concern and guilt flash through me.

"What's wrong Edward?" My quick anger began to ebb away and as my head cleared so did Edwards horrified expression.

"How did you do that?" He asked breathlessly.

"Do what? Yell at you? It's quite easy when you piss me off like that."

"No," he sighed frustrated. "How did you block your thoughts?"

"I….what are you talking about? I wasn't blocking my thoughts." All I had been doing was thinking how much I wanted him to leave me alone.

"Don't lie to me." He scolded me once again. I was getting tired of him doing that.

"I'm not Edward I swear. Maybe you just had a lapse in intelligence or something."

"But—" He protested as I started shoving him out the door.

"Just go play your little game. I'm going to go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow." He gave in and let me push him out.

Once he was in the hallway I shut my door behind him, leaning my head against it. Desmond and I had so much talking to do.

Edward knew what I was up to as I was trying to rush everyone out the door in the morning. I was literally shoving my eggs down in a rush to get to school early. I wanted to catch Desmond before too many people arrived at the schoolyard. We needed to talk, but it wasn't a conversation suitable for half the town's population to hear. They would have me emitted to the mental ward faster than I could say fairy if they heard what I had to say.

As I raced down the main road towards Forks High School Edward just nodded his head in disapproval. Alice had postponed our departure as she insisted I couldn't leave the house until I did something with my hair. Apparently she hadn't liked the rolled-out-of-bed look I was going for. Of course the closest brush in the house was upstairs on my vanity. Dashing upstairs I had grabbed the brush and proceeded to rake it through the tangled mess that was my hair as I ran back down to the front door. Now because of my perfectly tamed hair I was running behind schedule.

I didn't park in my usual spot. Instead I parked in the one next to where Desmond usually parked. It was currently empty, he was running late too. My family dispersed around the courtyard. Alice and Jasper went off to stand beneath an old tree in the far corner of the schoolyard while Edward and Bella sat at a nearby picnic table. When they sat down at the end the freshman who had been occupying the table left for another after eyeing the two wearily. Renesmee went to stand with Rose and Emmett by their car several spaces away.

As for me, I remained where I was, leaning against the front end of my car. I faced the entrance of the lot, watching for Desmond's silver Camaro to pull in. Five minutes later I was rewarded for my patience as Desmond swiftly slid into his spot beside me. As Desmond exited his car I pushed off from mine and went to stand before him.

"I see you're shaking things up a bit." He nodded to my car beside his.

"We need to talk." I skipped past the small talk.

His eyes were guarded, unsure.

"Alright, what is on your mind?"

I glanced towards Edward's picnic table where he was studying me carefully.

"Privately," I added.

Turning back to Desmond I found his eyes studying me carefully, as if trying to pick the topic of the conversation from my head. He finally spoke after he had no success at guessing what was on my mind.

"Let's go then."

I blinked taken aback.

"Go where?"

"Somewhere private," he answered with a laugh.

He moved to the side of his car, opening the passenger door and gesturing for me to take a seat. Sneaking another peak at Edward I knew this wouldn't be the best idea. His lips were slightly curled back and I could vaguely hear the low growl he must have been trying to suppress. Going with Desmond now would go against two of Edward's morals: ditching school and being alone with Desmond.

"Um, I can't really ditch today. How about after school?" It wasn't what I wanted, but I wasn't going to blow off school and piss off Edward even more than I had to.

Desmond looked confused. I didn't blame him; I had made it sound so urgent. Hell I had been waiting here for him to arrive, only to postpone the conversation.

"Sure, whenever you want."

The warning bell rang then. Desmond and I said our awkward goodbyes as we headed off to our separate classes. I already knew today would be a waste, that I should have just skipped for all the attention I would be paying. No class was captivating enough to divert my thoughts from this afternoon.


	16. Answers

_**Okay faithful readers the new chapter is finally here! Now that summer has begun I will try to post regularly however I have an announcement to make. GRADUATION IS THIS THURSDAY AND THEN I HAVE AN EARLY FLIGHT ON SUNDAY TO ORLANDO FL FOR DISNEY WORLD! Good news for me, bad news for you. I will be unable to update until after I return :( I am sorry in advance!**_

**Chapter 16**

Answers

I waited for Desmond under a tree by the gym. Somehow I made it through the whole monotonous day where every class seemed to go on forever. Chemistry was the worst. Not only was it a double period, but I was also no more than six inches away from Desmond for the whole hour and a half and we still couldn't talk.

As I scanned my surroundings I found him exiting building four, Ms. Wilder's class. He must have Spanish seventh hour with Renesmee. He seemed to be looking for me also as his head was turning to survey the area. Eventually our eyes met, he smiled and made his way over to where I stood.

We walked silently to his car with my family in tow behind us. I realized when I was standing between Desmond's car and mine that Edward would need my keys if I was going with Desmond. Walking back to the curb where he stood I dug my keys out of my bag and handed them over.

"Keep your phone on." Edward muttered as the keys slipped into his hands.

"He's not going to just kidnap me Edward." I hissed back.

He just raised his eyebrows at me as I threw my bag in the back of Desmond's car. Sliding into the seat I shut the door in Edwards face, allowing the tinted windows to obscure his view of me. As I was fastening my seatbelt I heard a small rap on the window. Before I could even reach for the button Desmond had it down.

"Just give me a call if you want a ride home." Edward added, sending a warning look to Desmond before climbing into my car.

The window whizzed back up as Desmond started the car. We pulled out just before Edward, who followed obnoxiously close until we hit the entrance of the parking lot. I half expected Edward to follow us, but instead he turned left while we went right. No longer able to study Edward tailing the car in the side mirror I felt the thickness of the silence settle in around me.

The radio was off, and I didn't feel right just turning it on without permission. It was his car. Instead I surveyed the interior, gray upholstery and carpets that looked brand new. There wasn't a crumb or stain or any trash that commonly littered cars. It was as if he had just bought it, it was so immaculate. My examination complete I searched for something else to occupy my attention.

"So where are we going?" I asked keeping my eyes on the loose thread hanging from my shirt as I played with it.

"Well, I was thinking we could go back to my place."

My hand froze mid-twist. His house. All alone talking about our past at _his_ house.

"Is that okay?" He asked when I hadn't responded.

_No_ it most certainly was _not_ okay.

"Yeah that's fine."

He drove on with the silence returning between us, but I left my loose thread alone. It wasn't until we turned onto a quite lane of Victorian houses that he spoke.

"So, your brother doesn't like me very much." He mentioned casually.

"Edward doesn't like most people. Don't take it personally." I half-lied.

He turned to me with a smirk, raising, his right eyebrow. "You're not denying it?"

"Why deny the truth?" I challenged him with my eyes, surprised by my sudden confidence.

I was terrified of this being. He held all the power. In just an instant he could whisk me away from this life, from my family. And here I was, going along with his playful banter as if he wasn't dangerous. As if my life as I knew it wasn't balancing precariously on the edge where one tap of his hand would make it fall one-way or the other.

I broke eye contact first as we pulled into the drive of a white washed house with navy blue shutters, a huge covered front porch and a white picket fence. How cliché. I slid my hand down the seatbelt until I reached the buckle, pushing down and releasing my body from the strap's confines. I didn't wait for Desmond to come around and open my door, much to his annoyance, and instead grabbed my bag and slid out quickly.

The sound of the car door closing reverberated off the adjacent house's garage and I noticed a pair of eyes peering out from the curtain of said house's front window. When the unidentifiable eyes caught me staring they bore into me, studying me for a moment, before disappearing behind the fabric.

I shook my head. _Nosey neighbors._ That's why I loved the seclusion of my home. I was never subjected to the critical eyes of neighbors. I followed Desmond up the path to the porch. I couldn't help but notice how there were a wide variety of flowers in bloom: tulips, marigolds, lilacs, roses and sunflowers even though it was well past all of their seasons. I was drawn to the sunflowers. Their yellow petals reminded me of their namesake; something that was rarely seen here. Reaching out my hand I stroked the soft petals, wiping away dewdrops.

"It looks like rain. We should probably head inside." Desmond's warm breath grazed the back of my neck.

I glanced up at the sky and it did look as if the heavens were threatening to open up. I wrinkled my nose in distaste. I still disliked all this never-ending rain. "So it does."

I skipped up the steps and into the entryway of the house as Desmond held the door for me. An involuntary shiver ran through me when the door closed behind him. I felt trapped. He led me down the narrow hallway to the kitchen. We passed several landscape paintings: two of open meadows filled with wildflowers and one of a forest clearing identical to the one in my dreams. I didn't have much time to admire them as he quickly continued on.

I stopped in the middle of the kitchen. It was average size, an open floor setting that connected to an eating area filled with a long rectangular table made of some sort of rich wood. The cabinets were made of the same type of wood and the countertops were covered in earth-toned granite. He left me standing by the island as he bustled around the room, retrieving two teacups from a cupboard then pulling a teakettle out from another. I watched as he filled the kettle with water form the sink. Once he placed it on the stove to boil he turned to me.

"Is Chamomile alright?" I just nodded my consent. Chamomile was my favorite, the only tea I would drink. I normally stuck with hot chocolate.

He nodded absentmindedly as he pulled two teabags from a nearby drawer. I just continued to stand there, still clutching my bag in my hands as we stood there. Desmond noticed this when he looked back up.

"Why don't you set your bag down?" He offered reaching out his hand to take it.

I shook my head fervently, my grip tightening on the handle, refusing to give it up. He let his arm fall limply to his side as he shrugged. Suddenly the kettle began whistling, making me jump. It didn't seem to faze Desmond at all. He turned away to prepare the tea while I went to sit at the kitchen table as I watched. He began adding the sugar, honey and milk, and I studied him in astonishment as he fixed it to my preference.

He brought matching saucers with him to the table, setting the cups atop them. I mumbled thanks as I blew on mine then took a small sip. I closed my eyes as the soothing liquid trickled down my throat, filling me with warmth. When I opened them again it was to find Desmond studying me with a small smile.

"Now, what was it that you wished to talk with me about?"

I took another sip, stalling a little, before setting the cup back down and reaching for my bag that rested at my feet. His eyes didn't leave me once as I slowly unzipped the bag and pulled out a piece of paper. Taking a deep breath I laid the letter on the table facing away from me and slid it across the surface towards him. He didn't even so much as glance at it. He didn't need to, to know what it was. I mean, he _did_ write it. Instead his eyes remained on me, hesitant, guarded: waiting for some reaction from me.

"I need some answers." I said simply. I was not asking permission. I was demanding him to clear up my confusion.

He silently gestured for me to ask what I wanted. I quickly shuffled through all the questions running through my head searching for the simplest.

"How old are you?" I finally settled on the question.

He looked down at his hands without answering. Finally he stopped studying his fingers and raised his gaze to meet mine. A slight smile played on his lips, void of humor.

"I wonder if it might upset you." My throat went dry. He was _that_ old.

"There's only one way to find out." I shrugged, faking nonchalance.

He stared for a moment more before answering. "Four hundred and ninety three."

I hadn't expected that. I was anticipating maybe a couple hundred tops but almost five hundred years: that was older than Carlisle.

"I guess we don't physically age then." I managed a small laugh, trying to play off my shock with humor.

He saw right through me, but seemed to appreciate my effort of indifference. "No, we do, just very slowly."

I nodded mulling that over.

"Are you not curious as to how old you are?" I stiffened.

"I'm seventeen." I replied sharply.

He shook his head but didn't press the subject. Crossing my arms I looked away defiantly. As far as I was concerned I had only been on this earth for seventeen years. Anything before then didn't matter. Except that I knew I was lying to myself. If it didn't matter, why was I here?

"Is that all you wanted to ask me?"

_No._ He knew that wasn't it. I had a million more questions. It was finding a way to voice them that was eluding me.

"You can see my dreams." I stated, unsure of how to ask about my ability without sounding crazy.

"That's partly true." He nodded his head. "To be even more accurate I can control others dreams in general, not just yours."

This news startled me. It wasn't my fault that he was in my head it was his. I couldn't have controlled it if I had wanted to. So I spent the afternoon pouring my soul out to a piece of paper for no apparent reason. Wonderful. I made a mental note to burn my latest entry when I arrived home.

"What are you thinking?" His voiced pushed through my thoughts.

"I thought I was the one letting you in when all this time it was you." I answered still pondering over this revelation. "Does that mean those conversations we had in my head were real?"

"Every single one." He smiled.

I frowned. "But why?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why would you break into my mind, into my dreams, into my most private thoughts?" My voice rose as I became angered at his insensitiveness.

"I was trying to help you remember. Remember me and your past."

"Maybe I didn't want to remember." I muttered.

"Then what are you doing here?" He whispered.

"It's too late now." I glared at him as if it was his fault. It was his fault. He came to find me; he made me have that first dream.

"You're right. It is too late. You're already changing." He agreed, not looking a bit remorseful.

I rolled my eyes. "Why does everyone keep saying that? I haven't changed."

"Really? Tell me, have you been able to block your brother from reading your thoughts lately?" He questioned haughtily.

My thoughts flashed back to last night in my room. "How did you know about that?"

"It was an educated guess. Your powers were bound to break through eventually."

So Eleazar _had_ seen something inside me. Which brings me to my follow up question.

"What powers?"

Desmond could tell he had piqued my interest and smiled smugly. He was enjoying this.

"What is its worth to you?" I thought over my options before answering. There was nothing I wanted to know more than my ability and he was aware of that fact. He was using it to get what _he_ wanted: me.

"A date this Friday night." I offered.

"Come now, we both know it's worth more than that." He smiled, his eyes flashing with a masked emotion. "I want something more…permanent. We date each other, exclusively."

I shook my head in disagreement. "I can't. There are…complications."

"Ah, your family." He stated knowingly. Stupid fairy boy who thinks he knows everything.

"Their not your biggest hurdle, Seth is." I smiled, growing warm just thinking of my best friend.

"Oh yes, how could I forget the mutt. Your best friend who's hidden his feelings from you all this time." He frowned, his eyes turning black as he thought of Seth.

"How do you do that?" I asked, sidetracked by his mood ring eyes.

He looked at me questioningly, his eyes a clear blue again. "What?"

"Your eyes, they changed colors." I pointed to my eyes, illustrating the body part I was describing.

"It's a fairy thing. Our eyes change colors to match our moods, but only when we are experiencing strong emotions. Yours will start to do so too, soon."

"Oh" I muttered, at a loss for what else to say.

He leaned back in his chair, balancing it on two legs. "Now are you sure about Seth. I don't share well."

I sent him a sharp look. "I'm not sure of anything at the moment. That is why I need to give you both a chance. You don't have to share, you could give up." I added the last part hopefully.

His chair's legs hit the floor with a loud thud. "I don't give up. Ever." He sent me an intense look, his eyes turning a navy blue.

"Um, okay. So how exactly are we going to work this little love triangle then?" I couldn't imagine this working out.

"We'll split up the week. I'll get you Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Seth can have Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. We can split Sunday, I'll get the morning, and he can have the afternoon."

I rubbed my temples, trying to hold off a major headache. This was starting to sound like a custody battle between divorced parents where I was the kid being shuffled from one to the other.

"I have a better idea. How about Sunday is my day of rest? I can't be with you guys twenty-four seven."

He nodded his approval. As if I needed it.

"And I'll have to run all this past Seth, he should have a say in it as well." He nodded again, less readily and more rigid. "Great, now enlighten me. What powers?"

He leaned forward, his eagerness showing.

"Well, we all have unique abilities. No gift is the same as the next. And on very rare occasions some even have two. You and I are two examples of those rare exceptions. The powers are kept underneath the surface, stagnant until a fairy becomes of age at seventeen. Once it shows, it is only a matter of one harnessing the power, controlling it. To keep the power strong one has to practice with it, even though it is only used under extreme circumstances." He paused, smiling as I processed this all.

"Some gifts are trivial, highly ineffective in high stress situations. But others are very useful. Some would say you have one of both. Your minor power is Clairsentience: the ability to perceive the history of an object or person through touch."

I thought back to the locket he had given me. "I've experienced that one already, with your necklace."

His face brightened at this. "Very good, it is unusual for powers to emerge so early, but since this is your second time I guess it is only expected. Now your major power, highly useful, is mental manipulation. With it you are able to render people unconscious, erase memories, and, most impressive, negate others abilities."

"Negate others abilities? You mean I can not only block Edward from me, but I can fend Jasper and Alice off of me too?" I stared with wide eyes.

"Yes, you can prevent them and any other beings with extraordinary abilities from using their abilities. Not only on you, but on everyone."

I felt my mouth drop open and was aware that I probably looked stupid, but I didn't care. I had a freaking cool power! I could now see why Eleazar wanted to use me against Aro. I could remove all of the Volturi's defenses and render them unable to take opposition making it easier to bring them down. Then again, I could also see why Carlisle wanted to keep me as far away from Aro as possible. Aro would only see me as a very valuable piece to add to his collection.

"Can I even stop you from entering my dreams?" I voiced a thought that had just sprung into my mind. He _had _said everyone's power.

"Yes." He seemed unhappy about this. "But it is only temporary, and only possible at all if you concentrate really hard on what you're doing. That is why it would be hard to keep me out. Your defenses are down while you sleep."

I was disappointed by that fact. There was no way I could keep him out when I didn't even know how to use my power while conscious.

"Could you teach me? How to use and control my power I mean." I was desperate to keep Edward, and eventually him, out of my head.

"It could be arranged." He smiled at me, a genuine smile. "But right now I think I'd better get you home. It's getting dark out and I'm sure your family will be concerned."

Startled I glanced at the nearby bay window. A musky darkness was indeed settling around us. It covered the trees in a thick blackness and was crawling closer to the house. I hadn't realized how much time had passed; I was so captivated by our conversation. Glancing down at my half full cup of luke warm tea I felt guilty for letting a perfectly good beverage go to waste, sitting there neglected.

"I think you're right." I turned away form my tea and took the letter he handed back to me, stuffing it in my bag as we filed out to his car.

The glow of the streetlights lit up the pathway preventing me from tripping over any of the stones littering it. Desmond held the door open for me and shut it gently once I was in. Too soon he was next to me starting the car, the light shining from the dashboard casting a blue hue across his face.

A comfortable silence rested between us as he swiftly navigated through the road's many twists and turns. My thoughts were a jumbled mess, jumping from one revelation to the next. I was trying to sort through them before I arrived home so I would be able to try and hide them from Edward. It would be even more helpful if I could already use the amazing gift Desmond claimed I had.

I wasn't really paying attention to my surroundings what with being too caught up in my thoughts. Even after I organized them I wasn't really aware of our speed. It was natural. I was used to riding with fast drivers. But then I recalled that it wasn't one of my family members that was driving. I glanced at the speedometer and couldn't help but smile.

"What is so amusing?" Desmond question. He had apparently been watching me rather than the road. My smile widened.

"I just found a similarity between my family and you." He cocked his head while raising his eyebrow inquisitively.

"And what pray tell would that be?"

"Your driving skills." I chuckled.

He just rolled his eyes, turning back to the road. We were coming up to the obscure turnoff that led up to the house and I was about to point this out, but he navigated the turn without hesitation before I could voice my thoughts. Most people missed that turn even after coming here several times. Heck it had taken Kendra two years to recognize it. It could just be his above average eyesight but my eyes narrowed in suspicion anyways. Just how many times had he been here?

Pulling up in front of the house he put the car in park. I didn't even have to look to know my whole family was inside waiting: peeking through the curtain of the front windows, trying to be discreet. Ignoring the eyes on my back I waited until Desmond turned towards me. I was going to tell him to stop stalking me, but then another thought popped into my head. Maybe his foreknowledge of the location of the driveway had something to do with his other ability.

"What's your other gift?" I asked.

A look of sorrow crossed over his face before he managed to hide it with a false smile. "Age shifting."

"What's age shifting?" I asked curiously. Albeit I was again ticked off, convinced this ability wouldn't have helped him with his familiarity with my residence.

"That's a conversation for another time." His eyes flickered to the house than back to me.

I wanted to protest, but decided to be patient. After all my brain was threatening to go into overload with all the information it was given already. Grabbing my bag I removed my seatbelt and opened the door. Right after I closed it the window whizzed down, revealing a smirking Desmond.

"I'll see you later tonight." He winked at me. I was about to tell him to stay out of my dreams, but he was gone before I could begin to voice my protests.

"Stupid, obnoxious, abnormal, pay-no-attention-to-other's-privacy fairy." I muttered under my breath as I headed for the porch.


	17. Girls Night

_Okay so I desperately tried to finish this before I left on Sunday, but I just couldn't. But at least I updated in less than two weeks this time :)_

_Rachel_

**Chapter 17**

**Girls Night**

"I don't like it." Seth declared, sprawled across my bed.

It was Thursday: two days after Desmond proposed his arrangement and the twenty second time Seth was voicing his contempt for the idea.

"I know." I sighed, turning the page of the book I was reading. I was leaning against the side of my bed, waiting for him to finish his rant.

"I mean, it's so inconsiderate. Can't you see he's only trying to control you?" He prattled on.

"Uh-huh." I flipped another page, bored. He had said all this the day he was informed of Desmond's idea.

He had also declined his part of the deal, telling me I only had to call him if I _wanted_ to see him: any day, anytime. He didn't want to force me into anything and didn't hold Desmond in high esteem for doing just that to me. In truth he never had held Desmond in high esteem, but he was even more critical of him now.

Suddenly Two warm hands were pressing on each side of my face, forcing me to look up into warm brown eyes squinted in false annoyance.

"Are you even listening to me?" He questioned accusingly.

"No." I answered truthfully, my voice muffled by my jaws limited ability. And even though it was difficult I managed to stick my tongue out at him.

"Very mature," he noted as he released me from his lock hold.

I rolled my eyes, still staring up at him.

"What do you expect? I didn't call you to come hang out just so you could complain about Desmond."

He smiled down at me and then quickly, too quickly for me to react, bent down and kissed me on my forehead.

"I'm sorry. I'm killing the mood aren't I?" His smile turned apologetic.

I laughed, flicking the tip of his nose with my finger, "just a little."

"Then let's stop talking about Desmond, and do something else." He jumped up and before I knew it he was before me.

"Like what?" He didn't answer me, but instead reached down and began tickling me right in my most sensitive spot. It hurt so badly but I couldn't stop laughing. I was threatening to turn blue from the lack of oxygen I was receiving.

"Cut. It. Out. Seth." I managed to choke out as I tried desperately to fight him off. But it was as if he didn't even feel the few slaps I aimed at him that actually made contact.

Finally he took pity on my and scooped me up in his arms, twirling me round and round, and making me laugh once again, this time in glee. On the third time around I saw the door open, but then I was facing the window again. The next time around I found Carlisle standing in the doorway, still in his white Doctors coat with the stethoscope draped around his next. He looked amused at the childlike production before him. Seth realized he was there on the fifth spin and stopped, nodding his head in greeting.

"I'm sorry to break up the fun, but I'd prefer it if you'd keep the door open when you two are in here." Carlisle smiled.

"But its Seth, he's been in my room thousands of times before." I stated confused by this newly enforced rule.

"Things have changed." He shrugged. "I'll see you later." He waved a goodbye then headed towards Esme and his room to change.

I frowned to myself as the meaning of his words settled in. Things have changed, and up until that moment I had been able to convince myself that it was just like old times with Seth and me. But it would never be like that again. Seth noticed my frown and realized what had brought it on. He set me down lightly then lifted his left hand to rub the back of his neck. I instantly felt guilty and this time it was me who reached for his free hand. Raising it to my face I kissed it lightly.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, my lips grazing over his skin.

A tremor ran through him, causing the hand I was holding to shake. I looked up and he had his eyes closed, breathing heavily from his nose. He was trying to control himself. I'd seen this reaction many times before when he was trying to calm his temper. But this time, when he opened his eyes, I saw them burning with lust, not suppressed anger. Suddenly Carlisle's request didn't seem so very silly.

I needed to lighten the mood and so I did the first thing that came to mind. Tapping him lightly on the chest I yelled "Tag you're it," then ran out the door and down the stairs, heading for the freedom of the back door. I ran all the faster when I heard him pursuing me. I jumped the back stairs, making four steps become one, and hit the squishy grass. My feet stuck for a moment but I quickly pulled them out of the encasing mud. I started up again, building up more momentum. My legs kept going, just running and running until they burned from the exertion.

I could feel Seth gaining on me. His legs were longer and he was used to running all the time. Still, I pushed myself harder, cutting through the shallow part of the river to get to the front yard. Water sprayed up around me and the bottom half of my jeans were soaked by the time I rounded back by the garage. It was in the middle of the driveway that I stopped running and turned to face my fate while resting my hands on my knees.

He didn't slow down as he neared me and my eyes widened in panic as I realized what he was planning to do. I was too late to do anything about it though. So when he hit me, tackling me to the ground, my cry of 'no' turned into 'oomph.' He landed on top of me, squeezing the breath out of me, but quickly rolled off and laid beside me on the damp gravel. I could feel some of the grit getting tangled in my mess of hair, but I still didn't move. I was otherwise comfortable right where I was.

We laid there silently for a while, staring up at the cloudy sky. His pinky found mine and snaked around it: our only form of physical contact.

A couple of weeks passed in a similar fashion: with Seth and me just chilling around town, goofing off like old times. I began to get over the physical tension between us, deciding to ignore it as best I could. I was also spending more time with Desmond, sticking to his schedule, much to Seth's dismay. He was nothing but moody on those three days a week I would head over to Desmond's. I know he was concerned about me, and I wished I could ease his worries, but I just couldn't tell him what exactly we were doing.

It wasn't anything romantic, most of the times I insisted he help me with my powers. I just didn't want any of them, especially Carlisle to find out I was trying to strengthen my abilities. Carlisle would disapprove, I just knew it. But I needed to do it, for myself. For the first time in a long time I felt powerful, in total control. It took an awful lot of concentration to reel in my powers, and it left me feeling faint and woozy, but Desmond kept pushing me, no matter what. He was completely professional about it. I think he thought that maybe using my powers would help awaken my memory of my past life.

Not to say that he didn't try…other ways to make me remember. Those were what I really didn't want to tell Seth about. Desmond had a habit of kissing me at the most random times. Never asking me for permission, or if I wanted him to. He probably didn't want to ask because he knew I'd say no. And it was probably better that way, with him taking me by surprise, because then I wasn't required to kiss back, to react to it.

Upon my request Desmond didn't show his affection too openly at school. He still held doors for me, carried my books, walked me to class and stared at me both when I was and wasn't looking. However there was no holding each other's hands or kissing of any form. Although he walked close enough beside me there were no doubts in others minds of his intentions toward me.

There was so much sexual tension in my life I swear I was about to explode. Somehow I had managed to get lucky enough that there were no confrontations between Desmond and Seth, but it was only a matter of time before they met face to face again. I half wished I wouldn't be there to witness it. Then again, I would be the only voice of reason in that conversation.

Needless to say I felt an unfamiliar freedom when Sundays rolled around. I woke up to the sweet silence of no rain pattering against my windowpane and an agenda free of testosterone. It was a happy day, and not even the bruise-like shadows under my eyes, so similar those of my family, could bring me down. I hadn't been getting much sleep lately for Desmond kept popping in, keeping my brain active in sleep through conversation. I still wasn't near strong enough to even try and block him out of my unconscious thoughts and trying to was really taking its toll on me.

Still, I sprung out of bed, leaving the covers tangled in favor of sprinting into the kitchen. Carlisle eyed me curiously as I poured a bowl of cereal and stood by the counter eating it instead of taking the time to sit at the table. I shoveled in each bite, barely swallowing between each spoonful. I was eager to get to Kendra's where I would spend the day with her and Megan just hanging out: a girl's night in.

Esme entered the room as I was rinsing my bowl out. When I turned around she looked at me pityingly, concern filling her golden eyes. Swiftly approaching me she lightly cupped my face in her hands.

"You look exhausted. You haven't been sleeping?" Her thumbs brushed my bruises as she studied me intently.

Sleep deprivation wasn't the only reason I was flat out worn out. Getting a hand on my powers was just as tiring. However I couldn't explain that part to her.

"Um, not lately," I muttered, gently pulling away.

"Maybe you should stay home and get some rest." She offered. I fervently shook my head. I needed this girls only day.

"No, I'm fine, really. Besides, we're just going to hang around Kendra's house. We'll probably just watch a movie anyways." I talked my way across the room and after pecking Carlisle goodbye on the cheek I headed for the front door with my keys and a bright smile.

Rosalie was fixing up Emmett's jeep when I went to get into my car. I nodded a goodbye to her before sliding into my own car. With all the running around I'd been doing lately my car was pretty much running on E. It looked like I had just enough to get to the two pump gas station town, although I couldn't be sure. I decided to chance it. What was life without a little risk anyways?

I resisted the natural urge to speed. Not because I was afraid that with Edward, and his built in cop radar, absent I might get caught by one of the three cops in town. No, it was because speeding burned more gas than following the law and I needed every drop of what I had to get me to town.

I pulled up to the one free pump at the corner convenience store. Fitting the nozzle into my tank I watched as the numbers ticked away slowly one by one. Unfortunately the already slow moving pump was moving even slower because some out of Towner who was passing through, probably lost, was filling up his big ass hummer. Hello, trying to kill the earth much?

"God Damnit this thing is slow." The ozone killing stranger growled as he proceeded to kick the pump.

"Kicking won't do anything." I answered his groans.

"Excuse me?" His head whipped in my direction. He had a permanent sunglasses tan that made his beady little eyes look all the smaller. Right then they held a hint of superiority as he took in my look and declared me as a townie.

"Maybe if you didn't have such a big ass tank that burns more gas than it's worth it wouldn't take so long." I replied straight-faced.

"What the hell do you know you ignorant redneck little girl." He snapped back.

"More than you ever will." I shook my head pityingly.

I turned away before he could respond and entered the small store. The bell above the door chimed, announcing my presence. Ernie, the long time owner of the shop, looked up from the small black and white TV that sat behind the counter. Pushing his spectacles up the bridge of his nose he gave me a wide smile when he realized who had entered.

"Ah, Alyssa it's been a while. What can I do for you now?"

"Nothing, I'm only hiding from the crazy jerk who owns the obnoxious Hummer." I jerked my finger towards the door.

Ernie nodded, in realization or agreement I wasn't sure. But noticing the stranger walking towards the door I abandoned any small talk with Ernie and ducked behind one of the few aisles. I heard the clumping of his footsteps on the hardwood floor, but they stopped at the front counter instead of continuing on to my aisle.

"May I help you?" Ernie's voice sounded amiable, but I knew him well enough to notice the stiffness in his voice.

"I need directions to the quickest route out of this town and to the highway." He demanded.

I heard Ernie pull a map from his stock in the drawer beside the register. He was used to such requests. However as I listened to the directions he gave I had to stifle a laugh. Instead of the usual way that took twenty minutes tops he was sending this stranger on an hour long journey using back roads that were unmarked and that only locals knew.

I waited until I heard the growl of the stranger's obnoxious engine before I slinked back up to the front of the store.

"Thanks Ernie. That was a good one." I handed him my credit card to pay for my gas.

"I've got to stand up for my girl now don't I?" He winked at me.

Laughing I accepted my card back and signed the slip of paper. "See ya around Ernie." I called before leaving.

Kendra lived on a block of modest houses about a mile away from the center of town. Hers had a red bricked front and the pant on the shutters was peeling off the shutters. Pulling into her drive, I parked behind Megan's car. I made my way to the front door and let myself in. I rarely rang the doorbell anymore, only when her parents were home.

No one noticed my entrance as I made my way deeper into the house towards the kitchen and family room. I found Megan lounging on the couch, flipping aimlessly through the channels. She looked up at my approach and smiled.

"There you are, Kendra was getting impatient."

Glancing around the room I noticed she was missing.

"Where is she anyways?" I wondered aloud.

Megan only shrugged. "She went off that way about ten minutes ago." She pointed towards where I had come from. As I turned to look for her Megan called after me. "On your way back can you grab me a soda?"

I nodded my head, committing to obliging. I wandered around the first floor, finally stopping outside the den door, slightly ajar, when I heard Kendra's voice. Her words stopped me from rapping on the door and letting my presence be known.

"I _am_ trying, really. But I can only do so much." There was a pause before she spoke again. "I _mean_ that you have to help out too." Another pause and I realized she was talking on the phone and the pause was to let the other person talk. "I realize that. But you should always account for difficulties with these things. You couldn't honestly expect it to fall into place so easily?" I had no clue what this conversation was about, but I felt it was time for me to either slip away silently or enter the room.

Backing away from the door slowly I made my way back to the kitchen, grabbing a Coke from the fridge before heading back to Megan. Handing her the soda she mumbled a thanks as I sat on the floor in front of her, leaning against the couch.

"Did you find Kendra?" She asked, taking a sip from the can.

"Yeah, but she was on the phone so I just slipped away." Megan nodded in understanding and continued to watch the images across the screen.

I wasn't really processing what we were watching but just sat there, relishing in my freedom. After a while, when Kendra still hadn't returned, Megan cleared her throat, her way of getting my attention.

"So how's life been lately?" She asked. It might seem like she was trying to fill the silence, but Megan wasn't like that. She only spoke when she had something she wanted to say.

"Tiring, confusing, hectic: take your pick." I sighed, answering truthfully.

She muted the TV, but kept her eyes on the screen. "Yeah, you've looked kind of worn out lately. Is it Desmond or Seth?"

I blinked, shocked at how observant she really was. Sometimes I took Megan's silence as her daydreaming, spending her time somewhere away from reality. So when she noticed little details that only those privy to that part of my life knew it made me realize just how intuitive she was.

"Both." I mumbled.

"I'm sorry. I can understand where you're coming from. Desmond's new, exciting, dashingly good looking, and completely interested. But then Seth is your very best friend who's known you all these years. He's loyal, kind, adorable and head over heels for you. It must make it hard to choose." She nodded sympathetically.

Again, I was surprised at how well she grasp the situation. However she didn't know the other reasons for why I was hesitant about Desmond. Or why I was afraid of choosing Seth for the sole reason of being able to stay with my family.

I Turned to face her and for the first time we sat face to face. "What's your opinion on the situation?" I asked, desperate for some neutral advice from a person who was not partial towards one over the other.

She thought for a moment before answering. "I suppose a simple 'follow your heart' wouldn't work here?" She asked hopelessly.

I shook my head sadly. "My emotions are all tangled up I can't even began to identify how I feel."

"Then I will say this. Desmond came into your life only a few weeks ago, and you barely know each other. Seth's been there all along, waiting patiently by on the sidelines, cheering you on as you went. It seems unfair to me that Desmond just waltzes right in and gets dibs because you noticed his intentions first."

I let that sink in. And after digesting it all there was one statement that stuck out to me.

"What do you mean I noticed Desmond's intentions first?"

She smiled at my ignorance. "You really couldn't see it? Everyone else could. Seth adored you; he would do anything for you. Even push aside his feelings for you and settle for being the best friend that you desperately needed."

I knew how he felt now, but I never stopped to think that he had loved me that way for all that time. It was odd, and made me feel very unobservant. How much pain had I put him through all these years?

"No I didn't see it." I whispered sadly.

Just then Kendra came bursting into the room talking loudly. "Where is that girl I'm ready to start the—"She stopped talking when she saw me sitting there beside Megan. "Oh, you're here. I didn't hear you come in."

She plunked down on the chair across from us. "So what were you two talking about?"

"Seth and his feelings for Alyssa," Megan answered bluntly.

Kendra made a face at the mention of Seth's name. "Oh please, why would she bother with Seth when she could have Desmond?"

"Kendra! He's my best friend. Don't talk about him like that."

"Darling, I'm your best friend." She stated confidently.

"Why don't you like him anyways?" I asked exasperatedly.

She shrugged. "There's such a long list, I won't bore you. Besides, you've heard them all before."

I shook my head despairingly. I could remember most of her pointless arguments for her animosity toward Seth.

Megan was familiar with the tension that came with Kendra and me discussing Seth so instinctively she changed the subject.

"So who were you on the phone with?"

"What?" Kendra asked, startled.

"Alyssa said she heard you talking on the phone." Kendra shot me an anxious look.

I just stared at her confused. My confusion seemed to put her at ease.

"Oh, um, just my dad. He's on a business trip and ran into some trouble with some files."

The conversation ended shortly after that when Kendra made some popcorn and popped in the movie. It was some chick flick. A romantic comedy that left us laughing and crying. I actually fell asleep on the couch with Megan, waking up as the credits were rolling. I was too tired to move let alone drive home so I decided to crash at Kendra's for the night. Even though it was a school night I knew Carlisle wouldn't mind. Kendra lived closer to the school than we did anyways.

After letting Carlisle know my plans which consisted of a two minute conversation where I slurred my words I hung up and fell back to sleep, not bothering to make my way upstairs to one of the guestrooms. We all spent the night sleeping in the family room, spread across the various furniture as the TV screen went black when the credits finally finished rolling.

_As always, Feedback is very much appreciated! Your motivation to do so is it will make me feel happy leading to me wanting to write more and faster :)_


	18. Kiss and Tell

**_YAY! I got this one out only three days after the last! Personal record wahoo haha. Let me know what you think!!!! PLEASE!!!_**

**Chapter 18**

**Kiss and Tell**

I awoke with a start as the foggy light of day drifted through the window. Groggily sitting up I checked my phone for the time, trying to remember where I was and what day it was. Slowly my blurry vision cleared and I could see Megan and Kendra sprawled out beside me. Then it all came back to me and I vaguely recalled calling Carlisle last night. Sitting up I tried to keep from waking either of my dozing friends as I stretched. I let out a slow groan of pain when I felt a huge knot in my upper back. It was all thanks to the awkward position I had slept in on the couch.

After untangling myself from Megan's and Kendra's limbs I made my way to the kitchen, searching for something to eat. I settled for cereal again, sitting alone at the kitchen bar. Kendra began stirring right about the time I was finished and she came bleary eyed into the kitchen as I was lifting the bowl to my mouth, draining the left over milk.

"Morning." She mumbled as she passed me, heading for the fridge.

"Good morning," I answered setting my bowl down. "Hey is it cool if I grab some clothes from your closet?" I didn't particularly feel like wearing the wrinkled mess I had fallen asleep in.

"Sure," she yawned grabbing some food before shutting the fridge door.

I slipped off the stool and walked slowly towards the back staircase leading from the kitchen to the second floor. Kendra's room was the second door to the right and as I opened it I was greeted with green. Two of the walls were pale green and the other two were lime green. One might think that with all the green visible outside the window no one would chose to paint their room that color, but green was Kendra's favorite color.

Opening the closet doors I sifted through the clothes before me and picked out a simple red polo and a pair of skinny jeans. Normally I couldn't borrow any of my friends' clothes because they were all several inches taller than me, but Kendra was just around my size. Thankfully so because it meant I wouldn't have to roll up the pant legs.

Pulling my long hair up into a messy bun I fastened it with an elastic band from my wrist then headed for the bathroom. I grabbed a spare toothbrush that was reserved for me on mornings just like this and finished getting ready. Placing the brush back into the cup I headed back downstairs where I found Megan looking half asleep, sucking coffee from an old chipped mug as if it was all that was letting her function. Sitting next to her was a now fully awake and very chatty Kendra.

It didn't seem very practical for us all to drive our separate cars to school, but we did. One after the other we filed out of Kendra's drive and made our way to the hell that was high school. My back still hurt from sleeping on the couch, and as we sat there by the picnic tables in the courtyard I let my right hand start to massage it for all the good it did. I just couldn't quite reach the spot.

I heard the sound of footsteps approaching then stopping behind me. Turning around I saw it was Desmond and nodded a hello, still trying to ease the knot in my back. Not a minute passed before I felt a hand swat mine away. I drew my hand back and looked back at Desmond annoyed. But my annoyance was soon forgotten as his two strong hands began kneading my back, hitting the exact right spot. I let out a low involuntary moan of pleasure as he massaged the knot away. His fingers paused at the sound. "Don't stop." I pleaded with longing in my voice. It just felt so damn good I didn't care who was making the pain go away, or about my no touching in public policy, I just wanted it to continue.

His fingers began moving again massaging deeper, harder and I couldn't help but groan again, closing my eyes in content. The bell rang all too soon and I reluctantly stood up turning to face Desmond, not quite able to look him in the eye. A faint blush crept up my cheeks as I thought of how sexual I must have sounded.

"Thanks." I mumbled. And I _was_ thankful. Thankful my back no longer hurt. He had a magic touch.

"Anytime," He whispered back, chuckling a little.

I turned away, walking with Kendra and Megan to math. Kendra was beaming, looking very satisfied, while Megan looked deep in thought. Before I entered the building behind Kendra, Megan caught me by the hand, holding me back.

I turned to her questioningly.

"Listen, I'm not trying to pick sides here, but I just want to warn you. Whoever you end up picking, just take it slow." She said in a rush.

I blushed again but quickly agreed, eager to forget my slip up just moments before. Too bad Kendra and Megan weren't the only witnesses. By lunch I heard a hum of gossip everywhere I went. The girls shot me jealous looks and the guys looked admiringly at Desmond. If that wasn't bad enough Desmond seemed to take this morning's happenings as permission to take my hand and hold it tight whenever we walked together.

I had finally had enough of it all when lunch rolled around. I tugged on Desmond's hand, now permanently attached to mine, to get his attention. He looked down at me with a small smile and a twinkle in his eyes.

"We need to talk." He nodded his head and I led him off to the side of the cafeteria, away from wondering eyes. "When did this become okay?" I snipped at him once I'd turn around. I was holding up our hands that were still entwined.

His eyes traveled down to our hands and then flashed back up to my eyes. "I thought I got the all clear to touch you after this morning, when you were practically begging me to."

I blinked, my face warming at the mention of my embarrassing actions. "That was different."

"You're right, it was different. It was more intimate. And you enjoyed that intimacy." Ugh he really needed to stop saying that word, it felt so wrong. "Don't deny it." He shot out seeing my poorly suppressed shudder. "Why are you fighting so hard against me, against us? Just let go and do what your heart tells you to." He sighed exasperatedly.

Curse him. This talk was supposed to make him feel guilty about all his PDA but he twisted it all around and put it all on me. Shaking my head I pulled my hand away from his and stalked back to the cafeteria alone. He didn't follow me and he was nowhere to be found when Chemistry rolled around. With the reproachful looks I was receiving from Kendra I felt a little guilty, but I shook it off when I realized today was Monday: his day. It was inevitable that I would have to see him again after my little outburst. I groaned inwardly.

I was all prepared to work my but off practicing with my powers that night so I was surprised when Desmond informed me we would be doing something different. He set several books down on the table in front of us: photo albums.

"It's time to start learning some history." He opened one of the books and my vision was flooded with pictures.

My eyes flew over them until I noticed a familiar looking little girl. Her dimples, her smile, the color of her eyes, they were identical to mine. We could have been twins when I was little except for one small detail: her hair was a sandy blonde, shades lighter than my own. Desmond took notice to which photo had captured my attention.

"Yes, that is you." I glanced up at him in surprise. "But she has blonde hair."

He laughed his hand playing with my own brown hair. "Yes, you did. That's the only real change in your appearance." He sighed wistfully, as if he missed my blonde locks.

I huffed. "Well personally I prefer being a brunette." I disagreed for the sake of disagreeing.

He was silent as I turned the page to reveal more pictures, studying my face and waiting for any sort of recognition. But every face was a stranger to me. Some struck a vague feeling of recognition, telling me I should know them, but I couldn't quite put my finger on why. Eventually Desmond would give me there name and their connection to me, but the memories never became clear. I could tell he was getting frustrated that his plan wasn't working, so as I reached for the next book I resolved to try very hard to remember.

I didn't need to try so hard, for the first picture sent a chill down my spine and instantly the memory was playing like a movie in my mind. It was cold, damp and raining. I was running through some forest, not really aware of my surroundings. All I could feel was an immense sadness welled up inside me as tears fell from my face as fast as the rain fell from the sky. We were both crying, morning some loss, a great loss. But I couldn't remember what.

I was running away from something, but at the same time, running towards another. As I came to a stop it was in the middle of a clearing surrounded by impossibly tall trees: _our_ place. He was waiting for me and I instantly felt better. I ran into his open arms and he pulled me close to him, letting my tears stain the front of his shirt. He kept whispering into my hair the same words over and over again. _It's going to be alright Alyssandra, everything is going to be alright._ And I let his words sooth and calm me. Even though it might have been the worst day of my life everything was alright because I was in the arms of the one I loved, my Desmond.

I blinked, coming back to reality only to find teardrops staining my face. Desmond reached across the table, wiping them away with his thumb.

"I am sorry. I did not wish to bring back that particular memory." He murmured softly.

I still felt immensely sad and some part of me longed to go to Desmond now and let him heal my hurt. But I fought it. It wasn't me that thought this way; it was the memory of my former self.

"What happened that day? Why did it feel as if my life had fallen apart?"

He took my hands in both of his, rubbing the back of them with his thumbs. "It was the day your father and mother were killed. Not only were you left alone, an orphan, but you were expected to take on the huge responsibility of ruling in your parents place."

"What do you mean by rule?" I whispered.

"You are not just any fairy. You are a princess, one of the few remaining royal families and the last of your family line." He explained quietly. "You were overwhelmed and didn't feel ready for the pressure and responsibility that was being thrust upon you. You were to be made queen."

The thought alone scared me now, when it all seemed like a bedtime story. I could only begin to imagine how I felt back then.

"And I came running to you." I stated in a smaller voice.

"Ah you saw that part." A faint smile rested on his face. "Yes, I was the only one you had left, the only one you completely trusted. And you were _my_ Alyssandra."

"Alyssandra?" I had a different name?

"Alyssandra is your full name. The Cullen's shortened it to Alyssa after I gave you to them." His eyes narrowed coldly as he thought of my new forename.

"Why did you?" I wondered aloud.

He didn't need me to tack on the 'give me away' part. He knew what I meant.

"You will remember soon enough." Was his answer to that.

I nodded dismissively, picking up the album I had been looking at. "Would you mind very much if I took this home with me?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"Of course, it is all yours." He smiled.

Rising from my seat I made my way to the foyer, tucked the book into my bag by the front door and hefted it up on my shoulder, preparing to leave. Desmond, who had followed me out, stood before me blocking the way out.

His eyes grew very intense as he stared down at me. "I want you to try something for me." He suddenly spoke.

"Yes?" I asked my voice hoarse as he leaned in closer to me.

Placing his smooth hand on the side of my face he leaned in to whisper softly in my ear. "I am going to kiss you." He stated matter-of-factly. "And I want you to let go of your uptight barrier, and just feel. Let your emotions take over and don't over think it."

He pulled back so his face was inches from mine, making eye contact with me before pressing his lips to mine. Instinctively I stiffened, unable to move, but then his other hand moved to hold the other side of my face so that it was cradled gently between both of his hands. Suddenly I was kissing him back, slowly and hesitantly, but my lips were definitely moving with his. It was unnatural because I usually never responded to him. But with that miserable memory still fresh in my mind a part of me was reminded of how much I had needed Desmond then.

He pulled away first, and I was left standing there with my eyes closed for a moment. When I opened them I saw him beaming down at me, his eyes sparkling with blissful happiness. "Now that wasn't so bad was it?" He asked, slightly cocky.

A rush of emotions flowed through me. My first instinct, surprisingly, was to pull him back to me. But I got a hold of myself soon enough and anger flooded my thoughts. He had no right to just kiss me like that, when I was vulnerable from memories of distressing times and in need of comforting. It was a dirty trick, taking advantage of me like that. In my hot rage I raised my hand, swinging it hard and fast toward his beautiful face. He must have seen the resolve in my eyes for he caught my hand before it could make contact with the side of his face.

He entwined his fingers with mine and squeezed them gently. "Don't ruin a perfectly good ending to the night." He pleaded as he opened the door and sent me on the way to my car.

After running every red light on the way home I stormed up my front porch steps and continued up the stairs inside straight to my room, slamming my door shut behind me. Anger still coursed through me as I paced my room, trying to calm down. But there was only one foolproof way, that I knew of, to calm myself. So I whipped out my phone, pushed speed dial number two and waited for him to pick up.

"Hello?" A groggy voice answered on the fourth ring.

"Oh no, did I wake you up? I'm so sorry; I'll let you go back to bed." I gushed.

"No, I'm awake, I'm awake!" Seth assured me. "What's up?" I heard him yawn loudly.

"It's nothing, really, I just wanted to talk. But I can always talk to Alice or Bella."

"What's wrong?" He sounded anxious. He could always tell when something wasn't quite right with me.

"I'm just thoroughly pissed off and need to calm down that's all." His silence pressed me to continue on. "I mean, first today at school with the whole holding hands thing then the whole 'let go and just feel' crap and then taking advantage of my mental state with that stupid, stupid kiss. And I didn't even get to slap him! He's just so…ugh!"

There was more silence on his end of the phone. "Uh Seth are you there?"

"I'm going to kill him." He growled through the phone.

I mentally slapped myself for my stupidity. Calling Seth when I was upset was an autopilot programmed deep into me. I had forgotten that he was no longer just my best friend. He was also an…admirer.

"Seth, calm down, I didn't mean to upset you. I never should have called." I muttered, the sadness apparent in my voice.

He didn't speak for a while as I heard him taking deep breaths, trying to calm down. Then I heard his laughter.

"I thought you called me so_ I_ help _you_ calm down." I laughed along with him.

"I am sorry; I just sort of forgot that…." I let the sentence drift off unfinished.

"That I imprinted on you." He offered. He made it sound so normal. I was still trying to wrap my head around it.

"Yeah," I mumbled.

"You can still call me when you need your best friend Lyss. I told you, I'll always be your best friend." He sighed into the phone.

"If you say so," I muttered, not convinced.

"I _am_. And I _will_ prove it to you, no matter what, that's a promise." He declared determined.

I fell back onto my bed staring at the whitewashed ceiling dotted with glow in the dark stars that Seth had helped my apply when we first moved in. _There now you can always see the stars, even when it's cloudy and rainy. _That's what he had said. But even those fake stars were beginning to fade, another promise broken.

"Sure, sure, goodnight Seth." I whispered into the phone.

"Sleep tight." He answered.

"Don't let the bed bugs bite." I finished the rhyme automatically.

"Sweet dreams." He laughed his deep rumbling laugh before hanging up. I snapped my phone shut and rolled onto my side to face the wall. Curling up into a ball I fell asleep with a smile. Calling Seth _had_ made me feel better.

After Monday's emotional finish I deliberately avoided any physical contact with Desmond. I kept my hands in my pockets, only looked him in the eye when it was absolutely necessary, and turned my head away whenever he tried to kiss me. I was still angry with him. His patience proved unrelenting, but I could tell he was becoming ticked off towards the end of the week.

Friday morning rolled around and as I was waiting in the cafeteria for the bell to ring for the first class, reading a Jane Austin novel, Desmond sat down beside me, draping his arm around my shoulder. He pulled me close to him then whispered in my ear "You've been avoiding me."

I didn't look up from my book, knowing that was exactly what he wanted. When he didn't get any reaction he started playing with my hair as he leaned in closer. "Are you ignoring me now too?"

His lips were pressed against my ear now and I fought the urge to jerk away. His voice sent shivers down my spine, and as much as I'd love to be able to say they were all bad, I couldn't.

"No" I answered, still not looking up.

Suddenly my book was gone. He had plucked it from my grasp and now held it in one hand. I turned to confront him and make him give it back but as soon as I was facing him his lips crashed down on mine. It took me a minute to pull back, my automatic reaction being to move my lips with his and kiss back. Which was bad, very bad. I didn't like this obnoxious, cocky being. Sure he was pretty and a good kisser, but he just assumed what I wanted, never bothering to ask. That or he just didn't care what I wanted. Either way he was still acting like a jackass.

"If you were looking for forgiveness that was the wrong move," I snapped at him, collecting my things and leaving.

Halfway to the door I realized I'd left my book with him, but I decided to just let him keep it. I didn't want to go back and face him just then, besides I could always buy another copy. Sloshing through the mud and the muck I made my way to building two, not really caring how early I would be to class. However the blast of a car horn caused my head to turn towards the parking lot. There I found Seth in his family's beat up old Chevy truck grinning from ear to ear as he waved for me to come to him.

I looked around hesitantly before making my way to where he was idling by the curb. His window was down and he was leaning through it, still smiling brightly.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Being your best friend, now get in." He nodded to the passenger seat, indicating that I should join him.


	19. A Real Fine Place to Start

**Chapter 19**

**A Real Fine Place to Start**

"_In a midnight talk, in a morning kiss, when I'm in your arms, that's where it is... In the sweetest smile, on a night like this, in a tender touch, that's where it is." _Carrie Underwood

Taking one look back at the dreary school building I ran around to the passenger side and climbed up into the bed of the truck. I placed my bag on the floor and had just enough time to fasten my seatbelt before Seth peeled out of the parking lot. As we flew by I found more than a few students staring at me in awe. I smiled and waved at Megan and Kendra when I saw them staring from the Cafeteria doors. Megan returned my smile and waved back as Kendra gave me a look that could kill and that told me I'd be hearing it from her later.

Once we were on the main road I turned to Seth, who was smiling from ear to ear and had one arm hanging out the open window. I couldn't help but let out a joyous laugh when it finally hit me that I was free from school and from Desmond for at least a few hours. Seth turned to look at me as I laughed, his eyes sparkling with happiness.

"So what's all this for?" I finally asked once my laughter died down.

"I told you I'd prove that I was still your carefree best friend and now I'm proving it." He beamed at me.

"So kidnapping me and ditching school is supposed to prove you're my best friend?" I asked, cocking my eyebrow.

"Just wait and you'll see." He smiled at me secretively. "Now first things first, give me your phone." He took one hand off the wheel and reached his open palm out to me.

I pulled it out of my pocket, but looked at him skeptically as I hesitated placing it in his outstretched hand. "Why?" I asked.

He rolled his eyes. "Just give it," he demanded lightly. And so I did as he said and dropped it in his hand, letting it fall the few inches before it hit square in the middle of his palm. As soon as he had the phone he wrapped his fingers around it and pulled it to him as if he was afraid I'd try to take it back. Flipping it open his big fingers somehow found the off button and held it down until my screen went black. Then he locked it away in the glove box with his.

"Now we can start having fun." He claimed as he turned the radio on to a random station and sped up.

We sang along loudly with the radio, competing with it, and then laughed loudly when we'd both forget the words: making it the winner. I assumed we were going back to the reservation or the house, but when I looked out the window I didn't recognize my surroundings.

"Seth," I called over the radio.

"Hmm?" He acknowledged me while turning the volume down.

"Where are we going exactly?" I asked as I studied the landscape flying by me, hoping to find some recognizable part.

"That is part of the surprise. Don't worry I know where we are. Now please, try to relax again, the ride's half the fun."

"If you say so," I continued to look out the window. After twenty minutes of riding with the radio as background noise and only silence between us Seth cleared his throat. "How bout we play I Spy?"

"Okay," I agreed sitting up straight for a better viewing ability. "I'll go first." Seth declared looking around. "I spy something…green." He finally settled on a description.

"Everything's green!" I exclaimed in frustration. He only smirked at me. "Better start guessing."

He left me guessing for a half hour. I had to admit, it had made me relax more, and when I finally guessed correctly I let out a hoot of success. I made mine slightly easier than his seeing as the only things that were brown around us were: the tree trunks, barely visible through the moss covering them, the mud, the truck and his leather jacket. However I stood corrected at the variety of items that were brown as Seth's first guess was "Your eyes?"

I blushed, turning towards the window and shaking my head as we pulled up to a small gas station. Laying my head against the cool pane I closed my eyes as I waited for him to finish filling up. It took him longer than I thought it would and I found myself drifting off to sleep. I was too far gone by the time he crawled back into the cab that I didn't even hear his car door slam or the rumbling of the engine coming to life.

I was shaken awake by the car coming to a stop, jostling me and causing my head to ricochet off the window. I opened my eyes, heavy with drowsiness, rubbing my sore head as I tried to get a hold on where we were. The light outside was dimmer indicating that the sun was lower in the sky.

"Is your head alright?" Seth asked from the driver's seat. I nodded in reassurance.

"Where are we?" I looked around to see we were at the end of a dirt road that was surrounded on all sides by trees that seemed to go on endlessly.

"A special place that my father once showed me." He answered and then exited the truck before I could ask any follow up questions. Like just how far had we traveled? Or how late was it? I was concerned that my family might start worrying about me since I left school what had to be hours ago and still hadn't come home or even called.

I followed him out to the bed of the truck, stumbling slightly like a drunk when I first hit the ground. I made my way to where he stood on one of the tires and watched as he unloaded two huge hiking packs with sleeping bags rolled on top and then another, slightly smaller, bag that I couldn't identify. Hopping down he strapped one of the bags on his back then motioned for me to turn around so he could help me put mine on. I stumbled back a few steps at the weight of the bag before righting myself.

"Alright, let's get going. We want to set up camp before it gets too dark." Seth called as he began walking towards the ominous trees.

Camping: we were going camping. I hadn't been camping since the first summer I'd moved here. Of course Seth had taken me then, but there were major differences between then and now. For one, back then there was some semblance of warm weather. Now, in late fall, it was much, much colder. We walked for what seemed like forever and right before I was going to ask how much further we had to go we cut through the trees to find a small clearing where Seth plunked down the bags he was carrying. I set mine down beside him, almost toppling over at the disproportion of weight once I had released my left arm from the strap.

At first I tried to help him set up the tent, but I was more of a hindrance than a help. So I found myself a semi-dry rock and sat on it, watching Seth as he skillfully created our makeshift home. When he was finished he opened the flap and ushered me in. "Time for the tour." He said as I walked into the tiny tent. Seth had to duck his head to enter and once inside he had to kneel in order to fit. His head just barely grazed the top of the tent.

"Which side do you want?" He asked as he tossed me my sleeping bag. I chose the left and we both laid out our beds. Given the square footage of the tent the edges of the bags touched, no matter how we maneuvered them around.

Eventually Seth got tired of moving around on his knees and I just got plain old tired so we called it quits and went out into the fresh night air. It was cold and damp resulting in a shiver making its way through my whole body. Before I could move my arms up to hug myself I felt heavy fabric falling over my shoulder. Seth had draped his worn out leather jacket over my shoulders and pulled my hair lightly out of the back. I was about to decline the gesture, after all it was his father's jacket and very special to him, but he knew me too well and cut me off before I could say anything. "What do you think I brought it for?"

I gave a thankful smile, pulling my arms through the sleeves and relishing in its warmth from his body heat. As I pulled the jacket tight around me I could smell Seth's scent that still clung to it and it made me feel safe and warm. It was a homey scent, like a campfire on a cold night, tooled leather and the crisp smell of autumn. I stuck my nose in closer to the fabric closing my eyes as I inhaled deeply.

"Are you _smelling_ my jacket?" Seth asked in amusement. My eyes snapped open and I immediately pulled my face away from the material, blushing hard. "Um, no." I mumbled in denial.

He laughed down at me. "You know I can tell when you're lying." I sighed. "I know."

We stood there next to each other in the silence, me studying the cloudy sky, him scoping out the scenery while every once in a while glancing down at me. My stomach broke the silence, growling loudly and reminding me I hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast that morning. The sound seemed to trigger Seth's memory as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a Hershey's dark chocolate bar.

"Here, I bought this for you when we stopped at that gas station, but I didn't want to wake you. It should get you through until I whip up something more substantial." I took the bar from him, a warm feeling growing in the pit of my stomach.

"Thanks Seth." He waved it off as if it were nothing and began searching for a flashlight. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to go find some firewood. Stay right here." He said before taking off into the woods.

Sitting down on the damp ground I removed the wrapper of the chocolate bar only to discover it had been melted by his body heat. Since there was no one around and I was really, really hungry I brought the wrapper to my mouth and licked up the melted chocolate-y goodness. I crinkled up the wrapper into a little ball when I was finished, tossing it up in the air then catching it again as I waited. Tossing it up for the fiftieth time a russet toned hand snatched it out of the air before it could fall back down.

"Having fun?" Seth asked.

"I was, before you stole my toy." I joked, standing to poke him in the arm.

"Well then, maybe I can entertain you as I attempt to make a fire and cook you some real food." He kneeled to the ground and went to work forming a circle with stones then precariously placing the sticks he had found. I watched his face as it became serious, concentrating on the work in front of him. It was cute how his eyebrows drew together and the skin between them crinkled.

I knew when he had lit the fire because the flames cast an orange glow on his face, flickering and dancing across his eyes. That's when I realized he had looked up to find me staring. I blushed for the third time that night and let my eyes fall to watch the flames hoping that their orange glow made Seth think it was the illusion of the fire that made my cheeks seem red.

Thankfully he didn't say a word about it. He just pulled out a cooler where he kept the food and placed it between us. He handed me a skewer and I picked one of the veggie hot dogs from the cooler to spear. We sat there together, twirling our dogs over the fire: his pork, mine tofu.

After two hot dogs, some chips and soda my stomach was satisfied. More than satisfied, it was full. I leaned back on my elbows, one hand rubbing my stomach. Seth joined me and we talked about everything and nothing. And he was right; he had proved he could still be my best friend. And that thought made me soar.

"Thanks." I murmured into the night. He turned his head to look at me and very seriously said, "You're welcome." He knew what I meant without me having to put it all into words. He knew me that well. I don't know how he knew it all because half the things I had never told him. I guess he picked up on some of them just by paying close attention to me. And it felt nice that someone cared that much about me.

We stayed like that until the fire began to die down. That's when we made our way sleepily into the tent. I fell into my sleeping bag, lying on my back. Within seconds I was drifting through the dark abyss of sleep. I don't know when the dream started, but I knew at once that I wanted to wake up. But I couldn't and soon I was in a very different clearing than the one Seth and I were camping in.

"I'm tired Desmond, please can you just let me sleep?" I asked the darkness, knowing he was out there.

"Why do you always run to him?" His voice called back sounding pained. It echoed around so that I couldn't pinpoint his location.

"He's my best friend, he knows me better than anyone. He makes me feel safe." I shouted back.

"I made you feel safe once." Suddenly my surroundings began to fade to black. "Perhaps it's time I just jumpstart your memory. I'm an impatient man."

At first I thought the dream was over, but then a million memories flooded my head. There were so many and I felt each won as if I was experiencing them first hand. First I was slowly walking with Desmond holding hands and just talking. Much like how Seth and I had been earlier that night. Then it was night and we were sitting on a hill overlooking a lake watching the sky as the stars danced. I leaned my head against his shoulder and breathed deeply, relaxed. He kissed the top of my head one minute, and then the next minute he was kissing me deeply in the middle of a field of wild flowers in the mid afternoon sunshine: his hands on my waist and mine around his neck. In those memories I was filled with all the love I had had for him and as we pulled away I could see the same love in his eyes.

And I began to cry. It was too much, these feelings I was being forced to remember. I closed my eyes and tried to drown it all out, but couldn't. Desmond pulled me close to him and I didn't have the energy to fight him. I was presently the girl who had loved him so I laid my head on his shoulder. I opened my eyes to find we were in the clearing once again.

But I knew the memories weren't finished because I felt desperation stirring somewhere inside me. Desmond tried to untangle himself from me but I gripped him tight. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want him to do the most idiotic thing he had ever thought to do. We would lose what we had if he went through with it.

"Desmond don't," I pleaded "I can take care of myself, you don't have to take it this far."

"I won't just sit around and wait for them to get you too. They won't stop until they've killed every royal and leave us powerless but I won't let them find you." He sounded torn. "I love you. Please understand that's why I'm doing this. And I promise I will come back for you." He kissed my head and pulled away.

"But what about you?" I demanded frantically. If what he said was true they would hurt him too.

"I'll be fine." He promised before he took a deep breath concentrating hard. Looking deep into my eyes he said what I knew would be his last words to me in this lifetime, "Remember me."

My eyes filled with tears as I nodded my head. "Always," I promised just before he touched his hands to my forehead and the world went black.

When my vision came back I was sitting up in the tent, hugging my knees and crying uncontrollably. Seth stirred from the noise I was making and when he realized I was crying he quickly pulled me to him, stroking my tangled hair gently. It just made me cry harder because my feelings inside were so tangled up and confused after that dream that, mixed with my unidentifiable feelings for Seth, made that tangled knot all the tighter.

"Shhh, it was only a bad dream. I'm right here and I won't let anything hurt you." Seth murmured in a soothing voice.

Without thinking it through I buried my head into his shoulder, inhaling his scent before whispering. "It wasn't just a dream."

"What?" He asked, still playing with my hair.

He hadn't heard me. I could brush it off as nothing, but instead I pulled back enough so that I could look him in the eyes. He was my best friend. The only one I could tell everything to. And so I took a deep breath and said in a louder voice. "It wasn't just a dream."

He looked at me confused until I took the time to explain everything. I started from the first talk I had with Desmond at his house about our powers up to the dream I had just had without leaving any detail out. Okay so maybe I left some of the kissing parts out. Other than that it was the whole truth for me. And it felt nice to finally let it all out.

Well it did until I looked up to see his jaw set and his hard eyes focusing on something over my head. His hands tightened into fists and the one that was tangled in my hair pulled it roughly. "Ow Seth, my hair," I whimpered lightly.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts he loosened his grip. "I'm sorry." He said in a strangled voice.

"Maybe we should get some fresh air." I suggested. We could both use it to calm our nerves.

He nodded his head as he held the tent flap open for me. We both stepped out into the chilly night air and began walking off in no direction in particular. It seemed to do him a lot of good. I wish I could say the same for me. I was still just as shaken, however the waterworks had let up leaving only a sticky salty dampness on my cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Seth finally spoke.

"What do you have to be sorry for?" I asked taken aback.

"I'm sorry you're being put through all this. I don't agree with how Desmond is approaching the situation, but I can understand where he's coming from. He's fighting hard to win you over. I can't blame him for doing what I've been trying to do."I looked up into his sad eyes and sighed.

"Things would be a whole lot simpler if I could split myself in two. One could be the girl from the past that Desmond wants and one could be the girl that you want."

He smiled down at me. "Just be yourself. And take your time to figure all this out. I'll be waiting. Where else do I have to go?" He asked spreading his arms wide.

_Everywhere,_ I thought.

"What do you say we head back and try to get some sleep? We've got a big day tomorrow." Seth said once he realized I wasn't going to say anything.

"What's going on tomorrow?" I asked as I followed him back the way we came.

"Well, I thought we'd hike up to the lake nearby and go for a swim. Then maybe we'd go to the last bonfire of the year at the rez. But only if you want to, that is." He added, sneaking a look back at me.

"Sounds like fun." I said, managing a smile.

I didn't get much sleep that night. I was too afraid Desmond would pop in again. Maybe that's why I fell asleep in the car on our way back to the reservation. I woke up as Seth was parking along the side of the dirt road that led up to the bonfire. It was already lit as we were walking up. I noticed the only other person from Jake's pack that was present was Leah. She gave me a cold look as we sat down across from her and that's when I realized I was still wearing her father's jacket. Well, it was Seth's now but still. I nonchalantly slipped it off my shoulders, folding it and laying it on the log next to me. But I found out that wasn't what was bothering her when Seth sat down beside me, putting his arm around my shoulder. If I thought her glare was cold before it was downright frigid then.

It made me feel horrible because I realized how this situation must look from her eyes. Her brother whom she loved dearly and must feel protective towards was being strung along by me. She heard his every thought and I've heard enough about how imprinting goes to understand what she must be hearing. Knowing that I couldn't help but feel she had every right to angry with me. I was a horrible person for putting him through this.

While I was thinking of how terrible I was being Seth saw the troubled expression on my face then followed my eye line to see what my eyes were focused on, growling under his breath when he put two and two together. Pulling me closer so that I leaned against his side he whispered in my ear "don't worry about Leah; I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?" I asked, doubtful.

"Yes, I'm tougher than you give me credit for." He laughed flicking my ear.

I relaxed against him. If he was able to joke about it he must not be _that_ bad off. Right? So what if his sister didn't approve. So what if she hated me. Why should I let it bother me? She hated everyone. I mean, she even hated Bella and Bella is the most likeable person I knew. So I turned a blind eye to her, focusing on Billy Black as he started to tell his part of the night's legends. His gravelly voice made the story seem mysterious even though I had heard it plenty of times before on nights such as these. In the middle of the narrative Seth bent his head down to whisper something in my hair.

"Did you start using a new shampoo?" He asked in a hush, trying not to disturb the tale.

"No, why," I whispered back.

"You smell like honeysuckle and sunshine when you usually smell like coconut and orchid." He answered.

At first all I could think was _I have a distinct scent?_ But then I collected my thoughts and realized I didn't have an answer to the sudden change.

"Well I haven't used anything new, besides I haven't had a chance to wash my hair since Thursday thanks to your camping trip." I turned to look up at him. "How can someone smell like sunshine anyway?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. You just do."

"Well, if you don't like it I can always move next to my BFF Leah over there." I joked. His arm tightened around my shoulder. "I never said I didn't like it. In fact, I find it intoxicating." He made a show of sticking his nose in my hair and sniffing deeply as if from a bouquet.

I tried to keep my laughter down, but I caught Sam and Emily staring at us. We went back to paying attention, quieting down as we did so. Due to all the caffeine I had consumed that night I was far from tired when the stories were finished and they were putting out the fire. While Jared and Paul were carrying Kim and Rachel back to the car I felt a little sad thinking that the night had to end. So I took Seth's hand and stopped him as he headed for the car.

"Can we walk for a little while?" He smiled down at me surprised but agreed.

We started walking towards the cliff still holding hands. I didn't know why we always seemed to go there; it just felt like our place even though all the kids on the rez knew about it and used it. No one was there at that time of night so we stood and watched the waves crashing onto the rocks below. I wasn't really thinking about anything in particular, although I had a lot to think of, and that needed to be thought through. But right then I was just being.

"Truth or Dare?" Seth asked suddenly, cutting through the silence.

"What?" I turned to him.

"Truth or Dare," he repeated.

I mulled over my options before answering. "Truth." He bit his lip, trying to think of a good question.

"Who's a better kisser, Desmond or me?" He asked.

I blushed for the fourth time that weekend. "I changed my mind. I chose Dare."

"Alright," he agreed to go along with my request and after thinking for a while he finally made his own request. "Kiss me."

I stared up at him with wide eyes. "W-what?" I managed to get out.

"I dare you to kiss me." He raised his eyebrows, "unless you'd rather answer the truth." I don't think he expected me to do it. Hell, I hadn't expected me to do it. But when I looked up into his brown eyes I felt something that I'd never let myself feel before. Still holding onto his right hand I stepped closer to him and rose up on the tips of my toes so I could reach. Closing my eyes I pressed my lips against his.

This time around he had time to react, moving his lips against mine. The unfamiliar friction between our lips sent a shiver running down my spine which caused me to deepen the kiss. Pulling my hand gently free from his I wound my arms around his neck, entwining my fingers in his hair. I could feel his body's initial surprise before he snaked his arms around my waist and pulled me as close to him as possible. His warmth surrounded me as his hands burned the small of my back and his warm lips moved in time with mine. He was taking over all my senses: I was breathing his scent, seeing his face in my mind's eye, hear his ragged breathing and I could feel and taste his heat.

Our lips moved quickly, hungrily as if we would never get our fill of one another and when I felt his tongue graze my bottom lip another shiver rippled through me. The only way I could find to stifle the quivers was to pull myself in closer to him, but we were already as close as we could get. Finally I removed my hands from his hair and placed them on his face, gently pulling away. I opened my eyes and looked deep into his, bright with happiness.

"Truth or dare?" I whispered. He was watching my lips as I spoke, hypnotized.

"Dare," He answered in a husky voice, still breathing heavy from our kiss.

I smiled, that was the answer I had wanted. "I dare you to jump off the cliff with me."

"Are you crazy?" He asked cocking his eyebrows. I simply shrugged, "maybe." He shook his head but took my hand in his.

"On the count of three," I shouted. "One-Two-THREE." We started running together towards the edge. Jumping high into the air I kicked my heels up behind me as Seth let out a shout of laughter.

We fell together, still connected by our hands, unwilling to let the other go. It might have been dangerous and reckless but I'd never felt more rejuvenated and alive. I closed my eyes as we hit the surface and cold water surrounded us. We let ourselves sink to the bottom before pushing off and swimming towards the surface, finally releasing the other's hand. Breaking through the surface water sprayed around us. I turned to face Seth in the darkness, treading water as my eyes adjusted to the dimness. His hands found mine and he pulled them out of the water, entwining his fingers with mine in.

And right then it hit me. I could never live without Seth. It wasn't just because he was my best friend. It was because I loved him. I think I had all along. I had just never admitted it to myself until tonight with that kiss on the cliff. Being with him just felt so right and when we kissed..it's almost impossible to describe. It was as if we were the only two people in the world, as if nothing mattered more than being there in his arms. And now I just couldn't stop smiling.

"About your question earlier," I spoke moving as close as I could while still being able to stay afloat. "You're definitely the better kisser." I whispered before kissing him again, soft and sweet. We couldn't get too carried away unless we wanted to drown. Still, even the slightest pressure of his lips against mine made me dizzy. I pulled away before I fainted and let my eyes soak in his features and when our eyes met I didn't even hesitate or stutter.

"I love you."

* * *

_A/N. Okay so I'm sorry if this was really cheesy :/ I tried to not make it so but I'm afraid you all will be rolling your eyes at me and deleting the story alert for this one. Please don't! I promise I can change! haha I sound like someone's breaking up with me. **I'm begging you to let me know how you feel about this chapter because I'm uncertain about it.** And you all have been mighty silent the past few chapters :P_


	20. The Past Never Dies

**Chapter 20**

**The Past Never Dies**

"_Holding you close, chasing that moon, spinning all night, **loving just who you are**. Sparks flying in the dark. Shooting out lights, hunting down dreams, **figuring out what love really means**. Baby giving you my heart, is a real fine place to start."_ Sara Evans

"Say it again," Seth pleaded softly squeezing my hand.

We were sitting on the hood of his truck, dripping dry from our dive. Seth had retrieved his jacket from where I had left it and it was resting over my shoulders now, blocking the wind and keeping me warm. I smiled up at the sky relishing in the true perfection of this moment.

"I love you Seth Clearwater" I shouted to the heavens.

"And I love you, Alyssa Cullen." He whispered passionately, kissing right below my ear.

Sighing contently he fell back, pulling me down with him. We laid there together in the dark, both smiling like we were drunk. Suddenly Seth jumped up motioning to me he'd be right back. He rushed to open the driver's door and started the car. The headlights lit up the dirt road in front of us and the radio began playing a familiar song. I sat up and watched as he made his way back in front of me extending his hand out to me.

"Dance with me?" He asked.

Smiling at how cliché it was I took his hand and hopped down from my seat. For the second time that night I wrapped my arms around his neck and his arms found their way to my waist. We swayed to the music, keeping time with the beat. After a little while I rested my head on Seth's shoulder. My caffeine rush was beginning to fade and I was just starting to feel the crash that always followed. I stopped dancing, too tired to move my feet, and we just stood there holding onto one another. Somehow I worked up the energy to pull my head up from its pillow.

"I think it's time I went home." I yawned. Seth took in my half opened eyelids and agreed, helping me climb into the truck before getting in himself.

He backed up then slowly made his way towards my house. His right arm was slung over the seat as I snuggled into him, resting my head back on his shoulder. I tried to fight off sleep, it seemed I was doing much too much of it in cars lately, but Seth was so warm and I was so tired.

"Wake up sleepy head, you're home." Seth whispered into my hair.

My eyes blinked open as I sat up to find we were parked in my drive. The lights were on inside and suddenly I felt panic bubble up inside me. My family, they hadn't heard from me for a couple days. They must be sick with worry, and I had promised Alice I'd never do that to her again.

"My family," I managed to get out. "They're going to be so angry that I didn't call." I groaned.

Seth just laughed from beside me. "You don't honestly think I didn't tell them I was taking you camping?" I blinked up at him. "So they know everything?" I asked.

"Well, not _everything_." He said, his hand grazing my cheek. "But they knew where you were, yes."

I let out a sigh of relief, my good mood returning. "Walk me to the door?" I asked.

We both slid out his side and walked together to my front porch. His arm was wrapped around my waist loosely and remained there as we reached the top step. I didn't really want to go in and end the best night I'd ever had. I was the happiest I'd ever been before and I wanted it to stay that way. Seth seemed to feel the same way as he turned to face me, reluctantly letting go of my waist.

"Alyssa." The way he said my name made me smile. "Yes." I answered.

"Goodnight." He said, sneaking in one last kiss. "mmm, night" I mumbled back. I began backing up towards the door when something dawned on me. "My phone?"

"It's in the jacket pocket." Seth answered. I nodded my head then turned to open the door. The minute I walked into the house I was attacked as Alice grabbed me and squeezed me in a tight embrace.

"I knew it, I knew it, I knew it." She sang out in her wind chime voice. "I knew you loved him."

I laughed at her childlike joy. She held onto me for a moment longer before letting me go. Her eyes shone with I'm sure as much happiness as she found in mine. She wanted to hear all about the last two nights, but Carlisle saved me by sending me straight up to my room to get some sleep. I headed directly for my bed, slipping off my shoes and diving under the covers. Lying on my side I closed my eyes and pulled Seth's jacket tighter around me, allowing his scent to fill my nose and imagining he was right there with me.

I woke up to the bright sun shining through the window. Smiling to myself I sat up and stretched my tired muscles. I got up and moved to sit on my loveseat by the window looking out over the sprawling backyard. Were the past two days real? It seemed too good to be true. Life couldn't be that easy, not for me. Leaning back I hit something hard and turned to find the photo album Desmond had let me borrow. It served as a reminder that my life wasn't easy, it was complicated. I had promised to give them both a try, and yet I had only really opened myself up to Seth.

But I couldn't take back last night, and I didn't want to. I loved Seth, of that I was sure, but I _had_ loved Desmond in another life. Maybe that's just it though; my life with Desmond was over. People always say you shouldn't hang onto the past because you can't change it. I was close to convincing myself that Desmond had his fair run until the memory of our last goodbye ran through my head and the feeling of heartbreak and helplessness returned.

I ran a shaky hand through my hair. _Snap out of it Alyssa you can't keep doing this to yourself. _At that moment a knock sounded at my door. _Alice._ I sighed, trying to collect myself before she saw me. "Come in," I called softly.

To my surprise Bella appeared at the door looking uncertain as she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. I motioned for her to come closer and she obliged, sitting by my feet on the loveseat.

"How'd you manage to hold off Alice from barging in first?" I asked as I turned back to the window.

"It wasn't too hard," She shrugged and left it at that. She was silent for a minute before continuing on with her purpose of coming. "Edward heard what you were thinking. Do you want to talk about it?" She asked hesitantly.

I sighed. I should have blocked him out. "Not really, I don't think anyone could really understand."

"I think I'll be able to understand." She whispered softly.

"No, no you won't. No one here can understand because Carlisle has _always_ loved just Esme, Alice has _always_ loved only Jasper and you have _always_ loved just Edward!" I sighed in frustration. They never had a recollection of a time when they had loved another person, while I had constant reminders that I had loved Desmond.

"Believe it or not, I was once in a situation similar to yours." She retaliated. My head snapped in her direction and I stared at her in disbelief. "How? You have Edward, you've always loved Edward."

She laughed lightly at my expression. "Yes, I love Edward more than life itself." She smiled. "But a part of me loved someone else too and I had to make the choice between the two. Much like you now."

"Who?" I demanded, still uncertain of the truth of her words.

"Jacob," she answered plainly, as if it was completely normal that she had once loved her daughter's present boyfriend. I stared at her in disbelief.

"What?!" I practically screamed. "But-but, he imprinted on Renesmee." I finally spat out.

She laughed again. "Yes, well I suppose it's a good thing I made the choice that I did." I nodded still in shock. "But I did give both choices some serious thought. A part of me loved them both, but I finally decided on the one I could never live without."

"I can't live without Seth," I whispered. "I can't imagine life without him in it. He's been there for me since the beginning."

She looked into my eyes for a moment searching for something. "Are you absolutely sure?" I nodded my head. After last night he was the only thing I was sure of. "Then there's only one thing left for you to do if you're certain. You have to tell Desmond."

My stomach churned at the idea. I knew she was right, but just the idea had me close to fainting from fear. She patted my knee in reassurance before she left, "I know it's hard but you can do it."

With trembling hands I retrieved my phone that was still in my pocket and turned it on; planning to take the chicken's way out and tell Desmond in a phone call or even a voice mail message. The screen came to life and immediately it was flooded with missed calls, voice mails, and new texts. Sighing I began sifting through them. Kendra's were basically all the same, yelling at me for my insensitiveness and declaring me stupid for what I had done. And she didn't even know about last night. That'll be a fun conversation to have. Megan had called once wishing me a good weekend and giving me the math assignment. And then there was the single voice mail from Desmond. He didn't sound angry like Kendra had. Instead he sounded sad, as if he knew he was losing the race. He asked me to meet him when I got back so we could talk.

I felt even more nauseous then before after hearing his voice sound so defeated. I had to tell him in person. It would be too cruel of a thing to do over the phone. Shutting the cell I slipped it into the pocket of my jeans that I had fallen asleep in and made my way downstairs. Alice was bouncing off the walls as I slunk into the kitchen, not feeling even half as happy as I had last night. She paused for a moment to study my expression, and then her eyes went blank as she searched for what could put me in a bad mood. When she refocused on me she had pity and understanding in her eyes, but not surprise. I guess after last night it was something she assumed would happen, an expected outcome after the night.

"It's the right thing to do." She reassured me. I nodded my head absently as she went back to cooking breakfast, although it was two in the afternoon and well past lunch time let alone breakfast. The warm smell of chocolate chip pancakes cooking filled the room.

I took a seat at the kitchen table, tracing patterns in the wood. My phone rang and I paused, pulling it out of my pocket hesitantly. Once I saw the caller ID I relaxed. "Good morning," I called brightly into the phone.

"Morning," Seth laughed back at the eagerness in my voice. "Is it alright if I come over today?" He asked.

"Of course," I cheered up at the idea of seeing him. "Good, 'cause I'm almost there. I just wanted to check since Sundays are your 'day off.'"

I rolled my eyes. "That doesn't apply anymore."

"Glad to hear that. See you in a few." We hung up with that as our goodbye. My eyes kept drifting to the kitchen window that faced the drive, waiting to see Seth's motorcycle approaching. He wasn't kidding when he said he was almost here because a few minutes later he was parking his bike next to Jake's.

Getting up I ran to the door to meet him, waiting in the doorway as he bounded up the stairs. "Well now, someone's a little eager isn't she?" He declared as he stopped before me smiling.

My heart stopped when he smiled. He was so beautiful, why was I just now noticing that? Before I could admire his beauty too long he pulled me into a kiss, unable to stop himself. It started out soft and sweet: a 'hello' kiss. But like last night something took over me and I pressed myself closer to him. He must have felt it too because he gripped the back of my neck firmly and deepened the kiss.

Once again I was so caught up in us I forgot about everything else and didn't even realize we had acquired an audience. I was pulled from my personal paradise when I heard amused voices conversing.

"I give it a week." Jasper broke through my happy little barrier.

"No way man, I give it two days tops." Emmett chuckled. "I mean, _look_ at them."

"Fifty bucks?" Jasper offered. "You're on. This'll be the easiest money I've ever won." Emmett agreed readily.

I slowly, reluctantly, pulled my head back from Seth who seemed just as upset by the interruption. He unwillingly removed his hand from my neck and draped it across my waist, pulling me close to his side.

"What are you two going on about?" I asked grumpily. I hadn't been ready for the kissing to stop. "Just placing our bets." Emmett smiled innocently at me. "On what?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing really, just how long it'll take you two to shack up." He answered nonchalantly.

My eyes widened and I could feel my face burning with humiliation and anger. "You have no right to bet on my personal life." I fumed.

"Personal? You were making out in plain view of anyone who came in the room." Emmett retaliated.

My face grew redder with every word Emmett uttered. "So what, you still shouldn't be betting on _that_. You're my big brother. Aren't you supposed to be trying to protect my….my innocence?" I whispered the last word.

"Not when fifty bucks is on the line," He answered. "I say take her now." He turned to Seth with a huge grin, "You have my blessing."

"That's enough Emmett, stop teasing the poor girl." Esme came walking down the stairs with Carlisle. She took in Seth's arm tangled around my waist and smiled so brightly at me it was almost blinding.

"C'mon Seth, let's go get some breakfast." I tugged on his arm, eager to leave the room before my head exploded from burning so much.

We were silent as we ate and with a little distance put between us I began thinking of my earlier dilemma. I didn't finish my waffles; the queasiness was returning. Pushing my plate away I excused myself and ran up to my room, locking the door behind me for privacy. I sat on the edge of my bed with my head between my knees and took deep breaths. It didn't really work like it always did in the movies so I pushed myself up and made my way to the bathroom, splashing cool water on my face. The girl in the mirror looked a mess: with her hair tangled, her face pale, bags under her eyes and saltwater washed clothes.

A breeze blew in from the open window filling the room with a scent of honeysuckle. But no honeysuckle plants could survive this chilly weather; it must just be my imagination. When I turned back to the mirror I was startled by a blonde haired goddess with a crown of honeysuckle on her head and familiar brown eyes. I shook my head looking down at myself to find I was still in my old jeans. Raising my hand to my hair I felt the tangles. I must really be going crazy. Or maybe it's the guilt kicking in. I needed to talk to Desmond.

Seth was waiting outside my door when I opened it looking concerned. "Are you alright?" He asked.

"I'll be fine; I just have to go do something." I kissed the side of his cheek. "I'll see you in a little bit." He let me go around him and watched me, confused, as I bounded out the door.

I gripped the wheel tightly as I drove feeling more nauseous the fewer miles there were between me and Desmond. Somehow I managed to keep the car straight and before I knew it I was pulling into his drive. I hadn't even thought of what I was going to say to him so I sat in the drive stalling until I couldn't take the feeling in my stomach anymore. Cutting the engine I walked up the pathway to the front door and knocked. No one answered and after the third knock I tried the door to find it unlocked.

"Hello," I called faintly. There was no answer. He wasn't on the first floor so I climbed the steps to the second in hopes to find him there. "Desmond?" I knocked on the door closest to the stairs, but once again there was no answer. Turning the knob I slowly opened the door to reveal a room full of framed photographs: hanging on the walls and setting on tables around the perimeter of the room. There was no bed or any other furniture. I made my way around the room taking in the photographs. A lot of them were of my blonde self: laughing, dancing, and sleeping. Some of them had both Desmond and I in them. Then there was one that made the breath catch in my throat.

There I was smiling away, extremely happy, with flowers in my hair and my eyes closed, but that wasn't what startled me. It was the girl beside me: long caramel hair with matching eyes, and a smile with dimples. It was Kendra. The door swung open behind me and I spun around to see Desmond standing there.

"I saw your car in the drive." He said staring at me. "And figured you had just come on in."

I couldn't speak at first. Between my upset stomach and dry mouth I was surprised I finally managed to say anything at all. When I finally found my voice I was too scared to tell him why I came. So I found a different topic until I could work my way up to it.

"What are these pictures?" I finally asked. He stepped further into the room, studying some of the frames.

"The story of your life," He answered simply. "It starts over here," he continued walking to the wall behind me. I joined him and studied the first frame of what I assumed was me as an infant. I walked along, skipping some of the earlier ones that were all basically the same. I stopped in front of a darker photo. The skies were overcast as if it was about to storm. "What's this one?"

"It's when _they_ first arrived and when the wars started." I shuddered at the inflection he put on 'they.' I had no recollection of who they were but I did remember the dread that day brought in my heart. The backgrounds of the next few were much lighter, as if the storm had never come. Desmond informed me those were the times when we were winning the battle. I was able to identify feelings with some of those pictures. Like lighthearted and carefree happiness. Finally we arrived at the picture I was waiting for, the one of Kendra and me.

"Why did she never tell me? There was so much I could have shared with her." I asked sadly.

"I asked her not to. I didn't want to overwhelm you." He answered, taking the blame. I wasn't sure if it was true or not, but it didn't matter. She hadn't told me for her own reasons or for his. Either way she wasn't the only one who had hid things in our friendship.

I spent more time studying that picture than any of the others. It captivated me. And not only because I discovered Kendra was also a part of my past. It was because, with my initial shock gone, I felt a warmness swell inside my chest as I recalled my feelings that day: complete and utter happiness, kind of like how I had felt last night with Seth.

"Why was I so happy?" I finally asked when I couldn't remember the reason.

"That was the day I asked you to marry me." He sounded wistful, mourning what could have been. Unless…I felt my heart drop into my stomach.

"We never…" I couldn't finish the question I was too afraid of the answer. "No, the war prevented us from following through on our promises to one another." I let out a breath of relief, even though deep down I felt a sadness at this realization. I guess it was the little bit of me left from the past that felt that way.

"How did the war start?" I spat the question out trying to distract myself from my emotions.

His eyes stared blankly at the photo of me and Kendra as he began. "They all came, so many of them, out of nowhere. Their leader burst into a hearing accusing your mother and father of allowing a murderer to roam free. Apparently his wife had been killed years before and he had reason to believe it was one of our kind that had done it. He was unstable, ranting about how if the culprit didn't turn himself in he would kill every last one of us. Your mother and father denied such an accusation fervently trying to persuade him that they had no idea what he was talking about. He lost his temper and well…took it out on your parents. Chaos broke out after that and we got separated. I went to our place, knowing you'd end up there also. That was the memory you had the other day.

"After that day we had no choice but to fight back, seeing as none of them would listen to reason. We managed to hold them back for a while and things were looking good for us once again. I was certain we were golden." His eyes brightened for a moment before becoming black as he continued. "But then they got to one of the other royal families and realized without our rulers, we were powerless: unable to organize ourselves together as productively as before. A lot of us gave up hope and deserted the cause, choosing to preserve themselves and the ones they loved rather than the community. I must admit I took that path towards the end also. I chose to save you, much to your dislike." He smiled darkly at some personal memory.

"You were livid with me, insisting you could help. You were always one to fight for others before yourself, but I finally broke you down." He turned to me with those dark eyes. "Remember when you asked about my second power: age shifting? It's a useful little gift that allowed me to change my physical appearance. One minute I could look five years old and the next I could look a human's eighty all the while keeping my own age's intelligence and physical fitness. I had never tried to use it on another, had never had the need. I wasn't even quite sure if it would work. But I had to try something, anything." It was as if he was trying to defend his actions. His eyes showed the desperation he must have felt then.

"It turned out it did work, but it took so much energy and concentration on my part that I lost some of my everyday abilities: such as flying." I recalled the time in a dream when he had admitted he had given up the ability to fly long ago. Now I fully understood the reason behind his sadness. "However it was worth it to keep you safe. I had expected you, like me, to have the same intelligence as you had before the transformation, but it seemed more like I had reincarnated you.

"I couldn't have an infant around during a war. You'd be in more danger than ever before. So I left you with the Cullen's, fully intending to come back for you when you were of age. Unfortunately I didn't account for your amnesia. You didn't remember me at all; I could tell it the first day I saw you. I thought maybe you just needed time: that after spending some of it with me you would be reminded of who you really were and the life you lived, but it didn't. Even now, you only remember bits and pieces don't you?" He looked at me with a deep sadness in his eyes that tore at my heart.

I nodded in answer to his question and right then I really did wish I could remember it all, anything to take away his unhappiness. But I couldn't and I didn't want to add to his sadness by telling him I loved another so instead of pursuing that conversation I asked yet another round of questions. "But what happened? How did it all end? Did you destroy 'them'?" I asked the last hopefully.

He shook his head slowly. "No, we did not destroy them; the low-life leader is out there somewhere still searching for those of us that remain when it crosses his memory every hundred years or so. It's what keeps us in hiding, scattered across the country: living with mortals, interacting with them, pretending to be one of them."

I turned to him with astonishment in my eyes. "You've never tried to confront him, to make him pay for all the lives he took?"

Desmond gave me the kind of look adults give children who say something that showcased their naivety. "It would have been a suicide mission. He was very powerful on his own let alone with the others that always seemed to follow where he went."

"Alright then, who is this all powerful man that torments our kind still?" I asked frustrated.

Desmond walked a few paces along before stopping when he found the picture he wanted. I followed him, extremely curious as to who and what exactly was oh so terrifying that it would cause a whole community of fairies to hide instead of standing together against him.

Turning to the photo Desmond stood staring at I found a portrait of a man with long midnight-black hair, skin so pale it was translucent and red eyes that sent chills down my spine and utter terror to grip at my heart, squeezing it until my chest hurt. It wasn't just a vague semblance of a memory that sent that fear through me. It was the trio I knew he was a part of and had seen him with many times before in a painting hanging in Carlisle's study.

"Marcus," I managed to whisper in a hoarse voice.

Desmond looked between me and the photo. "You know him?" His face went pale with terror and his voice was filled with horror at such a prospect.

"I know of him." I answered softly. Desmond kept his eyes trained on me. "From where?" I didn't answer him. There were too many thoughts running through my head.

"I have to go." I announced absentmindedly. My thoughts were several miles away: in Carlisle's study.

"Alyssandra where have you heard of him?" Desmond asked more urgently as I made my way to the door. He pursued me slowly, as if he didn't believe I would actually leave. But as I made my way swiftly down the stairs and to the front door he sped up. "Alyssandra," He called again, sounding frustrated.

I was halfway down the path when he grabbed my arm. "Alyssandra please, talk to me." I spun around, my head pounding from all the information it was processing. "My name is _Alyssa_," I replied gruffly. "Now let go."

He was shocked into immobility as I pulled my arm from his grasp and got into my car. He was still standing there stunned as I pulled out of the drive and drove away. I had mixed emotions myself: I was fearful of the man that had stolen thousands of lives yet I was also livid at him for taking not only those very lives but also that of my parents and in some way even my own. It was his fault my life was so screwed up right now. _Dirty, rotten, no good Volturi_ I thought as my foot pressed harder on the gas.

I had stayed there longer than first intended. Now it was almost seven and pitch dark out. So much time was spent talking and I didn't even tell him what I had meant to. Why didn't I just spit it out? How hard is it to say: _I love Seth and I've come to realize I can't live without him and I don't want to try?_ I'd have to do it eventually anyways, even if I hated the idea of hurting Desmond like that. I couldn't keep living like this.

The streetlights seemed too bright as I rode along squinting against the light that obstructed my vision. My head was throbbing now and my hands were shaking slightly. I kept a tight grip on the wheel to control the trembling and to try to keep my mind on the road in front of me as a haze seemed to settle around my mind. What was wrong with me? I knew I was mad as Hell just thinking of Marcus, but it shouldn't bring on all this.

It might have been my speed or my blinding rage and throbbing head, or maybe even those damn bright streetlights, but somehow I hadn't realized there was a dark shadow in the middle of the road. When I passed the last remaining lamppost and got close enough that my headlights reflected off of the deer's eyes it was too late. I couldn't stop in time, the deer sure wasn't moving anywhere anytime soon, and I sure as Hell wasn't going to hit and kill an innocent animal. So I cut the wheel sharply to the right and hit a tree instead.

The impact jostled me and luckily I had my seatbelt on or else I would have gone flying through the windshield. Instead my head smacked hard against the steering wheel, the old airbags having been delayed, as shattered glass rained down all around me. I felt the sting as the broken pieces cut the backs of my hands. Some of the bigger ones even managed to cut through my jeans and nick my legs, but that pain was nothing to the burning, throbbing ache of my forehead. Sitting there with my head resting back against the headrest I clung desperately to consciousness for a few precious moments, but I knew it was a lost cause when I felt the blood trickling down my face rather quickly. The haze that had hung over my mind earlier became heavier and soon my vision went black as everything became deathly silent.

* * *

_A/N Thanks to those of you that reviewed the previous chapter: Alyssa (the first one to review!), casi-sand and I'llxBexUrxEnigma2010. I really appreciate it :D....So this one has a whole lot of important info in it and **I hope it's not too jumbled or meshed unneatly together**. But it all needed to come out so the story could continue to unravel. Don't worry There are plenty of chapters remaining, depending how long each chapter is, however the story is winding down. _

_**P.S. thanks to all who actually read my babbeling thoughts down here!**_


	21. Please Wake Me from this Nightmare

**Chapter 21**

**Will Someone Please Wake Me from this Nightmare?**

"_Don't tell me you're done for. I don't need to hear you're done for. And you can tell me what you were running from. **I need you more than you need you**…And I won't give you up tonight."_ Meg and Dia

**Seth POV**

I sat on the edge of her bed staring at the clock, my leg jumping faster as the minutes ticked by. She'd said she would be back in a little while, she promised, but it was several hours past a little while. My cheek still tingled from where her lips had been, only an inkling of how my whole body felt every time we touched, and with every breath I took I inhaled her sweet, addictive scent. It was the only thing that kept me sane as I threatened to go mad with worry.

As another minute ticked away something in the atmosphere changed.

"Something's wrong." I knew as soon as I said it that it was true.

Pulling my phone from my pocket I quickly dialed Alyssa's number. Panic bubbled up inside me as it rang for the fifth time. She always answered her phone; it was one of her pet peeves. The machine clicked over and her beautiful voice spoke to me.

_Hey you've reached Alyssa, I'm unable to answer the phone right now but please leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. _

BEEP

"Alyssa, it's me, Seth please pick up….Damn it Alyssa just pick up, please, let me know that you're alright." I waited until the machine clicked off, hoping against hope that she would answer. But she didn't.

_Calm down Seth. There are plenty of reasons why she might not be able to pick up the phone._ I thought to myself as I took deep breaths. I was getting upset over nothing. There was no real reason for me to think the worst. But I couldn't shake the feeling in my gut that something had happened to her.

Grabbing my old jacket from the bed where Alyssa had left it I put it on, noticing how it still smelt vaguely of her as I left the room. As I was passing through the family room the phone rang. "Could you get that?" Emmett, who was all but two feet away from it watching the game, asked.

How could he sit there so relaxed and unconcerned when his baby sister has been gone for five straight hours with not so much as a phone call? How could he be more interested in the score of the freaking game than his sister's safety? I was just about to tell him to get off his lazy ass and answer it himself when it dawned on me it could be Alyssa. With that thought I practically dove for the phone.

"Hello?" I answered in a breathless whisper.

"Um, hey, can I talk to Alyssa? She's not answering her cell and she left here pretty upset." My hand tightened on the phone when Desmond's voice sounded through the line.

"When did she leave?"

"About an hour ago." I heard the plastic covering of the phone cracking as my grip became tighter.

An hour ago: she had been alone with _him_ for some five odd hours. It was stupid but jealousy coursed through me. Anger soon followed as I realized he had let her leave when she wasn't in full control of her emotions. I hated the thought of her being anywhere near him, but better with him than alone somewhere at night where anything could find her. How stupid was he? And he claimed he loved her. He didn't even know how to keep her safe.

"You're such a dumbass." I growled into the phone before hanging up on him.

"Who was that?" Emmett asked distractedly as soon as I had hung up. I just thundered past him toward the front door. I needed to get to Alyssa. "Wait, where are you going?" Emmett asked, finally tearing his eyes from that damned TV.

"To find Alyssa," I grumbled back as I slammed the door.

I got as far as the first porch step when Emmett appeared beside me. "What do you mean find Alyssa? I thought she was with you."

I shook my head gruffly. "No, apparently she went to see _Desmond_." Jealousy raged inside me at the thought but I pushed it down. "She left him an hour ago. An _hour_ and she's still nowhere to be found." I yelled in desperation.

"Did you try her cell?" Emmett asked hopefully. "Maybe she's at Kendra's or something."

"Of course I tried her cell; it rang forever then went to voicemail." I rolled my eyes at his stupidity. "We're just wasting time. You can go back to your game, but I'm going to go look for her." I ended the conversation.

Taking off towards the nearest cover of trees I decided running would be faster than my bike. My night vision would be better in my other form anyways. So I shed what few layers of clothing I wore and closed my eyes to concentrate on shifting. I felt the familiar tremble ripple through me as I phased, immediately taking off into the night.

I relied on my heightened sense of smell to lead me to her. Her scent was already stronger to me than any other. About a mile along I-10 I caught a whiff of honeysuckle mixed with a hint of something rusty and salty carried on the breeze and sped up, heading in the direction the scent had come from.

_Seth where are you?_ Jakes voice sounded in my head while I ran.

_About a mile and a half down the I-10. I think I'm getting close. _

_We're on our way._ He answered before his thoughts disappeared.

I didn't know who 'we' was, but it didn't really matter to me. All that mattered was finding Alyssa. The more miles I put behind me the stronger her scent became and as I broke through the trees another two miles down I saw a sight that tore at my heart. Across the road was the mangled piece of metal that was Alyssa's car, wrapped around a tree. It was difficult for me to calm down enough to phase back, I had never felt such terror in my life, but I finally managed to do so and immediately ran to her.

The windshield was completely shattered, leaving a blanket of its broken remains in her lap. My eyes examined the damage, taking in the cuts on the back of her hands as they traveled up to her face. She was as pale as Queen Anne's lace, the only color visible being the thick line of blood that flowed down her face from a deep gash across her forehead. My heart stopped when I couldn't easily see the rise and fall of her chest. I was terrified to check her pulse, scared that she might really be gone.

Instead I took her tiny, frozen hand in mine, rubbing it gently to keep it warm. My heart finally began beating again and I could feel a piece of it threatening to break as tears began falling from my eyes. I couldn't lose her; I could never live without her.

"Don't do this to me Lyss. Don't let go, not yet. I'm not ready to say goodbye. I love you," I murmured quietly pleading with her still form.

Entwining my fingers with hers I could almost hear her voice when she said those same three words to me for the first time after waiting so many years. What I would give just to see those beautiful brown eyes again. Gently raising my free hand I placed my pointer and middle finger on her neck, searching for a pulse. "Please," I pleaded with God. My hand trembled as I waited, and after an eternity I felt a faint pulsing under my fingers, barely anything at all. But it kept her clinging to life.

I was at a loss for what to do. There was nothing I really could do except wait for the others to get here. But standing there knowing that with every second that ticked by I was closer to losing her made me feel more helpless than ever. So I bowed my head and began to pray: something I hadn't done since my father's death. I was that desperate.

Headlights rounded the corner minutes later and I looked up to see several of the Cullen's cars pull off onto the adjacent shoulder. I knew I should probably have gone to them and forewarned them about Alyssa's condition, but I couldn't bring myself to leave her. Carlisle and Esme were the first to reach us. The look on Esme's face was heart wrenching as she took in Alyssa's fragile figure and there was a deep sadness in Carlisle's eyes as he stepped forward.

"Excuse me Seth," He murmured quietly as he checked her pulse, timing it with his watch. "We need to get her out of here and down to the hospital, now." He sounded so calm, but the look in his eyes had turned frantic.

"Emmett I need you to open the door for me." Carlisle ordered while examining the crushed door that would normally require the Jaws of Life to ply open.

Emmett obliged, making his way to the front of the small crowd the family made up. I moved aside reluctantly, letting go of Alyssa's hand, and let him rip the door off of the frame. "Shouldn't you call an ambulance or something?" I asked in a whisper.

Carlisle just shook his head. "Not enough time." He murmured as he leaned in and delicately scooped Alyssa up in his arms. "Alice, could you support her head?"

When Alice didn't respond I turned to see her examining the skid marks Alyssa had left behind. Her brow was furrowed in confusion as she rose, standing in the middle of the road facing south with a peculiar look on her face.

"Seth?" Carlisle called to me, asking for me in Alice's place.

Dismissing Alice's strange actions I placed the palms of my hands gently on either side of Alyssa's head, holding it still, and walked with Carlisle as we crossed the road to Alice's Porsche: the fastest of the Cullen's cars. Once we had Alyssa settled in the backseat I ran around and jumped in the passenger side as Carlisle slid in the driver's seat.

We didn't wait for the others before taking off towards the hospital pushing the car to its full speed. It wasn't fast enough for me. I kept sneaking glances back at her sprawled out on the backseat unmoving: barely breathing, barely living. Somewhere along the way Carlisle had made a call to the hospital so that when we arrived they had a stretcher waiting and a room ready in intensive care.

I was left waiting outside the room, watching through the window as doctors and nurses bustled around Alyssa: hooking her up to multiple machines and examining her injuries. It killed me to be kept away from her, but as long as they saved her I could manage to wait. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the room slowly emptied, leaving only Carlisle and one other nurse checking her stats. Unable to wait any longer I stuck my head in. Carlisle looked up and motioned for me to enter. I quickly made my way to her side, moving a chair so I could sit by her head.

After taking in Alyssa's arms with multiple tubes sticking out of it I finally settled my gaze on her face. Even in her pale state with stitches patching up the cut on her forehead she was still breathtakingly beautiful.

"Is she going to be okay?" I asked Carlisle, still not able to take my eyes off her.

"Well, her heart rate's become stronger, but she lost a lot of blood." He answered tiredly.

"I'll give blood," I offered, finally looking up at Carlisle who shook his head sadly. "You can't. Your blood is kept at a much higher temperature than hers. I don't even know if her body will accept human blood." He mused.

"Well than what are we going to do, just let her die?" My voice rose frantically.

"There is another option," Carlisle suggested.

My hands tightened into tight fists. "No," I growled. "No way in Hell am I letting him anywhere near her. He's the reason she's in here."

"He could be our only hope." He tried to reason with me. "You do want to save her don't you?"

"Of course I do." I answered helplessly. I would do anything to save her, but why _him?_

"Good, then It's settled." He squeezed my shoulder and then left to go call the jackass who had let Alyssa drive home, and had therefore almost indirectly killed her.

Resisting the urge to break something I looked back down at Alyssa's face. I had to be strong for her. If she needed _his_ blood than God Damn it I shouldn't try to stand in the way. Sighing I slipped my hand under hers, careful not to pull on any of the wires as I traced circles in her palm. I'm not sure how long I stayed like that, but eventually the door clicked open to reveal Carlisle coming in with an IV of blood. Desmond entered behind him, a gauze pad taped to his arm.

I could feel my blood boiling as my temper flared. He had no right to be in here. She only needed his blood and he had already provided that service. Shooting him a dark look I turned my attention to Carlisle as he hooked the IV bag of blood up to Alyssa. Suddenly my anger vanished. He might have unknowingly caused the accident, but he was saving her life now: something I wished desperately that I could have done.

"Thank you," I whispered hoarsely.

He looked taken aback, but nodded his head in acknowledgment. Once Carlisle finished taking her stats he turned towards the two of us, looking between us.

"The other's just arrived and I have a feeling they'll want to be filled in. Are you two going to be okay if I leave?" He asked.

I nodded my head. I had my anger under control. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Desmond affirm that we would be alright and then the door shut and we were left alone with the one thing we had in common lying between us.

"I know you must think this is my fault," Desmond finally spoke in a little above a whisper.

"Damn straight," I muttered.

"But I didn't know," Desmond defended.

"No, you didn't, because you don't know her. You say you love her and you want her, but you don't even know the first thing about her." I replied coolly.

He opened his mouth to refute my statement but I held up the hand that wasn't holding onto Alyssa's.

"Don't even try it. Did you know her favorite color's yellow? That she always cries when Mufasa dies in the Lion King? Or that when she's really mad she won't say a word, she'll just send you a death glare while giving you the silent treatment? Were you there when she broke her wrist ice skating or when she burnt herself trying to light a birthday candle? The answer to all of the above is no. But _I_ do know her. I know the story behind every scar. I know all her fears and all her dreams. I love her for her." My eyes never left his throughout my speech and I was waiting to see defeat shining in his. Instead they burned with determination.

"I might not know all that, but I was her first love. And I have something you can never have: her past." He smirked at me.

"A past she doesn't even remember."

That hit home. The look in his eyes was so agonizingly sad that it forced me to look away.

"She will," he whispered softly, taking her other hand in his.

"Don't touch her," I snapped, my anger flaring again.

"I have just as much right to touch her as you do. You don't own her." He shot back, not letting go.

A low growl emitted from deep within me and I had to refrain from punching him senseless. I had promised Carlisle I would behave. So I took a calming breath which worked until Desmond's hand moved up to stroke her face. _Screw promises._

Standing up I slipped my hand from Alyssa's, preparing to punch the sleazebag into the next time zone when we were interrupted. Esme came bustling in followed by Edward, Bella and Emmett. One look at my face and Esme rushed over, placing a calming hand on my arm. She didn't say a word; she just sent me a pleading look. When I didn't respond she pulled me across the room a ways with help from Bella. To prevent me from doing anything she deemed stupid I suppose. I wasn't the only one she had to worry about.

"So help me God if you don't get your murdering paws off my sister..." Emmett threatened as he yanked Desmond away from Alyssa. Thank God, someone else who reacted sanely to the situation.

"Emmett!" Edward chided, pulling him off Desmond. "Murdering the blood donor won't do anything to help the situation. In fact it would worsen the circumstances if she needed more blood."

"You're right, but smacking some sense into him couldn't hurt." He growled, fighting against Edward.

"Emmett, that is quite enough." Esme shouted. I had never heard her raise her voice before. "You too Seth. The both of you are acting like animals. I taught you better than that Emmett. And you, I know your mother raised you better than this Seth." She turned on me, waving her finger in my face.

I immediately felt guilty. She was right; my mother would be ashamed of me if she was here. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"Maybe I should leave and give you a minute with her." Desmond spoke to Esme, eyeing Emmett and me before leaving.

"Finally," I muttered as I took my seat beside Alyssa.

"You could be nicer, he did agree to donate blood," Bella spoke softly. I just ignored her as I sat there. She had no idea how it felt to have to compete for the one you loved: the one who you were made for. I knew I should have more faith in Alyssa, but the truth was Desmond was never going to stop fighting for her. I saw a glimpse of his determination tonight. Even if she told him she loved me or that she chose me, he would still stick around, waiting for her and fighting to win her back. But I would be fighting too, never taking a single moment with her for granted.

In time Bella, Edward and Emmett left, but Esme stayed for a while longer, stroking Alyssa's hair delicately: one of the few places that remained untouched by cuts or wires. But she eventually left also, in order to make room for the next round of visitors. It was only family that visited, both hers and mine. They all left in due time too, until only I remained. It was getting late, well past midnight, when Carlisle came to check in on Alyssa.

"Her stats seem to be stable and the blood transfusion looks to have gone smoothly. Her body didn't put up any resistance." He spoke softly so that I couldn't tell if he was talking to me or himself. "I don't think we have to worry about anything going wrong, at least not tonight. So I'd say it's safe for you to head home and get some sleep Seth." His eyes rose to meet mine.

Looking down at her still form I found it hard to believe his soothing words. How could she be okay when she hadn't even woken up yet? I knew Carlisle wouldn't lie to me, especially not about Alyssa, but I also knew before even trying that I wouldn't be able to leave her again without worrying. Not after tonight.

"I'm not leaving her," I spoke decisively, looking up at Carlisle for a split second so he could see the resolve in my eye. I turned my head back to look into Alyssa's unresponsive face. "Ever," I whispered to her.

"_Stay awake, stay awake, survive 'cause I've got nineteen stars that I give your name tonight. I wanna scream, wanna scream your name. Star light, star bright can save, **you're my wish tonight**."_ Meg and Dia

* * *

_A/N Again thanks to all that review! You make my day, seriously. Anyways I realized I never explained why I've started to include quotes at the beginning (and this time the ending) of the past few chapters. They are **quotes from songs** that I listened to while writing that chapter in order to **gain inspiration**. The quoted parts are the lyrics that really fit in with a specific part of that chapter (**whether it be something that happened or a characters feelings**) and this time I couldn't chose between two quotes so I inculded them both. This song is by Meg and Dia and it's called Nineteen Stars! :D_


	22. Déjà Vu

**Chapter 22**

**Déjà Vu **

**Alyssa**

"_If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late could you say goodbye to yesterday? Would you live each moment like your last, leave old pictures in the past?" _Nickelback

"Just let her. There kind deserves to suffer a long, slow and painful death." A deep unfamiliar voice sounded in my head interrupting the silence.

Was I dying? It felt like it. My body was heavy and seemed to be disconnected from my mind. I couldn't seem to make myself move any of my limbs I was so weak. And the pain, the pain was excruciating. It made sense for dying to hurt, to make you pay for all your sins so you could move on to a better afterlife. I think I was ready to die too. Life was too confusing. Compared to life, death was easy. My mind was willing enough to give in but my heart wouldn't let me go. It made my mind remember all those that I loved who would be hurt if I left: Carlisle, Esme, Alice, all of my family and friends, and Seth.

My heart swelled at the thought of Seth, beginning to beat a bit stronger after an earlier hesitation. I could even feel his warmth from my memory, warming my ice chilled self. Even though I was still trapped in the darkness I clung to life by a delicate thread, a string of my heart that was committed to Seth's happiness. I didn't want to ever hurt Seth, and letting go, giving up, would just about kill him.

So my heart continued beating, the only sound I could here through the silent darkness. Eventually the pain ebbed away until I felt nothing. As time ticked endlessly by one voice seemed to penetrate through the silence surrounding me.

"I might not know all that, but I was her first love. And I have something you can never have: her past."

Desmond's voice echoed in my head mixing with the pounding of my heart. I didn't know who he was talking to, or what had started the conversation or even why it was his voice of all people's that I heard. But I do know it must have triggered something inside me, calling to a part of my mind because it caused the darkness to ebb away until I was sitting in an ornately decorated oval room. Seats lining the perimeter were filled with finely dressed people and as I looked directly across my eyes caught his hypnotizing blue ones.

He winked and I smiled back before returning my attention back on my parents. They were going over a new security plan that was going to go into effect. I had already heard about it plenty of times before, but it was crucial that every royal be present during hearings such as this to present a united front. It was while my father was describing the new rotations of guards that they came bursting in. Four dark figures dressed in black robes that covered all but their faces. A shiver coursed through me as I inhaled their tantalizing scent. They were not one of us that was for certain.

We had never encountered such beings before. They were foreign to me with their too pale skin and midnight black eyes. Their cheeks had no color and I could not hear their heartbeats. It was as if they were already dead, like they _were_ death. The one in the lead looked around the room, and for a moment when his eyes rested on me my heart stilled in piercing terror. These newcomers were not here to make nice, I saw it in the one's eyes.

He moved on, the others following him, until they stood before my parent, dropping their hoods so their faces were exposed to us all.

"Which one of your people killed her?" The dark-haired leader demanded in a harsh tone.

"I'm sorry; I do not understand what you are talking about." Daddy answered him confused.

"Liar!" The stranger yelled. "One of you murdered her now bring him before me. No need to make everyone suffer for one's crime."

"I believe you are misunderstood, there is no one before me or any of my people for that matter who would kill unprovoked." Daddy stood, raising his arms out in front in a calming gesture.

"Insolent fool, do you expect me to believe you? You are only trying to protect one of your own. I'll give you one last chance, where is he?" The man's voice echoed against the marble.

I was terrified, the man was insane. No one here had ever seen anyone like these strangers before and yet they thought we had killed one of them? They were already dead. How can you kill someone who's already dead?

When daddy didn't answer him he turned to face the rest of us. "Fine, then you all will suffer. But we'll start with you." He turned to point at daddy. My hands gripped the arms of my chair tightly as I watched the man stalk forward. I don't know what exactly I expected to happen, but I didn't expect what did happen.

"Jane," that's all the man said, one name. I thought maybe it was the name of the woman who he claimed was murdered until a childlike girl stepped forward.

I felt my body relax. What damage could a tiny little girl do against daddy? He was healthy and strong. I wouldn't even be able to take him if I had wanted to. Growing confident I sat back, waiting for daddy to show this tiny girl what he's made of. My confidence was shattered as daddy fell to the floor writhing in pain. And yet no one was touching him. My eyes flicked to the child who was staring intently at daddy with a sadistic smile plastered on her face. Looking between them it clicked that she was doing something to hurt him.

Without thinking I rose from my seat, my eyes still focused on the girl. "Stop," I cried, focusing hard on that command. I could feel a wave of power emanate from my body as my energy slowly drained. The one downfall of my ability was it seemed to disrupt other's powers by draining me. I was used to it by now though; I knew how much I could stand. So I pushed harder until daddy lay silent on the floor, his chest heaving.

I didn't let up, not even when the girl turned to me, a look of horror on her face as she realized she couldn't hurt anyone. Not while I was here. "It would be best if you left now." I managed to say through tight lips. Exerting any energy other than the force that prevented the devil child from doing any harm was becoming harder. But I had no intentions whatsoever of letting down my guard. She was waiting for that.

I expected her to back down, but she only laughed at me, a musical sound that didn't match her personality. Without taking her coal black eyes off of me she motioned with her hand to the two others that stood beside her. I watched in horror as they launched at my parents, moving faster than any being had a right to. It was barbaric, they bit into them like animals and there was nothing I could do. I was too weak to try and knock them unconscious with my power.

Regaining my common sense I began running towards them to try and help fend the two off, but someone nearby caught me by the waist. I fought against him but I was already drained from my powers so it had little effect. Finally I gave in, sinking to my knees as I watched the life slip from my parents. Why was this happening? Why wasn't anyone doing anything?

As that last thought floated through my mind something seemed to snap in the atmosphere as everyone began moving at once. Several people ran towards my parents, but it was too late. I watched as the two cloaked murderers turned to the newcomers with my parent's blood dripping from their mouths. Guards rained into the room left and right, but the strangers were too strong for them. Chaos broke out as everyone deserted their efforts of a fight and began running for an escape.

I just remained there sprawled out on the floor, staring at my parent's pale faces as bodies flew by me. Eventually someone grabbed my wrist, pulling me up and pushing me towards the nearest door. "Get out of here, your highness, or you will be next. Run," one of the surviving guards shouted at me. I did as he said, moving mechanically.

The sky was raging outside, threatening to storm as I began running to the only place I could think of. Halfway there the sky opened up and it began to pour, but I didn't really register the cold raindrops that soaked through my clothes and chilled me. All I could feel was an immense sadness welled up inside me as tears fell from my face as fast as the rain fell from the sky. We were both crying, mourning the loss, such a great loss.

I was running away from everything, but at the same time, running towards something. As I came to a stop it was in the middle of a clearing surrounded by impossibly tall trees: _our_ place. He was waiting for me and I instantly felt better. I ran into his open arms and he pulled me close to him, letting my tears stain the front of his shirt. He kept whispering into my hair the same words over and over again. _It's going to be alright Alyssandra, everything is going to be alright._ And I let his words sooth and calm me. Even though it might have been the worst day of my life everything was alright because I was in the arms of the one I loved, my Desmond.

"We'll make it through this together. I promise." He kissed my wet hair as he pulled me closer to him.

My tears continued to flow until I fell asleep, leaning there against him.

When I opened my eyes again I was completely dry, lying on my stomach on a gigantic bed surrounded by elaborate decorations. It was months later: months filled with battles won and battles lost. The raven haired monster had followed through on his promise _you all will suffer._

My stomach was a tangled mess of worry as I laid there waiting. I was impatient for him to return home to safety and yet I was scared to discover his decision. Sighing I looked down at my left hand to admire the ornate diamond ring with its intricate design that fit perfectly on my finger, custom made. I still couldn't believe that we were actually engaged. Finally we would be together after all these years: sneaking kisses behind the tapestries, late night strolls in the garden, hiding it from daddy until we were sure he would approve.

I didn't' realize I was crying until a teardrop fell onto the ring. The tears flowed from my eyes even faster as I thought of how daddy would never be there to walk me down the aisle nor would my mother be there to help me primp for the ceremony. In my mind's eye I recalled that miserable day, the beginning of the end, and their lifeless faces flashed before me. Pulling at the bedcovers I dabbed at my eyes, desperately searching for a happy distraction. I found one when I heard familiar footsteps approaching my bedroom. Jumping off the bed I met him at the door, but my happiness dried up when I saw the determined look in his eye that revealed the choice he had made.

I don't know if I was hoping to deter his plans and change his mind or if I was just trying to distract him, but I felt a desperation inside me that caused me to throw my hands around his neck and pull him towards me. His lips readily accepted mine as I kissed him deeply. And then he was all I could see and all that I cared about at the moment. We were meant for one another, couldn't he see that? If he followed through with his plan we could lose this, we could lose us.

Another pang shot through my heart as I thought of not ever seeing him again. Wrapping my hands tighter around his neck I began leading him back into my room as we continued to kiss each other. I felt my back collide with the bedpost when he started to pull away. I clung to him, desperate to keep him close, but he was too strong.

"Alyssandra we can't." His breath came ragged. "Not until we are married."

"Why? We might never get another chance if you follow through with your insane plan." I muttered unhappily, looking down.

He lifted my chin with his finger until I was looking into his beautiful blue eyes. "Don't talk like that. I'm doing this to protect you. We'll be together again; we'll just have to wait a little longer."

"If you really wanted to protect me, and our people, you'd let me help." He shook his head defiantly. We had already gone through this hundreds of times before. He wouldn't let me anywhere near the cold skinned, dark eyed, blood drinking monsters that plagued us.

Taking my hand in his he began leading me towards the maid's staircase. I followed him, confused as we made our way down several levels until we came to the kitchen and the back door. "What are you doing?"

"I need to get you out of here, they're closing in." A chill stabbed at my heart.

"Not now, you can't mean to do it now?" I asked panicked.

"I'm running out of time," He answered, still pulling me forward. Realizing where we were going I stopped in my tracks. Not there. He couldn't ruin our sacred place.

When he realized I wasn't going to budge he turned to me, grabbing my face in both his hands and staring intensely into my eyes. "I swear to you I will come back for you and we will be together again. Just please, trust me."

His words calmed my racing heart as I nodded slowly, following beside him when he began moving again. I tried once again to dissuade him once we had reached the clearing, already knowing it was useless. He had made up his mind and that was that. Curse him for being so stubborn.

He took a deep breath concentrating hard. Looking deep into my eyes he said what I knew would be his last words to me in this lifetime, "Remember me."

My eyes filled with tears as I nodded my head. "Always," I promised just before he touched his hands to my forehead and the world went black.

Blinking rapidly my eyes opened to be blinded by bright fluorescent lighting. I heard a steady beeping coming from nearby and as my eyes adjusted I turned to see lines moving up and down on a screen beside me. A bag of liquid hung on a pole at the edge of my vision and I followed the tube down to where it was connected to my arm. Panic filled my chest. Where was I? And where was Desmond? He had promised he would come back for me. He promised.

The beeping increased and the lines moved faster as my heart rate increased. Then I felt a hand wrapped around my right and relaxed. I knew he would come. My eyes flew down to my hand only to find it was not Desmond who held onto it. The skin was too dark and the hand was too large and warm to be his. I hesitantly looked up to find a man's face lying uncomfortably against the bedrail. His chest was rising slowly as he breathed evenly: he was asleep.

I took in his features: his full pink lips, high cheekbones and slightly crooked nose. He was so beautiful, looking so innocent and childlike as he slept. I couldn't help but smile. I kept my eyes trained on his, and even though they were closed I knew what color they were: a deep rich mahogany brown that could melt my heart.

Suddenly it didn't matter that Desmond wasn't here. All I cared about was watching the angel before me as he slept. Hours slipped by and still I never became bored. I could watch him sleep forever, but eventually he began to awaken as his eyes slowly opened. As soon as he realized I was awake he jolted up to reveal a thick indent on the side of his face where the bar had rested. He was still breathtakingly beautiful though. Our eyes finally connected with one another's and I was rendered speechless.

"You're awake," he whispered happily.

I nodded, still unable to speak.

"I was so scared. I thought I'd never see your eyes again." When I didn't respond his eyes turned worried.

"You don't remember who I am, do you?" The sadness in his voice broke my heart as his eyes shifted down to our hands.

Desperately I fought to find my voice. Squeezing his hand I whispered hoarsely, "Seth." That was all I managed to get out, but with it I said everything. It conveyed every ounce of emotion I was feeling. Because from the moment our eyes had met I knew I loved him with everything I had. I was completely his and always would be.

He looked back up slowly with a smile so big it made my heart swell. There was a twinkle in his eye as he leaned down and pressed his lips ever so gently against mine. It left my lips tingling, longing for another kiss: a real kiss. He saw the yearning in my eyes and laughed heartily.

"I don't want to break you when I've just gotten you back." He said kissing the back of my hand instead.

I groaned in discontent, my lips forming into a pout. He just shook his head, reaching across me with his free hand to push the nurse's call button. My eyes questioned him. I was fine, I didn't need a nurse.

"I don't know how much longer I can resist your wiles." He winked at me as the door opened.

A strained looking Carlisle stepped into the room. "Is something wrong Seth?" He asked worriedly.

"She's awake," He said simply.

Carlisle's mood changed abruptly as a smile emerged on his face. And when he looked at me I could see the relief in his dark eyes. I couldn't help but shudder at their similarity to Marcus' but I shook my head chiding myself. Carlisle wasn't dangerous or anything like Marcus at all. Concern soon replaced my fear as I realized the bruises under his eyes were the darkest I'd ever seen them. How long had I been out?

"Well Alyssa, you gave us all quite a scare there. After the first week I was beginning to worry you had slipped into a serious coma." Carlisle came to stand beside me across from Seth, taking my free hand in his.

Seven days, I had been unconscious for a whole week. No wonder he looked worse for the wear. He probably hadn't left the hospital since I was admitted. I couldn't remember a time when he or any of the family went more than a week without some sort of nutrition, even if it was just deer in the local park.

My eyes turned to study Seth. Had he been here the whole time? His face did look slightly thinner, and his eyes also had dark marks underneath hinting at a loss of sleep. Letting my eyes fall down to his torso I noticed he was wearing one of Carlisle's old off-white doctor's jackets. I raised my eyebrows at him and he ducked his head.

"All I had on when we arrived with you was a pair of jeans and some old sneakers. There's a strict no shirt, no entrance policy so Carlisle let me borrow it."

"You haven't left since I got here." I stated as a fact. He raised his eyes sheepishly to meet mine.

"I couldn't." He answered softly.

I nodded in understanding. If it was him who had been hurt and I was in his position I wouldn't have been able to leave him either. Still, as much as I didn't want him to leave, he needed to eat. Not to mention get a good night's rest.

"You should go home. Get something to eat and some sleep while you're at it." I managed to get out.

He shook his head fervently. "I'm fine," he insisted squeezing my hand tighter.

I looked to Carlisle for help. Sighing he turned to Seth with appealing eyes.

"Seth I think that's a good idea."

"I'm not going anywhere," he said forcefully.

A part of me was happy at his resolve. As I had said before I didn't want him to leave, but I wanted him to get the nutrition he required. "Nothing's going to happen Seth, I'll be right here when you get back." I whispered lightly to him.

He didn't say anything and we both knew the other wouldn't relent. Carlisle studied us as we had the silent conversation between our eyes. Finally he cut in, tired of waiting until we broke eye contact.

"How about I have the cafeteria bring up some food and I'll send out for a cot?" He suggested a compromise, looking between us for approval. I nodded my head in agreement, at least Seth would get something substantial to eat and a makeshift bed was better than the chair he was sitting in. Once Seth nodded his head in compliance Carlisle left the room to put in our order and to call the family.

Looking back to Seth I found him studying my face silently. I felt warmth creep up my cheek at his gaze.

"What are you doing?" I asked as my cheeks turned pink.

"Memorizing you," He answered softly. "You're beautiful you know that, too beautiful for your own good." My face glowed red at his exaggeration.

"Shouldn't you call your family? I'm sure your mother is worried sick about you." I changed the subject hoping to get the fire in my cheeks to burn out.

He shook his head slowly, eyes still on my face. "They know where I am and they understand."

They understood, but did they agree with it? Leah probably really hated me now for keeping her brother from them and for endangering his health. I couldn't blame her. I was a wreck, a disaster waiting to happen. In my past life I was not only a fairy, but a fairy princess who was madly in love with her blonde-haired prince who reincarnated her to keep her safe. Yet in my new life I didn't remember my past, until recently, my best friend turned out to be a fairy also, my other best friend confessed his love to me and I fell in love with him, thus having to break the heart of said fairy prince who came back to find me. Can you say soap opera?

My eyes grew sad as I realized Seth was too good for me and that I had no right to keep him in this twisted story that was my life. Even though it just about killed me, I managed to keep eye contact with him as I spoke. "I don't deserve you," I said just loud enough for him to hear.

I was certain as soon as I said it he would realize the truth of my words, but instead he became angry.

"That's rich; you think you don't deserve me? It's me who doesn't deserve you. I can't even keep you safe." He muttered darkly.

"It's not your job to protect me," I answered firmly, trying to reason with him.

"Yes, it is. It's what I was made to do. Sure I protect my pack's territory from enemies, but once I found you that was it. The universe righted itself and my purpose became to keep you safe, to keep you alive. Fine job I'm doing." He sniffed looking around the hospital room.

It was then that my family decided to show up, all of them filing into the room. I ignored them for a moment as I tugged on Seth's hand so he would look at me. Once his attention was on me I looked straight into his eyes and said with all the resolution I could muster, "It was not your fault."

He didn't look convinced so I decided to try again, to try and make him understand the truthfulness of my words. I opened my mouth to speak but Emmett interrupted.

"Dude, you think it's _your_ fault? It's completely my fault." My head snapped towards Emmett."What are you talking about?" I demanded incredulously. I was getting fed up with trying to comfort everyone into believing it wasn't anybody's fault.

"Your car was old, the breaks were faulty, the air bags weren't working properly and it was hardly sturdy enough. I should have never insisted we buy that car for your birthday." What was he saying, I loved that car. I had circled the flier for it in the paper in red marker. If anything _I_ had insisted on getting that car and they were just giving into my spoiled demands.

"You are both insane. Not to mention completely wrong." I sighed in frustration. "What is it going to take for you all to believe me? This is nobody's fault. It was an _accident_."

Everyone stood still, staring at me after my outburst. That's when I saw Alice slip into the room looking distracted. I hadn't even noticed she was absent. I guess I was too busy trying to convince the two idiots before me that they were crazy for blaming themselves. With her impeccable hearing she must have heard every word of our conversation, leaving me praying she wasn't here to cast the blame on herself. Her eyes finally focused, meeting with mine as she stopped at the foot of my bed and my heart fell at the words she spoke.

"This was in no way an accident." She declared solemnly.

"_And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands. 'Cause forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you. So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know: you're never gonna be alone." _Nickelback

* * *

_A/N: First off I am sorry this took a whole week for me to get up, I am getting ready to go to the beach for two weeks. Anyways....the first music quote is for the part of the chapter where Alyssa is unconcious and the ending quote is for when she regains conciousness in the hospital. (They are from two different Nickelback songs. I was really feeling Nickelback this chapter :P) The last quote is from both Alyssa's and Seth's point of view, showing how they both feel once she regains conciousness. _

_**This chapter is titled Deja Vu because it incorporates Alyssa's memories from other chapters, but they are expanded on in this chapter to fill in the blanks. I did this on purpose so please don't think "man she's really lazy she just copy and pasted previous memories so she wouldn't have to come up with new ones." **_

_As always thanks for reviewing and just reading :D I love hearing all of your feelings, thoughts on what happened and your theories about what might happen so don't be shy!!!!_


	23. Can You Hear Me?

**Chapter 23**

**Can You Hear Me?**

"_**Complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong**__. And I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long. There's got to be a better way for me to say what's on my heart without leaving scars. So __**can you hear me**__ when I call your name?"_ DAUGHTRY

"Don't you start too Alice," I sighed laying my head back on the pillow. "I don't have the energy to convince all three of you it was none of your faults."

I could feel the beginnings of a throbbing headache coming on so I closed my eyes to try and head it off. Maybe if I didn't have to see the guilty expressions on Seth's and Emmett's faces it would ease away into nothing.

"I wasn't referring to anyone in this room." Alice replied coolly. All of a sudden Edward inhaled a sharp breath causing my eyes to pop open in alarm.

"Who?" I demanded, for it was obvious that Edward had snatched the one to blame's name from Alice's mind before she could speak it.

"The Volturi," She whispered in a single delicate breath. Her eyes were dark, her mouth set in a grim line as the room fell into a tense silence.

I felt Seth's hand tighten around mine. A glance at his face showed it flooded with worry. It reminded me that he had previously encountered the vampire cult once before when Renesmee was first born. Obviously they lived up to their terrifying reputation.

"How many?" Carlisle spoke first in a tight voice.

"Just two: Felix and Jane," She murmured, wincing when she mentioned the latter's name. I wracked my brain for any memory of Carlisle ever mentioning Jane specifically in any of the conversations I had overheard, but nothing came to mind. It just made my head pound harder. "They were long gone by the time we arrived though, a good fifty minutes according to their scents."

"Why would they attack her, I would think Aro would want her unscathed." Carlisle mumbled under his breath, apparently speaking to himself. "And how could they have found out? Unless, Eleazar…"

"He wouldn't," Esme defended, grabbing Carlisle's arm loosely. "Esme's right, when we left Alaska he had no intentions of being the one to inform Aro. He preferred the element of surprise she would hold." Edward came to Esme's aid.

"Does it even matter how or why?" Seth finally spoke irritated. "What's important here is that she almost died because of them. Now what are we going to do about it?" He demanded. The angry set of his jaw gave some indication to what exactly he wished to do.

Carlisle sighed, rubbing his temples as though he too were feeling the beginning effects of a headache. "Emmett, Jasper: go home and pack. We'll leave as soon as Alyssa is well enough."

"No!" I shouted, managing to sit up. "I'm not going anywhere." I frantically searched every face, looking for someone, anyone who might side with me. I brushed past the obvious downers: Emmett, Seth, Edward, and moved onto those less susceptible to have their anger control their decision. My best bet was Esme, who hated uprooting the family during regular intervals alone. Our eyes met and my heart instantly fell.

"Alyssa, please it's for your own safety," Esme begged me to understand with imploring eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous, they aren't coming back. They already believe me to be dead so why would they?" I looked towards Carlisle as I spoke, the one most likely to accept my reasoning; however it was Alice that rallied as my support.

"She's got a point Carlisle. If they had really wanted her wouldn't they have taken her when she first crashed before anyone arrived at the scene?"

Carlisle was silent for a long while, analyzing the situation carefully. "It still doesn't make sense why, if they were here on Aro's orders, they would harm her. Even leave her to die."

I, of course, knew the answer behind that. Aro hadn't sent them; they had been working under Marcus' orders. But I wasn't about to enlighten Carlisle to that aspect of the puzzle. It was bad enough he knew the Volturi were involved. I was not drawing my family into my mysterious past and the tragedy that consumed it. They would be all the more outraged at the Volturi's actions, possibly leading to another confrontation where this time they might not all be so lucky as to survive.

There was no way I was going to endanger them all, no matter what they were never going to find out. Not if I had anything to do about it. And so I had to spend the next several hours trying to convince Carlisle that we should stay without telling him that I was safe because the Volturi wasn't singling me out. It wasn't easy but I could tell I was wearing him down after the third hour: after reminding him that Alice could keep a lookout for any trouble and even relenting to the idea of body guards. It wasn't ideal, but I would do anything to remain in Forks. With so much in my life continually changing I was desperate to cling to some part of my old life.

"Desmond could help too, on days that you take hunting trips." I added the suggestion to the long list of security measures that could be taken.

A tense stillness filled the room at the mention of Desmond's name and an unreadable expression crossed over Carlisle's face. Instantly I found myself panicking, my heart rate quickening as a realization struck me. The Volturi were hunting fairies, not just me, what if they had caught on to Desmond's scent and gone after him as well? Suddenly the whole room was a blur; I could only focus on Carlisle's face as I finally made myself speak.

"Is he alright? I mean I was the only target right, the only one to get hurt?" My voice grew high in pitch as it was laced with worry and guilt. I could never forgive myself if Desmond had been hurt or worse by following me when I left.

"No, he is fine. You were the only one involved in the, I suppose I will call it an accident for lack of a better word." I settled back into my pillows reassured by his words. After the exertion I put forth in my debate I could feel sleep calling to me and my body was more than willing to answer. Through heavy eyelids I took in Edward's tight face. It took a while for my drowsy mind to put two and two together and to process what had caused the tense silence.

They still did not particularly like or trust Desmond. To them he was still the enemy that was trying desperately to take me from them. It seemed silly for them to worry about that now. After everything I had found out about Marcus and my people it seemed strange to view Desmond as an enemy instead of an ally.

But of course they didn't know about all that so it made sense for them to worry. I wonder if Desmond knew that the Volturi were involved and that he too could be in danger. As my eyes drooped ever lower I found myself for the first time hoping he would interrupt my dreams. There was so much I needed to discuss with him that would be best if my family didn't hear.

Darkness overcame me as I faded into sleep and I waited for him to come. I was fairly confident he would. After all that I had dreamt the past week it seemed a given he would contact me once again. I wasn't disappointed either as the Darkness gave way to a moon filled sky. And there he was standing in front of me, a look of surprise in his blue eyes.

He spun slowly around, studying his surroundings in disbelief. Almost as if he hadn't expected to be here, that I had pulled him into my dreams instead of him breaking in.

"Desmond?" I called softly. "Are you alright?"

He turned back to me with that same look of surprise. "I've been trying for days to enter your dreams with no success, but now—" He drifted off as he continued to stare.

It was my turn to be surprised. He hadn't caused those dreams during my long period of unconsciousness. I had actually remembered on my own. Despite myself I felt slightly pleased at the accomplishment. I quickly sobered up as I thought of the reason for that week of lifelessness.

Waking up to find Carlisle paler than ever before with deep bruises under his coal black eyes made me realize that there _were_ some similarities between him and the Volturi. Not in their mannerisms or beliefs, but in their appearances. To an outsider who had only met such creatures once it would be impossible for him to deduce that Carlisle was different. It made me curious enough to forgo telling him about Alice's news at the present time.

"Can I ask you something?" He nodded, still in a slight shock of finally being able to break through. "What made you choose to leave me with the Cullens? For all you knew they were the same cold-blooded creatures that were plaguing us."

I might have imagined it, but his features seemed to change, hinting that he was slightly ashamed or embarrassed. Clearing his throat he finally looked away from me and into the endless depths of the darkness that filled in the spaces between the trees surrounding us. I didn't think he was going to answer me, but suddenly he spoke into the trees.

"I was desperate; you must first grasp how very much your safety meant to me. It was more important than my own. If I had to die for you to live, well that was something I was willing to do." He ran a shaky hand through his hair, still not looking at me. "Towards the end I had already given up hope. All those times you thought I was out fighting for our people's safety I was really looking for someone to keep you safe. You couldn't stay with me, both of us being of royal blood; together we were the biggest target of all.

"I wasn't about to leave you in the hands of humans though. I might as well have laid you in front of the monsters themselves for all the protection you'd have. Then I discovered them. This family with skin as pale as those that haunted us and yet they were unobtrusive, living amongst humans and communicating peacefully with them. I was intrigued, so I continued to study them, discovering that they harmed only animals in their massacres. They were just as strong, fast and intelligent as those that we dealt with, but they were civilized, compassionate and seemingly posed no threat to society.

"And something in the leader's eyes, such an innocent golden brown, made me trust him. It was the best fit for you. The only choice I really had. The fact that they moved frequently improved the odds of you remaining hidden from the monsters that were ripping our world apart piece by piece."

I didn't realize I was slowly edging my way closer to him as he spoke until he stopped. Still, he didn't look at me. Reaching out to bridge the small gap between us I took his hand in mine and just held it as we stood there in silence. No words were needed for him to know I understood. I don't know how long we stood there, breathing in synchronicity, but I finally spoke, breaching a new subject that needed to be discussed.

"They're back, the Volturi." I murmured, still too scared to say the name above a whisper even in my own dream. I realized he didn't know the actual name of the group that terrorized us when I looked up to find him staring at me blankly. "Marcus," I clarified, knowing he'd remember that name.

He drew in a quick breath of recognition as his eyes widened in understanding. "They did this to you." I nodded my head in confirmation all the while hoping he grasped the true severity of the situation.

"They left me for dead, deserting me and moving south. Desmond, I think they're searching for more of our people."

A funny look passed over his face, a mixture of shock and happiness. Which was exactly the opposite reaction I was expecting seeing as my words were condemning every fairy on the West coast. Snapping my fingers in front of his face I tried to jostle him out of his daze. "Hello, Desmond, this is not good. Others are in danger here, including you."

"What?" His face returned to neutral, the smile retreating from his lips.

"You are in danger." I repeated slowly. "You're lucky they didn't pick up your scent and go after you. You were only a few miles down the road after all. Do you have any idea how panicked I was when Alice told me the Volturi were responsible? I didn't know if you were also targeted."

I stopped my rant to take a breath, feeling the panic beginning to rise inside me as I reiterated my previous concern. A mixture of emotions played on his face: horror at the fact that the Volturi came so close to destroying me when he had worked so hard to avoid that, slight joy at hearing of my concern for him, and then anger, at what I didn't know, but it was becoming the prominent emotion.

"You regained consciousness?" He asked roughly, not waiting for my answer. "That's why I was finally able to break through into your dreams. Your subconscious was revitalized. And they didn't even call me. They didn't think I would want to know you had awoken, that I wasn't sitting by the phone waiting to hear you were okay?" His breathing was becoming more inconsistent as his anger built up and I took an involuntary step back.

"It wasn't that long ago, besides there were extraordinary circumstances that occurred. I don't think any of them could process more than my awakening and the Volturi being responsible for my state." I tried to pacify him. He just kept shaking his head back in forth in a slow yet rigid movement. Not hearing any of it.

I felt the dream being pulled away from me, the edges becoming blurry, leaving me only enough time to say one last thing before it disappeared altogether.

"Don't tell them about Marcus' connection to us. Please." I rushed out in a breathless whisper, praying that he heard me as darkness engulfed my surroundings.

I drifted in and out of sleep after that, sometimes picking up something back in the real world and having it form into a dream of its own. Reality and fantasy blended together so much I wasn't sure if I really heard a door burst open and Desmond's anger filled voice or if it was just another meaningless dream.

"You should have told me she had regained consciousness," Desmond's voice boomed through my head, disrupting the quiet darkness in my mind.

"It wasn't really any of your business," Edward answered in a quiet voice that seemed calm on the surface but I could hear the rigidness that hinted at his resentment.

"Anything involving her is connected to me. Don't forget who brought her into your life. I can take her out just as easily." He threatened in that same angry tone much louder and more obvious than Edward's.

"You think getting past thirteen supernaturally strong and determined people who love her is an easy feat?" Edward's voice held a hint of amusement under the sarcasm and hateful anger.

"You won't force her to stay. If she chooses to leave with me, you will let her go gracefully. It's in your nature." He answered quite smugly.

"_If_ she chooses so than yes," Edward answered, showing how little stock he put in that happening. "But it is said you shouldn't bet on a long shot."

"Well I've got pretty good aim." He retorted. "I don't expect you will tell her I stopped by?" His voice had lowered back to normal volume, though it kept its coolness. "No, then I will be around the corner in the waiting room, checking in every so often."

That dream ended and soon I was drifting into yet another one. The one thing I was aware of all the time I had one foot in reality and one in fantasy was Seth's warm presence by my side throughout it all: my lighthouse shining brightly, helping me make it through. He was my one constant.

After waking from my collection of odd dreams to discover the one with Edward and Desmond was reality my heart sank. Now not only would my family want to protect me from the Volturi, but also Desmond as well. Not to mention after Desmond's little proclamation one part of my argument for remaining in Forks was obliterated, weakening my point altogether. They would never trust Desmond as a 'body guard' now to guard me when they couldn't. They probably wouldn't let me within fifty feet of him alone.

It turned out to be a moot point anyways. My recovery took longer than anticipated which prolonged the decision: to move or not to move? Apparently my body was fighting a virus as well as trying to recover from the blood loss and injuries inflicted from the trauma. Which made Seth feel even worse because now he thoroughly believed not only was he responsible for the 'accident' by not stopping me from leaving but also for my illness. He was convinced that it was a delayed response to the cold plunge we'd taken.

"It was my idea," I reminded him.

"But it was my dare, and I chose to follow through with it," He sighed impatiently from beside me.

"Are you saying you regret that night?" I asked with mock hurt.

"Of course not, it was the best night of my life," he rushed to reassure me. "I just wish I would have been more responsible. You almost died because of all my recklessness" He whispered the last so sadly as if he truly believed this illogic.

"It was not your fault." I spoke the words what seemed for the thousandth time. "Besides, it doesn't matter, almost doesn't count. I'm still alive aren't I?"

"Because of _him_. _He_ was the one that gave you the blood you needed." I narrowed my eyes in frustration. I was tired of his self pity.

Taking his face firmly between my hands I forced his eyes to look into mine so he would see the truth behind every word I was about to say. Hopefully they would find their way through his hard head.

"_You_ saved me Seth. Who was the one who found me before it was too late? The one who stayed by my side throughout it all? _You_ were Seth. When my life was slipping away from me my heart was hanging on to you and only you. You were the one thread that my life was connected to. It was the thought of you that kept me from giving in to the simple darkness of death."

When I finished he closed his eyes, the corner of his mouth lifting up in a half smile. "I've been an idiot haven't I?"

"Yes," I answered simply, happy that I had made a breakthrough with him. "But you're my idiot."

His eyes shot open as the other side of his mouth lifted to complete the smile. Leaning down his face was inches from mine before I put a finger on his lips.

"I'm sick remember? I could still be contagious." He leaned back obligingly as his eyes shifted across the room to Edward slouched in a straight back chair and staring at the door with a little too much interest.

He was the only one of my family members that remained because he refused to leave and let Desmond have more than a few minutes with me, and also the other reason I did not want Seth to kiss me. It would be too awkward and embarrassing with Edward there reading my thoughts as Seth kissed me, some which were not altogether innocent.

However I have to admit, Edward had been very considerate and tried to keep himself occupied when Seth and I had had our discussions about my state and whose fault it was or wasn't. So maybe he would have blocked out my thoughts. I would have tried to block him myself, but I knew it would be useless for when I was kissing Seth he was the only thing I seemed to be able to concentrate on. Even when my attention needed to be focused on some other activity or conversation there was a part of my mind that always seemed to drift towards thoughts of Seth.

* * *

_A/N. Okay I'm sooooooo sorry this took so long. I was at the beach with the finished chapter and NO internet access for two whole weeks! I'm at my grandma's now and managed to tap into one of the neighbor's wireless connections but it's sooo slow!!!_

_Anyways, the song I had playing on repeat throughout writing this whole chapter is DAUGHTRY's Call Your Name on their newly released sophmore album Leave This Town. I basically love the whole album, but that song had the right vibe that got me into the writing mode for this chapter :)_

_I hope to get the next chapter out soon but with my limited internet access who knows! I also hope to finish this story by the end of the summer just because I will be starting college and won't be able to update near as often if it's not finished!_

_Much love and thanks for your patience!_

_Rachel_


	24. All is Fair in Love and War

**Chapter 24**

**All is Fair in Love and War**

"_Nothin 'Bout Love Makes Sense. Like a cloud full of rain shouldn't hang in the sky, ice shouldn't burn or a bumblebee fly. If you feel so happy, then why do you cry? Oh nothin' bout love makes sense."~ _Lee Ann Rimes

It was raining the day I returned to school—and to as close of a normal life as I could get—a week after I was released from the hospital. I had managed to prevent our direct removal from our tiny town of Forks after agreeing to go along with whatever Carlisle said whenever he said it. This meant that even after I was cleared to go home I still had to spend the rest of the week in bed while Esme tended to me almost obsessively.

Every time I so much as placed a foot on the floor she would come bustling in and force me back into bed. Seth still spent most of every day with me, leaving only when dusk began setting in as per Carlisle's request. As if as soon as night fell some hormone would cause him to uncontrollably jump me. Which was quite the opposite to say the least for Seth was even more careful around me than ever, convinced that I was this fragile little porcelain doll that would break under the slightest pressure.

I still had stitches in, my last week before I was rid of them, which made things slightly difficult seeing as I wasn't supposed to get them wet and Forks was the wettest place on the West coast. This was why I not only had a waterproof coat on with the hood pulled as far over my head as possible but also why Edward walked inches from me holding an umbrella over my head.

I would have insisted on holding the umbrella myself had my hands not been full with books. It wouldn't have mattered anyways, it was just the way Edward was: overprotective. However, usually Bella felt the brunt of his protectiveness. I personally felt Edward took things way too far, especially when I found out he had managed to trade off classes so he had every hour, besides the two Chemistry filled, with me. It was bad enough I couldn't be alone in my own house, but did he have to stalk me at school too?

There was only one good thing that came with Edward's overbearing presence. Less people were willing to openly stare at me or to ask the billions of questions I knew must be buzzing through their minds. It was the talk of the town, my accident. Kendra and Megan had been worried sick, and being the only ones undaunted by Edward's presence, they were alone in attacking me as I stepped through building two's door.

"You scared me senseless with that stunt missy. Are you feeling okay?" Kendra's eyes traveled from my face, still healing from a few scrapes, to my bulky right wrist as I eased my jacket off.

Not only had I come away from the accident with an intense concussion, a quart less blood, scrapes all over my body and a gouge the size of the Olympic Peninsula across my forehead but I also sported a sprained wrist that had yet to heal and was currently in a bulky brace. Most of the injuries could be hidden: my scrapes were invisible underneath my layers of clothing and my stitched up cut was nearly unperceivable beneath my bangs. But the wrist brace pushed against my tight red sweater, stretching it out and making it plainly visible.

"I'm fine," I answered tiredly, having heard that same question for the past fortnight, each time the answer being the same. "What did I miss around here?"

"Gerard gave us another test, which I failed miserably, Evan and Sarah are now playing footsy at the lunch table—I know because one day he kicked me by accident—and Stephen and I have our seventh date this weekend." She took a breath, about to launch into more updates, but the bell cut her off.

"Congratulations with Stephen," I whispered as I took my seat. Edward slid into the seat behind me, making Drew move to the other side of the room. Drew didn't seem very happy about that; welcome to the club.

It was funny how much a single person's presence could disrupt my whole routine. I actually paid attention that day in math with little else to occupy my mind with. Every folded piece of paper Kendra flung towards me somehow managed to end up in Edwards's hands instead of mine. And with him straying no further than a foot away from me between classes conversation with any of my friends was pretty much non-existent.

By the time lunch rolled around and Edward pulled a chair up to our table I was seriously close to screaming. Everyone stared in astonishment for a moment at the new addition to our lunch group while I glowered at him as he set down his tray full of food that would remain untouched. Did he have any idea how much food he wasted when so many went hungry in this world?

Eventually they all got over their shock and went on to ignoring that Edward was even there. Turning back to my own tray I picked up my fork, holding it awkwardly in my left hand. With some difficulty I managed to stab a piece of lettuce from my salad, although the motion lacked the proper strength behind it to truly convey my aggravation.

I didn't think the day could get any worse until I felt Evan's leg rap around mine, mistaking it for Sarah's. That's what I got for sitting next to Sarah after what Kendra had told me. Sliding my leg to the side I tried to disentangle myself without alerting anyone to the situation. Unfortunately it didn't help. Glancing under the table I found a leg clad in denim shades lighter than anything Evan ever wore.

My eyes shifted back up to the table, connecting with Desmond's directly across from mine only to have him wink at me. I refocused my attention on my bowl of lettuce as I tried to fight off the blush that was threatening to spread across my cheeks. It was useless as I felt the warmth spread quickly anyways.

Edward noticed my sudden temperature change and after a pause he accidently dropped his unused fork directly beside my foot. By the time he reemerged Desmond's leg was back on his side of the table. In all honesty I was surprised it was still attached to his body by the dead look in Edward's eyes.

Conversation continued uninterrupted as no one else seemed to have noticed the goings on underneath the table but the three of us. Desmond even managed to wear a true poker face as seconds later he turned to Megan and struck up a conversation.

"That wasn't necessary Edward," I whispered in an angry huff. "He wasn't hurting anyone."

He turned his dark gaze on me as he picked apart the bread to his sandwich.

"You don't think it would hurt Seth to find out you were playing footsy with him?" His voice held a threatening edge to it that made my stomach stink.

"That's what I thought," he smirked.

His smug smile fell away as the warning bell rang; reminding him that there were two full hours he couldn't manage to talk the red haired secretary into giving him. Mr. Gerard wouldn't allow transfers so late in the year, no matter how rich or persuasive they may be. For the first time ever I found myself not only feeling thankful for Mr. Gerard's tightly wound rules but also eager to go to his class.

Jumping up from my seat I quickly gathered my things and headed to the door alone. I didn't remain so for long. Edward sauntered up to my side, umbrella in hand, and walked me all the way to the classroom door.

"I'll be listening," were his parting words as he left me fuming just inside the door.

I kicked my stool roughly before taking a seat, letting my bag fall with a muffled thud to the floor beside me. Even when I was physically alone, I still wasn't completely alone. Sitting there I thought of every bad word I could attach to Edward's name, smiling at the slight gratitude I received from knowing he was hearing every word of it.

Still caught up in my insults it took me a few minutes to realize the white rose inches from my face. My first thought was how strange it was for a flower to be floating in mid air, but then I noticed the tanned hand that held its stem. I kept my eyes on the flower as I reached out and lightly took it in my own hand.

"I was going to give it to you earlier," Desmond said, "as sort of a feel better gesture."

He didn't have to explain why he hadn't. Edward's pigheadedness was explanation enough.

"Thanks," I whispered softly, laying the flower gently on the table before me.

"So how have you really been?" His eyebrows rose in question. "Fine," I replied out of habit.

"Truly?" His voice held a sense of disbelief to it that made me start. Everyone else had accepted my simple answer, wanting to believe the best.

"I'm getting along alright," I revised, doodling on the desk to avoid eye contact.

"Your dreams suggest otherwise." I stared up at him aghast. He hadn't interrupted a single of my nightmares to whisk me away to our pensive clearing since I was in the hospital.

All those nights he let me dream of all those horrific things: black cloaked monsters, taunting, torturing, and killing. He just sat back and watched it like it was the latest horror movie in the theater: a cause of entertainment?

"Yes, I can see your dreams even when I do not interrupt them." He answered my unasked question with a smile.

My anger deepened with his smile as it confirmed my suspicions.

"Glad you enjoyed the show." I hissed. "Were they so entertaining that you didn't want to stop them and spare me the sleepless nights?"

"Whoa, calm down. Is that what you really think? If I could have done anything I would have." I rolled my eyes in disbelief but he continued on with his pitiful excuse. "It turns out I cannot manipulate nightmares to become dreams. I can only stay in the realm of subconscious thought that one is having at the moment. The best I could have done was change the basis of your nightmare." He laid his hand on my forearm to get my attention but I shirked it off.

"How _convenient_, and this is supposed to be your most useful gift?" I sneered sarcastically.

"It's the truth," He insisted desperately.

Turning to face him I was about to chew him out but his eyes did that _thing_ again and all I could think was he _was_ telling the truth. _Damn him._

"What can I do to make the nightmares go away?" He asked.

"Tell me I have nothing to worry about." I answered, knowing perfectly well that he couldn't.

"You have nothing to worry about," He repeated in a whisper.

"And mean it." I added wistfully just before the bell rang.

Edward was waiting at the door for me with the umbrella out and open. Flipping up my hood to my jacked I ignored the weird look he was sending me and began walking with him to my—I mean _our_—gym class. I wasn't allowed to participate in the fun in games due to the stupid note _Doctor_ Cullen had written that Edward handed off to coach Clapp upon our entry to the gym. So I had to spend the whole hour sitting on the bleachers with Edward, watching the basketball game being played in front of me and acting like I didn't notice Edward's stare.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore.

"What?" I snapped at Edward in frustration.

"I didn't know you were having nightmares." Worry was tangled with the anger in his voice.

"It's nothing," I muttered cursing Desmond for breaching the subject earlier.

"It didn't sound like nothing." Edward pressed. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Because it's not important, I dream it then I wake up, it's not real." I sighed exasperated with Edward and his pushiness.

"Maybe you should talk to Dr. Gardner. It could help."

"I do_ not_ need to talk to a psychiatrist." I growled, tightening my grip on my books.

"I just think that—" Edward started in his persuasive voice.

"Don't think then." I edged my way to the other end of the bleachers, signaling the end of the discussion.

Thankfully it wasn't raining when I exited the gym—Edward hot on my heels—meaning I didn't need his umbrella and so he didn't need to walk so god awful close to me. Like that stopped him. He could read the frustration in my mind and yet he still pushed his luck. And I let him do so. Even though it hadn't been the best day ever I was hoping that if I gave it a day or two he would tire of his new game and return to his old schedule. But Edward was very patient.

Each day passed the same and the days turned into weeks that blurred together. Edward was right there with me every step I took and I had enough white roses by now that they formed a bouquet in a vase on my bedside table. This put Seth in a foul mood every time he set foot in my room. He didn't understand why I would want them right by my bedside.

I reassured him that it was nothing romantic, that I loved the flowers because of their beauty and not their meaning and even added a kiss for extra persuasion. Eventually he got over it, after several more kisses, and learned to ignore them. Although I couldn't help but notice that right after that he began bringing me yellow roses of his own.

"Seth you don't need to waste your money on flowers." I had insisted, but he was just as persistent as Edward.

The nightmares were another constant in my life. No matter how much I wrote in my journal before bed the therapy I had used to try and rid me of my Desmond dreams did nothing. And due to Edward's big mouth the whole family including Seth and Jake knew about my reoccurring nightmares. Chamomile tea was provided by Esme to try and ease my mind before bed, Seth became even more reluctant to leave my side at nightfall, calling me once he got home and talking to me until we both became too tired, and Jasper was even brought in to sit with me through the night and work his magic.

It was all embarrassingly over the top, but feeling like I was trapping Jasper, boring him to tears every night, was the most humiliating. Besides, with Jasper there I still saw the same images I just didn't feel scared or horrified, which of course made the nightmares all the creepier because I _should_ be feeling anxious at the visions of death.

As the days grew colder so did my dreams and needless to say I wasn't getting very much sleep. This made me extremely irritable and my friends extremely cautious around me. I thought I would never be rid of those haunting nightmares but Edward finally dragged me into Dr. Gardner's office to have a little chat about my dreams and my fears.

Of course I could never tell Mr. Gardner the whole truth and so he couldn't know the very real threat that caused my nightly torments. To him it was all a metaphor for daily fears and strains that I faced. He seemed especially interested in connecting my stressful dreams to the fact that I had two very good looking, seemingly perfect, boys 'after my affections,' that and my recent accident. But he didn't know the truth of it. It had nothing to do with my romantic woes and more to do with the fact that the Volturi were out to exterminate my people.

After a painstaking two hour session I left the Doctor with all the half-truths I had weaved and he sent me on my way with a prescription for the sleep aid Ambien. I didn't relish the idea of using medicine to induce sleep, but I also didn't really have a choice in the matter. Edward filled the prescription on the ride home and for the rest of the way I held a white paper bag with the logo of the local pharmacy printed across it.

Seth was on duty all day and I currently wasn't trusted to roam far from the house without one of my many bodyguards so my entertainment was limited. I wasn't too keen on having another of my family members suction cupped to my side for the rest of the day so I settled for isolating myself in my room. After shoving my bag into a drawer I folded myself on my desk chair, going to work on what little homework I had.

A stray white rose that had been given to me the day before and never made it to the vase laid on the surface before me. It was that sole little flower that made it impossible for me to concentrate. Every rose Desmond gave came with a reason: _get well_, _think of me_, _you're beautiful_, all pretty generic. But yesterday's reason was a slightly more serious: _you're my world._ I mean what was I supposed to say to that? I was so unnerved I ended up running out at the end of class, leaving the rose on the desk behind me.

We were only reunited when I left school and found it stuck under the Volvo's windshield wiper. Raindrops stuck to it making it look all the more enchantingly beautiful. I plucked it up before Edward could destroy it, but when I got home it didn't seem to belong amongst all the others, which was how it ended up in front of me now.

My attention was drawn away from the snowy white petals when my phone went off on the other end of the desk. Fumbling for it I noted the name on the caller ID before answering.

"Hey Kendra," I answered leaning back in my chair and closing my eyes. I had no idea why she was calling but knowing Kendra it would be a long conversation and I wasn't really in the mood to talk more. I had enough of talking the past two hours.

"Hello Alyssa" a very masculine, non-Kendra voice answered.

Taken by surprise I leaned a little too far back, falling out of the chair with a huge bam.

"I'm fine," I yelled so the rest of the house wouldn't come checking on me.

"Falling over yourself just at the sound of my voice?" Desmond's voice sounded from the phone still miraculously attached to my hand.

"Shut it _Kendra_. I wasn't expecting _your_ call." I hissed.

"I figured your _family_ wouldn't particularly want me calling you," he answered.

"What would make you think that?" I whispered. I had thought I heard footsteps approaching.

"The fact that Edward is stalking your every step, you haven't come around in the past weeks, and we never talk except for Chemistry."

"Did you ever think maybe that has nothing to do with my family and everything to do with me?" Those were definitely footsteps and they were getting closer.

"No." He answered confidently. "Because you may not know it now, but you love me." I could hear his smug smile through the phone and couldn't help the snort that came out.

"I love Seth," I replied confidently.

"Good to hear." Speak of the devil.

"Uh, goodbye Kendra," I breathed into the phone before hanging up.

Turning around I found Seth standing in the doorway clad only in jeans. He had obviously just gotten off duty, not even taking the time to grab a shirt from home before racing here. It was little instances such as this that opened my eyes to how much I meant to him, almost as much as he meant to me.

"Hello," he said with a laugh at my expression, stepping closer so he could wrap his arms around me.

I returned the hug, allowing my face to be pressed against his bare chest. "Um, Seth, I don't think Carlisle would appreciate you being in here this late. Especially half naked."

He let go of me, holding me at arm's length to inspect me.

"I came up because I heard a crash. Are you okay?" His eyes jumped to my stitched up forehead.

"I'm fine; I just fell out of the chair." I assured him pulling away to smooth my bangs over the mark and pick up said chair.

"Edward said you went to see Dr. Gardner today." Seeing the muscles in my back tense he hesitated. "Was he any help?"

Without looking at him I moved to the desk, digging in the drawer until my hands wrapped around the crinkly paper bag. I tossed it to him before taking a seat on my newly righted desk chair to examine his reaction. He stared at the bag for a moment before pulling out the bottle of pills that lay inside.

"Well, at least he's trying something." He offered shaking the bottle.

"Seth drugs aren't the solution to my problem. I have no trouble falling asleep it's what I see when I'm asleep." I sighed rising to grab the bottle from him.

"Drugs are never the solution," He laughed, trying to make me smile.

I held off my returning smile for as long as I could but a lip twitch gave me away. "Shut up you know what I meant," I slapped him lightly.

"Just give it a try," He asked, rubbing his arm as if I had truly hurt him.

"Fine, now get out of here before Carlisle catches you." Pushing on him to no avail he finally moved on his own chuckling the whole way out.

"Alright, alright I'll wait downstairs."

An hour later and those pills were starting to take effect. Since Seth had spent the whole day on duty he was allowed to stay so long as we entertained ourselves on the first floor. That's how we ended up sprawled on the couch watching Gilligan's Island re-runs with my head resting in his lap and my legs hung over the back of the sofa while he gently played with my hair.

I was becoming drowsy, barely able to keep my eyes open and then finally sleep overcame me. Seth's extreme body heat became the sun shining down on me as I lay in a meadow of white and yellow roses. Which I found odd because roses grew on vines not individually from the ground. But it was better than another nightmare, anything was better than a nightmare, especially since I wasn't even being pricked by thorns.

It was actually kind of peaceful. That was until I was reminded about the negative side of non-threatening dreams.

"So did you get my rose?" They could be interrupted.

"Why are you here," I asked the boy suddenly lying next to me.

"Because our conversation was terminated all too soon." He responded flipping on his side to face me.

"You could do like anybody else would and just call back later." I sighed, closing my eyes.

"Following the flock is extremely overrated." This whole fairy power thing was overrated. "Do you know what the meaning of a yellow rose is?" He asked distractedly. When I didn't acknowledge him he continued on. "It means friendship. I find it interesting that the man you claim to love gives you a symbol of friendship." He mused.

I ignored his insinuations. It just proved how much he didn't know me. Yellow roses were my favorite, partly because I was partial to the color yellow. Seth knew this because he knew everything about me. If Desmond was trying to win me over he was going about it the completely wrong way.

"Do you know what white roses stand for?" He breathed in my ear, making me uneasy. "True love and unity." He answered, twisting a piece of my hair with his finger.

"Go away," I whined as I slapped his hand away from me. I didn't want to hear about him and me and true love.

"Not until I get what I came for." I felt him hook a flower above my ear and had a pretty good guess at which of the two he had chosen.

"And what pray-tell is that?"

His answer didn't come in words. It came in a gentle brush of his hand against my cheek and then a rather aggressive kiss. My eyes popped open in surprise to find him leaning over me and his blue eyes boring into mine. I sat up, putting us face to face as we sat in that field of white and pale yellow. Just as I was about to move away his eyes became a deep blue that sucked me in and suddenly I was sharing his eagerness. Stupid eyes, instead of pulling away I was leaning closer.

"Not fair," I managed to whisper before my lips were more than content to be moving with his.

Each kiss made me feel all the more guilty. Even if it was just a dream and it was against my will it felt wrong. Finally Desmond seemed to get his fill and we broke apart. And the only thing the jerk managed to do was smile before he dissolved into the background and I was left alone. That's when the guilt really kicked in and I felt the tears trickle down my face. I didn't much care for this dream anymore.

I awoke soon after that thought to find Seth's concerned brown eyes looking into mine. Silently he wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled me up into a tight embrace, which only made me cry harder as I buried my head in the crevice of his neck.

"Another nightmare?" He asked in a soft soothing voice as his hand traced circles on my back.

"The worst," I mumbled as I buried deeper.

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_A/N. Hey I'm soooo sorry it took two more weeks to get this out. I've been busy hanging with the family and then a trip to the ER didn't give me much alone time to write! Hope you enjoyed it :) ~Rachel_


	25. In Over My Head

_I'm sooooo sorry this took so long! I never expected that I would have such little free time at college to write. It's kind of put a damper on things because I love to write, but there's always something school related that needs to be done. :( School mixed with a trip to the ER for stitches in my forehead has left little time for creating. Anyways after months of waiting here it is! _

_Rachel xoxo_

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**Chapter 25**

**In Over my Head**

_"I never knew, I never knew that everything was falling through, that everyone I knew was waiting on a cue to turn and run when all I needed was the truth."_ ~The Fray

I remember the exact day my nightmares became reality. It was the Monday my stitches were removed.

Carlisle drove me to the hospital that morning while the rest of the family went on their way to school. Even though most kids would jump at a chance to miss school, especially the dreaded Monday, I would have much rather been in Edward's Volvo on the way to first period Calculus. Instead I was sitting alone on a hard straight-backed chair while Carlisle made his rounds.

Seth was supposed to be here with me to hold my hand and lie to me by saying it won't hurt, but a last minute schedule change put him on guard duty today. Which was fine, I completely understood. It just made me a little more nervous knowing they were going to be pulling metal out of my forehead and there was going to be no one around to absorb some of my fear and anxiety or to distract me.

My eyes drifted over the empty waiting area I occupied taking in the nurses' station where only their heads were visible over the counter as their acrylic nails tapped against the keyboards, entering names of patients they've known their whole life. One of the older ones eventually looked up and smiled sweetly at me. Before she could start a conversation I shifted my attention to one of the three dirt old magazines that I pulled from the table beside me.

Much sooner than I cared for my name was called and I followed that older red-haired nurse back to a brightly lit room furnished with a table covered with multiple tools that looked like their uses were along the lines of torture. Two chairs were set up and a T.V. hung in the corner softly reporting the day's news. It was anything but inviting but I took a seat anyways.

"The doctor will be right in sweetie," the red-haired nurse smiled at me, unaware of my nervousness.

I nodded, swallowing hard as I tried to avoid looking at the pointy objects in front of me. It seemed the nurse had barely cleared the room before Dr. Brown was descending upon me, taking my hand in his gloved one.

"Alyssa, how are you doing?" He smiled at me.

"Fine," I mumbled.

"Good, good, now Carlisle's told me you're scared?" He said the last part like he was surprised anyone would be scared having sharp silver objects near their head.

"A little," I admitted, wishing he'd just get started so I could get it over with.

"Well, there's nothing to worry about, I haven't cut a patient since yesterday," he joked as he picked up one of the tools. I wasn't laughing as he began bringing it towards my face. Suddenly I wasn't so eager for him to start and I was really wishing Seth was here with me.

Gripping the hard metal table I found it wasn't as comforting as Seth's warm hand or as good a distraction. Keeping my hands plastered to the edge of the table I turned my eyes toward the TV and made a point to strain my ears for the news instead of focusing on Dr. Brown and his pointy scissors.

I felt, not pain, but a gentle tugging sensation which actually made me even more nauseous. My grip tightened until the circulation in my fingers was beginning to be cut off and I zeroed in on the TV trying not to pass out, or vomit. However when a reporter came on to announce a murder in southern Washington, very near the Makah tribe's territory, focusing on anything but the news became impossible.

Pictures flashed on the screen of the victims. Two girls I didn't know but somehow felt like I _should_ know them, but as the reporter mentioned their names no bells were ringing. There were no suspects as of yet, but they did confirm that the girls were found in the apartment they shared and seemed to be left to bleed to death. It was around that point that I felt the blood drain from my face. Whoever had murdered those two girls had wanted them to suffer a slow and painful death, just like with me—except I hadn't died. But I did have the scars to prove someone had tried pretty damn hard to make me another statistic for automobile accidents.

"Alright, we're done here. You're free to go." Dr. Brown broke through my thoughts of death. "Alyssa? Are you alright?"

My mouth was too dry to respond with words so I moved my head slowly up and down in affirmation. Somehow I pulled myself together enough to rise out of that stiff chair and make my way deeper into the hospital in search of a bathroom or Carlisle, either one would be fine with me. I found a bathroom first and ducked in quickly. Standing in front of the sink I splashed my face with the cold water spewing from the spigot for the first time in weeks. As water dripped form my eyelashes my reflection was blurred until I wiped the drops away.

Moving my damp bangs to the side I studied the scar that would be a daily reminder of how close I had come to death. In fact in all respects I should be dead. It was only due to the remarkable beings in my life that I received treatment in time. I couldn't help but wonder what if those girls had werewolves at their disposal would they still have died?

I met my own eyes in the mirror and I looked visibly shaken; which was ridiculous because there was no proof that my accident and those two girls murder were connected to one another. Still, I needed Carlisle to ease my worry. I needed him to tell me the two weren't related and that I was overreacting. But when I left the bathroom in search of him it did anything but relieve my anxiousness.

I found Carlisle in his office tied up on the phone with his back to me. He was having a deep conversation with someone and judging by how he spoke quickly in a whisper it wasn't one he wished to be overheard.

"You're sure it was them?" Carlisle asked softly into the phone. Pausing just outside the door I heard the buzzing of the voice on the other end before Carlisle spoke again.

"I'm not sure what it means. It doesn't make any sense. They aren't ones for stirring up any kind of trouble that might threaten the exposure of our kind." I felt dizzy as the blood drained from my face at Carlisle's frustrated words. The Volturi _were_ responsible; they're still in search of fairy blood and two of my fairies were already eliminated from their sick scavenger hunt.

"At first I was certain they were here because of Alyssa, but now…" Carlisle's voice faded when he couldn't finish his train of thought.

There was another, slightly longer, pause as whoever Carlisle was getting his information from spoke. Perhaps it was Tanya or Eleazar gone to investigate.

"No, I think it'd be best if you all headed back. It's not your battle to fight, they weren't your people." No, they were _my_ people. "And Jake, you can tell Seth to stop worrying, she's fine and she's not angry with him."

Whoa, back up and hold the phone. Jake was the mumbling voice on the other end? _That_ was the reason for the last minute schedule change? Seth went off chasing after the Volturi because they _almost_ killed me and he felt the need to play the knight in shining armor that fought for my honor. I swear sometimes he could be such a stupid, egotistical, chauvinistic _male_.

As I stood there watching Carlisle after he hung up and started massaging his forehead I was torn between my horror that my worst nightmares were coming to life and anger at Seth for basically running towards his death when it was not his place. The fear kept me frozen in place while the anger urged me to move into action.

Anger won as I slipped silently into Carlisle's office, standing just behind him.

"Hello Carlisle," I greeted softly.

He immediately tensed at the sound of my voice, his hand falling from his face to his desk hitting one of his computer keys. I could tell he was trying to control his expression before he turned around because when he faced me it was constructed carefully into a small smile.

"Alyssa, you're done already. How did it go?" He asked carefully.

"Fine, it didn't hurt at all." I replied moving to sit on the edge of his desk.

"You see, I told you it would be easy." _Right_, I said it didn't hurt not that it was a walk in the park.

"Yeah, I guess I was distracted by the day's news." I saw a look of uneasiness flash briefly behind his eyes. "Not that it was anything compared to what I overheard three minutes ago."

"You weren't supposed to hear that," He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"But I did. Is it true; was it the Volturi who killed those girls?" I kept my voice even, not betraying how upset I was by the thought.

"Yes, their scent has been positively identified." Fury flushed through me at the thought of Seth being so near where the Volturi had been, where they could still be, practically running towards death's outstretched arms. However Carlisle kept his eyes on me as he spoke, gauging my reaction, so I bit back my anger and settled for grinding my teeth together.

"I told you," I spoke in a low controlled voice. "The Volturi weren't specifically targeting me."

Turning to face his desk Carlisle went back to rubbing the creases out of his forehead.

"We don't know that for sure. And even if it is true, it is all the more upsetting to think of the reasons why the Volturi are deciding to go on a killing spree, especially so far from home."

I knew that answer. And I probably should have told Carlisle, if I cared about his wellbeing at all. He worried too much as it was and it wasn't good for him. But the selfish side of me realized that if I admitted to what I knew I could kiss any chance of freedom goodbye. And I needed that freedom, badly.

"Carlisle, you know this has nothing to do with me personally. And besides, they're moving south so they won't be anywhere near our territory. Don't you think it's about time you ease off the security?"

He was still facing away from me so I went to stand by his desk and waited until he made eye contact before widening my eyes innocently and pouting. It was my strongest act of persuasion. I saw the conflict in his eyes. On one hand he wanted to make sure I was safe, but on the other he wanted to make me happy.

"I don't know Alyssa, they could always come back. They're acting unpredictable as it is."

"They're not coming back for me. I'm dead to them. Please Carlisle, all I'm asking is for a little slack. Let me at least go places without Edward or Alice or Bella babysitting me."

He seemed to be debating with himself internally and I prayed that the desire for my happiness beat out his protective, paternal instincts. "I'll speak to Edward about leaving some slack." I practically strangled him as I flung my arms around his neck. "But there'll be limitations."

Those limitations ended up being almost as annoying as Edward trailing me all day. Edward switched back a few of his classes, but kept some of mine as a precaution. Something I didn't quite understand, but I rarely ever understood Edward or his motives.

By some miracle I was allowed to drive again, but only under the stipulation that I drove Bella's old Mercedes Guardian aka the tank that she had to drive back before she was turned. I also had to call and check in with some member of my family every half hour on the dot when I wasn't in their range of sight, save for school.

That last rule was the reason why my lies grew within the first two weeks of the month. It got a little complicated as I had drive to Kendra's house, call my family to assure them I had arrived there safely, then have Kendra drive me to Desmond's so my car was still at her house in case Edward or one of them decided to do a drive by. But no matter how complicated a procedure it was, it was still easier than trying to convince them to let me anywhere near Desmond. And for reasons they wouldn't begin to understand or even accept it was crucial then more than ever that I see Desmond. There were some things only he knew and that only he could teach me.

"I can't do it. I'm just not strong enough." I let out a frustrated sigh as I pounded a fist lightly against Desmond's chest.

For the fortieth time I had succumbed to the power of his eyes and ended up in his arms instead of using my power to successfully nullify his like I was trying to do. I'd been working on strengthening my powers for weeks and yet I was still unable to control them for more than five minutes or so at a time.

"You can, you just have to keep practicing," Desmond whispered reassuringly. "You just have to want it."

"I do want it." I insisted.

"Well, maybe your desire to be in my arms overpowers your longing to control your powers," he laughed lightly in my ear.

I pushed away giving him a reproachful look. "Let's just try this again."

He obliged, sobering up as his smile slipped away and like many times before I told myself this time I would hold up. Inhaling a deep breath I closed my eyes, feeling the now familiar warmth flow through me, growing in temperature. Like a round ball of light centered at my core, its rays reaching outwards throughout my body. Finally I opened my eyes to stare straight into Desmond's hypnotic ones that started tugging on my heartstrings and drawing me in. Planting my feet I concentrated hard repeating the same word over and over in my head, _no_.

I stayed where I was, unaffected as the glow in Desmond's eyes faded back until they were in their natural state. Moments later I felt the warmth slipping towards my extremities, further and further away from my core, where I could barely control it. Before I could give it up as I had previously I thought of the reason that made harnessing my power so important. With every ounce of energy I called it back to me, pulling on invisible strings until once again the warmth filled my body.

Regardless of the weakening I felt from my exertion I continued to hold on tight to the warmth unaware of how much time was ticking by. Eventually I willingly relinquished my control over the ball of heat that resided within me, closing my eyes as it slipped from my grasp. I refused to open my eyes again until I was certain I could do so without stumbling, or throwing up. My limbs felt unsteady and I was sure I would crumble to the floor if I so much as took a step.

While I was dealing with the repercussion of my power I could sense Desmond moving towards me. However I was unprepared at the jolt I received when his skin came in contact with mine. It wasn't much, just his fingertips brushing against the back of my hand, but the effect was strangely empowering.

"Open your eyes" he whispered from beside me.

I did as he said, slowly so as not to be blinded by the brightness of the well lit room. Taking in the clock on the wall in front of me I was overcome with a moment of joy for how long I had managed to hold out. That moment was quickly replaced with one of anxiety. It was quarter past five and I hadn't called home yet.

"We've got to go." I grabbed my bag and had my phone flipped open before he had really processed me words. "Come on, I need to be at Kendra's like now." I urged him as I automatically punched the number and hit send.

"What was our deal again Alyssa?" Carlisle answered after the first ring.

"Call every half hour. I'm sorry I lost track of time." I sighed as I slipped into Desmond's car before we sped off towards Kendra's.

"And how was I supposed to know that was the reason you didn't call?" He asked in the same reasonable voice.

"Cause Kendra didn't call the house in hysterics blubbering something about my dead body." I took the sarcastic root hoping humor might help me out of the tight corner I had worked myself into.

"I'm not laughing Alyssa."

"Well you should be. I'm perfectly fine, not a scratch on me, still in one piece. I'm not as fragile as everyone thinks I am." I sighed audibly into the phone.

"In comparison you are." He answered softly, so softly I almost missed it. I could hear the strain that he was going through, that I was putting on him, in his voice and I felt like such a monster for lying and for putting him through all of this.

"I'll be home soon," I whispered gently before hanging up.

Desmond was parked in Kendra's driveway by that time, and we just sat there in silence once the line went dead. I was still feeling the aftereffects of my earlier exertion and was waiting until they died down some before I got behind the wheel.

"It's unnecessary you know." Desmond finally spoke into the silence, "all of them patrolling your every move. It's taking its toll on you."

"I know I've tried telling them a thousand times that I am in no danger." I leaned my head back against the headrest. How many times have I mentioned exactly what he said to them over the past month or so? And still it has gotten me nowhere.

"I did not mean you were not in danger I only meant they are going about it the entirely wrong way. There is an easier solution." My eyes flashed open as I turned my head towards him.

"What?"

"Come with me; come away where they will never find you." He pleaded, but for once he didn't use his eyes to suck me in. He wanted me to come willingly solely because I wanted to go, because I choose him.

"Are you talking about the Volturi or my family?"

I knew the answer before I asked, but still I waited for him to respond.

"Both," He breathed, bracing himself for my reaction.

I wasn't mad at him for asking it of me. After everything that had happened, everything that I've remembered, it was easier for me to understand where he was coming from. And a part of me felt as if what he said was the right thing, but the other half felt very differently. I was torn between two lives, two worlds, and two families.

"I don't know if I could do that to them, hurt them like that. Betray them." I tried picturing it and already I felt my heart start to break into pieces. Closing my eyes against the pain only made it worse as I pictured ever leaving them behind.

My eyes were still closed when Desmond's hand touched the side of my cheek. The contact seemed to ease away the pain as I opened my eyes to find his stormy blue eyes not far from my own. They seemed slightly desperate and wild as they bore into me.

"Just think about it." His voice sounded slightly strangled. It cut through me straight to my heart and all I could do was nod. His hand slipped off my cheek and fell into my lap as he let me go. I could tell it was hard for him to do and it wasn't the easiest for me to leave either, but it was getting darker out with every second we sat there. So I left, taking my time navigating the shadowed roads, trying to process all the emotions coursing through me.

_

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_

_As always I'd love to hear what you think. Especially since this one has been written in bits and pieces over several months rather than a week. I don't know if that's affected it's flow or not…_


	26. Words left Unspoken

_A/N: Okay finally after a bio exam, an English paper, a Philosophy paper and a Chem quiz I give you the 26th chapter! I hope you enjoy and don't forget to let me know what you think. Hate it, love it, whatever you feel :)_

_Rachel _

_xoxo_

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**Chapter 26 **

**Words left Unspoken**

"I can tell, I can tell how much you hate this. And deep down inside you know it's killing me. I can callwish you well and try to change this. But nothing I can say would change anything." Kelly Clarkson

It was Edward who was waiting for me when I returned, standing ominously in the shadows of the garage. I didn't realize he was there until the headlights had reflected off his golden eyes. His face was set in an unreadable expression as I walked slowly towards him and the door. The closer I got the more I concentrated on anything but what I had really been doing earlier, who I had been with, and why I was late.

"Alyssa…" And that was all he said before his arms drew me into a tight, protective hug. "You're okay."

"Of course I am," I mumbled up at him. Where was the anger at me for being late? "Why wouldn't I be?" Silence met my question as we continued to stand there in the half darkness. "Edward, why wouldn't I be?"

"There's been another attack." He finally spoke.

My mind raced as flashes from the night I almost died played before my eyes. Terror gripped my chest at the thought of anyone else going through that. This couldn't be happening. Would they ever just give up and let well enough alone?

"How many?" I forced out the question, afraid to hear how many were dying and not even wanting to think how close the attacks were. If they were coming back they could catch onto Desmond's scent and then…

"Just one," his voice was soft, hesitant as he spoke. "The body was found slightly northwest of Vancouver by the shoreline." I let out a sigh. It was farther than the last attack with one less casualty, although I would prefer them stopping completely. "The wolves are going to check it out so security might be tighter for a little while." He continued after my moment of silence.

My heart rate increased. With some difficulty I pulled away from Edward so I could look him in the eyes. "But it's not part of their territory, it's not their responsibility."

"Alyssa—" Edward started, but I didn't let him finish. "No Edward, they can't face the Volturi, at least they can't do so and survive. I've heard enough stories to know that much." My voice shook as I thought of Jake or Embry or God forbid Seth not coming back. "Where are they?" I demanded.

"In the house, planning."

He let me go, watching as I ran through the small patch of darkness until I reached the porch illuminated by the lights shining out from within through the large glass windows. I could already see the half clothed figures of Jakes pack crowded around the dining room table, easily picking Seth's out even though he stood with his back to me.

Edward was inside before me even with my head start, waiting just inside the door as I burst through it. He said nothing as I passed by him but I could tell he disapproved of my actions, or at least the actions I was thinking about taking. I suppose he thought them unnecessary, but I didn't care. Seth wasn't leaving this town if I could help it.

I stopped inside the doorway leading into the dining room, not expecting to find as many bodies in the confined space. It wasn't just Jake's pack jammed around the table, but Sam's as well. With all the commotion they didn't even notice the new addition to the room. They were all too busy talking overtop each other about their plans. Seth in particular looked a little too interested in what was going down for my liking. He was so engrossed that he didn't even hear me approach as I stopped behind him.

"Seth Amos Clearwater please tell me you're not planning to do the single most reckless thing you could ever possibly conceive to do."

That stopped the conversing as all eyes turned on me. However I only cared about one pair of eyes at the moment.

"Alyssa…" Seth said softly, drifting off as his eyes answered his question for me.

"You're middle name's Amos?" Embry chuckled.

Seth rolled his eyes, turning to shoot Embry a silencing glare before turning his attention back on me. "Lyss they're killing people. It's our job." His eyes were pleading for me to understand, to just silently accept that he was going.

"It's not your territory," I insisted trying to use logic. The truth was I was terrified for him, to even think of him being in danger let alone going out searching for it.

"It would be unethical if we didn't go and try to stop them." He shifted his eyes to study the space just above my head so that I couldn't see the lie. His argument was as logical as mine, but also like mine it wasn't valid. It wasn't his reason for wanting the chase.

Stepping closer to him I took his big hands gently in mine and squeezed gently, looking straight up at his face. He continued to refuse to look at me, but I pressed on anyways.

"I don't want you anywhere near Jane or Dimitri or any of them. I don't want you to get hurt." Movement from one of the pack members made me remember we weren't alone, we had an audience. Blushing I looked down at our hands, embarrassed at the raw emotion in my voice.

"They can't hurt me." My eyes shot up to find him staring back down at me.

"Yes, yes they can. You said it yourself, they're killing people. What if…" I closed my eyes, unable to voice the worst.

"Hey now, listen to me." He whispered gently tilting my chin up towards him. My eyes flew open to find his boring into me with a sincerity I couldn't refuse. "They can't hurt me more than they already have." His eyes flickered to my forehead as he gently brushed my bangs to the side revealing the thin white scar.

Leaning in he pressed his lips softly against it. "Please, try to understand how much I need to do this," he mumbled against my skin.

At that moment I knew I was fighting a lost cause. He had already made up his mind and he would go with my approval or without it. I did not want him to leave here with an even heavier heart than he already had.

"Just promise me you will come back in the exact condition you leave me."

He let out a relieved sigh, pulling his hands from mine to draw me into a joyful hug, lifting me several inches off the ground. "I promise. Thank you." He set me down and his eyes turned serious for a moment. "I ask the same of you; when I return I don't want to find you with any new scars."

"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine. Just worry about yourself."

He laughed down at me shaking his head. "Alyssa, I always worry about you. I never stop." I sighed leaning into him so my forehead was pressed against his chest. Instinctively he wrapped his arms loosely around my waist and we just stood like that for a little while. But no matter how tight I held on I couldn't keep him there.

"Seth, it's time." Jake broke through my peaceful moment.

We walked slowly towards the front of the house together, following behind all of the others. My hand tightened on Seth's when we reached the front door, pulling him close to me as we stood in the doorway. The others were outside, waiting for him. They had left us as alone as was possible for our last moments. Before I could speak Seth was pulling my face closer to his with his fingertips. Leaning in his lips fell on mine. I channeled every emotion into that kiss: worry, regret, sadness and love; Emotions that I could never have put into words at that moment.

"I love you," Seth said heavily when we finally pulled apart.

"I love you more," I replied softly.

"Impossible," He whispered before joining his brothers waiting on the lawn.

I watched his back recede into the darkness that covered the grounds until he was swallowed by it. Standing there well after he was gone I continued to just stare out into the empty shadows. Maybe in my heart I was hoping he'd decide what he was doing was idiotic and come back, even though in my head I knew he wasn't going to.

Eventually Edward came and shut the door creating a barrier between the cold night air and me. Yet a chill that had nothing to do with the weather wrapped itself around my body and settled in my heart.

Taking me gently by the elbow Edward led me up the stairs towards my room. "You should get some sleep," he told me as we stood outside my bedroom. "You look tired."

I wasn't. But I listened to him anyways just so I could be alone with my thoughts without him making judgments on them. Knowing that Seth was well on his way to the scene of the most recent of the crimes my only hope was that the Volturi would be long gone by the time he arrived. I didn't want Edward crushing this last shred of optimism. I wouldn't be able to just sit here helplessly and wait for Seth if he did.

As it was Edward left me to my peace and I was able to fall into bed with that hope covering me like a warm blanket. It wasn't able to remove the chill covering my heart, but it made it bearable. I burrowed deeper into my covers, getting more comfortable, and that was when I felt a lump under the sheets. Reaching under into the depths of my blankets I felt around until my hand came into contact with the mysterious item. I pulled it out, revealing a stuffed toy wolf with sandy fur the exact shade of Seth's own coat. A bow was tied around its neck with a note attached. Unfolding the paper I found Seth's scratchy writing scrawled across the page.

Now I will always be with you, no matter how many miles separate us.

Pulling the wolf close to me I closed my eyes and tried not to think about how far away Seth was by now or how my fear for his safety at the hands of the Volturi was just as strong as Desmond's. I did not want to even try to decipher the reasons behind why that was at the moment.

Sleep did not offer me an escape. That night my dreams were strange and flowed right into each other with no logical connection. I was running fast through a deeply wooded area, fast enough to keep up with the wolf that ran alongside me. There was an anxiety I couldn't place lingering between us in the air as I weaved expertly between the trees, dodging branches and roots with perfection and keeping pace with my running partner. Then suddenly I was flying above it all with Desmond running to catch up to me below instead of Seth in his wolf form.

Feeling guilty that he couldn't join me in the air I prepared to land. When I landed he was gone and I stood alone in the middle of the unfamiliar forest. That was until figures clad in dark robes stepped out from behind the thick trees that surrounded me. And then everyone was there. Tiny little Alice barely visible overtop the tall heads, Jasper with his wild eyes, Emmett's shining with excitement, Esme and Bella looking fragile and worried, Carlisle and Edward contemplating their next moves, Rosalie looking slightly bored with the attention not on her and Seth with such a look of terror on his face that it made me feel scared.

Not for me, but for my family for with their arrival the Volturi's attention was stolen from me and before I could even blink a fight was breaking out. The Volturi outnumbered them horribly as every tree in the vicinity seemed to turn into the cloaked creatures. All I could do was stand there and watch in horror, my body paralyzed. Scanning the massacre I noticed the raven haired Marcus watching in the back. I made my way towards him unnoticed by anyone.

"Let them be, they did nothing. It's me you want." I spoke just loud enough for him to hear. He just shook his head as he stepped forward to grip my wrist tightly so I couldn't move away.

"They protected you," he whispered in a weary voice. The blood drained from my face as the meaning of his words set it and he started pulling me away from my family.

That's when I woke up.

Feeling nauseous and sticky from sweat I crawled out of bed and headed to the bathroom. Striping down I took a cold shower, trying to shake off the last remnants of my dream. I didn't like the idea of the Volturi finding me in the presence of the Cullen's. If they ever did find out I was positive a scene much like my dream would play out.

These worries remained with me as I dressed and moved downstairs to sit in front of the windows facing the back of the house. It was beginning to snow outside and I watched without really seeing the white flurries falling towards the ground. The glass was thick and blocked out most of the chill of the winter night, but it was anything but cozy sitting there against the cold pane. Still I didn't move.

"You're scared for him." Jasper sounded from behind me. "That's what's keeping you up isn't it."

I could see his reflection in the dark windows and had seen him approaching, which was the only reason I hadn't jumped when he spoke.

"I had another nightmare, that's all." I brushed it off hoping he would leave me to my thoughts. He didn't. He continued to stand there awkwardly, unsure of what to do. "Tell Alice to stop worrying about me, I'm fine." I sighed, knowing that she was the reason for his attempt to uplift my mood, either naturally or using his power.

"She's not the only one that worries," He murmured.

"I know the whole family is in a panic over this…situation I've put them in." I sighed flinching as I remembered the vicious looks on the Volturi's faces as they attacked my family.

"Yes, well we all care about you." Jasper replied visibly uncomfortable with the conversation.

"It's okay Jasper you can go." I sighed again, turning back to the window. "I'll be fine. Seth will return shortly and until then I'll take some sleeping pills to ward off the nightmares."

***

Two days passed since that conversation with Jasper and still Seth hadn't returned home. I spent most of my time silently staring at my phone, which was a little more difficult during classes but I managed. My nerves had peeked to an all time high as I waited anxiously for him.

"He still hasn't called." Desmond stated matter of factly one day.

I didn't acknowledge his words as I went on staring at my phone sitting lifelessly on the lab table before me. Mr. Gerard was miraculously running late today, allowing me several more moments of blatant pining.

"I would have called." He tried again to divert my attention.

I continued to keep my gaze on the phone.

"You know our powers don't extend to inanimate objects right? Besides yours wouldn't help you in this case anyways."

I finally turned my head, poising my mouth to form a retort when the aforementioned inanimate object became animated. Desmond's eyes widened slightly in surprise, but that's all my mind processed before it ordered my hand into action. Reaching forward I snatched my phone up, quickly flipping it open and placing it by my ear.

"Hello?" I breathed into the phone.

"Damn it feels good to hear your voice." Seth sighed into the receiver.

"Where are you?"

"About a quarter of a mile outside of Pacific Beach. We'll be home by Sundown."

I sighed in relief. He was coming back; he was going to be home. "When you didn't call I thought—" I drifted off as my horrified thoughts were too numerous to voice. I had a very vivid imagination.

"My battery died and we were out of service range. I had to wait until we got near enough to a tower and then I had to wait to borrow one of the guys' phones." Thinking of all the pack members who had also imprinted already made it seem plausible that it would have taken a while to secure a working phone. "Believe me it was not by choice that I didn't contact you."

"Did everyone…how did it go?" I reworded my question at the last minute, deciding against asking about any mortality rates on our side.

"Everyone's fine. Pissed, but fine." A smile grew on my face at his response. Pissed was good, pissed meant they hadn't come in contact with the Volturi. "How have you been? Nessie mentioned to Jake that you've been having nightmares." His voice became worried as the conversation turned from his endeavors to my well being.

Thinking of my horrific, reoccurring nightmares of my family being slaughtered I couldn't keep my voice from giving away my fear. "They're not so bad. Nothing I can't handle." Before he could respond Mr. G had entered the room, not looking as if he was in a very good mood.

"I've got to go." I whispered in a hush, ducking behind the person in front of me's head.

"We'll talk about this later." He hinted, letting me know he wasn't going to just drop it. "Love you." He added as a closing.

"I'll see you later." I flipped the phone shut and stowed it away, realizing a little too late that I hadn't reciprocated his parting sentiment. 'I'll see you later' was a far cry from 'I love you too.'


	27. Falling Apart

Chapter 27

**Falling Apart**

"_Maybe it's because I'm crazy. Maybe it's because I just can't honestly tell you what I want. It's never enough to stay still and hold you. To break loose and run." Matt Nathanson._

Seth's and my reunion wasn't at all how I had imagined it would be. For one I thought we'd be alone, at my house. He would be standing on the top porch step as I pulled up in my car around sunset and I'd run into his waiting arms right when the sun kissed the trees. I had given myself major leeway with our meeting, seeing as I wasn't living in a cheesy romance flick, but none of my edits had created the version that really happened.

The final bell had rung five minutes ago and I was still in the locker room. Stuffing my gym clothes back into the locker I made my way to the doors, ready to get to my car and get home. My bangs stuck to my forehead and refused to budge when I tried to blow them out of the way. The sticky sweat on my brow, leftover from the game of basketball we had been playing, was too strong of an adhesive. So I was left looking like a sheepdog and having minimal visibility as I made my way across campus.

My arms were full with books from our small school library. I had a history report due the following week that required some extra reading that didn't quite fit into my bag. I was halfway across campus and doing pretty good for being partially blind when the topmost book on my pile decided to jump out of my arms and land in the soft, squishy, snow covered ground by my feet. Knowing it would be impossible to even attempt to get the book I stood there like an idiot waiting for Alice, or Bella or some kind soul to come around and pick it up for me.

That kind soul turned out to be my blonde haired prince. No lie, Desmond was suddenly beside me picking up the damp book at my feet while also relieving me of half of my burden.

"Allow me to be your Seeing Eye dog." I couldn't see the smile that was on his face, but I could hear it in his voice as he took my free hand and placed it in the crook of his arm.

"You know I could have just adjusted my hair with my free hand right?" I asked with a hint of a laugh in my voice.

"Yes, but that wouldn't be half as fun," He replied so seriously that it made me laugh for real.

"Just don't let me run into anything…or anyone." I teased, gripping his arm slightly tighter as the ground became uneven.

"Don't you trust me?" Mock shock was in his voice.

"At times," I admitted.

He came to a stop after that and I had thought it had to do with what I said, but then I realized we had reached the parking lot. We were standing in front of my car, and we weren't the only ones. Through my hair I managed to see a very familiar torso leaning against the hood. When I looked up at the equally familiar face it was to find it staring at Desmond and my entwined arms with disgust and anger.

Taken by surprise I took a step towards him, forgetting that Desmond was temporarily attached to me and resulting in him also taking a step. That didn't seem to help anything as Seth's hands tensed into fists. That's when I realized he had been holding flowers. Now all he had were crushed roses. There must still have been thorns on the stems because small amounts of blood trickled from his palm. Slipping my arm out of Desmond's I continued forward without my shadow.

Setting my books down on the hood I approached Seth slowly, one arm extended. A small shake of his head stopped me from coming closer to him and left me standing in front of him with my arms crossed under my chest. Desmond placed the books he had beside mine and, seeming to think it best, he left quietly and quickly.

After he was gone we stood there in silence for several moments. People moved around us, hurrying to leave campus. Some shouted goodbyes to me but I just waved them off. Seth was still silent and it was beginning to bother me. I'd been waiting to see him for a week and when he was finally before me I couldn't find anything to say.

"How's your hand?" I finally broke the silence.

He flexed his fist, dropping the flowers in the process. "Fine," he answered gruffly. Seeing that the shallow cuts were already healed and the blood was drying gave me some satisfaction, but he was still angry.

Figuring he would talk when he was ready, and not really wanting to wait it out in the cold, dismal school lot, I grabbed the books from the hood and placed them in the trunk. Returning to the driver's side I waited inside, staring at him through the windshield. He joined me shortly sitting just as still as he was outside. Finally I couldn't take his silence any longer. I'd rather have him yelling than this deathly quiet.

"Oh for God's sake Seth, say something, anything. Please."

"You trust him," He spat out, half a question, half a statement.

"At times," I gave him the same answer I had given Desmond. "I don't see what the big deal is."

"Have you told him about us?" He asked with no emotion.

"I think he kind of already knows Seth."

"Did you tell him you chose me?" He insisted coldly. Silence met his question. I had never actually gotten around to telling Desmond that. After the accident and the memory flashbacks I guess I was afraid to. I was afraid it would hurt too much to see his reaction.

My silence seemed answer enough for Seth.

"Are you having doubts, second thoughts?" He asked gruffly, trying not to let any pain flood into his voice.

I turned to face him, studying his serious profile, his mouth set in a frown, before smacking him lightly on the shoulder. "Really, that's what's got you so upset?"

"How would you feel if _you_ had to compete for _my_ attention? Constantly fighting to keep my eyes on you and wondering if you'll end up losing me."

I thought about it for a moment before I realized he was right. "I would feel hurt, frustrated, and angry."

The tears came before I had a chance to fight them back. There was really no reason for the few tears that fell so I tried to wipe them away before Seth would notice, but I wasn't quick enough. As soon as my hand moved his eyes followed the movement and took in my state.

Sighing he brought his hand to my face, wiping the tears with his big thumb. The tears practically evaporated from the heat of his touch.

"This is not how I wanted our reunion to be," He sighed. I thought of the roses that lay crushed on the wet pavement and wished that it could have happened the way he had planned.

"Me neither," I replied, taking his hand in mine in hopes of salvaging what was left of the day.

His eyes flicked to my hand on his then back to my face. "I'm still angry mind you." He said sternly, and I could see the faint flicker of that anger behind his brown eyes.

"And you have every right to be," I pulled my hand away from his and turned away, starting the car. "I'll just take you home."

Sweeping my bangs out of my face I put the car in reverse, placing my hand on the back of Seth's seat as I turned around to make sure the path was clear. The air between us was tense and awkward and even with that bullet of a car of Bella's I couldn't seem to get to the reservation fast enough. I watched Seth's back as he walked up the short path to his front door, hating that after waiting so earnestly for his arrival I was watching him go.

Returning home alone I cut the engine as soon as possible and lugged my books up the porch steps. I dropped all my things on the bench by the door before collapsing on the couch, slouching horribly.

"Where's Seth?" Emmett asked, crashing down beside me.

"Home," I mumbled.

"I thought you two would be eating each other's faces after being apart for so long." He snickered, sending a wink in my direction.

I simply shrugged. "Apparently seeing me with Desmond killed the mood."

All humor drained from his face. "What do you mean he saw you 'with' Desmond?" There was menace in his voice where lightness had been before.

"Don't get all worked up." I rolled my eyes. "It was nothing. I was walking with him to the car after class where Seth was waiting. Apparently seeing my arm in Desmond's was too much for Seth."

"You're supposed to be avoiding him." His voice was low and serious.

"I know. And now I've hurt Seth to the point of anger." I must have looked pitiful because Emmett's arm extended to wrap around my shoulders.

"He's jealous Lyss. Seeing you with any guy would make him angry." He squeezed my shoulder. "Give him some time and he'll get over it. He's too afraid of losing you to stay mad at you for long."

"We'll see."

I had a feeling Seth's anger might take longer than Emmett seemed to think to wear off. But it would be useless mentioning this worry to Emmett. So I took my things and made my way up to my room, deciding to focus on my History project.

I didn't end up getting much studying done. I was finding it very difficult to concentrate on the revolt against the Romanovs when every time a picture of one of the members of the royal family dressed in an extravagant garment was plastered on a page I had a flashback to my earlier self's life. I gave up on history altogether, closing the book with finality, when Rasputin's face began resembling Marcus' pale visage.

The rest of the hour was spent staring out my bedroom window with my phone in my lap, hoping Seth might call and offer reconciliation. All the while I knew he wouldn't. Why would he when he found out I haven't yet told Desmond that we wouldn't be anything more than good friends, that I loved Seth.

It had many implications and would give even the most confident man doubts. But I couldn't help it if my heart was being pulled in two different directions. And with me having to worry about the Volturi as well as my family's safety my heart was beginning to be a very hard thing to follow lately. I didn't even know what I wanted anymore. I still loved Seth, but I was finding I still cared somewhat for Desmond. At least, I worried for his safety just as much as my family and Seth.

Maybe I should just ignore my heart and listen more to my head. The most important thing as of now was to protect my family, Seth included. The Volturi would surely end them if they found out they were hiding a fairy, and not just any fairy but one of royal blood. Taking that into consideration it seemed most practical to go away, far away so that if the Volturi did discover me it would be with no connections to the Cullen family, who were already on shaky terms with the Italian vampires as it was. And then there were my people, who were suffering at the hands of the Volturi while I sat by idle, perfectly surrounded by those willing and somewhat capable to protect me, and did nothing.

It was time I stopped being selfish.

***

If my family noticed a change they must have accounted it to what had happened with Seth. He hadn't been around for a couple of days and I took advantage of that time to try and figure out the best way to break away without leaving broken pieces behind. I badly wanted to talk to Seth: to reconcile and apologize. However I couldn't help but wonder if it would be better to part this way so that maybe he had a chance of getting over it better or at least getting through it.

Then again he would probably blame himself for me leaving. As if his hostility towards me and isolation was the cause for my departure, for me 'picking' Desmond. But that wasn't it at all. Not all of it at least. I had a protective instinct and from my memories of the past I always had. With the situation at hand I could really see only one choice. I knew exactly what I needed to do; I just wasn't sure the best way to go about actually doing it.

I had thought keeping Edward and Alice as well as everyone else from seeing through me would be the biggest challenge but unfortunately I was wrong. Of course it left me exhausted and drained at the end of the day, but compared to figuring out how to leave them, keeping a mental barrier between Alice, Edward and me was easy. So I put it off. Planning and getting everything together for my departure. I wouldn't need much; traveling light would make it harder to track me down. Because I knew they would try.

By Tuesday I was ready. A bag was packed with an extra pair of jeans, an old t-shirt and a toothbrush, things that wouldn't be noticed missing till I was well on my way. Now, with nothing more to occupy my time, I laid on my stomach in the center of my bed staring at the miniature wolf-version of Seth by my pillows. Contemplating whether or not to take him with me. I had grown used to sleeping with him and I knew my arms would feel empty without him, but I also knew he would make me miss Seth and home too much. Which is why I wasn't making any immediate move to put him in the red backpack hiding behind a pile of old shoes in the back of my closet.

I ended up falling asleep there on my stomach fully dressed. I woke the next day when the sun shone brightly through the window, falling across my face. Through my closed eyes it created an orange haze and the warmth of it felt so good I didn't want to move. After trying and failing to fall back into a dreamless slumber I slid off the bed reluctantly and began to change into clean clothes. Nothing fancy, just jeans and t-shirt paired with running shoes. Something that would blend in.

Grabbing my backpack full of books I shoved it in the back of my closet and instead shouldered the red one that was considerably lighter. My cell phone had been turned off and was currently resting in my nightstand drawer. Everything was set as I made my way downstairs. I couldn't say my real goodbye's so I made due with the a smile and a thank you to Esme as she placed my breakfast before me, a slap of the hand to Emmett as he ruffled my hair and an eye roll as Edward slipped me the answers to the days math quiz.

He never helped me to cheat before, being morally against it, but I suspect he had found the two empty peanut butter jars I had hidden under my bed and was trying to uplift my mood. What he didn't know is that I wouldn't need those answers because I wouldn't be going to school today.

The bright sun that woke me today was only an illusion of warmth. Though it had melted the little snow that had fallen the other day it was not warm enough to provide any satisfaction to my skin. Goosebumps formed on my bare arms, making my hair standing on edge, but I ignored it. I was halfway to the car and unwilling to turn back for a jacket. If I went back now I might not be able to leave at all. Tossing my bag on the passenger's seat I started the car and turned the heat on low. I backed straight out of the long drive, not taking my eyes off of the house I had lived in but three years and yet the one that felt more like home than any other.

I turned right at the end of the street instead of the usual left that would lead to Forks High School and the math test that awaited me first period—ten minutes from now. With every tree that passed me by I counted down those ten minutes till the bell. I wasn't worried of anyone growing suspicious at my absence. As the teachers always said, it was only a matter of time before I would, like many of my friends, ditch school on a nice day; even if I wouldn't spend it camping with my family.

And they were proved right. Today, instead of pulling into my usual parking space, I pulled into a short muddy drive. I sat there with the car off, keys still in the ignition, uselessly debating with myself before stepping foot out of the car and walking the short pace to the front door. I only had to knock once before it was slowly opened.

Dark brown eyes, framed by long, limp black hair, glared into me.

"Hello Leah," I greeted her cautiously. "Is Seth home?"

"He just came back from rounds a half hour or so ago." She answered coldly, no invitation or welcoming present in her tone, making it clear she did not wish for me to bother him.

But for once I didn't care what she wanted. All I cared was that I needed to set things straight with Seth, somehow, before I left.

"Good, then I'll only be a few minutes," I answered, maneuvering my way around her into the small living room and automatically turning down the small hall that led to the bedrooms. Seth's room was the second on the left, right next to the bathroom.

His door was closed, but I didn't bother knocking. I merely opened the door slowly. Peeking into the small room I found him sound asleep spread out and covering the futon that was folded out into a makeshift bed. Somehow we had both been able to fit on that old thing while watching movies. It seemed impossible that we ever mastered such a feat now as his body seemed to cover every inch of the surface. He must have really scrunched up for me to fit, how uncomfortable that must have been for him.

Watching him sleep I didn't dare wake him. There were dark circles under his eyes etched with lines that hinted he hadn't gotten much rest as of late. Sitting on his desk chair I simply continued to watch him laying there, his chest rising and falling steadily. Even in sleep he was beautiful; the type of beautiful that captivates you and keeps you from looking away because if you do it might not be there when you look back. But that was just it, I wouldn't be coming back.

Shifting in my seat I turned till I was facing the small cedar desk where Seth had done his school work back when he attended the Rez's school. Now instead of secondhand schoolbooks the desk contained the accounting books for the house. Once Harry died Seth had taken over the book keeping and taxes for the house. I know it took a lot out of him, but he refused to ask for any help because he had some stupid notion that by being the man of the house he had to do everything himself. Like I said: stupid.

My eyes scanned the rest of the desk to find it mostly bare. There was a lamp on the far right and a corkboard along the back of the desk that was empty except for several photographs. One was of him and his father on their old fishing boat. Seth was holding up the fish he had caught still attached to the hook. His dad was wearing the leather jacket Seth had leant me and it made me want to kick myself for not remembering to return it. There were some more photos of Seth and his family and then there was one of me.

It was outside of the general store near Quil's house on one of the rare sunny days that Forks saw about once a year. I was wearing cutoff jeans and an old t-shirt with the Wonder Bread logo on it. My hair was pulled up into a messy ponytail, and a brown paper bag was balanced on my side. It wasn't the best picture of me and it wasn't a very memorable moment so I was confused as to why Seth had chosen it over plenty of others to tack up on his wall. All the others had been of good memories he could look back on, and then there was mine.

All I could get out of it was that Seth found me worth remembering. He didn't need a certain time or place to help him. And it was this assumption that had me leave without ever saying a word to him. Instead I pulled a blank piece of notebook paper from the top desk drawer and upon finding a pencil that had bite marks on the eraser, a bad habit of Seth's that caused a small shot of pain through my heart, I scribbled a short apology.

Folding the paper into a tiny rectangle I rose from the chair and moved towards the futon, tucking the paper into Seth's right hand that formed a loose fist by his pillow. I stood frozen there, my face on level with his, just staring at his peaceful expression. At least he found security in his dreams.

I didn't mean to do it. What I did next. I just couldn't help myself. He looked so adorable with his hair all ruffled and it was goodbye after all, goodbyes always made me emotional.

Tucking my hair behind my ears I leaned in for one last kiss, ever so lightly pressing my lips against his. He didn't wake, or even stir in his sleep. Just like our first kiss, he would never get the chance to return this last one.

"_Sometimes I wish it was easy to leave the ones that we love behind. Oh God just help me believe it. Still so much harder to say goodbye" Boyce Avenue_

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A/N Hey guys! Sorry for the long absence. Hope you like the update :) More to come soon


	28. Untraceable

A/N Hey all my, hopefully, still loyal readers. I would like to thank Finals and moving back home after my first year of college for this late update!

~Rachel

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**Chapter 28**

**Untraceable**

"_The path that I'm walking I must go alone. I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown. Fairytales don't always have a happy ending do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay." Fergie_

With every mile I put between Forks and me I thought more and more about what I was leaving behind. My friends, my family, Seth, the wolves, the small town that had given me the first feeling of security and permanency: my life. I was deserting a life I had spent seventeen years creating. My identity was left nestled in the loveseat in my room, sitting in the third desk from the door in Ms. Liu's class, and snuggled up in the crook of Seth's arm while he slept as I made my way down the interstate towards the airport.

Now with nothing more than a spare pair of clothes and a series of one way plane tickets I was left with an identity that was unfamiliar to me. It really wasn't much of an identity at all. All Alyssandra had was a past that existed God only knows how long ago and that I only knew bits and pieces of. Resurrecting her was not going to be easy, but it had to be easier than watching Alyssa's life disintegrating. At least that's what I kept telling myself as I made my way towards an existence that would never fully be mine.

Planning had helped to keep the full impact of exactly what I had to do from settling in my mind but actually going through with it, I found myself more unprepared than ever, just going through the motions as I was moved from car to plane then back to a different car. There was no turning around, that path had been erased carefully by my own hands. It was too late. Besides, it was all for the greater good I reminded myself as I stood there, dressed in white lace and silk while silently morning, waiting for the announcement that would secure my severance from my old life, Alyssa's life, forever.

My breath faltered as the music started, Cannon in D. I fought back the tears as I stared down the long, stone pathway. I always knew it would somehow come to this. It was the only way to save my family. It was the least I could do for the burden I had been. This was the hardest decision I had ever had to make, and I had to remind myself that sometimes what's right and what's hard are the same. I took my first shaky step, hoping that if I began moving, getting the inevitable over with, the deed would be more bearable. Yet with every step closer I took towards my new fate, the more I wanted to run in the opposite direction and fight it tooth and nail.

I heard the ticking of the clock, acting as a metronome for the music, as I slowly picked my way across the stone path in my heels. I snuck a glance at it and quickened my pace, stumbling over a few loose stones. It was only a matter of time before Alice would see my new decision, and then a few more minutes until they caught up to me. I had been able to hide my intentions by hopping from one false decision to the next, but now my mind was solely on what I was about to do. There was no doubt in my mind that they would try to stop me. And I couldn't risk that, I couldn't risk them fighting for me, possibly revealing themselves for me. I wasn't worth it.

Desmond was waiting for me; his eyes trained on me looked uneasy and anxious. Those eyes made me speed up all the more, afraid that something had gone wrong. Was he going back on his word? We made a deal, he got this, us, and I was promised we would deal with Marcus. He looked somewhat unhappy and he of all people shouldn't be unhappy today of all days even with the heaviness of his part of the deal weighing on him. Especially not with his bride to be making her way towards him in the stupidly ornate dress he had given her. It should be the best day of his life, he should be ecstatic: I was wearing the dress he liked, the ring he had given me, and the necklace that had belonged to his mother. He was finally getting what he wanted, and yet he looked as if he was losing everything he had. Something most definitely had gone wrong.

As soon as I stood before him Desmond reached out, placing a steady hand on each of my shoulders. His eyes bore into me with a seriousness that I had never seen before.

"Where are you?" He asked worriedly.

My eyebrows scrunched in confusion as I stared up at him perplexed. "What?"

Other faint noises around us began to distract me but Desmond simply gripped my shoulders tighter and repeated his question with more desperation.

I couldn't focus on his words as another voice was speaking softly from somewhere nearby. I strained my ears to try and understand what the strange voice was saying, closing my eyes in an effort to block out every other sense but sound.

"Final boarding call for flight 52B to Munich," A woman's falsely chipper voice sounded out of nowhere, shattering the scene before me. A rough shake to my shoulder brought my attention back to Desmond, but when I opened my eyes I was blinded by a bright light.

"Miss, you're going to miss your flight," an unfamiliar male voice sounded to my right.

A jolt ripped through the pit of my stomach as I realized that I had fallen asleep and consequently had almost missed my plane. Quickly thanking the kind stranger I grabbed my backpack and slipped it over one shoulder as I hurried towards the gate. As my ticket and passport were being checked the flight attendant kept eyeing me and my sole carry on. She seemed to not to believe that someone would be flying out of the country with nothing more than a nap sac, especially not a young girl. Smiling politely at her I gripped my passport tightly as I made my way down the crowded aisle to row F.

My seat was by the window, and being one of the last ones to board I had to squeeze across two elderly people to get to it. Avoiding eye-contact I mumbled an apology as I collapsed in the chair and went to staring out the window.

"Are you traveling alone dear?" The woman beside me asked.

I turned to face her out of politeness when I answered "yes" and upon seeing the look of concern on her face I added "There wasn't enough room on the flight for my family."

That seemed to satisfy her worry, but did nothing to end the conversation. She asked about the reason for my trip, a wedding, then about who was getting married, my cousin, and was I part of the wedding party, no. When she asked about my date or if I had a boyfriend I found myself unable to come up with as quick of a lie as before. Thinking of Seth I couldn't help a small sigh from escaping.

"Not anymore," I whispered softly.

Her hand reached out for mine and I knew she was going to offer me some condolences, advice or reassurances. But I didn't want any of that from a stranger. It wouldn't help the situation. Luckily the flight attendants began instructing the passengers on safety precautions before she could say anything and after that one of the in flight movies kept me from having to converse any further with my too friendly neighbor.

I fought sleep tooth and nail, knowing that Desmond would be waiting with more demands about my location. However with over eight hours in the air there was little else to do and as the light began to fade so did my willpower. Soon I was drifting off to sleep vaguely aware of one of the attendants offering me a pillow and blanket.

The ringing of the house phone was what woke Seth. As he sat up he thought he caught Alyssa's scent, but simply shook it off. The ringing stopped, meaning Leah must have answered it. He was already mentally apologizing to whatever telemarketer had called and was unlucky enough to try and sell her anything.

At that thought a knock sounded on the door before Leah entered holding out the phone. "It's for you," she sounded a little antsy and wouldn't look him in the eye when he took it.

"Hello?" He answered, eyeing his sister warily.

"Seth, thank goodness, is Alyssa with you?" Carlisle's voice whispered through the receiver.

Seth's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "No," shifting his weight to his right foot he heard the crinkling of paper. Bending down he picked up the folded piece of notebook paper from underneath his foot. "Why would she be?" He asked as he unfolded the small rectangle.

"I don't know I was just hoping…she didn't make it to school today and she's not answering her phone." Carlisle sighed heavily. "Perhaps I'm just overreacting."

Seth was silent for a minute as he took in the familiar handwriting scrawled messily across the paper he had found. Then in a rough voice he said "I'll be right over" before hanging up the cordless phone and glaring up at Leah.

"Alyssa was here," It wasn't really a question but still she nodded her head slowly. "Why the Hell didn't you wake me up. Or try to stop her?" He burst out in anger.

Leah's shoulders were slumped in guilt but her eyes hardened at her brother's words. "How was I supposed to know the little brat was going to take off? It's not my job to babysit her."

Seth rose, stalking towards his sister who looked anything but older than him at that moment. For a minute it seemed as if he was going to strike her, or spit on her, but instead he simply whispered menacingly "you are going to help find her now seeing as you're the last one who saw and spoke to her before she left."

By the time Seth and Leah had made it to the Cullen's Emmett and Edward were already out tracking down any hint of her scent they could find and Alice was sitting in a trancelike state on the couch desperately trying to sense something, anything of Alyssa's plans. None of that surprised Seth. What did surprise him was turning to find Desmond sitting on the bottom of the stairs with his eyes staring blankly ahead, looking as if he was in a daze.

At first a rush of relief washed over Seth at knowing she at least didn't leave with him. Then the anger took over.

"Get out of this house," his voice was low and serious, almost a growl. When Desmond didn't move or even blink to show he had heard a single word Seth said, Seth began moving towards him.

Suddenly a restraining hand was resting on his shoulder, keeping him from throwing Desmond out the front door. "Seth, don't, he's trying to help. If you break his concentration it might be too late." Carlisle's soothing voice sounded close to his ear.

"How can he help?" Seth huffed.

Without taking his eyes off Desmond Carlisle began explaining everything that Desmond had told him about both his and Alyssa's powers.

"So she's been secretly sneaking off to see him so he'd teach her how to do magic tricks?" Seth asked clearly unhappy about the sneaking off to see Desmond part.

"Seems like your girlfriend isn't as perfect as you thought" Leah cut in with an I-told-you-so smile.

That smile began to fade when she saw the hurt and anger in her brother's eyes as his hands began shaking violently. With a word from Carlisle Jasper stepped in, sending an extra wave of calmness and tranquility towards Seth until the tremor of his limbs had subsided.

"Where are you?" Desmond's voice startled everyone as they turned, distractedly, to face him.

His eyes were still staring blankly at the wall but both hands were held out in front of him as if he were holding onto something.

"Alyssa, answer me, where are you?" He spoke again in a more demanding voice.

The room held its breath as if they would be able to hear Alyssa's answer. Instead there was only silence until Desmond blinked back into reality.

"Well, where is she blondie?" Leah was the first to break the tense silence.

Desmond stared down at his hands as he whispered "I don't know. She didn't tell me before she pulled out of the dream. I couldn't get a word out of her."

"What do you mean you can't get anything from her?" Seth growled at the blonde haired idiot. The only reason he hadn't kicked his ass back to wherever the hell he came from was because Carlisle had said he could help, well that and because it was the Cullen's house. Now Desmond was telling them he couldn't help. Hell Seth could have kicked his ass out a long time ago.

"I don't know, she's shutting me out." Desmond answered frustrated. He didn't think it was possible for her to be able to be so in tune with her powers in her sleep.

"Well we all know whose fault that is" Seth answered angrily as he combed his hand through his hair. "You just had to tell her about her freaking powers and your fucking world didn't you?"

"Seth, language," Esme, who had been standing quietly behind the couch Alice sat on through the whole scene, chided. "Cursing and blaming won't help us find her."

Seth knew Esme was right, but that didn't change the fact that he still blamed Desmond for everything that had gone wrong. It all started when he had come to town. Seth could just imagine how life would be if Desmond had never interrupted it. Alyssa and him would never have fought, she would be here, and she would love him and him alone.

Feeling around in his jeans pocket Seth pulled out the crinkled note Alyssa had left for him that reassured him that through it all she still cared. He smoothed it out, carefully reading each word, but there were no hints between the lines. The short message was nothing more than a goodbye.

"Seth, what is that?" Carlisle asked when he noticed Seth studying the paper intently. Seth didn't seem to hear him, so Leah answered for him.

"A note from Alyssa, she stopped in before she left." All eyes turned to her expectantly. As if she held the secret to where Alyssa was or where she was going. "Stop looking at me like that. Alyssa didn't tell me anything."

"What about the note?" Esme asked desperately. "What does it say Seth?" She hurried to his side, touching his arm so he'd notice more than just the last piece of Alyssa that he held tightly in his grasp.

Silent and reluctant he let Esme take the paper from his hand. He had already memorized it and found himself mouthing the words as Esme read them aloud for the room to hear. The first line was an apology for hurting him, followed by a hope that he will forgive her. It ended with her telling him to never forget that she loved him, but that she wanted him to move on. As if he could live his life pretending she never existed and just start dating someone else like that. Did she not fully understand what Imprinting meant?

If she wasn't with him, life wasn't worth living. It wasn't some cliché line from Romeo and Juliet. A part of his soul was given to her when the spirits decided she was made for him. Without that part of him he felt lost and uncertain. Life wasn't as bright anymore. He had believed that this connection would be what kept her with him instead of choosing Desmond, now he wished he had not pressured her into choosing. Sharing her was preferable to losing her altogether. But now it seemed she was choosing neither of them.

"You have to admit she was very thorough when it came to cutting strings and leaving no loose ends behind." Alice said forlornly from her seat on the couch. She hadn't spoken or even shown signs of being attuned to the present before then. "You must have taught her control very well. She's blocking me completely and leaving no holes for me to slip through" she spoke to Desmond. Her voice held an unhappy yet impressed edge to it.

His response was to groan helplessly, cradling his head in his hands.

No one spoke for the longest time after that. They all just stayed there frozen in their own thoughts and their shared worry until the ringing of the phone had them all lunging for the wireless handheld.

"Hello?" Esme answered breathlessly.

"We found the car" Edward's voice sounded from the receiver. "It's parked in lot B of Portland International Airport."

Esme closed her eyes and took a deep breath. They had found the car, but not Alyssa. "Where is she going?"

"After some serious…persuasion" Emmett's dark chuckling could be heard in the background at Edward's phrasing. "We got one of the attendants to look up her ticket purchases."

"Purchases?" Esme asked quietly at his use of the plural.

"Yes. It seems she bought a ticket for a flight from Portland to Chicago that left about seven hours ago which means she's already caught her connecting flight to Munich. From there she's got a ticket for her last flight to Pisa."

"Pisa?" Esme asked confused. "Why in the world would she go to Italy?"

As soon as the words were out of her mouth she froze. Her eyes flashed up to Carlisle who was standing inches in front of her, desperate to hear any news Edward and Emmett had. "Italy," they both murmured in unison as understanding and horror set in.

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A/N Hope you enjoyed it :) And that you don't hate me so much for keeping you waiting that you won't review!


	29. Breaking and Entering

**This Chapter was absolutely the hardest one for me to sit myself down and write. I don't know if it is because I had to refer back to the books several times within this chapter, or because Seth wasn't in this one _ or because I can't stand to see this story winding down.**

**Because Alyssa's story is coming to an end as sad as that may be for me. There are only a handful or so chapters left and maybe an epilogue. However there might be a possibility of a sequel, depending on if I feel Alyssa's story is indeed finished or if there is more to tell. Also if you guys really want one that might be a factor. **

**BUUTT I also have two other twilight fanfic ideas. But I will only pursue one at a time. So it's up to you guys to choose.**

**I title the first one Fate. It's a Paul imprinting fanfic…with an original character of mine of course. It is set in Forks. I suck at summaries but basically a girl and her mother move across country to flee an abusive father/husband. The girl believes people make their own life choices…but Paul feels differently. Imprinting is fated whether you like it or not. **

**The second one is loosely titled Closure and takes place in Volterra. Original main character again. Anyways Andrea is half Italian and years after her brother's disappearance on a summer vacation in Italy she returns in order to find closure. However she ends up piecing together the events that happened the night her brother disappeared and might be able to solve the aching mystery that's been haunting her since that night…if she doesn't end up being forever silenced by those that fear her discovering their secret. Yeah you know who I'm talking about: The Volturi dun dun dun! Haha There will of course be a love interest in this one as well. :)**

**So which would you prefer to read after this story…sniff sniff…ends?**

**~Rachel**

**PS: to Reluctant Reviewer. Thank you for your review and to answer your question I rated it M because at first there was going to be a lot more mature content but then as I developed the characters it didn't seem right...and I never went back to change it to T.**

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**Chapter 29**

**Breaking and Entering**

"_**Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go. Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why I tried"~Boys Like Girls**_

The sun was unnaturally bright when I stepped out of the cab in Volterra. I was used to the cloudy greenish fog that constantly layered Forks and seeing the yellow orb without a haze of clouds between me and it was a jarring contrast. The warm sun danced off of nearby rooftops and under any other circumstances I would have admired the town's rustic charm, but as it was this was not a tourist trip. I needed to stick to the plan, which was a little unclear at that point.

Up until the plane tickets and my breach of family security I hadn't really thought too much about what I'd specifically do when I got here. Obviously I needed to find the Volturi, but that was easier said than done. If memory served me right then the Volturi ran a counterfeit tourist agency giving tours of an old castle, but paying to be led to a massacre didn't particularly solve my specific dilemma.

With little else to do I began walking aimlessly around the tiny village, trying to remember everything I had ever overheard about the Volturi as well as the Cullen's escapades to their Italy home. Carlisle had lived with them centuries ago, but he had initially gained access to their home by being one of their kind. Bella had also come to save Edward, but once again they were led to Aro, Marcus and Caius by members of the Volturi. It seemed that the only way in was to know someone from the inside, which was unfortunate. Because I didn't happen to know any personally and it's not like they would be casually walking around Volterra.

Ambling along the cobbled streets I could easily imagine what it would be like if I was here for very different reasons. The town was quant, perfect for romantic strolls. If I closed my eyes I could picture Seth beside me, his fingers laced with mine and the sun making his russet skin seem to glow. No sooner had I conjured up the pleasing image then I found myself crashing into someone.

"I'm so sorry," I exclaimed as my eyes opened rapidly.

The old man I had run into only muttered something in Italian before continuing on his way. It didn't take much to guess his words were somewhat degrading towards the intelligence of Americans. After that I was more careful to watch where I was going, but that whole encounter set the mood for the day. Shortly thereafter I found myself down some back alley as the sky became progressively darker. It wasn't long until it began to rain and I was forced to duck into the nearest public building, a small café at the end of one of the mazelike alleys.

Taking a reluctant seat by the window I tapped my fingers against the table, matching the beat of the passing shower drumming down outside, as I tried to coax information from my memory. People nearby stared pointedly at me, speaking to one another in hushed Italian, until I forced myself to stop, placing my hands in my lap. I was only fooling myself that I could somehow manage to break and enter into a stone fortress filled with highly gifted and powerful century old vampires alone. What I needed was someone who knew the inner workings of the Volturi and that castle. Someone who had walked inside the corridors and knew where each led. Someone I could trust who didn't share a surname with me.

Tossing my chair aside I made my way to the counter, mentally slapping myself for my stupidity and earning several more agitated looks. There was only one other person in line and as her order was filled I stepped up eagerly to find the same angry elderly man I had bumped into working the cash register.

"Voi!" He shouted at me, squinting his eyes in distaste.

"Hello," I smiled unsurely at him. Of all the cafés I had to wander into his. "Listen I'm really sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to run into you. The thing is I really need a payphone, you wouldn't happen to have one would you?" I finished desperately.

The old man just continued to glare at me, mumbling disapproving words in his native tongue under his breath while shaking his head in disgust.

"He doesn't speak English." A young man appeared from the back carrying a bag of coffee beans.

"Oh, uh, great. Well could you tell me where to find a payphone?"

"There's one down the hall to the left," He answered as he refilled an espresso machine. I was about to voice my thanks, already turning in the direction he had pointed, when he cut me off. "But it's been broken for a month."

"Oh," I sighed dejectedly. Suddenly he spun around to face me, leaning against the counter between us and exposing a nametag with Emilio written in neat block letters.

"There's a phone in the back you could use," He smiled at me revealing a dimple and creases at the corners of his dark eyes. It all made the offer very tempting.

"Thanks, but it's sort of a long distance call." A very long distance call. I didn't want to run up his phone bill. Or his grandfather's phone bill, the old man was already sending enough curses for me up to his God.

"It doesn't matter," Emilio assured me, adding with a wink, "as long as you're not calling a boyfriend."

"No," I forced a smile back, "no boyfriend."

"Alright then, follow me." He led the way down a dimly lit hallway wallpapered with a red flower print and lined with old black and white pictures of men, women and families dispersed at specific intervals. Recognizing the testy old man and Emilio in one I realized these pictures must be of Emilio's family.

At the end of the hall was an old mahogany door with intricate carvings decorating its surface. Holding it open Emilio ushered me into a tiny office papered in an olive green vine-like print with even more pictures along the wall. A large wooden desk, bare except for a calendar and an old black rotary dial phone, took up half the room.

"Just dial zero-zero then one before the number," Emilio instructing before closing the door and leaving me to my privacy.

I crossed the room slowly, easing myself into the leather chair. The receiver was heavy in my palm as I dialed double zero, one, then a number that I hadn't called in ages. It rang so many times that I didn't think he was going to answer, but at the last minute the phone clicked to life.

"Hello?" A familiar Hispanic accent answered.

"Eleazar, its Alyssa." Silence fell on the other end as it seemed he had stopped breathing. Good thing it wasn't a necessity for him.

"Alyssa, I haven't heard from you since you moved. Is everything alright? How was your seventeenth birthday?"

He seemed uptight, which threw me off for a minute. In that minute I realized he thought he was keeping both what I was and what I could do from me. He was never comfortable with lying, at least not to me.

"Well, I found out I was a fairy and got two boyfriends so all in all I don't know how I'm going to top it off next year." I replied dryly.

"Two boyfriends?" I heard the smile in his question, but decided to ignore it and reminded myself that this was not a social call.

"Yeah, it's a great story. But that's not why I called. I need some information…on the Volturi."

I spoke the name for the first time since I had formulated this insane plan. As expected, silence met me once more after that. Unbearable silence that seemed to extend into the next millennium and probably would have if I hadn't broken it.

"You used to be in their guard, so you know the castle fairly well. I need to know if there's more than one way in. Well more like, if there's a way in other than joining them or signing up for being a desert on the buffet." I didn't realize until that moment how much I was counting on him getting me in. Without his help I was back to square one. Which was stuck in a coffee shop until eventually Carlisle or Edward caught on and caught up to me.

"Alyssa, what are you up to?" He craftily avoided my question.

"I just need to know Eleazar, please." I don't know if it was the please or the urgency in my voice that did it, but he let out a defeated sigh.

"No one has ever been inside that castle that the Volturi did not want, or know to be coming." Damn it. I let out a frustrated sigh. "Now tell me what all this is about."

"I can't," With him being no help to my cause it was pointless to continue a conversation. "I have to go."

Eleazar instantly began talking a mile a minute demanding explanations and such but I only caught half of what he was saying as a toilet flushing nearby drowned him out. It was the sound off the water rushing down the drain that suctioned the memory to the forefront of my mind.

"Please just don't tell Carlisle we ever had this conversation," I interrupted before hanging up on him. _Drains._ The sewer system. Why hadn't I remembered it sooner.

Pulling open random drawers I finally found a phone book. I scanned the business entries until I found the number I needed, carefully spinning the dial to punch in my new call. This time, it was local.

"Ciao, il castello di Medicea, la storia ambulante di Volterra" A smooth feminine voice answered. Where was the press one for English option?

"Hello, I was wondering when your next tour today was." I spoke slowly and annunciated each word in case she wasn't too familiar with the English language.

"The next tour departs at 4:30. However I am sorry to say it is booked up. Would you like to schedule another time?" It turned out I needn't have spoken so carefully. She was completely competent when it came to English.

"No thank you." I replied quickly before setting the receiver back onto the cradle.

Four-thirty, sunset, figures that's when they'd choose to dine. That didn't leave me much time. Stuffing the phone book back into its drawer I dug into my pack to pull out a bundled up piece of clothing before leaving. As I slipped into the semi-crinkled hoody I caught the familiar warm scent of Seth. I had plucked it from his bedroom floor before leaving, unable to resist. So now I owed him two jackets. Albeit I had left one at home and I'll doubt he'll even notice this one's missing.

The rain had slowed to a light drizzle as I emerged from the dim hallway, which would make visibility much easier. Offering a smile and a few bills as a thank you to the now busy Emilio I slipped outside with the tinkling of a bell. I followed the curving alley until it emptied out into a bigger strip. Taking off towards the right, and towards the fountain I had passed earlier, I pulled the hood up to shield me from the last bits of rain that still fell.

The streets were beginning to fill up again as people emerged from the shops and doorways they had taken refuge in. There were even more people crowded around the fountain, tossing their coins in as if it were the Trevi fountain. I maneuvered my way around them until I reached the other side, standing at the foot of the clock tower. This was where it became a little iffy. I knew Bella had found Edward in an alley near the tower, but was it the one to the left, or to the right?

As I stood there, contemplating, a little girl who was chasing a runaway coin bumped into my side, pushing me to the right. _Alright, right it is then._ Moving quickly I ducked into the shadow covered alley running alongside the clock tower. It didn't take long for the alley to narrow as all the others eventually did. Winding my way along the cobbled street that seemed to be leading me downwards, as if sensing my true destination, I kept my eyes on the shadows. It wouldn't do for me to be caught off guard by any of the sentries the Volturi might have watching the city before I even received my presence before the three rulers.

As it was no bodies mysteriously appeared out of the dark. Further along I found myself at a dead end and exactly what I had been hoping to find. Kneeling on the damp ground I wrapped my hands around the iron grate covering a small hole that led into the depths of the city. It took several tries but I finally wrestled the cover to move enough so that it allowed me room to slip in.

I fell into darkness, landing loudly on my feet as the sound echoed around the dark, wet, cavernous room I was now in. With nothing but the soft, faint daylight shining just inches down from the hole I had entered I became discombobulated in the solid dark. I wasn't sure which way to go or how I was even to tell where I was going as there seemed to be now walls nearby for me to follow.

Stumbling along in the darkness, as unattractive as it sounded, was what I ended up doing. Dampness and must filled my nostrils as I continued sloshing through small puddles. I couldn't be certain in the darkness, but it seemed as if the path was angled further down, as if I wasn't already as deep into the city as I could get. The melodramatic aura the crypt-like sewage chamber gave off caused the hair on my arms and the back of my neck to stand on edge while the cold temperature egged it on. I was sure if I could see two inches in front of me I'd be able to see the puffs of my breath lingering in the cold wet air.

Eventually the darkness around me began to lighten. It happened, not gradually, but all at once. Daylight couldn't penetrate this deep down so I was at a loss as to what exactly the source of light belonged to. Proximity didn't help my search for the foundation of light. It did however bring me to a small arched tunnel, and I found myself thankful to see walls. Even if they were damp with a black liquid that reminded me of death and felt just as grimy to the touch.

As I followed the length of the tunnel the light remained constant, neither increasing nor fading in intensity. It seemed it would never end but finally I arrived at a rust encrusted grate covering a more delicate iron door. Working my arm in between the thicker bars I reached for the handle of the door. The cold metal knob was relentless in my efforts to turn it and I cursed silently to myself. Finding myself at an unexpected dead end was not good news and I didn't take it lightly. Without thinking I clenched my hand into a fist, drawing it back as far as I could at the awkward angle my arm was at and slamming it against the unyielding metal door.

My hand smarted at the contact and I could feel it growing red and hot. The pain was forgotten instantly when the door creaked upon a crack. Freezing in shock and disbelief I turned my head from side to side convinced I would find another being that had caused this sudden change of events. But alas I was as alone as before, at least as far as I could see. There could be people lingering back in the impossible darkness I left behind but that thought didn't bode well with me so I relinquished it entirely from mind.

Grasping the still unmoving handle I pulled the door open wider until I could step through it. As soon as I was free from the damp tunnel I closed the door firmly, relieved to hear the click of some lock sliding in place. As irrational as anyone being back there and not attacking before now was, I still felt safer with the barrier. When I turned around it was to face a bright hallway: the source of the mysterious light.

The walls were a monotonous white, windowless and expressionless. Water drops from the earlier shower above, that seemed to have happened weeks ago, fell soundlessly to a steely gray carpet that looked as if it would be rough to the touch. With manners instilled into me for years by Esme I dragged both feet across the carpet. Drying the soles of my shoes before I continued down the hallway to the only possible means of exiting save for the door I had come through.

The elevator doors dinged open as I was approaching them. I only hesitated for a minute. The inside was plainly visible from where I stood, revealing that the box was empty. After a quick glance behind me to assure myself no one had entered silently through the door I left behind I continued on my way. I was half expecting the doors to shut before I reached them, but they remained wide in a sinister welcoming. It was a good thing too because there was no button available to call it back that I could see.

As if sensing the exact minute I was fully emerged in the tiny mobile room, the doors crashed shut with finality. It began rising and as I glanced towards the many buttons that represented different floors I noticed that one and only one was lit up. It was at that moment that I was convinced. The Volturi were expecting me.


	30. Shark in the Water

**Chapter 30**

_Shark in the water_

Following the trail they had left for me I arrived in a plush reception area to find a woman sitting there, waiting. She surprised me. Her skin tone was a dark olive, her eyes a complimentary brown and with my oddly new sense of hearing that I had yet to get used to I could faintly hear a heartbeat. She was human. Or at least, she was a being with a heartbeat. If vampires, werewolves and fairies existed who's to say other supernatural beings were not employed by the vampire police.

Without a word she rose, motioning for me to follow her. I did so hesitantly. She led me down a maze of hallways still not speaking to me. Although I caught her sending questioning glances back at me every so often. I simply ignored them, pulling on my hood to shield me from her imploring eyes. As we moved I saw no signs of life around us, making me hopeful that at least part of my original plan was still in effect. I had meant to arrive just after the tour group at four-thirty so I could ensure all vampires in the vicinity were well fed before I saw them.

I had also meant my arrival to be unexpected, but surprising people with extra perceptive senses seemed to be too much to ask. We stopped in front of a plain dark wooden door. That's where she left me after speaking for the first time, telling me that I was to enter through the door before us. Her retreat was quick, as if she didn't want to be around when the door opened. It almost made me want to chase after her and leave while I still could all the while knowing that it would be useless. If the Volturi didn't want me to leave, I wouldn't be anytime soon. It did not matter either way, I needed to stop Marcus and there was only one way to do so.

Steeling myself I pushed open the sturdy door and entered the room it led into. I didn't venture too far in, staying near the wall by the door, unwilling to leave my back open and exposed. The room I stood in was fairly large with high walls that lead up to a canopy of windows. That's the only real detail I allowed myself to take in. Not caring to give them a chance to catch me off guard I let my eyes drift back down to meet with the red ones of the rooms occupants, assuring me that they were all well fed. At least part of my plan had succeeded.

There were not as many waiting as I had anticipated. Beside the three that sat directly across from me—a range of expressions on their faces from bored to calculating—there were only four others. A woman stood behind the three men, but all I could really see of her was her long legs and curvy torso. Two men stood on either side of the throne like seats; the taller one had dark features while the other had light brown hair and I would have bet his eyes were blue before he became part of the immortal world.

Jane was there also, with her light blonde hair and childlike face. At first look it would seem impossible that such an angelic child was capable of the pain she inflicted on people. If I hadn't witnessed it first hand in my previous life than I would have been astounded that such a tiny creature could stir such terror in any of my family members.

Seeing as all of the rooms occupants were in plain view I decided to move forward some, allowing a little space between me and the door. All pairs of eyes tracked my movement, but no one spoke. When I stopped walking I turned my attention to the dark haired man that sat to the left and who seemed uninterested in my presence.

"I would appreciate it if you would stop hunting down my people." My voice was clear as it rang out, echoing around the quiet room until every corner was filled with its demand. It sounded much more assured than I felt.

Marcus continued to look unmoved by my words. As if I hadn't spoken at all, least of all to him. The other dark haired one, Aro I think is what Edward had mentioned once, was not as unaffected that I had taken charge to speak first.

"Perhaps introductions should be made before demands are put forth," He spoke in a calm voice.

Reluctantly I let my eyes shift from Marcus to him to find he had an annoyed look on his face that didn't match his tone. Apparently he didn't like that I had addressed Marcus before him.

"I am Aro," he continued on, "and this is Caius, and—"

"Marcus," I cut him off. He looked unsettled that I had interrupted him. Or maybe it was because I had known Marcus' name. "We've met."

Aro's eyebrows furrowed as he studied me for a moment. There wasn't much to see. I still had the sweatshirt's hood pulled far over my face so that only the tip of my nose and my lips were visible. He seemed all the more disgruntled by that fact.

"I see. And your name?"

"Alyssandra," I answered softly.

As expected there was no recognition from anyone at my name. It was understandable because Aro and Caius had never met me before. As for the rest, they had never known my name. I was only the blonde girl that had tried to stop them many years ago when they began their revenge in that small room full of nobles.

Turning back to Marcus I smiled sardonically as I lifted the hood from my head, revealing my new dirty blonde hair. I was gratified for the pains I had taken to dye it—I had gotten many odd looks from the other people in that bathroom in Munich—when I received a hesitated nod of recognition from Marcus. I knew he was the one who had been expecting me, yet he seemed a little confused, taken aback as I stood there.

"Your hair is darker in the photograph," Marcus murmured his first words.

His statement confused me, and out of the corner of my eye I saw a disgruntled look on Aro's face. I suspect he liked not knowing what was going on about as much as I did. When Marcus slowly rose from his chair and started towards me I froze. Right then, I believe I was at more of a disadvantage than Aro when it came to being clueless as to what was going on. And here I thought Marcus and I would be on the same page.

"But you have her face," He continued mumbling as he came close enough to touch.

I held my breath as he stopped in front of me. Reaching forward with his cold hand he brushed back my hair. My heart raced with fear as I flinched away in discomfort, I didn't like him touching me.

"And you have the scar, exactly as was described." He spoke in a low undertone.

What the Hell was he going on about? Who had informed him of the mark from my accident: Jane, Felix, one of his own that had caused it? I couldn't fathom why it even mattered. If they had left me to die, and had believed I had, how was it that they had expected my presence here today?

"You know why I'm here then?" His red eyes bore into mine. They looked blank, emotionless, even as his mouth turned up in a slight smile that creased the skin around his lips. As if his face was not accustomed to arranging itself in that way.

That was his only response, never affirming or denying my words. He was going to make me say it; something I had been prepared to do and yet I found myself hesitating at the words. It wasn't the fact that it was a lie that made me pause. No, I was simply taking in my last few moments before pain took over my existence, before my inevitable death. Taking a deep breath, probably my last, I finally said the words that I knew would end it all.

"I killed her." I whispered softly then quickly closed my eyes, bracing for contact.

Nothing happened. Everything was still and silent around me. Maybe he couldn't control himself and had killed me quickly so that I hadn't felt it. Opening my eyes I found I was still in the same room of vampires with Marcus standing just before me. His head was tilted to the side, the blank look still in his eyes.

He almost reminded me of a life-size porcelain doll. What with his pale skin and his vast, empty eyes that stared at nothing in particular. It was creepy enough without the addition of his crimson pupils.

"Now, we wait." He turned and walked back to his fellow leaders, taking his seat beside a baffled Aro.

"Wait." I repeated blankly, easing forward, following him. "Wait for what?" I was right here, alone, a sitting duck.: easy prey for his revenge. I had come here as a sacrifice Damn it now I had not come all this way to not free my people from his hunt.

"For your mate to come chasing after you, but of course," Marcus replied matter-of-factly, without emotion.

Terror enveloped me after it broke through my initial confusion. Bella was tracked down by Victoria when she was avenging her mate, James', death at the hands of Edward. It seemed Marcus was taking the same route as she had. A mate for a mate. I had admitted to killing his, so now he vowed to kill mine.

Seth and Desmond's faces flashed before me. If my family had caught onto my trail then Seth would most definitely chase after me with them. And Desmond would undoubtedly be following them. I was leading them to their deaths. Marcus would get twice the revenge. Unless he decides he will only kill one, but that thought didn't ease my anxiety any. I wanted to stop Marcus, but not at the expense of anyone's life but mine.

Aro seemed to be catching on to what was going on, for he was beginning to look more inquisitive than confused. Apparently he was aware of Marcus' sporadic killing sprees. Or at least, he knew that Marcus' mate was supposedly murdered by a person of the fairy persuasion. Regardless, he was watching Marcus and me with avid interest now.

After glancing between the two I finally focused my attention on Marcus.

"In my world, they are referred to as boyfriends. And I don't have one." I managed to sound assured.

Having said that to a lot of people in the past twelve hours I was beginning to believe it, too bad Marcus didn't seem to.

"I haven't forgotten my first encounter with your people. If I recall correctly there was a girl that resembles you quite remarkably who had captivated the attention of a certain blonde male." I winced. So it was going to be Desmond who took the fall for my idiotic mistake.

"You also seem to have collected another suitor." He continued on. I simply stared up at him, at a loss of what he was talking about. There was no way he could know about Seth. Seth hadn't even been alive back then. "The scent on your jacket is distinctly male, werewolf, if I'm not mistaken." Damn I forgot about Seth's sweatshirt. I shouldn't have taken it on whim like that. And Damn vampires for their overly sensitive noses.

"But the first bond was so strong…" Marcus drifted off as he mumbled under his breath.

His words were senseless to me. I suppose as the years pass one's mental stability tends to slip, and why should vampires be of any exception. So they don't show their age physically. Maybe they did so mentally. These three vampires before me were much older than any vampires I had ever known, so perhaps Carlisle, Esme and the rest will eventually succumb to the same mental lapse in later years to come.

There was a shift in Marcus face. Slight, but noticeable. The tiniest of smiles that had rested on his lips vanished into a line of confusion and indecision. He didn't understand what he was to do. I had presented him with a problem by having two after my affections rather than just one. It was an unaccountable problem that might just allow me to rectify the situation that had gone terribly askew.

"It won't work." I called out, hoping to bring him out of his deep thoughts.

His eyes rose to meet mine, still devoid of emotion. I would never understand how he could keep his eyes so blank when obviously he must be feeling something.

"What makes you thinks as such?" He whispered in his gravelly voice.

"To cause the most pain you'd have to choose the one that means the most to me. There is no way of choosing because I care about both equally." There was no way Marcus would be able to tell if those words were true or not. "And you won't kill both because it would be unjust. It's a mate for a mate. Not a mate for two. The ratio doesn't work out."

I had no idea if any of what I just said was true in terms of the Volturi's rules, but I had to try something. The logic was there, and I had a feeling that even a superhuman species could not deny logic. Marcus seemed unmoved by my little speech. Then again, he hadn't really shown any emotion but the smallest of smiles since I met him.

At that moment Aro stepped forward, placing a hand on Marcus' shoulder. For some odd reason Marcus flinched at the contact, but soon enough relaxed back into his original state.

"Perhaps I could be of assistance." He suggested. I didn't understand how he could help, but Marcus did. He nodded his head slowly, barely a movement at all; eyes still staring unseeingly ahead. It kind of made me wonder if he had always been like that or if his emotional decline had been a result of losing his mate.

Aro stepped forward, covering the small distance between us. I didn't like how often vampires were doing that today. It's highly uncomfortable and intimidating, even more so when they touch you. And by the looks of Aro's outstretched hand he was definitely planning on doing so.

It took a lot of will power for me not to run away from Aro. You cannot run away from a vampire anyways so it would have been useless. Still, I wasn't going to voluntarily slip my hand into Aro's like he seemed to be thinking. He just stood there, hand outstretched, staring at me expectantly.

"What are you afraid of child? I will not harm you." His voice was smooth and convincing.

He seemed to be telling the truth. Even if he was dangerous, he had no reason to harm me. Besides, he wasn't thirsty anyways. And it's not as if I had ever expected to leave this place anyway. There was nothing really to lose.

Taking the last step to close the space between us I offered him my hand. I expected him to simply shake it, and then return it to me. But instead he held on, his grip tightening when I tried to pull away. I felt the cold metal of his ring pressing into my skin before I no longer saw or felt anything of this time.

Images and words flooded through my brain and seemed to be flowing out toward Aro. As if he was the one calling them from my mind. Some images were unfamiliar to me until that point. Like wandering through a field of tall grass and flowers that I was positive I had never seen before that moment. As they flashed before me, I began remembering bits and pieces of them. I recognized the field as a place of my childhood from my life before the Cullens. My mother planted those flowers and we used to eat lunch out there in the summer. Little memories like that began making sense after I saw them and read the different fleeting thoughts that floated in front of my eyes in curvy handwriting.

What was going on with me? Was I going insane? Or was Marcus doing something. I tried to break past the words and pictures that clouded my vision and prevented me from seeing the present, but it was useless. Whatever Marcus was doing, because I was convinced it was him and not me, it was a much more effective way of getting me to remember than all that Desmond had tried.

The visions came faster and faster until I was beginning to become confused and dizzy. Yet even with the billions of thoughts running through my mind one memory, most definitely not belonging to me, burned its way past everything else and etched itself in my brain.

A woman with long dark hair that curled slightly at the ends and dressed in an older fashioned stood in the middle of an empty, abandoned room. She looked sad and confused as her red eyes looked at something across from her. Aro came into view looking slightly grieved.

"_Why?" The woman whispered._

"_You are a threat now. A threat to the plan. I didn't want it to be this way, but you've left me no choice." He spoke calmly. The sound sent chills through me. _

_He made his way swiftly towards her, too quickly for her to react. Either that or she had given up any hope of escaping. Aro gripped her neck tightly with both hands, which is when I saw the glint of the ring he still wore. _

"_I truly am sorry, sister." He whispered before he removed her head in one snap. _

I winced, not wanting to watch any more. A smell much like too sweet incense filled my nose and just as quickly as it came the vision disappeared. Everything went still as I was vaulted back into the present with Aro standing before me. He had removed his hand from mine and stared aghast at me. That's when I knew he had seen everything. Including my little flashback to his past. It was a memory he had wanted no one to know, and now I had seen it.

I stumbled backwards a step just as the doors banged open behind me. Aro was still staring at me wordlessly while the others in the room stared behind us seemingly surprised. I didn't dare turn around and give my back to Aro though, because with what I had just seen I was sure I would be at the top of his hit list now.

"Carlisle," the blonde Volturi spoke as he rose from his chair with a disgruntled look on his face. "What a pleasant surprise."

Aro didn't even glance up at the arrivals, my family, and I didn't dare move my eyes off of Aro. Not that I could do much to stop him, but it made me feel slightly better to see what was coming.

"Good evening Caius, Marcus, Aro," Carlisle wasn't that far behind me. Two or three feet at most.

Hearing his name seemed to free Aro from whatever thoughts were running through his head. His eyes rose to meet Carlisle's above my head, but he let me know he wasn't forgetting about me by wrapping his hand around my wrist. I was saved from becoming dizzy with my thoughts at the contact by the layer of cloth from Seth's sweatshirt.

For the first time since my arrival I turned and faced the side of the room that I had entered from. Carlisle stood at the forefront with the others not far behind. Seth stood above them all in the back, looking anxious and unhappy with his placement in the rear of the group. Desmond's blonde head was nowhere to be found, even after scanning for him twice.

Disappointment coursed through me that he hadn't come. Did he no longer care what happened to me, or was he too scared to face Marcus in person? Whatever it was that kept him from being here it didn't matter, what did was what Marcus had planned for either Seth or Desmond. I suppose now he wouldn't have to choose.

That thought drew out all other feelings but cold terror. There was no way I was going to let them hurt Seth. I no longer cared what Aro had planned for me or what Jane or any of the others could do. All I cared about was getting Seth, and my family, out of there unharmed.

"Alyssa?" Seth pushed his way past Carlisle until he was standing alone in the open space between the two groups of vampires. Not the best place to be. It seemed his plans didn't align with my priority for his safety.

"Seth just go back over there where you were. Or better yet back home." I would have pushed him back to Carlisle myself if Aro wasn't restraining me. "Just get the Hell out of here."

"Lyss," Seth started moving towards Aro and me again, ignoring everything I said.

"Jane" Aro's voice ordered.

I started struggling against Aro at once. Seth didn't deserve that. He hadn't done anything but love me. Who knew that that would be a means for death by Jane. Struggling wouldn't save him from it either. It was useless. If anything Aro's grip tightened while Jane stepped forward till she had Seth in her eyesight.

As she started to smile I closed my eyes, focusing on short fusing her power. Anything to keep Seth from feeling any pain. It seemed to be working since I didn't hear any cries of pain coming from Seth. What I did hear shocked me more than anything could have at that point. Aro laughed joyfully, releasing my arm to clap his hands.

"You still have it." He exclaimed.

For the first time since I arrived in this odd room I understood the words spoken by one of them. He had seen me use my power through my memories. He wasn't interested in hurting Seth, it was simply a test. Rubbing my sore wrist I slowly backed away from Aro, making my way towards Seth and my family. I still wasn't certain if Aro was choosing to ignore the fact that I saw him committing the murder that was blamed on my people or if he was just more interested in my parlor tricks at the moment.

As I stood there staring at the real cause for all the trouble in my lives, Seth's hand wrapped itself around mine, pulling me to his side. That brought me back to problem number one too many: Marcus. He hadn't moved from his seat since the arrival of my family.

"So this is him. The bond that replaced the older," Marcus spoke slowly.

I tried to pull away from Seth, but he wouldn't let me. It was probably best because there was no way Marcus would believe it if I denied my feelings. So instead I did the only plausible thing I could do. By shifting slightly I placed myself between Marcus and Seth.

"It seems I am saved the pain of trying to decipher which one to eliminate." My grip on Seth's hand tightened, but Marcus didn't make a move.

"I don't think there will be any need for that Marcus," Carlisle stepped forward to stand beside us.

It felt better to be reminded that it was more than just Seth, me and the Volturi there. Although I'm sure the Volturi had way more man, or in this case, vamp power than we did.

"This does not involve you or your clan Carlisle. It is between the boy, the girl, and myself." He sounded bored, disinterested as he straightened his sleeves.

"No, it is between me and you. This doesn't involve any of them." I corrected with authority that I did not have. Not in this world.

"I believe you are all wrong." Aro interrupted. "It involves you all now."

The doors slammed shut as quickly as they had opened, closing off the only exit. That's when I found myself removed from in front of Seth and pushed to the back behind Emmett. I'm not even sure how it happened. All I know is I was barred from view. Which wasn't going to work seeing as I wasn't the one Marcus was after. Granted Aro might very well be after me, but that wasn't the pressing issue.

I couldn't see past Emmett's thick back but I didn't need to see to know that negotiations weren't going too well.

"Emmett will you move." I pressed against him to no avail. Finally I slipped by him only to be stopped by Edward.

"You picked the wrong girl wolf. Then again, you didn't really have a choice, did you?" Marcus' voice sounded closer, louder, but still conveyed no feeling.

_Mate for Mate Edward. Just like Victoria._

I thought, desperately hoping he would understand me. When he actually let me slip out of his grip I knew he had.

_Thanks_

Pushing my way back to the front I found Carlisle and Jasper abandoning their attempts to talk reason into the century old Vampires. They were eyeing down the other Volturi in the room, and there seemed to be more to see than before. How they got in was a mystery but there they were.

To my immense horror Marcus had abandoned his chair and now stood closer to Seth then I was comfortable. Aro was watching the scene unfold with a satisfied smile on his face. He had been waiting decades for this moment. Now not only will the whole Cullen clan be wiped out, but the only person who had any idea of what he had done to Marcus' wife.

But he was wrong. Marcus wasn't going to kill me. He wanted me to suffer as he had, and even if he destroyed my family as well as Seth, he wasn't going to touch me. It would be all the more painful for me to live after everyone I cared about died and he knew that, counted on it even. Only one could be pacified. I had to choose between saving my family or saving myself and my people.

Before I could so much as decide, pandemonium broke out. Seth, unable to control his desire for a fight, made a slight forward movement that was construed as aggressive. A big Volturi with dark hair and an extremely thick body charged forward to block him and a fight between the two erupted. Others descended upon my family after that, but none of the three leaders moved an inch unless it was to get a better view. They let others do their dirty work for them.

As I had predicted no vampires came after me. I stood alone in the circle of fights going on about me. Slowly I stalked my way towards Aro. It took longer than a few feet should due to the necessity of dodging flying bodies, fists, and fangs. Aro didn't notice me closing in; too busy relishing in the brawl before him.

By the time he saw the movement in his peripheral vision it was too late. I slipped my hand firmly into his, the one without the ring, grasping it tightly. Closing my eyes I pushed my most recent thoughts to the forefront of my mind in hopes that he would see them first rather than the string of old ones before it.

_He's not going to kill me, so let's make a deal. Let my family and Seth go and have the Volturi leave them and my people alone. Then I won't tell Marcus about you killing his mate._

I saw the words flow across my eyelids as I thought them in the same curly letters that I had seen earlier. I finally recognized it as my handwriting.

"He won't believe you" Aro replied confidently to my voiceless request.

"He'll believe me." Edward's voice sounded so close, but when I turned I found him quite a ways across the room, holding one of the hooded figures in a headlock, his eyes staring in our direction.

For once in my life I was thankful for Edwards prying gift. Smiling at him I turned back to face Aro, who seemed to be calculating his chances.

"I can promise to leave the Cullen's alone. But someone must take the fall for the death of Didyme." His eyes were relentless. He would not back down on that part. Even so it was more than what I had expected.

Not wanting any of the Cullen's with their overactive hearing to overhear what I said next I once again spoke through thought.

_Not Seth. Convince him to kill me. _

He nodded his head just as I heard Edward gasp "No." I ignored him as did Aro. Looking out once again towards the fighting Aro frowned slightly.

"Stop" He called out. His command made everyone freeze. Everybody, both Volturi and Cullen, looked at him quizzically.

"Aro?" Caius questioned. The look on his face showed he hadn't wanted the entertainment to stop.

"Marcus you said yourself this only includes the girl and the boy." Marcus nodded dismissively.

At that the hooded vampires backed off to the perimeter of the room while my family stayed where they were. Frozen with confusion at Aro's sudden change of heart.

"Dimitri can do the honors." Marcus ordered, eyes focused on Seth. My heart rate quickened as the thought that Aro would just let Seth take the fall anyways settled in.

"No," Aro spoke, restoring some hope in me.

"No?" Marcus questioned.

"Kill the girl Marcus." Aro pulled me closer to him as he said this. "If you kill the boy, she will take her own life and not suffer the loss. I have seen it in her thoughts." I tried not to let my mouth drop at the lie. It wouldn't do to make Marcus suspicious. "But if you kill her slowly, make her suffer as Didyme had to, then you will have your revenge."

Although I did not see the minute acceptance nod Marcus gave, I knew he had agreed because Aro forced me on my knees right there in front of him. I heard Seth struggling and protesting along with Emmett, while the others pleaded with Marcus and Aro.

The large vampire that had sprung at Seth earlier, who I assumed was the Dimitri who got the honors, stepped in front of me, looking eager to inflict pain on me.

"Aro's lying Marcus." Marcus and Dimitri both looked up at Edward. "This is what she wants."

_Shut up, shut up, shut up._

Edward simply ignored my pleading thoughts.

"She wants to die so those she loves can live." Marcus studied Edwards candid expression for a minute before holding up a hand to halt Dimitri's actions.

I let out a sigh of frustration as Dimitri froze in front of me. Turning to shoot Edward a scathing look I was distracted by a hooded figure moving towards us. I hadn't noticed any of the Volturi positioned on that side of the room before, but I had been a tad preoccupied.

Most of the room's attention was on the figure and my first thought was that it was following a signal from Marcus or Aro to dispose of either Seth or me. As it continued past my family and towards me the later seemed to be the truth. It stopped in front of me, reaching down and pulling me up to stand. I flinched at the contact, but the figure didn't make any move to harm me. He simply withdrew his hand to pull back his hood.

"Desmond!" I exclaimed. Unthinkingly I launched myself at him, enveloping him in a hug. It only lasted a moment. I pulled away as soon as I recalled where we were. "You shouldn't be here." I scolded.

Like everyone else today he ignored my warning.

"Edward's right." He spoke directly to Marcus, leaning around Dimitri so he could see him. "I would know. I've spent two lifetimes with Alyssandra. More than the mutt ever has."

I started hyperventilating at his words. He was practically telling Marcus to kill him instead. And I didn't want that any more than I wanted Seth to die.

"I'm tired of all of this," Marcus rubbed his temples. "Dimitri," He waved the vampire on, giving him the all clear.

"No," I screamed as he started moving from me to Desmond.

Not knowing what to do I grabbed a hold of Desmond's arm, trying to pull him away from the century old vampire bent on pounding him into a pancake. He simply shook me free.

"They're my people to," Desmond reminded me Dimitri could grab a hold of his neck and leave him unable to speak.

I watched, frozen in horror, as Dimitri tossed him across the room. Before he could make contact with anything I was pulled back, my face pushed against Edward's cold body. He pressed both of his hands firmly against my ears, but I could still hear the muffled sounds from the beating Desmond was taking.

My knees gave up supporting me and Edward followed me as I sank to the floor in a heap. I just kept repeating the same words over and over again, "make it stop Edward, make it stop." Tears were running freely now as well as my nose and my pleading cries became almost unrecognizable.

I started to feel as if I was falling, being torn away from this world and I became rather dizzy. It was like déjà vu. This feeling: it was the same the day Marcus first tore a chunk out of my life. It was happening all over again, an endless cycle. Each time ending in me losing someone that I loved.

At some point Edwards coldness was replaced by Seth's warmth as his heat soothed me. He was walking; the movement caused me to rock in his arms. We were leaving the Volturi, leaving Volterre. But I couldn't leave Desmond behind, not there. Not with them. But I couldn't find enough energy to speak up. I just kept crying and sniffling as Seth's arms tightened around my limp body. I was mourning after the realization that it was the end: the end of my old life forever. And in the end Desmond had chosen for me.

* * *

**_A/N Hello everyone! This is the last chapter :( but never fear there IS an Epilogue. I'm in the process of finishing it up now. So let me know what you think and thanks for sticking with me through this whole whirlwind of a story. _**

_**I still haven't heard anything about your opinions of me possibly writing another Twilight fanfic. If you don't like my suggestions in the last chapter let me know what you would like me to write about and I'll see what I can do. Or you can just say shut up and quit while your ahead...aka don't write any more. lol**_

**_PS I have been writing some original fiction on the sister site... My username is the same on that site if you want to check it out XD_**

_**xoxo**_

_**Rachel**_

**_Gracelesslyfalling_**


	31. Epilogue: Hanging by a Moment

**Epilogue**

_Untouchable_

Our flight from Germany to the States was delayed, so we ended up staying overnight. For once Carlisle allowed Seth to stay with me through the night. Seeing as I was practically clinging to him as if I had just witnessed a nuclear explosion it was easy to see why. I fell asleep rather quickly. Nightmares plagued me of Desmond being beaten and torn to pieces, images I hadn't needed to see personally to visualize.

I woke up screaming multiple times that night. It's doubtful that Seth got any sleep at all. He was always there when I woke up to stroke my hair and murmur reassuring words in hushed soothing tones. As soon as I was calmed down enough he would kiss my forehead, cheek, or nose and pull me closer to him. Then it would start all over again.

My first sleep free of nightmares was on the plane from Chicago to Port Angeles after being force fed the sleeping pills Dr. Gardner had prescribed what seemed like ages ago. The meaningless little dreams that remained uninterrupted just reminded me that Desmond and I would never again have our conversations during REM. So I still woke up crying.

I rode home from the airport with Carlisle and Esme. Curled up in the back of the Mercedes Guardian, the comforting sound of Seth's motorcycle followed close behind us. Esme helped me out of the car. Leading me up to my room she supported most of my body weight. That was Friday night.

The weekend passed slowly as I slept it away. When I wasn't sleeping I was sitting in my bathrobe on my old loveseat by the window. The necklace that had belonged to Desmond's mother hung around my neck, and I found myself rubbing the reddish orange gems and revisiting the past just to see Desmond's face.

Eventually I stopped and let the necklace lay lifeless against my chest because seeing his face made me feel guilty, and sad, and a little homesick. I surprised everyone Monday morning when I left my room for the first time since we had returned. Fully dressed in old jeans and a baggy sweatshirt with my hair, back to its natural color thanks to Alice, a complete tangled mess I entered the kitchen.

"Alyssa," Esme, sitting with Carlisle and Alice at the kitchen table, looked surprised. "Are you going to school?" She asked, sounding disapproving.

I simply shook my head back and forth slowly. "There's something I have to do." I whispered. A look of understanding then uncertainty washed over her features. "May I have the keys to the Mercedes?"

"I'll drive" Seth startled me. I hadn't realized he was there. Really I should have known he wouldn't wander far.

I didn't protest, even though it was something I needed to do alone. The anxious look in his eyes told me he needed to go with me just as much as I needed privacy. It was understandable seeing the last time I had said those words and left him I was unconscious for a week.

We rode in silence. At one of the red lights he reached for my hand, holding it as we continued on. That was our only communication, but it made me feel better all the same. When we pulled into the drive of a house surrounded by a white picket fence and Sunflowers Seth shut off the ignition as we sat there holding hands.

"Wait for me out here." I told him. He simply squeezed my hand before letting it go.

I picked the head of a sunflower on my way to the front door, remembering how they had captivated me the first time Desmond had brought me here. The petals were still a bright happy yellow. It didn't seem right, as if they should have faded or wilted when Desmond died.

I shuddered at my wording. It was the first time I'd ever thought the word in days let alone attached it to his name. I had tried not to think about it, yet it seemed it was all I could think about. His front door was unlocked and relented easily to my pulling. Standing in the front foyer I stared up at the steps. I knew where to say my goodbyes: the room of pictures. Facing the memories was the scary part.

Forcing myself to move forward I made my way up the tall staircase. The wood creaked in some parts after I hit the first landing. I grabbed a hold of the banister tightly to keep myself from retreating as I got closer. Standing outside the door I exhaled once before pushing it open and revealing pictures of Desmond and me.

There was an unbearable thickness in the air that made it hard to breath. Or maybe that was due to me being on the verge of tears as I entered the room. I found myself drawn to one image in particular that wasn't far from the door. It was a close up of Desmond as he laughed about something long forgotten. His blue eyes lit up with amusement matching his bright smile.

It was the smile that made me remember the familiar image flashing through my mind in Italy; when Aro had a steady grip on my hand that first time. At the thought of the Volturi I found myself witnessing unwanted flashbacks of that day, practically yesterday. The tears fell freely with no end in sight.

I'm not sure how long I stood there silently crying and staring at the same picture. When I heard Seth approaching, his footsteps nearing the room then the door being pushed open, I tried to wipe away most of the moisture from my eyes.

"Can I have a few more minutes?" I asked softly as I turned to face him and the doorway.

"Take all the time you need," He said as he sauntered into the room.

As he stepped into the light from the windows I let out a scream that was more of a squeak. It was not Seth who I saw standing before me. Blue eyes stared back at me, one covered by his blonde hair. I began retreating to the far side of the room, holding my head in my hands I shut my eyes.

"You're dead, you're dead." I muttered only to open my eyes to find him still standing there, looking at me worriedly. "I'm going crazy. I'm insane." I dropped to my knees, still cradling my head.

"You're not crazy," I felt his hands tugging at mine, trying to free my face. "And I'm not dead."

"Don't touch me," I started, jumping back from him and landing on my but a few inches back. "I was there."

"If I was dead would I be able to touch you?" I thought about that, reaching out to touch his cheek I shuddered back at the contact before slowly shaking my head."But, how?" I whispered hesitantly. Dimitri demolished him back in Italy. I had heard it, barely, myself. He had been there, and there was no way he walked away from that beating alive.

"Do you remember when I told you that all fairies have powers?" It was way back when I had first confronted Desmond about what we were. His power was age-shifting and the freaky dream thing. None of which could help him survive a vampire attack.

He slipped a picture in my hands, one of the ones from the wall. It was the picture of Kendra and me smiling unabashedly at the camera after Desmond proposed to me. The one that enlightened me that Kendra was one of us.

"Now you know what Kendra's was." I froze with my fingers wrapped around the frame. My grip tightened as I took in what he had said.

"That was—but, it couldn't—she looked and sounded so much like you" My mouth spat out random thoughts, as I was unable to untangle the confusion at the surprise.

"She was an imitator." He answered my badly worded question. "She could mold herself into looking and sounding like anyone."

That information buzzed around in my head. Kendra could change her appearance to look like anyone. It unnerved me slightly. Thinking over the past years it started making sense why I had only ever talked to her parents when they answered the home phone before they gave it to Kendra. They didn't exist. It was Kendra the whole time.

I recalled how in Italy the cloaked figure that looked so much like Desmond. Was that how she had gotten in? Had she first imitated a Volturi member? It would explain how she got the robe. However, it did not explain what she was doing there.

"How—why?" My speaking pattern was improving much as I became more and more baffled at what I was being told.

"She wanted to help her people as much as you Alyssandra, sorry Alyssa," He corrected at the look I shot him. "When I informed her that you had gone to Italy, she insisted that she go and set things right."

"What do you mean, set things right?" I eyed him carefully. He squirmed slightly under my gaze.

"She only ever wanted our queen and her best friend to return to our people Alyssa, she never wanted to hurt you." He started off defensively. "After your accident, she was sure that you would return to us. That both you and the Cullen's would see you were safer with us. When you didn't, she was desperate."

"How desperate Desmond?" My voice came out dry and cracked. I had a feeling what was coming next, but I needed to hear it from him.

"Kendra followed them south. She wasn't in time to stop the last attack, but she successfully made contact with the vampires." He looked down at this, seeming ashamed. "She gave them your picture, told them that you were the one they were after. The one who killed _her._ That's why they were gone before the wolves got there."

I cringed. It was what I had thought. It made sense in so many ways. The longer I thought of Kendra betraying me the more my hurt turned to anger. Flinging the picture to the floor it crashed loudly, shattering the frame.

"I can really see how much she didn't want to hurt me. Turning me over to the Volturi like that." I spat out as tears of frustration started to fall.

Desmond grabbed my arms firmly as he tried to look in my eyes. I moved my face to try and look away, struggling to break free, but it was useless.

"Alyssa look at me," He demanded. Finally I gave in and glared at him. "She didn't do it to hurt you. She did it to force you to come with us." I made a scoffing noise but he pressed on. "She thought that they would hunt you down and you'd be forced to evacuate with us. But then you had to act all heroic and offer yourself up to them."

"And you just let her come after me, pretending to be you, so she could save me for you and you wouldn't have to be in danger." I transferred my anger to him.

It was too much to see Desmond die then to find out that it was really my best friend: the one who had given me up to the Volturi in the first place. I needed to blame someone. And that someone was either Desmond or Kendra. It didn't feel right to blame the deceased. Besides, Desmond shouldn't have let her go.

"She wanted to fix what she had done. I didn't condone it, but I couldn't deny her that. If anything happened so that you or I didn't come back, she wouldn't have been able to live like that." He was begging for me to understand.

But it wasn't that I didn't understand what he had let happen and his reasons behind it. I just couldn't forgive it. My best friend was dead for something she had no part in. It hadn't involved her. It had involved Seth, Desmond, and me. To me, it was the coward's way out and it showed me exactly what kind of person Desmond truly was.

Breaking free of his powerful hold on my arms I turned, walking away towards the window. Peeking through the blinds I could just see Seth leaning against the hood of his car, his eyes focused on the front door. He looked relaxed, but I could tell he was anxious for me to return. I had put him through Hell the past several days, but he had handled it. When I went missing, he found me. When my mentality had crumbled after Desmond's supposed death, he was there to comfort me. I wanted nothing more then to end his anxiety.

"I choose Seth. I love him," Still studying him as I spoke.

Turning around I found Desmond staring at me in disbelief. I couldn't blame him, after all him and Kendra had gone through to get me to follow them. In a way it was because of it that I wasn't going with him. He had played dirty. Kendra and he had willingly put me at risk just so I'd be forced to go with them for protection. He didn't really care what I wanted at all; only what he wanted.

He continued to watch me as I crossed the room and dug through the broken glass. Pulling out the picture of Kendra and me from the debris I studied it for a moment before slipping it in my jeans pocket.

"I'm still my people's queen." I spoke clearly as I turned towards him. "I'm just not yours."

Moving closer I removed his old necklace and pressed it into his hands, pushing on his fingers until the encased it.

"Pass along the message to the others. Let them know they are free." I asked him softly before leaving him there standing alone in the middle of the room of our past.

I felt free as I stepped off of his front porch. Inhaling deeply I breathed in the sweet familiar smell of rain and wet grass. Seth rose from his seat on the hood as I approached him. He waited for me to come to him, cautious to not do anything wrong.

"Are you alright?" He asked carefully as I came closer.

Moving forward I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly to me. He returned the embrace, winding his arms around me and resting them on the small of my back. Looking up at him I gave him a gentle smile. Reaching on my tip toes he understood and bent down so I could kiss him softly. I felt a satisfied growl vibrating in his chest as I broke away.

"I'm perfectly fine. I just needed to say my goodbyes," I answered him before pressing my face into his warm chest and inhaling the sweet smell of home.

* * *

_**A/N: Well this is it. The official end of this story. I'm a little sad for it to end. I enjoyed writing it so much. I hope this Epilogue was good enough. I've never written one before. **_

**_I'm kind of thinking about writing a sequel to this...but it's also a good ending for Alyssa. I'll think about it. Again let me know what you thought about this chapter. The ending. Me writing a sequel. Or me just moving on and writing other stories._**

**_I haven't gotten much feedback on the past several chapters so I would really like to know how you enjoyed/hated them. :) ): :/ ?_**

**_Much love and thanks,_**

**_Rachel_**

**_xoxo_**


	32. Sequel!

_**Hello all my avid readers!**_

_**First I want to thank you for adding this story to your favorites and story alerts and for adding me as either a favorite author or author alert. That meant a lot to me. The reviews have meant a lot to me also. I can't tell you how much they helped to motivate me to continue on with the story.**_

_**I had mentioned the possibility of a sequel to this story and am here to say there is one! I'm still in the process of visualizing the full picture, but I've completed a preface and first chapter for it so I'm pretty sure as to about where I want it to go.**_

_**The sequel is called **_**Equinox**_** because Alyssa is in the part of her existence where she is transforming more and more into her fairy form, but she is fighting that change with everything she has so that she is at an equinox. For those who are unfamiliar with the term equinox it deals with the solar system and occurs**_** twice a year, when the tilt of the ****Earth****'s axis is inclined neither away from nor towards the ****Sun****, the centre of the Sun being in the same plane as the Earth's ****equator****.**

_**ANYWAYS the sequel can be found on my profile as well as another new Twilight story I'm working on. That one is called**_**Live Like You're Dying **_**and just sort of came to me. In this story you get multiple peoples point of views each chapter not just the main character's point of view. It focuses on the wolf pack rather than the Cullen's but the Cullen's are included in it as well as some of their point of views in later chapters. Check it out and let me know what you think?**_

_**In summary of the blob of words above**__** this post is to tell you I have two new Twilight stories out:**_

**Equinox****:**_** which is the sequel to **_**The Dark Side of the Moon.**

**Live Like You're Dying:**_** which is a new story that deals with different peoples points of views (all written in first person). For full summary check out my profile!**_

_**Thanks for your patie**__**nce, attention, and for reading.**_

_**Rachel**_

_**xoxo**_


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